Originally Posted by Linus (Post 61266)

I think that varies from person-to-person and what experiences they have so I don't know if you'll find someone who feels exactly as you. I don't know if my "driving force" or impetus is as strong as yours (then again, I tend to be slow at decisions to ensure I don't second-guess myself down the road) but it took me a long time to realize I was born in the wrong body. (I didn't really understand what it meant to be trans until later in life).

I had inklings at a young age (when viewing myself from a day-dream point of view it was a male view -- largely shaped by James Bond, Charlie's Angels and the Facts of Life) and didn't really become aware of that fact until I hit my mid-teens. (when I realized that I never wanted to be a princess but rather the prince in many of the fantasy/sci-fi novels I read at the time). Even short story writing in school I envisioned myself as the male hero. I never talked about this internal view of myself to anyone because I was afraid of being called crazy or weird (I already had felt like a loner and outsider to everyone else -- I just didn't know why).

With it, I hid my desire for women, especially those who are rather feminine while still very strong and independent. I had learned to push that away and hide it most of my life although internally it was a constant battle between what I saw myself as and what I was presenting as. I tried to ignore the internal but there are few times that it lead to some close disasters. Once I came clean and decided to match the inside with the outside I felt at peace finally with me. Even with my weight gain (due entirely to my lazy ass) I'm still ok and love who I see in the mirror now. This wasn't something I did before and I often hated what I saw in the mirror.

DSM V may classify me as a mental case but I'm a happily blissful one at that.

Hopefully I answered what you were looking for. If I misunderstood, please let me know. :)

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 64398)

So I upload my pix and comments. You can see them here: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-418506

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 64774)

Thanks for all the comments everyone. Weirdly enough, I got an email from the same editor this morning asking me further about my iReport and would I be ok with my real name being used and what phone number to call me at if they have further questions.
:|

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 64398)

So I upload my pix and comments. You can see them here: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-418506

Originally Posted by Corkey (Post 66403)

Tonight on CNN a documentary called "Her name was Steven" 8 PM eastern.

Originally Posted by Corkey (Post 66403)

Tonight on CNN a documentary called "Her name was Steven" 8 PM eastern.

Originally Posted by The Oopster (Post 66430)

Originally Posted by Linus (Post 66463)

And whatever you do, don't go to CNN and check out the article on it (or rather the comments to the article). They are vile and hurtful.

Originally Posted by Logicaly (Post 67069)

First time posting in this thread, but been reading along quietly as I contemplate where I want to go with my life...

I know who I am, and what I am. I am male, but very much retain my queer identity at the same time. It is what works for me.

That being said, I have finally made the decision that I am ready to start seeing a therapist, and taking T so that I can move forward with who I am.

First question, how did you go about finding a therapist? I'm in the San Francisco bay area, so I am sure I have a lot of resources available to me, but I am also very secluded, and have for most of my life been a hermit, so I am very unaware of what my resources are around me.

Second question, has anyone looked into an alternative to shots? I have such a huge issue with needles, of any kind, that it is a big deal breaker for me unfortunately. I know there are options such as the patch, or a gel. Does anyone have any experience with these? I've been doing a little bit of reading up on them and it seems they might be viable options for me.