Medical Power of Attorney and Other Informational Help
 

Hi, everyone. I'm searching for any sort of advice from another person who has gone through a medical crisis involving their partner in a state that does not legally recognize domestic partnerships. A few months ago, Toxic's health took a turn for the worse and she has been diagnosed with two brain tumors. We have had power of attorney paperwork completed to enable me to communicate and make some decisions on her behalf when she is unable. (Some days she is great and functions completely normally and others not so much.)

Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom that might be useful to someone navigating a situation like ours? Should we be armed with anything else in addition to power of attorney paperwork? I'm certain there are things I'm not aware of that would be useful, and I'm so overwhelmed at this point. I'd very much appreciate anything anyone is willing to offer either publicly or in private message.

Thanks so very much.

Lyric.... I'm sorry to hear about Toxic's health. I wish you both well.

I wish I could help you out. I don't know the answers. I think is a good topic and could help a few people out in their time of need as well.

Good luck to you!

Thank you for the kind words, Strappie. xo

Medically surrogacy paperwork too. Notarized and witnessed. Listing you and one alternate who will also abide by Toxic's wishes.

princessbelle, thank you very, very much for this, because I wasn't aware there were two different types. (See? I AM clueless when it comes to this!) I just did a quick check in the folder and our papers do, indeed, read as you say and are labeled "medical power of attorney" and we did have them notarized just in case. She has not had much contact with immediate family in years because they are not exactly on board with the fact that she is gay, but this does not mean they won't pop up sometime in the future.

With the exception of the neurologist, everyone has been fantastic. When she was hospitalized initially, it was on an emergency basis and during that experience and the subsequent inpatient hospitalization, the hospital staff was wonderful to both of us... and we did not even have that paperwork at that point. During our follow-ups, the neurologist gave me a blank stare everytime I tried to speak up and sort of ignored me (even though Toxic really isn't able to relate what happens during her seizures due to memory loss) so that has left me a little frustrated. I'm not sure how to "make" them listen to me, if that makes sense. Luckily, we're seeing someone else for a second opinion on Thursday and I hope this guy is better.

Your reply was awesome and I really appreciate that you took the time to respond. Thank you!!!

Adding all of this to the list, June... thank you!
I do know the document you're talking about, but the name is escaping me at the moment. If I weren't trying to think of it, I could probably name it. Go figure.

Thanks again!! xo

Hello... and thank you! We did have the attorney who created our documents list both a secondary and tertiary individual, just in case. I wonder if this counts, or if medical surrogacy paperwork is something additional? Thanks again for the help!

My suggestion is google medical surrogacy for your state. It will tell you or your attourney should know. I always ere on the edge of caution and have both a medical surrogate and medical poa. But I live in a place where wishes aren't always upheld so I'm a bit paranoid.

The attorney who prepared our paperwork was great, but she lives out of state. We probably do need to consult with someone in-person, here in Virginia. Thank you for the words of wisdom!

Great thinking... I'm on it! Thanks, wolfbittenpoet! xo

Thanks so much, Sue. I actually despise her neurologist, but I think Toxic is a bit more resigned because she is just overwhelmed and tired of it all. I have been actively (ok... rabidly) campaigning for a switch (we have an HMO style insurance plan), and I'm slowly getting there... we actually have a consult with someone new on Thursday and I hope this one is more proactive and less medication-happy. One thing we have been told is that this is not cancer. However, it would be nice for her to live a normal life with her vision in tact, no crazy wild seizures, and with an absence of pain. I just want someone who is committed to being part of a team with us achieve that... and I want to be armed with as much legal protection and knowledge as possible, just in case.

We did make several copies, had them all notarized, and in addition to holding onto several copies, ourselves, we mailed copies to the primary care physician as well as my sister and an aunt (the other individuals listed in our documentation).

Thanks again!!

Lyric I am so sorry about your partner's illness. It is awful that you are worrying about her health and this stuff at the same time.

I just wanted to point out that these issues are difficult for heterosexual couples too. Parents and spouses are often at odds as to how care for someone.

June made a great point about how scary things can get where there is money involved. I work in financial services and I cannot tell you how horrible people can be to one another where there is money involved.

I suggest that any couple or single queer person make sure that they have all their financial planning, estate planning, medical powers and funeral arrangements made in advance. It is the most loving and caring thing you can do for your partner, children and family. When someone passes away without all of this in place it can be so hard for those left behind. That on top of the grief is so difficult.

I hate to talk about unpleasant subjects but I have seen too many times how hard it is when people don't deal with this stuff before a death or illness.

Much peace, healing and blessings to you lyric.