What are your faults?
 

What are some of your faults, as perceived by you or by others? Feel free to clarify, if you want, whether this is something you've been told by others or whether it's something you came up with by yourself.

This is a listening thread so please do not respond to posts by others.

Also, please try not to disguise compliments as faults, tell where you think your faults stem from, or justify or add a "but" when describing a fault.

I don't think of this as a negative exercise. I think it shows an ability to be humble, reflective, and aware. It's hard to acknowledge and let stand one's weaknesses for the world to see, and I think it takes courage and is worthy of respect. I think it's an intimate and vulnerable way to get to know someone else.

Here are some of my faults, just off the top of my head:

1) I've been told that at times it's hard to bring up any minor criticism of me or issue of conflict with me because I tend to react unnecessarily strongly about it, crying and wanting to go over every aspect of the issue. People close to me have said that it creates an effect of needing to "walk on eggshells" or a desire not to even bring up a small issue because I will turn it into a big deal.

2) When someone else brings up an issue of conflict or I do, I've been told that I ask a lot of questions at once and very detailed and that it feels like being on trial with no right answer, that it's exhausting.

3) I'm often controlling.

4) I take on too much with the wish to please others at my own expense.

5) I'm overly anxious.

There's more but that's a good start :)

I can be incredibly intolerant of those whose perspective on life or belief system differs significantly from my own.


I tend to be very judgemental - both of myself and others around me.


I'm not good at communicating my mood - a lot of people, unless they know me well, think I'm constantly in a bad mood.

I can be emotionally distant, which can hurt people's feelings.

I can become distracted, and that can cause people to feel neglected.

My standards can be too unachievabley high, at times...for myself as well as others...and this causes undo pressure.

I'm not comfortable with showing my feelings...or talking about them.




*Interesting thread idea, nycfembbw.

My faults include, but are not limited to:

1) Indecisiveness (I think? Maybe? Not sure? Well, okay, sometimes) :blink:


2) Prone to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich when conflict surfaces until I am ready to deal with it :bolt:

3) Emotionally reactive/Defensive :explode: :overreaction: :furious:

:goodpost:


Oh, you mentioned 2 others I (conveniently) omitted:

4) Intolerant of people who do not agree with me :getout:


5) I can be judgmental also :kettlepot:

*I'm very quiet and don't show feelings often.

* I can be hassle-adverse and avoid conflict, even if when this is a bad idea and I need to act.

* I can be introverted to the point of being a hermit. (Introverted itself isn't a fault, but tending not to hold up friendships is).

* I've been told that I can't walk through a room without leaving some trace of my presence. My home life can be very disorganized without effort, while I'm the opposite at work. That one's getting better, though.

Me also, probably partly from upbringing, and always had problems getting my facial expression to match what I actually felt. I tend to smile too much regardless of my real mood, though.

I look threw rose tinted glass' too much
very sensitive
emotional and emotionaly needy at times when i am feeling down
quiet
defensive when i feel threatened
passive to the point where i let ppl walk all over me
fiery
I like to kiss alot
my own worst enemy

Faults
 

1) Im very strong and want others to be the same way 2) I was spoiled as a child and still am 3) Im stubborn. Theres more gotta think awhile. (lol)

When someone suggests a different way of doing things, my initial reaction is to become very defensive of why that would not work and why things should stay the same. I'm initially jarred by having to consider a change and express it by becoming verbally aggressive.

That's a good point. I'm not sure if it's necessarily under the banner of verbal aggression and it can as often be in written form as verbal, but I will often use innocuous language in a calculated way to express disdain at at viewpoint I disagree with.


My instinct is often to look for the worst in people.


I tend to react uncomfortably rather than with compassion when people are upset.



I can lose patience with people very quickly and appear dismissive.


I often put work interests in front of friends.

sometimes, not all the time, i don't stand up for myself. and sometimes there's a build up. if i don't speak up and then finally do (may not be about the same issue), ... i could possibly show a little bit of anger. i don't want to hurt others feelings. so i suffer. it's not a good thing. NO! i need to say that more often.

i am probably in the worlds worst category to procrastinate.

insecurity. i have been dishonest because i don't want to seem weak. because i don't want to look like i don't know what i'm doing. age has helped with this.

laughing at the wrong times LOL. like right now. someone told me one time that i hurt their feelings. i didn't mean too. it's a habit. i'm working on that. maybe.

there's more!

1. I can be conflict averse, trying to walk away instead of engaging. I have to force myself to stay in the room and engage.

2. I don't reach out to people, including friends, the way I once did.

3. This relates a bit to #1. I have trouble giving people (mostly my staff) criticism. I tend to emphasize the positive more than I should in some cases.

4. When I get really angry, it can be almost paralyzing. I have trouble seeing any other perspective.

BB

I am stubborn to an extreme.
I trust very little.
I want most everything my way.
Im very close minded depending on the subject.
Im a spoiled brat.

I crave touch, intimacy and while it's not necessarily sexual - sometimes people can't handle how sexual I am.

I am flirty, friendly and I crush on people all of the time which can cause people to become jealous or to get the wrong impression of me.

I am really bold. I have a Scots temper and while it usually comes out constructively it can be intimidating for some, especially upon meeting or after I have been with somebody for awhile and I become comfortable sharing a big part of my emotional interpretings.

I take a lot of pride in myself and in my work and sometimes it gets mistaken for being self centered

I can focus intensely on an issue or I can become distracted when I get too overloaded with thoughts or emotions. It's been said that people don't know how to open the lines of communication with me.

I can become emotionally distant when I am feeling moody

I don't always remember dates but I am great with names and faces

I have a gypsy soul. My concept of space is always changing and if I am in one place longer than I feel is right for me, I feel confined. This scares people because a lot of people feel secure being in one place.

OK, I have issues. Don't judge me, lol!
 

1. I put up emotional walls when people get too close. [I'm going to tell you that I am gritting my teeth while I write this, BTW! lol]. That was difficult for me to even admit in public!

2. I'm flaky sometimes and ultra-responsible other times and I cannot always accurately predict when the flake-out is coming, lol.

3. Sometimes I expect people to just "get" what I am thinking without my having to say it and when they don't it silently annoys me. To expound upon that, I don't always speak in complete thoughts. That really isn't fair!

4. My face is way red now, lol.


I'm not all bad; just a work in progress. :)

I am goal oriented but money hardly ever comes into mind when I think about accomplishment or the things I want.

I am stubborn

Sometimes I really enjoy the company of others and other times I would prefer to do separate things

I sing very badly to the cheesiest radio songs

I am very open so sometimes I will just expect somebody to know what I am feeling or thinking since I don't always have the temperment to talk about things.

When I get flustered, it's usually obvious

I am not the femme who only has dresses and skirts in her closet. Once or twice a year I like to wear a tie or a button up shirt, even if it isn't a "mens" shirt.

I don't need to go out to have a good time but I don't always like to stay in either. I need a really good balance between getting out to socialize/let loose and staying in to feel relaxed with friends.

Any partner of mine needs to be a fan of John Hughes movies, even moreso than Tim Burton films. It might sound silly but I have been with way too many people who have criticized my love for 80's classics. I do not see this as a fault. Is that a fault?

Faults
 

1) I would rather take pictures then hang out with people 2) I research everything 3) I am a perfectionist when it come to my photography 4) I want coffee and a kiss first thing in morning 5) I clean my house everyday hate a dirty house 6) My boots always need to be polished

This just pointed out by someone else........I am bossy ( My explanation...if I ask something of you that I do not mind doing (dont leave your shoes in the middle of the floor) and I even put a please on the end of it just pick your shoes up
I prefer to call this TIDY

I've been told that my need to "fix" things for others is an overwhelming aspect of my personality. I own this one for sure. I am working on toning that down .
I come across as demanding at times when I am not actually, it just comes out the wrong way i say things.
I see myself as a selfless person, always ready to help anyone in need if I can truly help them.
I've been called a doormat for my past relationships I've been in and I OWN this one too. I've let people in my past walk all over me. I'm learning to change this about me.
I am constantly looking at who I am and trying to figure out if there is anything else I notice about myself, that may need to change.
I am not able to focus enough to even read a sentence and have it make sense in my own mind so I can keep reading. It sucks too. I'm constantly trying to work on this issue.
I'm sure there is more, but my brain is on overload from the yelling at me my sister did tonight. If I remember anymore then I will come back and post herere.

This is a great thread idea :)

Ok here goes *deep breath*

1) I tend to shut down when I am hurt. It is me defense mechanism. It is as if though I go into somewhat of a survival mode. Before that moment, I am 100% open, the second I get hurt, it is like a light switch. It is incredibly difficult for me to get back to normal.

2) I work too much! I mean really! I take on too and neglect myself. I have to work hard at making time for me. My past relationships have suffered some because of this. Learning how to actually leave work at a decent hour, and accept that the work will be there in the morning.

3) Forgiving is easy....forgetting has always been quite hard for me.

4) I am my toughest critic. I beat myself up for so much.

5) somedays I feel fierce and beautiful...most days, I don't even like to look at pictures of myself. I struggle with my self esteem.

6) I can be a cynic.



This is just to start....I will be back!

Thought of another....

It is hard for me to accept any type of help even if it is minor! I remember a friend of mine offered me hys hand when we were walking down a rocky path. I refused it. I don't know why I do things like that! Even something that little!!!

I can be really competitive, especially when somebody is bragging.

I believe in people, even when its proven they cannot be trusted I still try to believe there is good in there somewhere. This can be to my detriment often.

I like things done my way, don't ask, don't suggest, just DO.(grin)

I often choose to stay at home in my comfort zone instead of hanging out at/with friends.

I have been told I dont clean the house as well as they expected. My fault is that I dont give a rats ass about this. I use to clean my houses until they were spotless. That was when I was more able bodied and not hurting all the time everywhere. My attitude is a fault as well as not keeping up the house like I use to. I am too damn old and too damn much in pain anymore to care if there are dishes in my sink overnite.

I shame easily. Boy does it piss me off now when I realize I am accepting someone else's shame.

I have a wicked tongue. I do not hold back. I am 85% of the time easy to get along with, and kind and sweet. But god help you if you snark at me. The more you deserve it, the more you get it.

I procrastinate.

I am disorganized.

I dont eat well. I have started some bad eating habits..I eat boxed things, like rice a roni. (high salt and chemicals), lots of sugar, aspartame, caffeine and high cholesterol foods. My Dr just scolded me for this.

I have a huge need for structure and the leads to frustration if I feel disorganized
I expect a lot of myself
I can be selfish (but catch it quickly)
I can be really direct
I can easily get caught up is things that pleasantly distract me and then find myself retracting when I come down from the rush having over spent my time and resources.
I shut down when I am trying to support someone I care for.
I have yet to master my own compromises (I still find myself at times trying to adjust my life to get what I think I need from someone) example: wanting to get in better shape because maybe then she will respond to me the way I hope.

I can be very literal and miss spontaneity.
I don't play "the game" even when I know it needs to be played just to prove a point. Which is taken as difficult.
I can avoid what I don't want to do or am nervous about doing by doing everything else. Even when what I am avoiding is the priority item. I'm working on this one.
I am sparse with my encouraging feedback to adults I am work with or that I am in relationships with. Again working on it and making headway!
The expectations I have for myself are high, very high. And I have them of others too. Oh especially of folks in positions of power/authority/leadership.
I am slow to adjust to changes in plans and directions.
I have a sharp tongue and quick wit that is imbedded in my typical speech and missed by many or taken as serious (when clearly I am being facetious or sarcastic).
I am disorganized or overly focused on organizing. I don't seem to balance the parts of this well.
If I am overwhelmed nothing is getting done until a bolt of clarity occurs. Might as well wait for it cause you can't rush it.

I have none. Absolutely not one.

When I haven't been able to get out in awhile, I REALLY embrace the freedom LOL

its so nice and gloomy
 

walling up, and pushing people away before they have a chance to hurt me


overly considerate to the point that it debilitates me (i.e. i need help moving, but dont want to inconvience anyone cause i know they have their own lives and have their own things to worry about and i dont want to ask for help and add more on their plate, so i wont ask and then they get mad cause i dont ask for help and i feel bad for not asking cause then i feel like i made them feel bad.. vicious damned cycle)


still learning emotions, and often been seen as aloof.



and many many more....

I often hold grudges long & hard.


I find I have the propensity to take a strong dislike to certain people, even where they have not shown me any ill will or harm.


My instinct is often not to respect other cultures or backgrounds and I have a difficulty embracing many forms of cultural assimilation.

As strong and independent as I am, sometimes I can be needy especially when I am feeling a little lost. That doesn't last long before I am back to being in the saddle and on my merry fairy way.

I can also play the other role, being the one to be there for somebody else even when I have my own things to concentrate on.

Strong
Please don't think I'm being confrontational in anyway as I am not meaning to and, furthermore, my query is not only for you but some others who have posted on this thread.

However, I am wondering if some of these are necessarily faults? Rather, some appear to me more as characteristics - for example, I would guess most people want a coffee and kiss in the morning (of course, whether they get either is another matter) and I am not sure how it is a fault, per se, unless there's an additional context or layer?


In her post, Cailin used the word "debilitating" in relation to one of her faults and I've been thinking of faults within that context as, if it's not debilitating in some way, I'm not sure it's a fault?

<---- messy!! I can't help it! Clothes belong on the floor... Lol :)

When I am in procrastination mode I can become easily addicted to activities. For instance the forums or watching youtube cat videos. I am hoping this fault regulates as I work towards other goals.