Okay... That sounds like my house. Majorly!

no chewing required...
 

The other night, the 8yo mancub and I are eating Jello together.

"Mommy, do you know what the coolest thing is about Jello?"

"Nope, tell me..."

"It's efficient."

Me: *stops eating, slowly turns to look at him* "Who. Are. You.---What does that even mean??? "

he dissolves into giggles...

pancakes....
 

--I'm hungry...Do I have enough leverage for pancakes?

-You are adorable... I'm working on levitating some pancakes.. You did say levitating didn't you?

:blink:

Between me and my 8yo son:


Me: "Because I'm the adult and you're the child. That's why."

Him: "Mom, you're a pain in my attitude!"


(shaking my head and quietly giggling as he stomps off....)

Hym: I get to fuck you tonight, woohoo! *dances*
(please note, our schedules have not been aligned for about a month now, so sometimes planning is required!)
Me: *raised eyebrow* Uhm yeah.. Who else would?
Hym: *leaning down to give me a kiss before hy takes dogs out* Well, I would be just as happy cuddling you.
Me: Are you telling me you'd rather cuddle?
Hym: No.. I am just not feeling too well right now.
Me: We can cuddle if you need to cuddle. There is always tomorrow night. I can put your needs before my wants!
Hym: But I want what you need!

And this is how we negotiate in our house! :sunglass:

my workmate and i casually chatting about the iPhone..

her: hey- did you know that emoticons are uploaded into the iPhone?
me: Huh? you mean you have an emoticon application?
her: no- i said built in *giving me a look*
me: really? where are they located at?
her: all you have to do is click on the lil plant thingy..
me: let me see your phone.
*so i take it and proceed to compare hers to mine*
me: *after a few minutes* AH HA! i found it! *take a few more minutes and hand her her phone back*
her: how'd you do that so fast?
me: i don't know.. i just figured it out that it was a language and added it to my settings..
her: WOW. *holding her phone up* these things really *do* make you smarter!

we proceed to crack the hell up at that!! (smart phones..smarter.. get it?)
LOLOLOLOLOL

several days ago, driving to town ...
 

Me: what did you take for lunch?

I think I hear Blade say "minner cheese"

Me: what? say that again?

Blade: minner cheese.

Me: what is MINNER cheese?

Blade: you know.. that cheese with stuff in it

Me: oh you mean PIMENTO cheese? I thought you meant something with fish in it! like little slimy minnows! !! *LAUGHING HARD!! * minner cheese! !

Blade: yeah... (with 'you should know' tone) minner

Me: you crack me up! You're accent's so funny sometimes!

Blade : you always pick on me

Me : MINNER cheese! !

her: "oh this roasted squash crostini looks wonderful"
me: "that is pretty"
her: "these squash grow wild all over the island"
me: "you know, that's a lot of work for a piece of toast"
her: "go away, I'm not talking to you"
her brother: "yeah it is.. what! it's true!"
her: "i hate you both"
:byebye:

Chris: I don't want to go anywhere over thanksgiving, but I'd love to Skype with you. I just don't want to deal with my family. 3:30 PM
Me: then tell her you can't go because school is busy and you're spending christmas with me. 3:30 PM
Me: you shouldn't make yourself miserable over the holidays to please anyone. 3:31 PM
Chris: Really? I thought holidays were all about fighting families. 3:33 PM
Me: well, as someone who's spent the last 6 or 7 holiday seasons having fun all by myself, i have to disagree with that :) 3:34 PM
Chris: I wanna have sexy time with you. I wanna put on a turkey suit and have sex. 3:39 PM
Me: ooh, a turkey suit?!!! be still my heart. 3:39 PM

Teddy: Do you know what the Yes channel is? (on direct tv)

Me: Nope. Porn maybe?

Teddy: (laughing) Well it's down in the sports section!


Guess I dont know my porn stations that well after all..... or what we actually have on Direct tv for that matter :| When there's a brazilian channels it's hard to know what's what.....

shit heard via text.....
 

teddy; i think bud went in the cellar but i cant find him

me; what if a monster ate him??

teddy; well, i went down there and nothing happened...

me; what if the monster only likes furry tributes?

teddy; well then lets put angel (my daughter's naughty cat} down there!

minutes later......

teddy; i hear the kitten got a new home....

toooo much coincidence for my liking....

hey ur daughter told me the kitten got a new home so if it got eaten by the monster in the basement it is HER fault not mine

Belle teaching her new "smart phone" her Southern TN drawl

Belle: let's go to the store and buy some eggs

Phone: let's go to the store after mating

:D

LOL your smart phone understands me, ha ha.

me to Syr as She is commenting about the smacking sound coming from the hamburger prep place.

*gotta slap the meat to get the air out, Syr*

:|

Cinnamongrl563 and I r sitting around talking about old football players and I brought up an old Ga football player this is how the exchange went:


Me: do u know who Herschel Walker is?
Cinn: of course I do
Me: I have met him and used to live about 20 miles from him. He went to the University of Georgia
Cinn: too bad Ga doeant have a football team
:hospital-snoopy: :/

ummmmm I MEANT....an NFL team...Idk how I possibly forgot about the Falcons....as much as I keep hearing about how much better their record is than the PATS.....

me: what are you doing with a belt and a cigarette..
J: I'm....I'm trying to beat the cigarette..oh god why isn't the coffee done..

<It's pretty rare anyone makes less sense than me in the morning, but today Jess won by a landslide and then some.....>

Shouted to my cat who has been madly digging in the litter box for what seems an eternity, "If you don't stop that infernal digging I'm having cat kabobs for dinner!"

that's just funny now, ... whew i mean totally funny LOL

right, understood lol.

i can see and hear a southern person doing what you did LOL. and it's turnip greens season, ... you've heard folks talking about turnips or you've ate them. i've ate them.

very funny, indeed. you need to re tell that forever.

my babe putting out halloween candy:

- There's the candy in case kids show up.

Me:

- What? It's not Halloween.

Her:

- They usually do it on the weekends.

Me:

- Ok. Halloween is Wednesday, but It's good to know in case I hear knocking on the door and wonder what the hell is going on.

:blink:

haha
 

My wife : honey everyday is like Christmas for me bc I ask and you just get it for me .

Me : baby if everyday is like Christmas then how come I still don't have my new remington hunting rifle or my jeep Willy ?????

My wife : well daddy maybe everyday for you is Halloween bc I do keep you stocked with candy and make you treats a lot .

Me : honey , I'd trade Halloween for Christmas then :)

My wife : isn't the browns playing today ?

Me : way to change the subject honey

Shakes head ....

Teddy and I were discussing out ancestries....

Me: You gotta admit...the Irish are a happy bunch. We have a great sense of humor.

Teddy: Yeah, but that's because they're always drinking!

ahem...... :|

cinn and i have many of these funny conversations

last nite while going to pick up her eldest child .....

cinn...i think god has a plan for cause i have missed dying several times in my life time

me... yes me too. i have cheated death several times in the last cpl yrs alone
at least 3 times within the last 10 yrs. i started listing them cancer, just this past sept, and i kept listing them at the same time cinn and i said

were married to a crazy woman who tried at times wanted to kill me

we both started laughing hystericaly

*Phoebe comes racing over and scoots her butt across the carpet.. I look at her, slightly horrified, and then smell poop*

Me: Uh, she just scooted her ass across the carpet.. EW! I think..
Abby: I smell poop.
Bard: Yeah, she did right by the door.
Me: Ewwww.
Bard: Maybe she had a cling-on from Uranus.
Me: OMG..
Abby: *..takes a minute then starts laughing* From Uranus! Your anus! And it comes from your anus!
Me: Oh my god, this is going into the overheard thread...

Gemme in the lingerie thread

"i like it without the pants"

Me: They aren't perfect!
Jess: it's a bakesale, they are supposed to look home made.
Me: No! We are queers - the cookies are supposed to be perfect.

yesterday at work, I took refuge in my friend's office, where I am advised one of the saddest things I've ever heard:

me (tears): okay .. so I am having a slight emotional thing. I'm going to sit here with my back to the window, you just ignore the tears and look like you're talking to me. (waterworks wide open)

him: uh.. fidget fidget *talking nonsense just to look like he's talking to me* (he was quite the trooper for about 10 minutes)

me (finally): okay (voice still a lil catchy) I think the involuntary tears are done (we laugh a lil bit at my comment)

he wants to know what the he££ is up, so I tell him.. blaa, blaa, blaa..at the end I say;

me: lord. it's been a good minute since I've shed tears like this..

him: (he looks really hard at me for a second): Kimmy, it's b/c you still have 'hope'.. that little bit of hope that someone's not going to let you down.. you're just not jaded enough.

me: stupid hope. *deep, teary sigh*

We are trying to leave the house but I'm still gathering up the gimcracks I need...

Hym: Wallet? Keys? Phone?

Me: Oh poo. My phone. I don't know where it is.

Hym: Bathroom? Kitchen? Other coat?

Me: I have no idea. Could you please call it?

Hym: Um. *reaches for hys phone, and I continue to gather my shinies*

Hym: You know, when I was at Dollarama the other day, I noticed they sold condoms.

Me: *aghast* Wow. I'd trust that like I'd trust a balloon with a nail in it. Did you see any cool toys? What about those spatulas I like? Spatulae? Ugh. *flustered*

Hym: *opens the door as I wander out* There. Distracted you out the door.

i don't know what is exactly funny about this, ... but it is LOL. doesn't matter. it's funny LOL.

Hym: If we're consolidating our households in the new year, I'm afraid I'll need TV.

Me: I have a TV.

Hym: No, baby... a cable subscription.

Me: I have never paid for cable in my life.

Hym: You get it for free? *smiles*

Me: No, dumbass, you know I don't do TV.

Hym: Well, I'll pay for it. What am I going to do when you're out with your friends? Sit around and read or knit or something?

Me: *dumbfounded* That's... what I do... generally... so...

Hym: ...

Me: ...

Hym: *winning smile* TV?

While getting ready to go swimming.....

*spaying myself*

J: what's that? Bug spray?
Me: yes come here..
*spray spray spray*
J: wtf it tastes awful - what is that shit really?
*looks at bottle*
J: Jesus God honey its sunscreen! SPF 70? Why don't you just wear a coat!
Me: the pool people frown on me wearing a coat - I tried.
J: Of course you did....