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-   -   only another butch would understand (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=274)

DapperButch 04-27-2010 04:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MainelyButch (Post 93283)
I just loved this entire post Stoney...you brought up some of the best thoughts! I am also curious about the eye contact thing. It's seemed to me that it's just always been so difficult for lesbians in general to make eye contact. Like if we look at each other something will happen, or people will "know" (like I give a flyin fuck if anyone knows!). but it is particularly noticable with butches I think...maybe that's because I am butch so that's the only real angle I have experienced it from. As I have gotten older I have made more of an effort to make the eye contact, and the normal little head nod that we all do. But it is a phenomena that I have always wondered about....anyone else got anything to say about the lack or avoidance of eye contact between us? What are we afraid of? Or what are we avoiding?
Yes, I have always found it weird when I come across a butch who avoids eye contact with me. When we do have eye contact, the head nod thing happens.

I have wondered if the butch type person that avoids my gaze is the kind of butch who avoids eye contact with EVERYONE (so as to not get that look of disgust we can get), and so when hy/she sees me out of the corner of hys eye hy just assumes me to be male. Subsequently, no "butch nod" occurs.

Don't know, but the above was a thought that came to me once...

Andrew, Jr. 04-27-2010 07:06 PM

When in public I acknowledge anyone who acknowledges me. It can be a head shake, or a hand shake. I always make eye contact with people. It is other people who have the issue with responding back to me. They have no idea of what I am (is that a boy or a girl attitude). I think we all go thru that pretty much. We just have to be who we are, and hold our heads high.


:tanning:

Mister Bent 04-27-2010 07:19 PM
this thread
 
Criminy!

It's back.

Kim 04-27-2010 07:26 PM
I like it (this thread!). Bumpbumpbump

Mister Bent 04-27-2010 07:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim (Post 93660)
I like it (this thread!). Bumpbumpbump
And you claim not to be trouble.

Kim 04-27-2010 07:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Bent (Post 93661)
And you claim not to be trouble.
Yes, I do claim that :)

Sooooo...Let's hear your butch perspective - eye contact, or no? :D

Mister Bent 04-27-2010 07:40 PM
eye contact
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim (Post 93664)
Yes, I do claim that :)

Sooooo...Let's hear your butch perspective - eye contact, or no? :D

Only at the urinal.

betenoire 04-27-2010 07:48 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Bent (Post 93667)

Only at the urinal.
*snort*

I'm only asking this question here because here is where I am and I am too lazy to find the appropriate venue to ask said question:

WHY can I not post a youtube video on Bob's usernotes thing?

Bob 04-27-2010 08:04 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoire (Post 93671)

WHY can I not post a youtube video on Bob's usernotes thing?
Because I've blocked you. You will torment me with sweater vest videos no more!

betenoire 04-27-2010 08:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob (Post 93679)
Because I've blocked you. You will torment me with sweater vest videos no more!
*gasp*

OH NO YOU DI-INT!

Queerasfck 04-29-2010 10:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim (Post 93664)
Yes, I do claim that :)

Sooooo...Let's hear your butch perspective - eye contact, or no? :D
It's all about survival of the species.

betenoire 04-29-2010 12:02 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by EzeeTiger (Post 95006)
It's all about survival of the species.
What happens if you do make eye-contact? You develop a bit of a swish, pass out, and wake up in a strange store buying strawberry lip balm?

Queerasfck 04-29-2010 04:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoire (Post 95085)
What happens if you do make eye-contact? You develop a bit of a swish, pass out, and wake up in a strange store buying strawberry lip balm?
No, cage match. Duh.

Mister Bent 04-29-2010 04:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoire (Post 95085)
What happens if you do make eye-contact? You develop a bit of a swish, pass out, and wake up in a strange store buying strawberry lip balm?

Cripes, no, it's worse.

After eye contact, it's the head nod, which can soon be followed by the knuckle bump. All down hill from there.

Next thing you know, you're (unironically) calling each other "bro".

Gross.

apretty 04-29-2010 05:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoire (Post 95085)
What happens if you do make eye-contact? You develop a bit of a swish, pass out, and wake up in a strange store buying strawberry lip balm?
no no no

it's BUBBLE GUM kissing potion.

http://s7d5.scene7.com/is/image/verm...id=250&hei=335

betenoire 04-29-2010 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by EzeeTiger (Post 95247)
No, cage match. Duh.
So, at what point during this cage match do you decide which one of you gets to pitch and who gets to catch? Cuz you and I both know that eye contact followed by wrasslin' is all about sexual tension.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Bent (Post 95252)

Cripes, no, it's worse.

After eye contact, it's the head nod, which can soon be followed by the knuckle bump. All down hill from there.

Next thing you know, you're (unironically) calling each other "bro".
Where -is- Bob, anyway? I tried to call Bob the other day but didn't get an answer because Bob was cooking and apparently elbow-deep in breadcrumbs. Whatever the hell -that- is a euphemism for.

Gross

Quote:
Originally Posted by apretty (Post 95308)
no no no

it's BUBBLE GUM kissing potion.

http://s7d5.scene7.com/is/image/verm...id=250&hei=335
NO NO NO! Lip Venom!

http://www.urbanchic-boutique.com/dh...inkshimmer.jpg

Bad_boi 05-03-2010 10:40 PM
That femmes are weird but I love them dearly.


(I am sure they think the same of us)

BamaBoi 05-07-2010 06:44 PM
eye what??
 
i'm a butch and eye contact is rare when meeting someone new... i know with me i'm a lip starer... it's a subconscious thing i do.. and the more they talk... the more i stare at them... it's also good to test this out with women..cuz if they stare at your lips alot..they might be interested :P

Blade 05-07-2010 07:02 PM
To me eye contact is about confidence. I think anyone who knows me would say I was quite confident. I walk with my head up and when I address anyone be it with a nod or verbally I look them in the eye. When I shake someones hand I look them in the eye. The eyes can say a lot about a person. It doesn't matter to me if a person is butch or any gender for that matter, my confidence level stays the same.

Hack 05-07-2010 07:16 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Bent (Post 95252)

Cripes, no, it's worse.

After eye contact, it's the head nod, which can soon be followed by the knuckle bump. All down hill from there.

Next thing you know, you're (unironically) calling each other "bro".

Gross.
Knuckle bump? WTF?

When we meet, it will be the leaping chest bump.

It's like butch ballet, man.

Mister Bent 05-07-2010 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoire (Post 95312)
So, at what point during this cage match do you decide which one of you gets to pitch and who gets to catch? Cuz you and I both know that eye contact followed by wrasslin' is all about sexual tension.


Where -is- Bob, anyway? I tried to call Bob the other day but didn't get an answer because Bob was cooking and apparently elbow-deep in breadcrumbs. Whatever the hell -that- is a euphemism for.

Gross

Apparently Bob won the cage match, but needs to be advised that breadcrumbs make terrible lube.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hack (Post 101308)
Knuckle bump? WTF?

When we meet, it will be the leaping chest bump.

It's like butch ballet, man.
Yeah. That's going to be a real graceful moment for two guys over 40.

Let's make sure no video cameras are present.

Hack 05-07-2010 07:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Bent (Post 101320)





Yeah. That's going to be a real graceful moment for two guys over 40.

Let's make sure no video cameras are present.
Well, we can't do the leaping hip bump because my luck, my hip will break.

Forearm bump, maybe?


http://nbcsportsmedia.msnbc.com/j/ms...1p.hmedium.jpg


I mean, look...all the 'roid boys do it. Or used to, anyway. It has that old skool cachet.

Mister Bent 05-07-2010 07:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hack (Post 101324)
Well, we can't do the leaping hip bump because my luck, my hip will break.

Forearm bump, maybe?


http://nbcsportsmedia.msnbc.com/j/ms...1p.hmedium.jpg


I mean, look...all the 'roid boys do it. Or used to, anyway. It has that old skool cachet.
Here's the thing, the leaping chest bump kind of loses it's cool when neither of you can catch any air (greater than say, 4").

My sciatica won't bear the leaping hip bump, and we're both too young for hip replacement.

The forearm bump is AARP approved!

nytangel 05-22-2010 08:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jet (Post 5309)
The pain of hearing emasculating things from a woman because she's pissed. Is there anything more hurtful short of a breakup? *Opening a brewski waiting to see thoughts on this*:beerbros:
I've been through hell and back w/ my girl. When things were pretty bad I told her she was just trying to bust my balls. To which she replied I wasn't a genetic male and didn't have any. Took a bit to get past all that. We didn't talk for about a month.

Metro is so right that when peeps get pissed they will say really nasty things. She understand now my duality both male and female in one body.

I'm truly glad that we could work past all that and I'm even more proud to say that not only are we back together we're under 1 roof and more committed than ever to each other.

nytangel 05-31-2010 01:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stoney (Post 53856)
I have been reading this thread and I wanted to mention a previous thread right in the beginning. Ol'Jet you said something about being de- masculinized.. ( forgive me if I am saying it wrong) I noticed quite a few people who felt that that was more or less a male ID'd problem. I wanted to mention , that many years ago I was in a relationship with this woman , ( who first represented herself as a femme but really wasnt ,anyways that's another story ) This woman was something else, the butch- femme dynamic in the relationship pretty much flew outthe window the day I moved in with her. that day, I left my home and friends, traveled over 600 miles,had no sleep for days, unloaded a 18 foot truck full of my stuff and my kids into a garage! plus the whole 9 hour drive in a uhaul ( on my birthday) well I just sat down after all that , and I cried.She walked in the bedroom and looked at me and said ' HOPE YOU KNOW k how much you are turnin me off right now, I dont think Ill ever feel the same about you. Some fuckin butch! If I wanted a femme I would have stayed with my ex.( even though I am female Identified I have felt that pain , maybe not the same way but It was a huge blow for some reason, and i was effected by those words deeply. I was always having to prove my " butchiness" with her .

the relationship was very short lived after that day

It messed with my head a long time after that relationship ended. and for a long time every time I cried, her words would resurface.

now I am who I am, I cry, I laugh , I Burp( alot and very well I might add)

now it seems crazy that I let those words hurt me so much and question my very being.. but I definitely had a different mind set back then.

hope this relates,

always enjoy your posts Ol' Jet!

Stoney
Stoney, thank you for posting this. I hate crying worse than anything. I am comfortable in my skin and with who I am, but crying still makes me sometimes feel less. I know that crying is a good release and its very emotionallly healthy to do this. But still that masculine part that dwells in my spirit gets so angry when the water works start. And heaven forbid if my girl can see them even in my eyes. It's not her that makes me feel less ... its me and my own perception / expection of and for me.

Rockinonahigh 09-28-2010 08:24 PM
Very uncomfortable situstion.
 
Since my accident in 07 I havent had any kind of real job so I have made a fue bucks hear and there doing odd careting gigs,giveing rideing lessons ect.I got with this group that is run by the state gov and funded by the feds..sorta like an elder job placement group.I told them I had plenty of clothes to wear to work but they insisted that I go to dress for success..the problem is thay sent me to the womens part of it.I tryed my best to go to the mens dress for sucsess but no mater how I try to explane things to them it never worked,so I just went went along with it all cause I wouldnt be wearing them anyway..they r hanging in my colset and will be there a long time.Then they came up with this womens buisness club than meets once a month,then after the meeting u get more stuff.Where im intrested in the buisness concept of the meeting for the buisness world,I am feeling more and like im giveing up to much of who I am to gain this job.I need to work for many reasons so im just going to deal with it as best as I can ,but it still irks me big time.I hope I made scence with this.

Greyson 09-28-2010 10:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh (Post 199817)
Since my accident in 07 I havent had any kind of real job so I have made a fue bucks hear and there doing odd careting gigs,giveing rideing lessons ect.I got with this group that is run by the state gov and funded by the feds..sorta like an elder job placement group.I told them I had plenty of clothes to wear to work but they insisted that I go to dress for success..the problem is thay sent me to the womens part of it.I tryed my best to go to the mens dress for sucsess but no mater how I try to explane things to them it never worked,so I just went went along with it all cause I wouldnt be wearing them anyway..they r hanging in my colset and will be there a long time.Then they came up with this womens buisness club than meets once a month,then after the meeting u get more stuff.Where im intrested in the buisness concept of the meeting for the buisness world,I am feeling more and like im giveing up to much of who I am to gain this job.I need to work for many reasons so im just going to deal with it as best as I can ,but it still irks me big time.I hope I made scence with this.
Rockin, I have been in this position. I think many butches, FTMs and others with a biological body that does not "match up" with the expected gender expressions, performance, appearance. It is easier said then done when you are trying to keep a roof over your head, food on the table and the other basics of taking care of yourself and maybe others. I have been to Shreveport and honestly I am not comfortable when I am there because of my gender expression, my obvious queerness. I cannot in good conscious tell you how to handle it. I have not had to live in your situation. I can tell you, I hear you and feel for your situation. However you decide to handle it, know that you are a human being of value and you are part of a larger community that reaches beyond the "norms" and values of Shreveport. Good luck.

Corkey 09-28-2010 11:14 PM
Rockin remember you are not your cloths, do what you need to keep yourself safe and employed. None of us are going to judge you, and those who do don't really matter.

EnderD_503 09-29-2010 06:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh (Post 199817)
Since my accident in 07 I havent had any kind of real job so I have made a fue bucks hear and there doing odd careting gigs,giveing rideing lessons ect.I got with this group that is run by the state gov and funded by the feds..sorta like an elder job placement group.I told them I had plenty of clothes to wear to work but they insisted that I go to dress for success..the problem is thay sent me to the womens part of it.I tryed my best to go to the mens dress for sucsess but no mater how I try to explane things to them it never worked,so I just went went along with it all cause I wouldnt be wearing them anyway..they r hanging in my colset and will be there a long time.Then they came up with this womens buisness club than meets once a month,then after the meeting u get more stuff.Where im intrested in the buisness concept of the meeting for the buisness world,I am feeling more and like im giveing up to much of who I am to gain this job.I need to work for many reasons so im just going to deal with it as best as I can ,but it still irks me big time.I hope I made scence with this.
I think most butches/FtMs/etc. have experienced something like what you're describing at some point in life and can sympathise. I know I can understand that feeling you describe of giving up too much of yourself, and I think even those who don't id as such have had to endure that feeling at one point in life. Like others have said, deal with your situation as you think it should be dealt with. We all have to do the same. At the end of the day, staying true to yourself is what's in your mind rather than the unpleasant situations you have to endure.

Rockinonahigh 09-29-2010 08:18 AM
Thanks to all that replyed to my post,and I take your words to heart..Its just been a long time since I had to deal with this sort of thing..ya know I thought being it was now 2010 even hear, it would be a bit less of an issue..gess not.As far as my working situation It wont matter what im wearing to work cause im being issued a jacket to wear at work over whatever I have on wich will be buttondown shirts,and I am wearing dress slacks and appropreate comfy shoes.One thing I found intresting thrue all this was that they have a long full length mirror..well I havent seen myself in one for a while so I was surprised at the body changes from my work outs..I have turned into a weight lifters body so even with the exception of a bit to much belly is better than I had hoped for.


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