|
Quote:
I wanted to stop and tell you how proud I am of you today. How hard I know it must have been to come here and say these things, what a big step this is for you. You have a wonderful, beautiful soul and it fits perfectly with who you are and should be. What I saw in you as we first started talking was someone who was so much more then they were allowing themselves to be. THIS, is part of that person you have hidden from the world. I am so happy and excited to see you embracing that in you which makes you who you are and bring you happiness and completion. As you explore yourself and this new and wonderful world you never new was around you, I will be right there by your side. I will quietly hold your hands and answer what questions I can, or send you to those who can if I cant. I will wait patiently as you ponder what is in you and come to decisions about how you want to be seen by the world. YOU are who I fell in love with. ALL OF YOU! I am excited for you to see that person the way I do. I love you so much and I will always support you to the best of my ability. With all the love I posses, Your Heart, as You are Mine. |
Quote:
I remember the first time I packed feeling this same way and wondering how a piece of silicone could help fill in some of the missing pieces of me, but it did. As time has progressed, what, how, and if I pack ebbs and flows. It was hard for some other people to get that, even femmes. I think I needed to do it so badly all the time at first because it was an identity of me that had been missing for years. Now 5 years later there are times I just dont' need to. Most of the time I still do but I'm okay if I don't. Quote:
All my friends prior to going to school were boys. Girls seem to be the pretty little things that looked like they would break if they played with me. I also remember the first time I was told I had to keep my shirt on because I was a girl .. i tore it off and ran around the yard yelling no I'm a boy, I'm a boy. Family is hard, I'm sorry yours has been so condemning. Quote:
I was fortnuate also to find a site like this one within the first year of realizing my attraction to women. That is why I will always remain a part of this community. If other transgendered men had not been on that site I may still not have gotten to the truth of who I really am. Yes there are ftm sites but if I hadn't had interaction with them I would never have been able to realize that when I'm looking at them I'm seeing me. I wouldn't have know to even look that way. An arena like this allowed me to have the bridge to move towards the destination of me. |
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I would never invade women's space. I don't get where that comes off. Secondly, I won't wear a beard...it was just my comment on my preference regarding facial hair. I never said i would "invade" anyone's space let alone the women's rest room. My comments had nothing to restrooms. jus' sayin' |
Quote:
Dylan |
Quote:
Anyhow, it's awesome that you have a girlfriend who understands and supports you! Hang in there buddy! |
Quote:
That's a low blow, and I think the most effective way to answer something like that is just to have nothing more to do with them. Complete, utter silence and a total refusal to acknowledge them in any way is the ultimate and most effective weapon you have against that sort of thing. You don't need someone like that in your life, do you?? ~Theo~ :bouquet: |
Quote:
I remember starting to pack, like just trying it out. I was still kinda new to the whole thing. I tried socks and another time a strap on (which just turned out to be extremely funny walking around with a boner all day. lol) But besides uncomfortable (neither really felt correct in my pants. lol.) but I wore one or the other anyway till I could afford a packy. I felt like something belonged there, I just wasn't sure what or where to get it till a while later. lol. Just as previously mentioned in another post, it seemed to fill up some kind of missing piece within me at the time. Now I don't normally go out without my pack-n-pee on, but if I'm not wearing it its no big deal. I didn't 'know' what I was. I knew I wasn't right though. I didn't have a word for how I felt till college when I met a MTF. At the time I was dating a girl who basically bluntly told me if that was the way I was I wasn't worth her time. The next two girlfriend's knew before hand and still tried to 'fix' me. It was only my most recent ex who really saw who I was. She walked me through each part (the doctors/therapist, the T, tellling friends and family, changing bathrooms, etc.) standing next to me the whole time. I gotta tell you, I was scared sh**less! She literally walked me by the hand through each of my steps so far. Hell, she even bragged about me (which I thought was amazing!) on a local radio station (w/o saying my name of course). It's pretty amazing when you meet someone who really loves you for you. While we are not together anymore for other reasons- I still thank her to this day for the support she gave me. It can be a complicated path, but you know when it's the right one. Some ways it gets easier, other aspects can be... more difficult... but at the end of the day you have to be who you are, no matter who or what that is. Stay true to yourself bro. We're all here for you. -Cameron |
Quote:
|
So a question for trans folks, particularly those who do not have their gender letters changed.
I lost a filling the other day. It's an annoying filling on a back molar that I regularly get a temp filling (my temp fillings for this last about 3-4 years). Anyways, as I was frantically looking for a dentist, I tried to get one at the LGBTQ Community Health Center (Callen-Lorde) because, well, they are LGBTQ. But it's near impossible to get an appointment there because of the number of existing patients. I eventually found one nearby but I couldn't help worrying whether I'd end up having to face an issue with the dentist because I'm an FTM. In the end, she was wonderful and quick. What was nice was that on her forms she had listed "What name would you like to be called by", which I found interesting. So my question is this: do you assume that when going to non-LGBTQ medical personnel that you'll face discrimination? I wonder if we set ourselves up by having this constant fear over our heads based on the stories we constantly hear (the horror stories) and because of the stories we don't hear (the fabulous accepting ones). |
Quote:
I told my regular doctor before starting T, and while she was totally shocked she seemed fine with it. But I felt it was medically necessary for her to know for my health, in the event the some drug she was perscribing may not interact well for whatever reason or whatever. I never told my dentist or optomitrist as I feel that it doesn't really matter to them what I do in my spare time and my transistion doesn't effect my teeth or eyes (to my knowledge) so thier jobs aren't affected by it. My only issue stems from temporary doctors. While I'm at college it's extremely hard to see my regualr doctor so I visit a walking in place near my school. I have never seen the same doctor there twice. However there has been akward issue with explaining my legal name/ and my perferred name (as they also ask for a person perferred name) and my list of medications. I just tell them. Get it out of the way. If they seem uncomfortable (which hasn't yet happened) I have no real fear since the chances of seeing them again are slim to none. But maybe I've never really feared doctors because I haven't heard the stories. Im born in 88 so the stories I hear are from the late 90s to today. The worse story that I've ever heard was rudeness from a nurse or staff member. Maybe that's why I have no fear of doctors. So perhaps I am not a good example. |
Quote:
I've known people in the community really hesitant that have had bad experiences even with LGBTQ doctors. I have had no problems within the medical community. I still have my birth name on all my id including health insurance ... sometimes I address the preferred name other times I don't. A lot of times the office it self catches on if they call me on the phone enough. My regular dr knows and my chart still has my birth name but the head nurse I think is a gay guy and caught on and started calling me "he" and koop and then the other people in the office have picked it up. At the hematology unit i've thought about addressing it mainly cause there are a lot of people that work there and i'm always getting new people and they are confused when I walk up and I just smile and say yes it's me. Some people despite the name still assume i'm male and go boy your parents were cruel. At the same place one of the nurses came up to draw my blood ... looked at me ... looked at the chart .... puts on this face like i'm not going to call you that and asks do you have a preferred name. so far i have never had a bad experience ... most of my doctors are intriqued and ask some questions which i don't mind ... my biggest frustration is the moment something is wrong ... every medical professional and even people in my life that don't know much about T will go ... do you think it's the T? |
Quote:
i have been very fortunate. I don't worry about discrimination when i go places. i walk in like i own the place. smile nod speak to people. i think my attitude has a lot to do with whether or not i face any discrimination or fend off any unwanted comment. i could pass before the T mostly, but people so rarely even look at you closely. i am an avid people watcher, and i don't notice things sometimes. i guess if i wanted to look for discrimination, or take everything said out of context, or act like i am hiding something, it would be different. but i spent the better part of 40 years living someone else's life. I be Damned if someone is gonna piss in my wheaties now..... i am andy i am a man maybe i am not like some other guys, but what is normal? something i don't care to be.... @ |
Hello again gentlemen...
Just a quick update on how things are goin for me. I have come out to 5 different people in my life and was absolutely amazed att the responses I got...even the answers "Tuff...I could have told you that along time ago but I figured it was best for you to find out for yourself." Once again...am i ALWAYS the last to know everything?GAH!! Other than that, I had a long talk with me therapist and she has been wonderful as can be.She is in the process of setting me up with all the information I need and another therapist to begin my transitioning. I feel more free and myself than I even have in my entire life and am looking forward to not only beginning this process, but just enjoying meself for a change. For those of you that know me from the PTSD thread I would like to tell you that coming out with this has made the process of dealing with it so much easier as it was deffinitally intertwined with it. Once again thank you all so much for the encouraging words.I will never be able to express just how much they mean to me. |
Quote:
|
I'm finding it amazing how I have barely come out to myself about who I am and find myself getting called out on it by people I hardly know.
Tonight I got a ride home from a guy I've only met a few times and he was asking some very direct questions.By chance he figure me out rather quickly.Alot more quickly than I was comfortable with. Is it that I am more comfortable with myself now that others are figuring this out?Was he just that good?Or was it always obvious to those around me and I was just so hidden in myself I refused to see it? I don't know guys...I think I'm just a wee bit lost in my thoughts tonight. Any comments on these thought would be greatly appreciated.Have any of you been lost in similar thoughts? |
Quote:
What do you mean by "getting called out"? Do you mean that he figured out that you were trans? Or that you were a guy? Sometimes we are oblivous to the obvious. For example, my aunt knew I was more attracted to women than guys well before I did. :seeingstars: So it can happen. ;) |
Quote:
There was a time before I started T and pre chest surgery where I didn't feel very comfy using either gendered restroom. I'd try to either find a unisex bathroom or hold it until I could or I'd hold it until I got to a private restroom. It's a horrible position to be in, but I think all of us have been there at one time. I think Parker wasn't meaning that he'd "invade a women's restroom" at all. He just doesn't feel comfy using the men's room until he's a little further down the road of physical transitioning. For my part, I completely understand this. It's that "in between" spot that's so difficult. Oh, and I'm not trying to put words in Parker's mouth. I'm just saying I understand what he meant and this is why. ;) Theo...on the cell phone. |
Quote:
Aye, he very much so figured out I am trans. And what amazed me more, was able to do it in just a few short questions, too. He meant no harm or rudeness. In fact he was quite tactfull in his approach in asking. I think I was just a wee bit unnervered he was able to pinpoint it so quickly. |
Not a question but more of a rant.
I found out what's holding up the Birth Cert. Apparently when my dad re-adopted me, Wife #2 (he's on Wife #3 I believe) was added as my "mother". I didn't remember doing this but it's possible that at the time it made sense. (I think I did it because it'd make my dad happy). The problem is I know nothing about her. They said if I could find out her maiden name, that's all they'd need. If I can't get it, she's going to ask if the info I provided is enough (she said there are unique situations like this). I have asked her if there is a way I could get Wife #2 removed as my mother and get my mom put back in. I did email my dad, his sister and his brother in hopes that one of them can reply with the info. But we'll see. This explains the brick wall I've been hitting. :( |
Quote:
|
The got married out of Province and they are now divorced. It'll take another 4-8 weeks (it's already getting annoying that I've had to wait this long -- nearly a year now). Additionally, its annoying that she's even on the BC.
|
Welp. Even though my dad won't speak to me, my aunt (my dad's sister) still does. And she looked up my grandfather's ancestry project, finding my step-mom's maiden name (spelling may not be totally accurate but.. ). It's a start!
|
Hey Everybody!
I haven't been on in a while but I had a some what funny experience. When I started T a year ago I was working on my college campus. I didn't work over the winter, so this summer is the first time since beginning T that I had to look for a job. I got a part time job for the summer with the help of an ex-girlfriend. I haven't had a name change yet (I've just been strapped for cash) and all my documents say female. So right off the bat I told my managers what my deal was, all were okay if not a little curious, however policy for this particular establishment says I have to wear a name tag wit my birth name. Not a big deal, I work in the back and besides I'm not ashamed. So the other day I stop in to fill out a request off form and an employee I never met walks up and introduces herself. I tell her my birth name (figuering that's how people in here know me). Today she happened to be working the same shift as me and she explained that she was totally flabergasted by my name and had called up an ex-girlfriend of hers (who apparently is also transitioning) and explained that she honestly had no idea. I really wasn't too worried about finding a job, but I am totally surprised all the time by the overwhelming acceptance. It's been a pretty cool experience! |
Quote:
|
Hello Everyone. I've had some experiences since transitioning that I quite frankly while I thought I was prepared I clearly was not prepared for them. I kind of wish I had had an older transman of color (not necessarily in age) to tell me a few things in advance - not that I would have changed my mind but to prepare me, talk through them. I don't mean about trivial things like hair growing in odd places, or receding hairlines. I'm talking heavy things like what it really means to be a man in the world. How you will be perceived and treated; respected and disrespected, etc. after you transition.
Anybody else have experiences after transitioning that kind of made you have to regroup so to speak? |
Quote:
I don't believe I have been living in the world as a Transman as long as you have but I do have a lifetime of being perceived as a Latino man off and on. If you want to talk more of this, pm me. Thank you for bringing this reality to the attention of your fellow Trans brothers. |
Quote:
Yes indeed it is different. I had already experienced the being watched when entering an expensive as a black female. And I knew what in a factual and feeling for and with those who told their stories. But I now there is another layer because I now I am actually living the experience myself in my skin. I definitely know I'm not alone as I hear this from time to time talking with other guys. My latest encounter caused me to think about the communities I interact with and share there. So others would know and not be surprised if they had similar experiences. Hold your heads up Brothers. Malcolm |
Quote:
Hey Malcolm great to see you! Sorry that you have had some uncomfortable experiences as of late. I think it is one thing to know that certain things exist and another to experience them. Sometimes I think all the knowledge in the world will prepare me but once I experience something for the first time I realize that nothing could prepare me. I can't begin to know what it is like to be a male poc, however I have had experiences since my transition that throw me for a loop, are uncomfortable, and sometimes still are. When i was perceived as female at night I was always cautious and if there was a man around extremely intentive of the fact and aware of my surroundings. It's still uncomfortable to now be the one perceived as a possible threat/danger. It's weird having to be concious of how my behavior in certain instances is now perceived totally different now that I'm seen as male instead of female. Other examples include interacting with kids. I'm a huge flirt with kids and when I was perceived as female it never alerted anybodys "red" flags. Now that i'm seen as male people are more cautious. I'm a messenger and often sit in my car waiting for the next job to come. Sometimes it's in residential areas and I'm still waiting for someone to call the cops thinking i'm a potential perpertrator. A lot of these behaviors are understandable, in fact i've been the one of caution, but it's totally different to now be perceived as the one that could be a potential threat. |
:happyjump: I just checked online and apparently my Birth Certificate has finally been approved and is on its way!! :cheer: FINALLY! Now I can go for the SIN card and Passport. Hopefully they will be quicker! :blink:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
If there is something more specific you want to ask (me), then please know I will give you an honest, thoughtful reply. I certainly want to help in any way I can. |
Quote:
I remember back a gazillion years ago at the site where I first joined this community. A post-transition FTM joined up and starting chiming in here and there, and I remember thinking... "Who the eff is this guy? He's not a transman. He's here to be an ass and hit on femmes." Heh heh... Needless to say, I was pretty insecure and relatively immature in a lot of ways back then. Now, I wasn't overtly cruel to this guy; but I did not go out of my way to make him feel welcome either. Keep in mind, too, that he stated directly that he was straight and never identified as butch. At that time in my life, that was all I needed to "not like him". Again...my insecurities and immaturity at play. I realize that's just me and that I can't project that kind of behavior on to any other member here. But... ;) I suspect there might be one or two (or 80) members who would be as suspicious now as I was back then.....perhaps even offering up a less than warm reception to the newcomer. I'm just guessing, but I think what probably drives it is wondering why a straight guy would join up at a queer site. Folks see that and get suspicious.......and protective. Think about it... We've already seen the question, "Why would a man want to be at a queer site?" If that's the overarching question when dealing with this man...the lens through which you view him.....then you (general you) aren't going to be completely open and welcoming. |
Quote:
I don't know. |
Quote:
|
Quote:
|
Quote:
Masculinity comes from me—from the inside. Am I welcomed as a man by others? No, I don't think so. Except for fellow FTMs. They are the ones who get it. Thanks for asking. |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:47 PM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018