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Relationships - What things do you want & need?
What things do you need to make a relationship last? What things do you look for in a potential partner and why? What things will you NOT tolerate from a relationship?
For me.. relationships are alot of work.. and it takes 2 devoted people to work at it.. relationships are NOT one sided.. there is always 2 sides.. always 2 people (in most cases) *gryn and always twice the amount of work.. working toward life goals and decisions.. To make a relationship last I would require the following things.. * friendship * open communication - keeps the relationship alive - ask for what you want and need from each other * loyalty & trust - without this you don't have anything * hard work and dedication - can lead to a lifetime of happiness * faith - in the both of us that we are in this together for the long haul I look for these things in a potential partner.. * friendship * Love - because it is not just about the good times - love endures all * Respect - because without it there can only be hurt and pain * Honesty - because without that you don't have trust * Trust - because you will make life decisions together or for each other and you have to trust in those decisions * Monogamy - because I don't like to share emotionally * Morals, Values & Integrity - because it shows true strength of character I will NOT tolerate the following from a partner or a relationship.. * Dishonesty - because it hinders trust and you need that to succeed * Cheating - because it hurts the soul and kills the love * Disrespect - because it makes you feel belittled and used * Abuse - in any form, be it, mental, physical, emotional etc. Because it is WRONG - and makes you feel unimportant and harms your sence of self worth These are my thoughts and perceptions on potential partners and relationships.. I would like to hear your thoughts as well in case I have something new to learn or something new to add to my list.. I posted this some time ago on another site.. but thought it would do well here so I brought it over! *hugs* Rogue |
I will bite *nom nom*
friendship honesty trust willing to look past my nasty faults ability to help me take care of my animals with no complaints and NO NO NO DRAMA thats all I want |
1. I am only willing to tolerate bed hoggery so much. Then you gotta get your own sleeping arrangements.
2. Must be willing and happy to sleep in a cool environment. Not up for negotiation. 3. NOT a smacker. 4. Chatty behavior is generally frowned upon. Get to the point. Please and thank you. 5. Pick up your :sock:s. 6. Liberal politics a must. 7. You can be my Daddy but don't call me corny names. 8. It's alright to ask for what you need. In fact, it's mandatory. Not a mind reader, e |
My list of demands:
You must be a furnace in the winter and sleep on the other side of the bed in summer. You must indulge my whims, no matter the origin. You must tolerate a maximum of 2 minutes of whining before you gently remind me that I am, indeed, whining. You must mind your manners, in all forms. You must obey the laws of physics. You must practice good hygiene regularly. You must have a smartass sense of humor, otherwise I will eat you alive. You must forgive me my sins, especially since you will be partaking in most of them. You must not control me or try to fit me in a preconceived mold or some image of girlfriend past. I am me. Love me or leave me. You must know yourself and speak your mind when necessary. You must love the arts. Music, movies, dance, theatre, art, museums....I love them all. Oh, and the circus. You must love the circus. You must be kind, because I am not. You must be gentle, for I've forgotten how. You must be patient, as I've never been. You must be calm, since I cannot be. You must be the up to my down and in to my out. |
Gemme,
Why is it necessary that they obey the laws of physics? I mean, gravity I understand, but if inertia could somehow be avoided in an auto accident, I really think you should reconsider. With you on the smartassitude. Don't want to have eat nobody alive. e |
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:deepthoughts: If he could bend the laws of physics, how would I keep up with him? I stand by my previous statement, but allow for selfish reasoning. Edit to previous list: You must own lots of :duct: so that you can tape yourself into your seat in case of an auto accident. |
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I think I shall put a request into The Cosmic Waitress, however, that *I* be permitted to bend the laws of physics some time or another. :duct: may do more harm than good, e |
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I need someone who can make some kickin' French toast.
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Cook. You must be able to cook. EZ would have thought this -->:sock: looked like toilet paper. (He wears thick glasses for a reason.) e |
:sock: <-------thought that was an ass :sock:
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thought it was a blue dolphin |
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Just made it under the wire. *smack smack* |
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:sock: I thought it was a boomerang.
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I wrote this letter to the Universe on Aug 10th.....Sept 9th I met mi amore. I wasn't going to settle again.
:love1: I want someone emotionally available, semi-sane, communicative (without over processing), some form of income (don't have to be rich, but able to pay own bills), plays hard, works hard and still can chill in the house or yard for the day. Not a heavy drinker or addicted. If you are in recovery, awesome, but please be in recovery for a minimum of 5 years. I'm not a heavy drinker (less than once a month), I do smoke pot (mostly for body pain and insomnia) and cigarettes (I am a polite smoker). I don't necessarily want to live together, space is good. I want someone who I can talk to when I've had a great day or a shitty day and won't be "bothered" with all that. I want someone to share my life with and visa-versa. I want to love and be loved. I don't need another child, I already raised mine, so if you are looking for a Mommy, it's not me. Someone who can appreciate all my Virgo quirks. Someone who can appreciate all (or at least some) my different sides. Someone who loves the outdoors as much as I do (or somewhere close to how much I love the outdoors). Someone who loves animals, but not too much. I'm at my dyke limit of animals right now. ;) Someone who isn't going to be intimidated by my large collection of power tools. Someone who isn't intimidated by my strength or my weaknesses. Someone who can show emotion. Someone who is kinky or semi-kinky. Someone who can take me in their arms and tell me that they love me. Someone who isn't intimidated by my height and the fact that I love to wear 3 inch heels when I got out. Someone who isn't intimidated by my butch/ftm friends/Unkles. Someone who isn't intimidated by my gayboy friends. Someone who wants to get their hands dirty in the garden with me (or at least pretend you like to get your hands dirty) and appreciate the fruits of our labor. Someone not already in a relationship! This person is butch or FTM and a top. Switchy is ok too, but not all the time. ;) Are you this person or do you know someone like this and can handle a 6' tall blonde amazon? |
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I may even reconsider how much chit-chatting I will allow. Maybe. :chef:s do it best, e |
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:rubberducky: Whoot! Rubber duckie for me! :D |
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I love your love story. :rose: |
You know, this list has changed a lot lately... I finally figured out how much I like being myself. How much I can do all on my own without anyone beside me. When I gained that self confidence... a lot of my desires about the people I involve in my life changed.
NOW... I want someone who loves me unconditionally for exactly who I am. Someone who is willing to support me in my endeavors and is willing to be supported in theirs. Of course the love of my children is a must. But also the love of children in general. In particular, a willingness to be involved in the lives of teenagers, since I intend to be a High School Choir teacher by the time I get where I'm going. I want to be able to share moments of difference. Coming together to learn the things the other can teach. Its become more important to me that we are different then the same. There is always common ground if there is love in your heart. But I need someone who loves themselves and is passionate about their life, and lets me be the same way about mine. I guess, most importantly... I need that tingling feeling, to quote one of my favorite movies (brownie points if you get this) I want the "foot poppin' kiss". |
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:sock: <----sock :freak: |
I want
In order of priority I NEED relationship-wise:
Time to really think about this list and come back to edit when I am actually ready to be looking for someone Honesty~ not kidding I need like 98% or more sincerity even if negative COMPASSIONATE~ I dont like meanies to anyone anywhere Love Animals and Kids~ but not too much or in a gross way Sense of Humor~ cause I am a nerdy dork Emotionally balanced~ and in tune/ harmony w them Romantic~ showing how well you know me occasionally not often Sexually open mouthed~ as in wanting to talk about it not just willing Conversational~ Starts up a convo with me about something, anything, they are interested in talking about **Read to me and genuinely like music and art... they are a bonus that gets me to give out bonuses! *** Everything else would fall into place cause I like to compromise, it makes me feel successful. |
I would want someone who is honest and who can appreciate my brand of honesty which includes telling you things you may not want to hear. I feel if you are both on the same page, you should be able to do that without one or the other feeling offended. Loyalty is also high on the list. When I partner with someone, they are it, there is no other person or reasons for me to stray. If you feel the need to do those things, then finish up your business first and then you can feel free to play. *note this applies to monagamous relationships and I do realize there are many folks who prefer other types of relationships so thats up to them to decide what rules apply to them. Trust is paramount, because if you have no trust you basically have nothing. Now with all the big important things said, I also would like someone who can cook at least a little bit. (having lived with someone before who couldn't and finding it was a royal pain, this altered my ideas about domesticity.) I also need someone who can have an intelligent conversation. You don't have to be Einstein, but I can converse on a wide range of subjects and like someone similar. My partner of choice is femme. There are no exceptions to that and she also has to be someone who can accept and appreciate my perversions. Last but not least, I have always had two rules of thumb for dating. You must have a job and a place to live. I know that might seem a bit much as not all people can meet that criteria, but to me it shows some attempt at being responsible if you can achieve those things. Its a short list and I believe you can work around most things that come up and find a happy medium most of the time if you care enough for the person. We all have to remember that relationships are a lot of work and both parties have to do the work, not just one. |
For me?
Honesty.. Blunt, Painful, No holding back for any reason... No half truths to save my feelings, or make you look better... Honestly, it's a reflex.. You lie to me or omit part of the truth, and part of my heart starts slamming doors.. In this.. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet.. Did time? fine, sold drugs? ok, Was a junkie? Me TOO!! Walked the stroll? Ran a stable? Did you enjoy it or was it something to survive.. The only thing that's going to get the door completly slammed is a liking for 12 yr old girls/boys and a thrill when kicking puppies... Confident in who you are... There is a strength that comes from knowing who you are and liking yourself.. Something that the world can't touch.. I find that someone who has this belive in themself doesn't feel like my reactions have anything to do with them.. lol.. until I tell them.. I like that.. a lot.. Has to be a communicater... I'm a gemini.. I really do want to hear about your crappy day, how you watched a dragonfly for 20 mins... why you liked that movie or book...why you feel the way you do... Honestly.. with me.. there is no such thing as over processing.. Well, until it starts going in a circle and is non productive.. but don't worry.. I will tell you when that starts happening... Trust... Even when you know you are going to get hurt.. that more than likely, I am going to hurt you... A thick skin and a stout heart.. Submissive but not a doormat.. There is nothing sweeter than a strong confident butch looking me in the eyes and saying they are mine.. Someone who says *Yes, Dear* most of the time, but if they reach a hard line for them.. Then it's *No, Dear*... mmmmmm tasty.... A Poly Heart.. This is massivly important.. even if our relationship is a closed one... There has to be a possiblility of the relationship being open if desired.. Understand.. truely understand that I am a sadistic stone leaning switch... If I am in Top mode, then I have no desire to be touched and there is going to be pain invoved on your part... If I am in sub mode, then I have no desire to touch sexualy, no desire to cause pain.... Did I say that I was a gemini? Lol |
i dont want to be string beans. i want to be dessert.*
i dont want to be a guilty pleasure. i want to be an every day phenomenon. i dont want to be someone You turn to. i want to be the one You turn to. i dont want to be treated as though i'm precious or fragile. i want you to sink your teeth into my very real vulnerability and own it savagely, in the same way You own Your own soul. i am not a princess. that doesnt mean You cant treat me like one on occasion. i dont want a Love who has no weakness and no tender places. i want a Love who knows that my own little ways and means are strong enough to bolster His momentary hesitation, soothe His deepest hurts, and support His wildest dreams...all without breaking a sweat....or a nail. i also want Him to know...at the cellular level...that i would willingly claw my way through cement to keep Him from harm. i do not want, need or even desire perfection. i want humanity in abundance, unraveled feelings and confusing discussions and uninhibited tears and laughter and honesty of the brutal variety. i want to hold hands when discussing disappointment and frustration. i want to curl into His shoulder when crying over disappointments and anger. i want to be invited to be flawed and not discounted for it. i want to feed His body, His desires, His mind and His soul with the poetry of food, fantasy, philosophy and infinity. i do not want to be "all" that He needs. i want to stand, complete in myself, hand in hand with all that He is. *(long story) |
I need plenty of breathing space and my honey to have the patience of a saint while I struggle with the inevitable issues that I have been and will continue to struggle with all of my life. Though we are both very human and fallible, I think I'm pretty lucky in this department. :stillheart:
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Perfectly said Ms. Rogue perfectly!
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Someone who is secure in their sexuality and sticks with it.
I never saw this thread until now. |
I "want" to be happy... but "need" a girl *smirk*
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hmmmmmmmm...
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:chef: |
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In any relationship, whether it be with friends or a possible partner, I first and foremost must have trust and honesty. If I can't trust someone, they can't get close to me and I cannot open up to them, and vice versa. I love having healthy, positive, fun people in my life....I refuse to let the unhealthy ones in my life.
When it comes to finding a partner, humor is a MUST for me! I would like to have some things in common, but we don't have to have EVERYTHING in common. I like to do my own thing on occasion, whether it is a boy's night out or hanging with my sister. I also like it when they have things that they want to and can do without me being there all the time. I would like to have a family. It is just my mom, my sister, and I (and I work with my dad), and I hope that whomever I meet has a family that is welcoming and accepting of our relationship. The possiblility of kids is also something to consider, but the older I get, the less likely that is to happen. My last gf was what I would consider too time consuming...and perhaps I felt that way because she was not the one. I don't have to be with someone 24/7, but when the right one comes along, I might feel differently. Though I don't ever see myself being the 24/7 kinda guy. I like my ME time....my tool time that settles my mind and makes me productive. |
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I use to have a list. It included everything Rogue had on her list and probably a few more things. I spent most of my adult life single. At first it was my choice because I looked around me and didnt see anything about a relationship I wanted for my life. The couples I knew were fighting and the often had secrets. The expectations within a relationship were just too much for me.
Eventually I got around to giving it a roll. I had some good ones, really bad ones and to be honest a list didnt mean anything. In my last relationship, it was awful and it kept me down for a few years but as I look back I see how much it taught me and prepared me for the love of my life. Today I want someone that is mature, intelligent and compassionate towards humans and animals. Someone that sees the big picture and isnt going to get caught up in the small shit. That if we dont agree, thats ok, we move on and if we fight, thats ok too as long as we stay focused on the big picture. Today I will not settle for less then I know I deserve and I refuse to be in a relationship just because I'm lonely. Today I want a partner in life and not just a lustful interlude. I know he will make mistakes and I also know sometimes we'll go in separate directions/paths for a while just as long as we come back around and remember why we got together in the first place. I am convinced that the secret to a really great relationship is to be commitment in each others happiness. That each day you put your selfishness aside and find ways to make each other happy. It can be anything but the day you dont want to do things to make them happy is the day it begins to fall apart. |
Wise wise Lady
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I guess there are some basic things we all want in a partner, otherwise it's just being with someone because we don't want to be alone. But what I've learned over the years is that it's the person's soul I fall in love with. Pretty much everything else is negotiable.
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My honey is a man in every sense of the word. If you asked me 10 years ago if I'd ever date a man I'd laugh at you. In fact my family thought I was teasing them at first. But you see that isnt an issue here because right away we made a soulful connection, not based on what we had or what gender we are. Now it did scare the shit out of us because we had never done that before, quite like that but as we talked, learned more about how compatible we are the more drawn we were to be together. You can have all the lust and fireworks in the world but if you're not on the same page you'll struggle. I could have enjoyed him, the ride but I partner with him because we share the same moral convictions, lifestyle interest, animals, spiritual, etc. We are almost the same in many ways yet different and definitely a masculine/feminine dynamic which is important to both of us. In fact essential. For me it has to make sense. Otherwise I'm happy to love someone, laugh with them and be close without sharing my life. Sharing my life, a marriage, etc. requires a hearty foundation. |
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