Absolutely!

How are you enjoying your life right now? Share what that involves.

despite several external invitations (and one or two internal ones as well) to feel contrariwise about things, i'm enjoying a moment of awareness that is lush in a personal way. i'm getting to know myself again and it's like meeting someone you've read about and know through that reading but have never met. confusing circumstances followed by tragedy convinced me to live without certain parts of myself for a while (no one to blame but myself) and i turned into someone i didnt know and later discovered that i really didnt like. G*d offered me the chance to perform a mitzvah and accepting that opportunity somehow begat this trip which has been better for me than any therapy or confidante has ever been (all respect to the confidants in my life). i'm alone more often than i am with people and when i'm with people they are never people who know me with one exception of an old friend that i'm touching base with right now. no one has any expectation of who i am and in some ways i dont have any expectations either. i can meet each moment with slow awareness and honesty and i am not afraid to be either whereas i was always sort of holding back in my previous lives for fear of rocking boats or losing my footing. now i think that lost footing and boats that rock are myths we scare ourselves with because it's easier to be afraid than to take risks. now every time i find myself beginning to step back from a healthy risk i find myself saying "really? that's who you are? that's who you want to be in the world?" i'm enjoying the risk of knowing myself fully and being thrilled or disappointed or confused or whatever i am in that moment and not worrying about anything but how i feel about those things and what they mean to me rather than what they mean to anyone else.




what real circumstances in your life scare you the most?

There are a couple....primary is that I'm diabetic and have been (evidently) since my early 20s even though it wasn't discovered and treated until my mid-30s. I'm stable and fine now on oral meds, but I am genuinely worried about the future. Reality is that, even with good management, this is a progressive disease and my father's side of the family (which I genetically take after) is rife with diabetics having major complications. I worry about going blind, or losing my feet....and also have real issues with taking care of them the way I should when it involves asking for help. I'm working on that....but it's a real fear.

Secondary is that I have no living parents and no "close" family. So...if the shit hits the fan I have friends to lean on, and that's it. I have many cousins, which I am working to get to know better....but it's not like I could move in with any of them if I was out of work and having a health crisis. So....I am the provider for my son and I need to work....given the economy and the diabetes....this is a little scary as well.

Now....for you (whoever you may be)....if you could go back and make one key decision differently, what would you decide?

Question: If you could go back and make one key decision differently, what would you decide?

Answer: I think I never would have moved to KY from MN almost six years ago. It's not like I had a whole lot going on there before I moved, but my family is still up there, and it's not like I can get in the car on a weekend and drive up. I'm asked every now and again why I don't move back, but having to start completely over - trying to find a job and an apartment - is a daunting task and not one that I would look forward to.

Question for the next person: What's the most painful breakup you ever had?

Sue

What's the most painful breakup you ever had?

My Divorce

Have you kept to any of your NYE resolutions so far?

My New Year starts on October 31 (Samhain) and last year I left my job that week and decided to live a more creative and authentic life. I have done just that. It has been an amazing life changing year and I am so grateful that I took the leap of faith.

Do you live an authentic life? If not, why not?

right now? i think so. i havent always but i also havent always known i wasnt living authentically until something happened to change my perspective. and sometimes i just did what i wanted to do without thinking of anyone but myself. i've recently experienced a pretty significant internal change and part of what i would have called my "identity" has been stripped away. so i feel a little lacking in the authenticity department. but otherwise, yes. moreso now than every before. i'm gonna get right up on the unpopular bandwagon and say i dont like it much either. if i'd been more authentic before now i wouldnt be here with missing parts. if i'd been more authentic before now other people wouldnt have missing parts because of me. all in all not much to say for myself. but i'm not down for the count yet.

say something about your sincerest, non-romantic, non-familial love

"say something about your sincerest, non-romantic, non-familial love"

He is sincere to me in every thing he says and does.
He always lets me know he loves me unconditioanlly and he is there for me any day or night. There is no passion or romance at all. It is actually a deeper love than that. He is not part of my family but it feels like he could be my brother or a relative of mine.
He is only 49 years old and the Dr. gives him less than 2 months to live. I am really going to miss him. I have been taking care of him for the past year and a half. Hospice is coming in tomorrow. It should give me a break.
I have learned how important trust and communication is from him. And the rewards of loving and forgiving unconditionally without trying. It just all flows
naturally.

How did a person change you for the better or worse? What did you learn from it?

My Physics teacher Mr. Copeland in HS. He got me interested in the field.

Question: What disagreement led to your longest bout of not speaking to someone?

someone accused me of being a sociopath once. i laughed out loud until i was practically snorting in a very undignified manner.. of course that might make me a sociopath i suppose. :confused:

say something about a valuable lesson from a hard person to listen to.

99% of the time when someone says "I don't give a rat's ass!" - they usually do.

What is the one thing you are most uncomfortable about yourself?

I am way too snappy with people when it isn't necessary. Sometimes I need to sit back, chill and think of a calm response before pulling the trigger.

What's the worst thing you have done all day?

this evening
 

Worst thing all day was watering with compost tea. Smells nice(not).

What do you wish you would have said that you did not say today?

i kissed a neighbor boy, behind my dresser, when i was 5. i wanted to put a Barbie dress on his GI Joe and he let me so i kissed him.



i wish i'd said 'stop worrying and move on. life is too short to waste it like this.' but i've said it before and i'm not getting anywhere so i just shut up.


what character trait do you most admire about one of your parents, and why?

what character trait do you most admire about one of your parents, and why?

I admire my mothers strength and positive attitude.
She always sees the glass half full and she remains very strong no matter what adversity presents itself.

What was the biggest betrayal you have faced in your life so far?

A partner siding with my bio-father against me, thus ending our marriage. Long story, but it was a huge betrayal.

What do you struggle with that you don't share with friends and family?

Well my family is my wife, and I share everything with her.
My friends-- how it hurts me when they continue to misgender me

Are you truly happy?

Are you truly happy?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I truly am. The love I share with my husband, Barnes, has fallen into the most of comfortable of rhythms, executing spiritual, emotional and physicial steps with ease! I am grateful and humbled everyday at the "Dance" and yes, I am TRULY happy!

What was the last monumental challenge or hurdle you faced that was life altering?