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my mind is on others and how the man with no shoes thought he had it bad until he met the man with no feet.
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Another Friday night with a bottle of Arkansas wine
Why does it have to be so good I finished the whole damn bottle..............again Some may say they see a pattern here I see nothing right now, really |
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This my friend is sad even in my inebriated state I feel you and hear you |
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Thank you for sharing this and wow this truly humbled me |
something is really not right inside me. This surgery isnt happening soon enough...
....hurting.... |
------CANCER------
Somebody needs to STOP this evil bastard NOW!!! |
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Oh whats on my mind is this allergy or respitory thing I have had for so long and cant get rid of.The doc said its allergys but im haveing asthma probs with it from all its doing to me.Not good at all.
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Tuesday I need to call and make an appointment. The longer I wait, the more I build it up inside and if I keep that up, it might be too large of a fear for me to overcome.
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Clear Blue Easy
I am generally quite comfortable being a transman and I rarely covet cisgendered males.Speaking for myself,I find it to be a waste of time longing for the things cisgendered males have that I do not.We are far from the medical advances that could provide these things,so I do not torment myself with coveting.I do have one wish and that is to get a text msg with the words "I´m late".That would be the ultimate for this guy...
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I am confused. I have spent some time reading today...reading threads about FTM/Butch/Transgender/Transsexual ID's. I'm sure that I missed a few and that was from just one thread. When I first discovered "Butch/Femme" websites, my world of knowledge was very small. I didn't even know that there was such a person as a Femme. Then I learned more and more and more about different identities and even biases. I have discovered so much about myself in the past 6 years but I am old enough to understand that LIFE is discovery and change and moving forward and stumbling backward.
I guess I started this post because I am lost as to who I am. I'm sure there is a thread about this but I didn't look. I don't know how I identify. I thought I did before I started reading but I must now admit that I unjustly put Butches and Femmes into two boxes, all the while reacting with righteous indignation when straight people lump us all into one box. The spectrum of "Butch" is ever expanding for me and my confusion is rooted in the fact that I don't know where I fit in that spectrum. I am more than one person. I am someone different at work than I am at home. I am different at B/F functions than I am with my family. The only place I truly feel that I can change and evolve into my ultimate self is at home, with my beautiful wife. When I talk to her about my feelings and confusion, she always says that she will love me no matter what changes I do or don't make, chemically, physically, mentally or emotionally. She just loves me. She doesnt have a person in mind that she needs or wants me to be. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about that. My entire life has been about being what people wanted me to be. Maybe that's the root of my confusion. I don't have to be a chameleon. Maybe it was easier for me to figure out what other people wanted than to figure out who I really am and what I really want. Apologies to all if this isnt the right thread...that is all. |
Enjoying this wonderful (almost) humid free day. This is a wonderful time of year here. The leaves are starting to turn and dance through the air and driving through them reminds me of playing in them as a child. It is football time in Tennessee...people are everywhere. The area has turned into a never ending sea of orange and white. People are yelling out the windows of their cars and screaming like lunitics. "Rocky Top" is blaring from most everywhere and the traffic is horrendous.
god i love this town.... http://dl10.glitter-graphics.net/pub...nrdjwhr0g7.jpg |
I am human
I am allowed to make mistakes I am not perfect, nor will I ever be I'm not meant to be a daddy I am allowed to cry and not feel guilt I have no intention of ever being on my knees for anyone ever again ... |
Don't ask me a question...unless you want an honest answer...
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That when I woke up this morning, I woke up slowly as I do every morning... yet My thoughts drifted to My girl and a smile played upon My lips.. for the memories we have made and those that are to be made. Tis a good thing to have faith and hope. No matter what you have been through in the past.. never let go of those two things. Though we can not predict the future, nor erase the past.. we can always have hope and faith in all things. I believe the Sun is shining a little brighter today in My world.
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Lots of things on my mind today...
Will I be able to get myself out of my financial bind. Will I ever live better than pay check to pay check. the betrayal of a friend.. now lost I suppose. Just plain sad. Gonna do some things to get my mind off my troubles... |
contemplating if something I heard is really what I think I heard.... and knowing in my heart that if I did hear correctly that the outcome will be devastating for me. (w) |
((((((Soon)))))) :gonnacry:
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That I had a intellectual interruption on my biology quiz. I am not happy with a 65 on my first quiz..Going to study harder next time!
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Snuggling in the same bed and watching a movie. (f)
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she is, she is always on my mind
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I just finished watching, "A Haunting in Connecticut" and I have to admit, it freaked me out a bit.
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I am worth it
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On My mind is the coming month, possibly beginning T and still coming out to family and friends ~ wondering what their reactions will be and how I will react to their reactions
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My back has decided it hates the weather change and is really bothering me a lot
If I knew when I was younger that playing sports would come back to hurt me as I age, I wouldn't have played so aggressive back then |
I lost my fucking ipod that my honey gave me last Christmas.
I looked everywhere, retraced my steps, ripped my car apart to find it and still nothing... :badmood: :bigcry: |
Hope you find it!
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thinking that its not going to warm up that much today and sad that summer is almost over and hope I will be out of here before the colder weather sets in and hurts my knees!! Its 69 degrees and 10:30 am...
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School starts tomorrow, so naturally there are a lot of things on my mind.
At the end of last year I was given the most glowing yearly review by my teacher and principal. The teacher I worked with moved to another school at the end of the year and my principal put out a great deal of effort to ensure that I remained at the middle school with her. So, as the school year prepared to start I was made aware that the teacher I would be working under this year is only a half time teacher at our building, she would only spend TWO periods a day with us, and the rest of the time she would be at an elementary school. I was invited to attend a meeting before school to discuss the new special educations students that would be in the building and the best way to meet there needs. This meeting included the principal, the three special education teachers in the building, and me. I am only one of 4 educational assistants in our building, but I was the only one invited to this meeting. I also found out because my new teacher is only part time, I will be responsible for managing my own schedule, as well as the other assistant that will be hired for my room, managing all needed behavior interventions for the students on our caseload while the teacher is out of the building, adjust our students classroom assignments to their ability level, and running my own incentive program with a handful of special needs students. I also teach a small pull-out math class under the supervision of a different teacher. This is about TWICE the amount of responsibilities that I had last year, and I am the only aid with this type of arrangement. While I am more then willing to do it, I do worry some about being in an in-between place... Not quite a teacher, but more then an aid. But, I look forward to the experience I will gain. I am so grateful to have a principal and teacher willing to give me the freedom to function in this capacity. I plan on starting back to school sometime this year and working toward my teaching certification in special education. This type of opportunity, while unexpected and slightly overwhelming at the start, will help move me toward that goal. |
I think a hot shower and Vicodin work wonderful together
At least the pain is manageable now |
Thanks Zimmy.
I'm headed out to buy another one. It won't have the sentimental value to me but, it'll have more storage capacity and other bells and whistles... Woo hoo! LOVE MY ELECTRONICS! Best Buy here I come :thumbsup: Quote:
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This has been a very difficult weekend for me. Most of the time I have felt very overwhelmed and sad...crying for no apparent reason. Left eye twitching and will not stop. I think this is related to the very upsetting Friday I had at work - male client screaming in my face, venting his frustration over his divorce at me. Like it's all my fault - he dropped by the office unannounced to ask for help with the asset/debt inventory affidavit form we sent him to complete. When I told him he couldn't create a form of his choosing he exploded. This is something he would not have done had my boss been in the office - for some reason there are clients who feel they can do this when I am alone in the office. After he shut up I told him we were still going to use this form and his additional information could be attached on separate sheets with reference to the sheets noted on the court's form. Not a special exception for him - this is how we add additional information. Wonder why that marriage broke up...:thinking: |
The weather change is finaly hear and its cooler,where I injoy the change its causeing me to get stiff in my joints and kicking in some small but troublesome asthma attacks then add allergies to the mix..not a great day.
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Thinking alot more about My transition, and how things will go once the changes begin and I'm taking T
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Although this post was made a short while back, it was recently reported as being racist; and the admin and mod teams agree. It's real important that we all work to remember that an individual's race, ethnicity, and/or nationality have absolutely nothing to do with situations such as these. I will contact Ender in private to make sure he is aware of this moderation. Thinker (moderator) |
The closer it gets to time to leave for work the more stress I am feeling at the moment.
My hands are cold, my heart is racing and it feels like my tummy is full of ice. All because of that client on Friday. I did not take personally what he said. But the way he said it has stayed with me. I am an abuse survivor and this incident brought back some of those old feelings. Geez! I refuse to give in to this today. |
Starting to feel a little overwhelmed with my course work. I just need to manage my time a little better when I'm outside of work and not at school.
Must remind myself that the huge load for the next 2 semesters will put graduation firmly in my grasp. Eye on the ball, Laerkin, eye on the ball. :thud: |
The goal is to start feeling better! Sometimes I get so frustrated with medical stuff, then remember that I am not the only one. So, I say to all of us..... hug yourself and do what you need to to get back on the mend. For friends battling serious illness, my thoughts are with you and I admire your courage.
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