Non-monogamy survey for psych class - will you help?
 

Hi everyone!

I am eyeball deep in finishing up my degree and I am required to conduct a research experiment for my psychology class.

I have selected the issue of monogamy/nonmonogamy among people in committed relationships.

I know there is a wonderful array of ideas and practices amongst the gracious members here, so I wanted to reach out.

The questions I am seeking answers to are listed below. Or, if you'd like to post anonymously, I also have an online survey at: http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/renders...r1ufr1y1026785

1. Are you in a committed, long-term relationship?
2. Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?
3. Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine?
4. Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?
5. If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?
6. If so, why? If not, why not?

Looking forward to a milieu of experiences and responses.

Thank you!

Laerkin

I am single and not in a committed long term relationship at the moment but would like to be in the near future as I'm 36 and would like a mate to spend my life with. I am Trans
. I would not be interested in open relationships anymore as I noted above I am now searching for one mate long term and committed. Thanks for allowing us to be a part of your research. If you can let us know your findings.

Thank you!
 

Thank you to everyone for the responses! This is helping tremendously. Keep 'em coming!

Laerkin

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Dating.
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Lesbian
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 49
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Female
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? Yes. She isn't likely to become my girlfriend or partner if she isn't nonmonogamous, or unless she has no problem with me being nonmonogamous.
If so, why? If not, why not? I'm not wired for monogamy, and I'm not interested in shoe-horning myself into a restricted relationship which wouldn't work for me. I'm always scrupulously honest, and expect the same of my girlfriends/partners.

I am in a committed, long-term relationship.
I identify as a lesbian.
I am 24 years old.
I identify as a femme.

I am monogamous, and even if my partner was supportive of me being intimate with others, I would not. I do not find the idea appealing, nor do I have any desire to explore. In the past, I have tried having a primary relationship while seeing others, and it did not work out. I am possessive I suppose, for lack of better word, and do not want to share or be shared. I feel that it would lessen the bond I have with my partner, and it would make me resentful.

I am in a committed thirty year marriage.
I identify as Stone-Butch.
I am 57 years old.

My wife and I both come from families where divorce and polygamy are unheard of, and the joys and sorrows of unconditional love are understood. We raised a child together and wanted to uphold these traditional values we were raised with. For us monogamy works. It makes us happy, and I believe marriage is GREAT!

I am single
I am queer
I am fine wine :)

I am on the fence with monogamy. I think I could be poly under the right circumstances where there was a spiritual foundation and within BDSM, however once I connect with someone in a certain D/s- BF dynamic I am passionately enthralled and can't see anyone else. But until that happens I'm open for almost anything!

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? yes I am in a committed long term relationship and am engaged to my partner.
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?queer
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 30-49
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? femme
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? Yes, we have an open relationship and have discussed either adding a third to our relationship and/or seeking another that compliments our relationship. We would remain the primary relationship.
If so, why? If not, why not? We both feel that one person can not meet every need in a person. If there happens to be someone else who meets needs not met in the current relationship then we both are open to that. For example, we are in a D/s relationship. I also have a babygirl side and I am open to accepting another as my Daddy if the right person were to come along. We just no longer fit both categories I prefer D/s with him.

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Yes
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Queer
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 30-49
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Femme
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?
If so, why? If not, why not? We are a poly household of 3, i am the second wife in the house. :), there are no plans for dating outside of our household, happy household

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Yes
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? lesbian
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 53
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? female and femme
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?

This assumes that there is a dyad, that all poly is dyad based. This is a pet peeve of mine, that people make the assumption that poly is just having someone on the side.

i am the sub of a couple. i am not partnered with either. They are partnered with one another.

If so, why? If not, why not?

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship?
yes, i'm in two actually. one for 6 years, the other for a year. we make life decisions together and are in the process of moving in together. if we could, we'd be married :) we've had non-legally-binding commitments to one another but even that is technically illegal, especially if you're living together.

Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?
queer

Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine?
18-29 (i'm 24)

Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?
femme

If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?
If so, why? If not, why not?
they are and i do :) right now i'm not necessarily seeking out other sexual partners (i wasn't actually when i met my second long-term partner either, although i'd been in other relationships before that) but i don't discount new possibilities, either. both of my partners are monogamous but they're very accepting of each other and of the fact that i am polyamorous. if they wanted to seek other relationships i'd be happy for them. i know a lot of people have "primary" and "secondary" relationships but that configuration has never worked for me - no one relationship is more important than any other, although there has to be a certain level of long-term commitment to make life decisions or move in with someone. but neither of my partners is "primary."

this is a huge pet peeve of mine as well.

Married
Queer
Fifty
Femme
No
Not wired to share

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship?

No. Single.

Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?

Queer

Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine?

50 year old fine wine:)

Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?

Femme

If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?
If so, why? If not, why not?

Monogamy is what works for me. If I were in a relationship, I would not be interested in exploring other relationships outside of the one I was in.

Thanks for all of the feedback and education, everyone! I love it. :)

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Yes
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Queer
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 18-29
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Transgendered
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? Yes
If so, why? If not, why not? We're already in an open relationship. I can't fulfill every need of hers, nor she mine. It's not fair to expect one person to "be all" for another. It's simply not possible. I want the "whole" to be happy. If that means more than one person, so be it.

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? No.

Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Lesbian.

Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 45

Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Female.

If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? No.

If so, why? If not, why not? o firecracker! no! i can't focus on but one thing at a time lol. the idea of being in love is total tunnel vision. she's the only one for me. i want her to be my only need. it's she and i or nothing. i get jealous. and i want her to be. (in a healthy way.) the union of 2 people is a vow, a promise. the very core of a relationship is not sex. it's devotion, ... in my case, it's singular.

i don't have to be committed to be in love. and i can be committed and not be in love. both are fine. sometimes a relationship is companionship or security, etc ... , not being in love.

i've thought about, can someone be in love with two people at once? i think it can happen, ... to a certain degree. but i sure wouldn't want to be that someone.

thank you, Laerkin. hope all goes great.

Thanks, macele! Everyone's input is really making a difference!

also completed the online version. Likewise if you need things answered further let me know!

1. Are you in a committed, long-term relationship?

2. Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?

3. Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine?

4. Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?

5. If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?

6. If so, why? If not, why not?


1.I am in a committed long term relationship
2 Queer

Take two...
 

1. Are you in a committed, long-term relationship?

2. Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?

3. Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine?

4. Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?

5. If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?

6. If so, why? If not, why not?

1. I am in a committed long term relationship

2. Queer

3. 45

4. Femme

5. We have an open relationship. She has her moments where she is not supportive or accepting of the idea, it's an ongoing issue that she works on, but she knew all about me before we became an *US*

6. I am poly, that's how I'm wired, even in a monogamous relationship, I'm still poly. It feels perfectly natural for me to be in love/love more than one person at a time. It feel natural to have more than one lover at a time... My philosophy that it's MY Heart, Head, Body to do with as I will and no one gets to tell me what I can do with any of the above. I worked long and hard to figure my sexuality/heart out and once I did there was a click that let me know that I got it right...

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? No

Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Queer

Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 37

Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Female

If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship?
No.

If so, why? If not, why not?
I don't share well.

1. At the moment, I am not in any kind of romantic relationship.

2. I am primarily attracted to women, although men can occasionally get my attention.

3. I am 'aged' :P

4. I am both transgendered and femme.

5. I would consider a poly relationship, but.......... any agreements that I have made with my partner would be abided by, so that may preclude that, if we have decided on monogamy.

6. I've been in a semi-open relationship before and it worked out reasonably well. The relationship ended for other reasons, however. Also, I have dated someone that was poly before, and he got me curious enough to learn more about it. So far, I like what I have seen.

Note: I just did your online questionaire as well, but this one seems to give me more scope to accurately answer your questions.

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Yes
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other? Lesbian
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? 32
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other? Female, femme
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? No
If so, why? If not, why not? I feel that when you are truely in love with someone, there should be no need for more than her. Maybe if I wasn't so happily in love, my opinion would change. She is my everything!
Good luck!

Are you in a committed, long-term relationship? Yes
Do you identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, queer, or other?
I identify as queer, my s.o. identifies as lesbian
Are you 18-29, 30-49, or aged like a nice wine? We are both 30-49
Do you identify as male, female, butch, femme, transgendered, or other?
We both identify as female
If your spouse/partner would be supportive and accepting of the idea, would you (do you) explore open relationships/sex outside your primary relationship? We are currently in an open relationship and have been since the relationship's inception.
If so, why? If not, why not? We choose an open relationship because we are like minded in the idea humans, by nature as primates, are not monogamous. It seems that many relationships rise and fall on the issue that one of the members had sex with someone outside the primary pair bond. As if sex were the most important thing in the relationship. As if limerence did not wear off in approximately 2-3 years. (the time it takes, by the way, to rear a child out of the dangerous period of complete dependence). We decided to honorably and from the beginning create a relationship, platform of negotiation, guidelines, communication tools and openness that allowed us as individuals to express ourselves sexually, with other people within the mutually satisfying perimeters of a committed relationship.
We have been together 4 years and thus far things are working very well.
To give you some background, I have been in several open/polyamorous long term relationships and this is my partner's first.


I hope this helps your work, Laerkin. If you have any more questions feel free to PM me.

Laerkin, I completed the online survey. Is this for a Graduate degree? Please let us know your findings with this survey.

If you'd posted more information about the project, we could post your survey on