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Ask a trans person!
Rather than make it specific to FTMs or MTFs, figured one thread should suffice. So, all those embarrassing questions you wanted to ask but figured or knew were kinda impolite, ask here. No guarantees you'll get an answer but you can ask. :)
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Thanks for starting this one, Linus. I think it's hugely important that we all find safe areas to discuss the hard questions. And for some, this is a really hard question.
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I personally also want to thank you for starting this thread Linus. I have been going through alot lately when it comes to questioning My gender, and after going to an FTM group meeting at the local GLBT community center this past Tuesday I feel that I am more sure about alot of things than I was before. I sat among eight FTM's and listened to their struggles, their coming out stories, how they feel now and felt before about their change and even though most of them were on T and have been for awhile I felt Myself nodding and identifying with each of them.
I guess I have a few questions that I will start out with, since I know that we have all started somewhere. I'll begin with just a few basic ones: 1) When did you begin feeling like you were different? 2) Did you always know that you should have been born the opposite sex, or did that come abit later though you always knew you were different? 3) When did you decide to come out, and how did you come out? I am out as trans (FTM) to certain people that I know online as well as those at the FTM group I attended but not to anyone else. A big part of Me wants to come out to family and friends so I can finally outright be who I am on the inside, but there is still that part of Me that is scared to do so. I am really looking to just connect with other FTM's (as well as MTF's) and relate to those who have gone through the journey, or perhaps those like Me really just beginning it, so that I can know that I'm not alone. |
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2. I suppose I knew but never admitted it to myself. It was something I hid deep down and was shameful of for many, many years. 3. I came out at age 37 and I used a well crafted email to friends. A year later I did the same to my work colleagues (I rarely see them other than a major gathering). Since I'm in IT, far from family and we use email as our main method of communication it worked and made sense as the method of communication. I can't comment specifically for you but I know for me there was a point where living two lives didn't work any more for me. And I had to be one person finally, the person that my ID/Ego had been seeing itself as for a long time. HTH |
Chaz Bono & Answers to Braedon's Questions
Did anyone catch the interview with Diane Sawyer (I think it was her)? I loved what he said this was the first time he was living in his body for the first time. And he received shaving products for his 40th birthday. Now that would definitely put a huge smile on my face.
Braedon: 1. I always knew I was a boy. In fact, I used to get on my knees and pray to God to change me when I went to bed. I thought I would wake up with a penis and testicles. When that didn't happen, I took my older brothers jock strap and filled it up with my jock socks. I used safety pins to hold it up. 2. I was called by my male nickname since I was in elementary school. It was the only thing that could link my mind, body, and soul together at this point in time. I would always play with "male" toys like cars, trucks, guns, etc. I never was interested in Barbie, or girlie things. And clothes, I always wore masculine clothes, and when I was buying my own clothes they all came from the men's dept. When puberty hit, it was nothing short of hell. I felt like I had a piano on my chest. Then the next blow wouldn't come until I had top surgery, which was botched. 3. I came out as gay first, then trans. It was a matter of time. Feeling things out for myself. As time went on, I knew I had to do what I always wanted too. Maybe selfish of me, but we only have one life to live. So, I say live and let live. Alot of folks may not like me because I don't take "t", but then again, they don't have my body or my health. I don't feel like I have to explain my medical history online to explain my body. It is what it is. I have paid cold hard cash for the surgeries I have had so far. Andrew |
Braedon proposes some great questions.
I felt different starting at the age of four. I have never felt like a woman and I lived a double for about 35 years. Misery. I realize the community I'm in, but truth be told, I cannot make love or share headspace with other women as a woman. My attraction has to include that counterbalance of male to female energy. That's why I don't get being a lesbian, and I don't care for the word pertaining to me at all because that's not what I am. Recently, I came out as a trans to one of my family members who didn't bat an eye. I will commence with T in January provided there are no more hitches and there have been many. But transitioned or not I will always ID as male because of the person and how I'm wired within. |
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P.S. This is my maiden post on this site. I guess you could say I just gave you my innocence? :eek: |
Hey Greyson good to see you here. I'm interested in all kinds of input. I found my doctor and a therapist....well, the therapist..I'm trying to nail down btween a few of them because of location, insurance issues and so forth.
But I'd welcome input on the actual transition process from someone who is not clinical, but experiential. The other thing is i'm looking into support groups here in Atlanta. |
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2. Yes. I remember being confused because I didnt understand the girls, and always hanging out with the boys. In my 20's I began to learn about trans stuff and I've slowly begun to grasp at the language to explain myself. 3. The only people who know me as trans are in my comfort zone. I can out queer to friends at 15, family at 18 and 20. I am hesitant to come out to family as trans even though I am fairly sure they will be fine with it. I'm pretty anti-emotion and I hate the idea that I *may* make my mother cry. I hope not, but still. Linus.. thanks for the thread! |
Hi, just joined the site...............
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We all have things to deal with in life and i am lucky this is the only thing i have to think carefully about - I know there are many who have huge problems and that's why these threads are so useful............. |
{{{{{{{{{{{{{Linus, Braedon, Andrew, Parker, Greyson, Nick, Jaques}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Nice to see you all here! *smiling* It's good that we have the beginnings of a support thread already, a place for comparing notes and such! {{{{{{{{{{{Arwen}}}}}}}}}}} Nice to see you here too, love--didn't want you to think I was ignoring you! |
Hi everyone,
I always knew I was different but, like Linus, never had the words. My journey has been gradual (to say the least). Though I will say, in hindsight, I gave every indication of gender dysphoria from a very early age. It was my mother who finally asked me if I wouldn't have been happier if I could have 'become male'. I can remember always wanting to do 'boy things' and wanting to wear 'boy clothes' and wanting 'guy jobs' but my family always seemed to pass it of as 'tomboy syndrome' that would one day pass. It never did. I loved Halloween and was always male; complete with stubble and a bulge. I went through periods of hyper-feminity trying to immerse myself in the feminine thinking I might find something of myself there. Although I made a very pretty girl/woman, I always felt like a drag queen (or worse, like a very queer queer). Over time my wardrobe had less and less female clothing until I only shopped in the men's department. My hair got shorter and shorter until only a barber would do. For younger people this all may sound absurd but being a young person in the 70s ...simple changes like these took tremendous courage (fear coupled with action). Each step was a personal achievement for me. I started T 3 years ago and felt more 'in focus' within a few weeks. I am very happy with the physical changes I have experienced; i.e. weight redistribution, weight loss, increased strength and endurance, muscle density, and a general sense of emotion centeredness. On the flip side I am finding myself almost too focused and unable to walk away from something I am doing until it is done. It seems to be the opposite of ADD and makes multitasking sort of difficult unless I am able to synchronize the tasks into a logical flow. I used to start things and never got around to finishing them, switching proirities and scuffling from one task to another and would become emotionally overwhelmed ...now everything has to wait it's turn but I do finish everything eventually :) Anyone else having this experience? Blue |
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As for the other... I actually have had the opposite experience. I am more inclined to have a few things going on at the same time......spend a little time on refurbishing a dresser.......then work on the yard a little.......starting new little projects here and there. That was not the case before. Not even close. Interesting to think about. |
My responses are in dark red.
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Being a trauma survivor I lived 11 years in seclusion and tried to be a girl. It didn't work for me at all. Eleven years is a long time. Fast forward: I'm planning on starting T in January.
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Thanks for wishing me well. —Parker
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Where are you in the name change process (assuming you plan to legally change it)? Are you pursuing testosterone therapy through your regular doctor or someone new? Or a clinic? Any thoughts on any surgeries? I'm not intending to be nosey. Just thought it might generate more conversation on the early stages and, ultimately, help others who mosey into this thread. I certainly respect your position if you don't care to share that information here. :) |
trans less the transition
I relate fully to the stories recounted here of "otherness." At a very young age I felt I was miscategorized, and among my earliest memories are those of feeling I was simply not like other kids. Like Thinker, I can recall having the same crushes as the boys in my class - that new student teacher in third grade, my riding instructor when I was 9. Once I began to have sexualized thoughts, I simply knew that one day I would grow up and have a wife, that I would be somebody's husband. When I thought of sex I visualized myself with a penis, fucking a woman. It was tremendously confusing to me when it became apparent that was not the course I would be encouraged (or able) to follow. Moreso, that there was no other course to follow and for a long time that made me feel cheated.
There were the inevitable battles with my mother over hairstyle, clothes, the cowboy boots I never wanted to take off. I preferred to spend time with my dad learning to shoot, practicing archery, building tree houses and tinkering with our train set. It was the early to mid 1970s and my only introduction to "alternative lifestyles" was through the feminist lesbians "of choice" friends of my parents. That was most decidedly not what I had in mind, because I never saw myself as a female lover of women. Today, after almost a decade of soul searching, consideration of my history, my future and a plethora of other avenues (you know the drill) I have turned my focus toward embracing this trans creature that I am, as I am. I want to be seen as just what I am - neither man, nor woman in the *conventional* sense. I choose this liminal existence, between worlds. I used to see that to mean I was perpetually on the threshold to some undefined something else, but if transitioning can be seen as a process of aligning our insides and our outsides, then my personal transition has meant recognizing that, for me, there is no "something else," there is only this. And despite the nonsense I sometimes have to put up with - you know the story - most often it feels just exactly right for me. |
Blue and Bent, good to see both of you guys here with us. I have seen you guys and Thinker around cyberspace for years and your presence is appreciated. Jet, you too. Linus thank you for starting this thread.
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Bent...
Because you put your experience out there I would like to ask if you feel you get more or less 'flack' for your genderqueer alignment than you did when ID'ing as "just Butch'? Has it been a difficult decision to remain transitionless, or was it more of an emotional transition and self acceptance? ~pickin your brain |
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Living a life of obvious "otherness" invites flack, and I'm going to guess I don't need to expound on that with this crowd. But is it more or less? I think it's probably about the same. There are still those same people who can't accept that which they don't understand, and those who believe embracing one's masculine nature = misogyny or self hate. The truth about choosing not to medically or socially transition is that sometimes I read stories like these here, or see the "progress" photos and feel a kind of envy. I'm not overcome by jealousy, but rather a pang of "what if..." I sometimes envy those who can move about in public and be addressed by pronouns that feel comfortable to them, or who can try on a suit jacket and have it hang just right. Small things, I know, but these are just what immediately come to mind. Frankly, top surgery remains a constant item on my wish list - a change I could make that would help push my internal/external selves just that much more into alignment. I think it would help me clear another hurdle of self-acceptance. |
First of all, what the shit is 'a trans'?
Don't call me that. |
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Trans is a term that I've seen and have used to refer to transsexual individuals, whether MTF or FTM. Does the term offend you? If so, I'm curious as to why? |
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Typically, in my personal experience, people referring to "a transgender" or "a trans" are chasers who fetishize trans people (same folks who like the term 'she-male'), who know nothing about trans issues and don't much care because they don't see trans people as people to begin with. The respectful way to refer to a trans person is just like that - "a transgendered person" or "a trans person". "Transsexual" is used more as a noun, but saying "a transsexual person" is more respectful. Or trans woman or trans man. I, personally, am not "a trans". I'm a trans person, a person who is trans, specifically a trans man. I'm a regular guy of extraordinary circumstances. Trans is not all of who I am, which is what is implied by calling someone "a trans". |
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Interesting. I had never heard it defined in that sense and certainly makes me think more about the term. The name of the thread came from other threads that existed elsewhere (e.g., "Ask an FTM" or "Ask a MTF"). Rather than having two threads, I thought it might be better to have one and shortened it. I can ask the admin to add "person" after trans but no guarantees on whether the thread name could be changed. |
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I refer to myself as a transguy. I am not offended by it at all. "Trans" doesn't have a negative connotation for me at all.
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Please call me Trans or transgendered. I don't ID or feel like a woman at all because that's not how I'm wired. I'll be taking steps in the near future to "complete" a little more how I feel and have felt since about the age of four.
There's been times I, myself rejected my transgender sexuality—even hated it— because it is such a difficult life when you live a dual existance tosave face and please people. I spent 11 years in seclusion trying to live as a girl. Misery. I've been put down and discounted by lesbians here in Atlanta because they reject masculinity of this degree. It isn't an easy life. So to not refer to me as trans as in "TG" would only offend me. |
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You both missed my point, but ok. It's an adjective vs. verb thing. As in "Hey are you a gay?'' or "Her boyfriend's a black." Nevermind. |
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What I have learned is that I move according to my own time, and nobody's elses. Does it really matter what my age is? No. Does it really matter if I do this or that? No. Nobody else is giving me cash to have my corrective surgery on my chest. If you want too just shoot me an email.:)
Everyone lives as they feel inside their heart and soul. I say why not love that? It really is just that simple. When I am in the hospital, my doctor writes on all of my charts to call me Andrew, plus Rosie is there to make sure the nurses also do the same. Some folks can be very rude, and disrespectful. No matter what is court ordered or on my driver's license. Just my 2 cents worth. Andrew |
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It *seems* that it was offensive to you....based on that initial post. No? And I think it's kind of difficult to determine that it's "largely offensive to transgender individuals in general". Things like that........where it's kind of a semantics thing.......are difficult to gauge. I know I wrinkled my nose a bit when I first saw the thread title, but I know Linus well enough to know he meant no harm and that he was trying to be inclusive of transmen *and* transwomen. I also know that trying to nail down terminology in this community that is acceptable to ALL is like trying to nail jello to the wall. Impossible to do. Respectfully, Thinker |
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No I wasn't offended (like I said). I meant it half-jokingly. I know a whole lotta 'transes' and we's all feel the same. I thought it was pretty common knowledge to be honest. But to each his or her own. I prefer he or him just for the record. |
Hi Guys. I know most of you know this stuff about me already. But for those who do not, bare with me. In my profile I use the I.D. Transmasculine Butch. In other instances I also refer to myself as a Transman, Transguy. I agree with Thinker, "It is like trying to nail jello to the wall." I know each of us have different ideas as to what certain descriptor may or man not mean. I know I am most likely going to offend someone. It is not my intention. If I do offend you, please let me know and I will stand corrected.
Other then my above disclaimer, I also came in to say hello and good night to so many old and familiar faces. |
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