Waldo's Guide to Being a Singular Sensation
 

You've got two options when you're single:

1. Sullen and Single
2. Singular Sensation

I'm working on #2 (shut it 'Dusa) and finding new and interesting ways to enjoy the single life.

Lesson number one: How To Dine Solo In Public

I actually honed this skill years ago when I began traveling for work. Now I can walk into any restaurant in any city in the world and proudly request a table for one with my head held high and a smile on my face.

It's easiest to accomplish this daunting task by bringing a magazine, a book or a journal. Bringing a laptop to "work" only makes you look like you're a workaholic (not that I would know ANYTHING about that!). This allows you to focus your attention on something other than "what are they thinking about me?"

Eventually you may find yourself able to just bring the book or journal and leave it closed on the table. It's kind of like a security blanket. It's just nice to have there. The bonus here is that you can start to pay attention to the people around you. My favorite part of this phase it that you pick up on conversations. I happen to make up entire histories for couples around me. Sometimes I blog about those stories. If I did this more regularly I'm certain I could write a best seller!

After this stage you might be able to move into the advanced stage where you seek out restaurants with "community tables" or dining bars where you can dine with others and open up opportunities to meet new people. Do not attempt this advanced maneuver if you are prone chewing with your mouth open or spitting when you talk. It's poor form and will only cause people to stare and whisper.

Whether you're hoping they are fleeting or not, enjoy your single days while you've got them.

*raises his hand* Single here. I don't mind dining alone if I am at an event by myself. For example, I went to IMsL in 07 by myself, basically knowing no one. I instantly met people and made friends, only had to eat one meal alone. Didn't bother me though. :)

I have absolutely no problem going out alone to a restaurant and I don't think I've ever really taken a book with me or anything like that. In my 20's there was a restaurant I worked at and I'd go in there for cheap eats when I was off work sometimes and since I worked there, I was pretty comfortable going in alone to eat, and that is how I got over the insecure feeling you sometimes get when going out alone to dine.

While you know I'm attached at the hip with my better half, I enjoy dining alone. Work travel forced me to do it and I actually enjoy sitting and people watching or sitting at a bar and enjoying lunch, a beer, etc.

When I drop the boys off at the groomers I like to hit my fav wine bar and hang out and enjoy a great wine or whiskey (the damn Scot's did that to me).

Dining alone reminds me to slow down and take stock in the great joys of my life and that I'm damn good company:-)

I tend to be a person who worries way to much about what other people are thinking, but that has never stopped me from dining out alone. I simply enjoy dining out more with others. I have enjoyed a very lovely meal with someone who was "spanging" asking for change one evening outside a place I was about to go in to dine alone.


What I do not care for is cooking at home, alone. I am the queen of tupperware and freezing stuff. However, I dont really enjoy even the eating part, alone. I would love to hear some ways to do so more sensationaly.

A Pearl, in lace.

I'll make that Lesson Numero Dos

I wish I could eat alone.

I hate the way they stare at you.

Expecting something.

That's the server waiting for you to pay the check. :)

oh now see... that's reserved for bachelors who try to avoid doing dishes.

They are just checking out your hotness e.

Maybe The Bent because he needs to wear his glasses and doesn't, but I seriously doubt that The Child and The Animals care too much about my hot factor.

But thank you, Waldo. I luv you too. ;)

I missed the cooking gene. I don't cook at all. I can heat things, like in the micro or toaster oven, but I hate trying to cook. It feels weird and unnatural for me. Plenty of people have tried to teach me, but it just doesn't take. So, my bachelor life consists of things you buy that you can heat at home and eat.

I was exactly like you until I met an Executive Chef from North carolina. She taught be to cook over the phone and gave me delicious recipes as well as planned all my grocery shopping. Now i love to cook, even for myself.

I missed the cooking gene too. I can microwave, I can open a can and I can make the basics (like mac 'n cheese) but don't ask Me to cook cuz its not a forte of Mine. I would maybe in the future like to get into it more, which would probably make My poor mom happy (but she is the cook) :)

I love to eat and cook. I don't mind eating alone, out in public or at home. I am, however, fortunate because I have someone to eat with. He may try to cook, but that is limited to pb&j sandwiches and such (he is 10). But, when there are nights he is hanging out at a friend's house, I cook just the same. I think it is important to cook for yourself. If you can't, then get some take out and do it up like you did. Plate the food, grab something to drink, and eat. I agree it is important to spoil yourself as you would anyone else.

That's so cool that you have a son.

Yeah, I dig him. He is the bestest ever!

Lesson #2

Handling the Holiday Season With Singular Ablomb

Even for me and my bachelor loving ways the holiday season presents a unique challenge. How to gracefully accept or decline all of those invitations to parties where the happily coupled are the norm?

Event triage is the answer. Quickly slice and dice an event for the likely percentage of those going stag. Is it a dinner party? It's likely to be couples. Is it a cocktail party? There's a better than average chance there will be *some* solo folks there.

Once at an event if you find yourself unexpectedly surrounded by couples don't freak out. There are great times to be had with couples and they don't even involve taking your clothes off!

First find the most unlikely looking couple and sidle up to them. Don't you wonder how they got together? Find out! Ask them how they met, who asked who out and more importantly, what was it thaat made them realize they were smitten?

Next find the couple dealing with some turmoil. They aren't hard to find. There's always some couple with barely contained hostility bubbling under the surface. Be a good sport and help to diffuse the situation. Engage one or both of them in a conversation that will help them remember why they are together.

If all else fails there's always the option of leaving early and heading to the local watering hole for a cocktail and flirtation with others who've been in the exact same position as you all night.

Whatever you choose, keep a smile on your face and never let them see you crying into your beer!

Waldo,

Thank you for the wonderful advise. I have been alone for quite a few years now and being in the corporate world for most of it, I have attended many cocktail parties. I actually used the same initial question (how did you meet?) when faced with a couple and it is a wonderful conversation starter however, I have never been bold enough to approach the hostile couple (yes I can spot them too). Perhaps your approach will give me the confidence to approach them the next time I am in the same situation.

Peace,
'iz

I cant wait to see what #2 holds. Hmmmm Im new here so Im just peeking to all the threads. Im so glad I stumble on this one. YAY !!!

I like this thread.

Where is Lesson #3?

Dining Single
 

Starbuck, I thought the same when my son and daughter were little and I too was a single parent. While sitting at our favorite Chinese Resturaunt an elderly couple kept staring, in my mind they were judging me for being a single parent. But then the lady smiled and said "what beautiful children and so well mannered, I'm sorry to stare they are just too cute". Then I realized that people weren't staring to judge, but because my kids were too cute to NOT stare at. lmao

I am so enthralled with room service and being alone entorely that when traveling I usually just stayn in. If I do eat out alone, I do tend to read or play on my laptop. I really don't care if people think I work too much.

Hey you fabulous people!

I'm sorry people, I've not been feeling all that Fabulously Singular lately. Well, mostly I've not been singular and there have even been a few days when I've not been feeling fabulous. But I'm back in the saddle.

Lesson #3: Learning to take, and give, a sincere compliment.

DISCLAIMER: I am not speaking about a compliment from a stranger or some lecherous random you've just met. I'm discussing compliments from friends, family, lovers or acquaintances.

Compliments are hard to hear because they come from a lens that we don't have the privilege of seeing through. Someone else is accessing you and making a comment they believe imparts worth. We can choose to "pshaw" the compliment and degrade the person making it, or we can choose to believe that they see something in or about us as valuable.

Let's just give people the benefit of the doubt and accept the compliment with grace, even if you don't feel that way about yourself. "No, I'm not", "Oh, not really", "Don't be ridiculous" or my personal fav "You HAVE to say that!" are not acceptable responses when someone compliments you.

A simple "thank you", "you're too kind" or "you're kind to say so." will, however, convey that you value their kindness without appearing to be too vain. If you're really just not feeling it you can even go as far as saying "you're a dear for saying so, but I'm just not feeling it today".

Until next time...

W

Singular dineing is something I do now and then,at home I cook for my son and myself,recently a couple of gay boys opened a coffee shop thats on my way home from work, so now and then I have a meal there..the food is good to.When I eat at home usely I eat sitting in my recliner and my son goes to his room to eat while watching tv.Unless we have gone out for a meal I cant remember when we have sat at the table to eat.

I will definitely dine alone somewhere if the environment and food is pleasant, where there is a sense of comraderie, and compliments are freely received and given, where there is also a femme waitress who does'nt mind a dirty old Italian butch patting her on her behind;)