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Self-perception
I am very new in transition (about 9 months T)...therefore I still have a lot of the "how do they look at me" paranoia that newbies suffer from.
I avoid lesbians and straight females now because I am pre-op and have innate fears that they "won't get it" and mis-gender me. The more I transition and get surgery, I will probably get over it. I asked the support staff if they could change my userid to SoberGuy or at least SoberBoy because I feel uncomfortable dysphorically with my old member name. :( |
First off, as someone that has been in transition for a while now, give things time, please. Certainly you are going to be misgendered from time to time. That sort of thing happens, but it will tend to happen less and less as time goes on, in my experience.
Secondly, if you are attracted to femmes, why avoid us? If you find someone that you like, let her know what is going on. If she is willing to be a part of your life, she will make an effort to understand, and figure things out. I have found, over the years, that if you don't insist on what your gender is, sooner or later, as people get to know you, they will figure it out. Just give them time, and if they are not prejudiced, they will come to accept you as a male. Hang in there! I know that it gets rough, especially at the start of transition. |
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Hey there guy, and welcome to our community!! :clap:
I couldn't resist sticking my 2 cents worth in here about "how do they look at me". I began transition almost 6 years ago and, believe it or not, things are still in transition for me, on some levels. I think it is a continuing process for a lot of us, particularly me, as I was in my mid 40's when I started T and had my top surgery. I'd been living in a "stranger's" skin all my life, up until then, and it's taken all this time to .....well..... let my body change with the T (which has energizing and antidepressant properties, btw), have the surgery, get the name changed legally, and then finally, the gender marker on the (Florida, of ALL places) birth certificate. That, alone, takes time. The other thing I want to say to you is that these physical changes are going to take time on quite a few levels, and that is probably a good thing.....now that I'm looking at a lot of what I went through, in retrospect. You have to understand something about "other people", and this is something that my father (also my mentor and friend) told me when I asked him about what other people would think of me. He told me that worrying about what other people thought, or would think, about things in my life, including this transition, was way off base. He said that most all people in life don't worry about others in the sense that we think they do. They're worried about their own problems. It'd surprise you to find out just how little other people worry about the things you do, unless it directly affects them, and that is a whooooole lot less than you think!!!! If you think about it right now, at this second, the proof of that fact is right in front of you. YOU are the one worried about it. Let me tell you something I found out by going through this myself........Other people are going to be as comfortable with you as you are with yourself. The discomfort you might be feeling right now is what we all go through. Things like your body issues and even your self-confidence are going to evolve very nicely and you're going to be very pleased with this when you come out on the other side of the tunnel. It's a process, which means that it goes step by (sometimes painfully slow) step. But remember......XY males don't get through puberty overnight, either, and this is what you're going through. It's a second puberty, but now you're supposed to be "older and wiser". Now, for the Femme question. As you have seen from the replies you've gotten in this thread, there ARE quite a few of these lovely Ladies who just adore us transguys!!! I don't think you're going to ever have to worry about finding a partner/girlfriend/wife, even after you transition. I want to say something else here, however, and please, just take it into consideration. I'm not trying to tell you what to think, or even how to think. I just want to give you something to roll around in your mind. Some guys feel this way. I did. Others feel differently. I don't know how you'll feel about it, so take it for what it's worth. Transition can be an extreme "ME space". It can be frustrating, exhilarating, freeing, depressing, liberating, joyful and sometimes very, very painful. Most of your emotional and mental energy is going to have to be directed inward. This is as it should be!!! You're going to have to figure out who you are. Simple statement, eh?? It's what I said. Who. You. Are. Do you have any idea, at this moment in time, what kind of man you are inside?? Do you know what kind of man you need to be in order to find peace in yourself?? Do know how far you want to take your body through transition?? That can change, you know. Intense stuff, eh?? Well, a relationship takes work, too. It takes both people working at it, equally hard. She's going to require your attentions and you're going to need her to push some of that aside while you work on you. Can you do both at the same time?? Most can't, you know, and it's a known statistic that many, if not most, relationships don't survive transition. She may have to do a transition of her own, too, you know, because this is going to affect her. There are all kinds of Ladies/Femmes/other masculine and feminine ID's here who just love, love LOVE us transguys and have had successful relationships before with some of us, sometimes in all phases of transition. I, myself, have a wonderful Lady who has been by my side through the entire process, but she's also had "prior experience" and kinda knew what she was in for!!! So far, we're hanging in there and I think the roughest part is over and we're on the easy side of that hill now. So, the question is.....do you bring someone down this rocky, perilous road with you, or do you wait until you have traveled most of that road yourself, first?? Something to think about, my friend. Okay, so you can tell me that this is none of my business, and it's not, really. Transition is different for all of us and only you know what your life is like now, and what you may be dealing with later. I'm just sticking my nose in here and giving you some rather personal points to ponder. That's all it is. There are many, many good women here, and in the world, who will love and accept you for exactly who you are. That'll never be the problem. The biggest thing you need to do now is to turn your mind and emotions inward and work on yourself and getting through this. If you're no good for yourself, then you won't be good for anyone else, either. You have a community of support and acceptance here, Guy. Sometimes we're going to tell you what you don't want to hear, but we all support you, and we understand. You might also be interested in some of the threads in the "Trans Zone". There's a ton of information and posts there about transition and other issues that affect us transfolk. Good luck to you and feel free to drop me a PM anytime. ~Theo~ :bouquet: |
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I am searching high and low for the perfect femme for me! I am not quite ready for a relationship yet but dating would be nice, just dont seem to be any femmes around where I live that date a guy like me but it could happen, BFP Reunion here I come!! |
"...I began transition almost 6 years ago and, believe it or not, things are still in transition for me, on some levels. I think it is a continuing process for a lot of us, particularly me, as I was in my mid 40's when I started T and had my top surgery...." theodzz
I think theodzz is right. We don't ever really finish transitioning, in a lot of ways. Mind you, our second puberty takes a lot less time to go thru, mentally, then our first one, but still. We just don't, and probably never will have the same amount of emotional and social experience that other people of our age and gender have. Mind you, we grow up fast, but still, I don't think that we ever fully grow up. We are just starting from too far behind to be able to catch up fully, especially those of us who start transition in our later years. |
For Me
I'm attracted to the feminine end of the spectrum. Please note I did not say female. I have found some ftm and 'cis' males to be very attractive. They are ones that are of the feminine persuasion, but I haven't actually been with a 'male' person in many, many, many years (oy). I am also one of those guys that can't tell when a woman is hitting on me, I've been with female friends that have told me that women were flirting with me and I've been completely clueless. (Sigh) For the 'old fashion' femmes here that don't want to make the first move: please don't assume that just because I haven't hit on you that it's because I don't like you. It's way more likely that I'm shy and clueless, BUT once I get the hint, it's on like donkey kong! |
Just dropping by to say hi. (f)
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Ladies.....
Bumpin' the thread
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Just came in to say hi to everyone :)
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Hmmm ..... well I think u have a cute banana.. :) |
Hey -
Hello All -
New guy here - into "femmes" with a broad definition of what that means. Women who identify as women, girly, tomboyish - more important is intelligence, living a life of meaning, good spelling ("your" when one means "you're" is driving me batshit) and I like trim to curvy women. I also am not so into the "princess" thing, although my relationships always end up being Daddy/girl on some level, and I usually end up pussy whipped if I am well-loved. Nice to read through the posts and "meet" everyone. |
Welcome to the Planet Hominid, feel free to say hi sometime :)
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Just dropping in to say hi and bump this thread.
I love me some Femmes! |
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Good morning! And happy summer to all the guys!
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4...ig5do1_500.jpg |
Autumn is fast approaching!! This femme is definitely looking forward to that time of year when the masculine folks get all outdoorsy with jeans and sweaters.
I just wanted to say that this thread has done me a world of good today. Thank you all for restoring my faith that there are still some folks who are genuinely interested in femmes as romantic partners. |
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