Just checking in a bit. I have missed you guys and posting. I have been on T for 18 months now and I still cry. I am a sap for all the holiday music and movies.

Hey Jet,

I wanted to add to what some of the other guys have already said. My gender therapist (an FTM on T 28 years) and a doctor I'm talking to both have said that while testosterone does not cause these (negative)things, it can/will possibly enhance what emotion is already there for instance if you're depressed (how many of us haven't been, right?) then it can make you more depressed. Some guys are advised to go on an anti-depressant for a while first before beginning T. Others start and level right on out. Something to consider. I'm not sure if other guys have been told the same but maybe they can weigh in on this too?

I have never heard that. If anything, I've heard that for many it increases calmness and happiness (on a path that finally leads to where they want to go).

Hudson's Guide on the Myths of T and FTMs: http://www.ftmguide.org/myths.html#1

I'm really familiar with Hudson's FTM guide, Linus and it's a great source for resources and personal experiences. I did say many guys just level right out when they go on T (and feel better). However, some do not. I'm simply offering what has been told to me with regard to moods so that Jet (or anyone going on T) can discuss those concerns with his doctor. I think it's safest if those of us who aren't medical professionals or therapists do not advise and reassure others quite so emphatically (and reference internet sources) which I think is problematic in the trans community.

Now this might be a bit of a morbid question but it is a question that I feel is better answered before something happens: do any trans individuals have some kind of a will or burial plans set out on how things will go when you pass on? I guess my concern is that when you're not there, you really can't speak for yourself and how you want to be addressed thus potentially opening the door for those who disapproved to go on about it.

And what about a "living will"? Has anyone planned any of those?

Linus I am being cremated, if anything happens to me before my parents, they know my last wishes

Just saw this on one of the FTM Yahoo Groups:

I do need to read this as well

No questions. Just dropping by to say hello. Still making my way around the site. Glad to know you guys are here.

Hey Gentle Tiger!! Welcome!!

Hey all.. I was curious if anyone has seen Beautiful Daughters from Logo (you can get it on NetFlix)? It was a documentary on the Vagina Monologues version that was done entirely from the TransWoman's perspective. I have to say: very moving. One of the things that was interesting was the comment that transwomen are like immigrants into womandom (as it were).

And I have to say, it's an apt analogy in many ways.

I just got it from Netflix. We will be looking at it at the next Living Your Truth meeting.

Good show on transgendered kids and parents.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grMYNqe9lIQ"]YouTube- transgender children and their parents speak out part 1[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL2brGdp_kM"]YouTube- transgender children and their parents speak out part 2[/ame]

Give them the time and space they need. They'll come around but you can't expect them to okay this when they hardly understand. They're grappling. I think it would be selfish of you to expect more right now. My mother disowned me for a year when I told her I was gay and then came around when she was ready. This is shock, fear, and a lot of unanswered questions for them right now. You have to take this as your responsibility for telling them. Be patient, kind, sensitive to them and deal with it.

To add to Ol' Jets comments: you've already grappled and understood the process of this for a while. It's their turn to come to terms with this. My grandmother, who was dead set against this, finally called me by my birthname last summer (took her a year). We often forget that our parents and relatives aren't experiencing life as we are.

Give them the time and space they need and be open for questions. When they do start talking to you expect questions, rage, confusion and such. Be patient as they have a lot to learn and understand. For example, for my grandmother her greatest concern, as a former nurse, (and the concern was echo'd by other family members) was health. They wanted to know whether I was seeing a doctor and how would I know if things were ok. When I explained the whole process and how I see a doc every 3 months and get lab work done then, it set a lot at ease.

I don't know if there is a support group for families of trans individuals in your area (Winnipeg, right?) but if there is, it may be good to get that info in case they want it in the future. One of my aunt's was pro-active about it and found one in Halifax to go to so she could understand more and know that she wasn't the only one with a weird nephew. (although the weirdness is likely due to geekness more than anything else :cheesy: )

I haven't but if I cannot get my new insurance (company is getting Aetna) to cover, I'm gonna go via the tax deduction. I think a lot of it depends on how much is spent over the course of a year.

I've said before that I'm a male on the inside, fully and deeply. It was/is always terrible to feel one way and look another way. But i feel alienated in the community because it doesn't seem like others feel the same, just based on their own definition of what a trans is. I truly was born in the wrong body, and I don't know if others also feel the same or is there another driving force or impetus classify yourselves as trans.

Input? Without getting complicated or feeling like you have to be politically correct. How about we set aside the definition of trans and just talk about what you feel inside your body.

I think that varies from person-to-person and what experiences they have so I don't know if you'll find someone who feels exactly as you. I don't know if my "driving force" or impetus is as strong as yours (then again, I tend to be slow at decisions to ensure I don't second-guess myself down the road) but it took me a long time to realize I was born in the wrong body. (I didn't really understand what it meant to be trans until later in life).

I had inklings at a young age (when viewing myself from a day-dream point of view it was a male view -- largely shaped by James Bond, Charlie's Angels and the Facts of Life) and didn't really become aware of that fact until I hit my mid-teens. (when I realized that I never wanted to be a princess but rather the prince in many of the fantasy/sci-fi novels I read at the time). Even short story writing in school I envisioned myself as the male hero. I never talked about this internal view of myself to anyone because I was afraid of being called crazy or weird (I already had felt like a loner and outsider to everyone else -- I just didn't know why).

With it, I hid my desire for women, especially those who are rather feminine while still very strong and independent. I had learned to push that away and hide it most of my life although internally it was a constant battle between what I saw myself as and what I was presenting as. I tried to ignore the internal but there are few times that it lead to some close disasters. Once I came clean and decided to match the inside with the outside I felt at peace finally with me. Even with my weight gain (due entirely to my lazy ass) I'm still ok and love who I see in the mirror now. This wasn't something I did before and I often hated what I saw in the mirror.

DSM V may classify me as a mental case but I'm a happily blissful one at that.

Hopefully I answered what you were looking for. If I misunderstood, please let me know. :)