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"Doctor, I have a memory problem!" The doctor says, "When did it start?" "When did what start?"
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Velcro. What a ripoff.
A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables…the bartender says, buddy, I’ll serve you as long as you don’t start anything. If someone hits you over the head with a coffee cup, have you been mugged? |
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Why does a seagull fly over the sea? Cuz if it flew over the bay, if would be called a bagel. http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/73...2c93127f29.jpg |
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Patient: "Doc, you have to help me. Some days I think I'm Mickey Mouse, some days I think I'm Donald Duck" Doctor: "How long have you had these Disney spells?"
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What happened when the butch computer mouse met the femme computer mouse?
They clicked straight away. http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1400161754 |
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar." "One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?" "Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars." "Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business." Who lies better?? A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there. |
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"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he's invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him!"
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Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!
I like to call the shots. ;) http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...psc8056e60.jpg |
Quote:
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"Doctor, I think I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor says, "Sit in the waiting room, I'll deal with you later."
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A woman calls her husband to tell him that their two sons want to go to the zoo, then a movie.
"That's too expensive," he says, "it's one or the other." "Okay, which one do you prefer?" The husband replies, "Mikey." http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...g?t=1400433020 |
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Knock knock!
Who's there? Little old lady? Little old lady who? Wow! I didn't know you could yodel! |
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Why is turtle wax so expensive?
Because turtles have such tiny ears. http://i96.photobucket.com/albums/l1...ps9272579e.jpg |
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How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
(Your head hits the ceiling!) How do you raise a baby elephant? (With a fork lift!) |
For my 6th grade Algebra teacher, Ms. York. :)
http://rlv.zcache.com/acute_triangle...pg?bg=0xffffff |
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Patient: I think I'm a pair of curtains!
Doctor: Pull yourself together! |
Shrimp on the Barbie
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What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!) What do little penguins sing when their father brings fish home for dinner? (Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!) |
Knock Knock!
Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry, it's just me. Knock Knock! Who's there? Cowsgo. Cowsgo who? No they don't, cowsgo moo. |
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