1. that MY feelings are important and they matter and should matter
2. that if they can't listen and hear at the same time then for me its time to walk away
3. that if they act like my feelings don't matter and do stuff anyways that it's time to walk away.
4. that some people think yelling is a change in tone of voice doesn't always mesh with my definition of yelling which means at the top of your lungs.
5. leave the past in the past and stop bringing it up
6. that it's okay for me to stand up for myself
7. that I've changed over time as to what is acceptable behavior from friends and relationships
8. that I need to put myself first because no one else will.
9. to take care of me first

past is the past ~ I grew from my marriage of 17 yrs .~ hy never hurt me as a woman just a broken heart , hearts mend. I still love my EX as a person first . All experiences wether it has left a bad scent in the air ~ or not ~ is a learning experience. I would not have given up the chance to have shared my life w/ my ex.Today when we talk ~ and we laugh to the early hours of the night at times ~ we see eachother all over again ~ hys my best friend ~ there were times I wanted to walk away, then I would look at the happiness in their eyes , the children and hys . This taught me patience .We both worked hard, and hy is still accomplishing what hy set out to accomplish ~ I still love hearing all about it ~ I am hys friend to the end. ~ Hys recent concern and actions in something I had to face , a life threatening experience ~ hy is my friend to the end. I would have to say I learned from my past relationship , accept the big things , fluff off the small stuff, respect who they are as an individual, endure what they are to U . ~ treat yourself the same way ~

I learned (and am still learning) that I allow good things or not so good things to come into my life ... no one does anything "to me" without my permission.

A decade or so ago, I was so vulnerable ... regarding trusting people. I thought because I was being open and honest, another would be too. It took me years to see the lies.

Today, I am not that person who wants only to see the good in people. The blinders came off. Sure, I still believe the goodness in people, unless the person shows me otherwise ... usually through their actions. Today, I won't get close enough to be hurt in case the "otherwise" might show up. I refuse to play the silly non-sense games - makes me weary just thinking about it. I am old-fashioned ... trust, honesty ... those things are important to me.

I love true and hard. My short-coming is I can be in too deep before I realize it is only fun and games for my partner.

signing off as ...
cut n run

Omg,that was long...
 

Boundaries..which was a very good lesson taught..I don't do well in a cell,they always want to :boink: me.

The good,the bad,and the ugly(crazy)..the side they show and the side they hide..I can take it or leave it..ohh,yeah.

Crazy Love...it's the only kind I like.

Also,keep your eyes on the expensive toys..they tend to "walk off" after a breakup.

I learned it's best to let someone go! In time, it could prove to be the best thing ever!

best advice ever. Sometimes people hold on too long...

I know that for me, especially in the last romantic attachment (and the deepest relationship, I've ever experienced ), I learned that I have incredible worth, that I'm incredibly smart --- things I have not always truly believed about myself. But I have such a better, deeper understanding of who I am, thanks to the loving relationship I shared with my last romantic partner. He was absolutely wonderful to me, taught me so much about myself, and about who we could be, together as a team. And, we were such a great pair of like-minded hearts, souls.

And that age old cliché, "If you love someone, let them go, because if it's meant to be, it will be?"

Yeah, that is such an important concept to internalize, which I have, but it's so important to let go.... to trust that the universe knows exactly what is best for you, that what you need or want or desire, will be provided for: Even if it comes wrapped differently , at another time in life.

I've learned to own my own independence, to know that I'm enough....that sometimes I'm more than enough. To be satisfied enough with who I am, yet let my own evolution play out in its own course of timing.

My contentment satisfies my inner knowing that I've truly come to terms with my sense of well being. My sense of worth improved exponentially during my last romantic relationship, and I'm so grateful for that stretch of time in personal growth.

Boundaries are important, very important!

Wow some very honest comments in here and just want to hug you all *squeeze*

I have learned one should never lose their own identity... be your own person with your own thoughts and opinions.
Never lose what makes you uniquely you!!!

When they tell you their aspirations, goals, things they want someday: remember that this does not actually say anything at all about them as a person.

Rattling off a list of good intentions takes zero effort and zero integrity. Are any of these projects actually in progress or within the realm of possibility, based on what you observe of their day-to-day attitudes and habits?

Do they get offended or defensive when you ask this sort of question?

k
 

Learned that I like children...miss them.

Greco

The biggest take away for me has been....that the other person did the best they could with the knowledge they had available to them at the time.
As did I.
In the end, we are human beings, just trying to navigate life.

Such a positive post above! Like I love saying 'life didn't come with a manual"

This is semi negative but I stress it to my girls to this day

Keep your finances separate...

And never give up your autonomy for anyone.

Love isn't always equal on both sides. If you find an instance where it is, hold on for dear life.

Never settle.
Know what NOT to compromise on.
Never let anyone treat you in a way lesser than what you deserve.
We only deserve to be treated as well as we treat others.
Relationships are a two way street.
Learn what you should compromise on at times.
Work on healthy communication.
Always pay attention.
Learn to listen.
Silence can be the best thing ever and the worst thing ever at different times.
Red flags only get redder with time - once you see a red flag , run!
Don't waste your time with fools who don't deserve you!
Love with all your being.
Laugh, with all your lungs.
Make your lovers laugh.
Be happy, share your happy.
Always find ways to be kind, kind to yourself and kind to others equally.

I learned that I have to continue to learn. After all no two people are alike.
To not compare current partner to past partner.
That I have to do it for myself before I can do it for anyone else.
To not just honor the person I am with but to honor myself.
That sometimes I let go to quickly, well once.
Sometimes I hold on way to long with a thousand reasons why to do it
Not to believe what others say unless I was there or saw the same thing with my own eyes.
Red flags stop ignoring them
I'm sorry are just words until there is behavior/change followed by it
Everyone has a bad day
Just because they are listening they may not be hearing you so ask..

- Love is not enough to sustain a relationship
- Don't ruin a great friendship for possible romantic love
- You don't owe someone who is leaving your love and well wishes. Especially not your friendship. Its ok to be hurt and not want a thing to do with them, ever.
- The only mixed signals are the ones you send to yourself.
- Always leave the relationship with some trinket that you love. At least that will have been worth the trouble (got that one from my wealthy professor lol)
- My education, business, and sense of self-worth is never going to wake up and not want me anymore. Never allow a temporary relationship to interfere with permanent things again.

1. To let go
2. I'm responsible for my actions, and choices..not theirs
3. That it is okay to do what is best for me
4. To make mistakes is human, and to learn from those mistakes
5. That even though two people love each other, sometimes it's not enough
6. To give myself time..

Don't ignore your gut feeling/red flags thinking love will conquer all and make everything okay/better. It needs to be good from the beginning.

Actions may speak louder than words, but words still mean something.

Stand your ground. Don't let anyone intimidate/guilt you into staying. They do not own you, and you don't owe anything to anyone.

Walk away from alcohol/drug use. You can't save them. They have to want to save themselves.

Do what makes you happy. Chase your dreams. In the right relationship, you can have it all. A relationship should not entail sacrifice (unless you're sacrificing sleep for late-night sex! ;) )

Brisa
 

Don't believe everything that you are told.

To guide with a steady hand and an open heart

To let go when people chose to leave.

It took a lot this time, but I accepted sometimes people don't feel the same as I do. All because I feel like I miss someone, doesn't mean they do. I needed to accept I'm not gonna die of sadness because someone else can get past things I can't.

There are more people in this world to be stuck on someone, when there's people out there who will be interested in you and hang on your every word when they care. When I finally realized this, I started letting new people in.

Allow yourself to enjoy when people are around, but when they go stop trying to show them anything, its okay to let them leave and move your effort to other people.

After all the pain and suffering after they leave, it really is just a matter of time before the new prince/princess charming shows up. Fix your make up girls, it's just a break up. :cheer:

don't jump to conclusions
respect his opinions, even if you disagree passionately
listen more then talk
laugh more then cry

This is beautiful dee. And so true. We as individuals are responsible for making decisions that make us healthy and happy based on who we naturally are and what we really want. With relationships especially.

To let go of the what went wrongs & focus on the what was rights, it's an important tool when moving forward & healing from the broken heart, when you only focus on the negatives it suffocates you...To trust in my gut instinct a little more & to not let a partner define my happiness because ultimately my happiness comes from me & me alone... I have that control nobody else...

To be extremely careful of who you enter a relationship with. Use much intellect along with emotions. Pause yourself and ask if this is really the right relationship for you. Looks can be deceptive.

Deborah

Sort of inline with the above post.

Not to abandon true deep love and commitment to sizzling hot lust and blazing scenes.

In short order, the sizzling and blaze will burn out.

All that remained were cold embers and memories. Oh, and years of tears.

.....:goodpost:....
So true, if someone wants to leave let them!

I agree with this...in my twenties "hot" was what counted..but now ..there are more important things--of course you want both always but it's not wise to reject change--because change will always be with us and it's good and we shouldn't be afraid of it and learn to take advantage of it--life is a challenge and this is what keeps it interesting!

That the deep friendship in the relationship should come before anything else

That romance is not about grand gestures or words for me. It's about small, little acts of care that are natural. It's about stepping up for me when I can't but not in a "masculine hero" way, more like a "scrubbing bae's puke from around the toilet" way. <<< *that's* romance to me. I mean, that means someone sincerely loves me.

That I find passion in humour, movement, and creative conversations.

That loyalty is more important to me than fidelity

That I'm no longer looking for the passion-romance-chemistry triad. What I want is maturity, skills, compatibility, self acceptance, self responsibility and wit. *fans self*

Learning to wait at least 24hrs before reacting when I'm upset. No matter how hard it is to keep quiet.

Learning the difference between assertive and abusive.

Learning to rediscover the raw vulnerable side of myself in the arms of another.

Don't Do It Again!!!
 

What I Learned...
 

Oh, I learned so much from so many...(haha)

I learned:

People can change - but only if they want to.
Monogamy can be beautiful...and overrated.
Washing butch cock is important.
Don't aim a champagne bottle at anything breakable.
Sex doesn't need love...but it does need like.
Trust. I either do or I don't.
How to let things go.
Fuck the rules.
Don't fuck the boss.
Big brains are sexy.
Kissing matters.
How people treat others tells you who they really are.
Strength isn't always muscle.
I'm better suited as an aunt, not a mother.
Keep the cowboy boots on.
Even non-smokers like it when I smoke cigars.
Don't hide who I am.

My potential/future relationships are negotiable.

Ks-

"don't get out over your skis":tea:

~
 

I learned not to settle if they don't have this this about them..
Must love animals ,seafood , windy spring days , ocean air , watching sports , carnivals, European foods , music , artsy stuff.