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Non-packing butches
I read the "Packing 101" thread, and rather than derail it, I'm curious if I'm the only butch here who doesn't pack, and has no interest in packing?
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I don't pack, have no desire to do so. it causes me more dysphoria. Toys during play time are ok, that doesn't bother me. but, it totally messes with my mind that the "packer" ...comes off...
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For me, i prefer a non -packing butch ! |
I know of one that doesn't pack, though she doesn't come to this site, either.
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LOL. Why am I admitting that I don't pack? I figured maybe if I felt more male-oriented I would, but I definitely identify as a female and prefer female pronouns.
Eh, it's just a thought. Sue |
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Pack or don't pack. It doesn't make anyone less or more butch either way. Do whatever you want.
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Exactly!!! Was waiting for someone to say that!!!! I've been with butches that do and those that don't. Some do sometimes, others never do. I certainly have never felt anyone was ever "more butch" than another. IMO being butch is in the mind and heart. It is not defined with what is hanging or not hanging between someone's legs. |
ebon-Thanks for that. I think the attitude I presented there is why people left b-f to create this site.
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Yeah what Ebon said. Some butches pack, some don't. Just be yourself.
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Pack? I have been known to pack a lunch, pack a suitcase...........
I am a non-packer. |
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Non packer hear,I got all the stuff but found it didnt make me anymore or less than who I already am..
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Used to soft pack.. really don't anymore, doesn't seem to have caused any problem... I'm still able to function... you know, live, laugh, love and be loved.
It's all good... xD |
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So does that make her c*ck a Femme c*ck, because she is not male ID'ing? hell no! I love the fact that for HER, she can feel comfortable in her own skin and with or without packing. Same as for everyone else. Find what is comfortable and TRUE for you, and live that life! |
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Cheers Aj |
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There are many of us. |
<---not a fan of wearing makeup, still as femme as they come.
pack, don't pack, doesn't change who you are. There are butches on this site who don't use c*cks at all, so I hardly think you are alone. |
I have packed in the past both soft and hard, but have not in a long time.
Nothing wrong with doing it or not doing it just depends on your preference. |
I do not own any kind of soft pack, so obviously I do not pack. If I am going to a play party and intend to play then I pack and I pack hard because I am going to use it.
Let's see, circa 1970 Amarillo TX, when I came out we used socks to pack and I only knew folks that packed if they were in a drag show. There are also butch folk out here who do not strap on a cock. Doesn't make them more or less butch, just makes them a non-packing, non-strapping butch. Gender has nothing to do with sexual proclivities. |
Any packing femmes? Just curious!
Elle* |
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I think it's safe to say I'm just me, and take it or leave it, you know? Doesn't mean we're bad butches. Sue |
Joining in with the non-packers.
I used to think I had to pack to be butch - because I kept hearing about butches packing and rarely ever heard from the non-packing butches .... especially on the dash site. But I wasnt being authentic to myself when I packed because that wasnt who I really was, so now I only wear my cock when I intend to use it. If someone cant appreciate me for the butch that I *am* and not the butch that *they want me to be*, why would I want to be with them anyway? Truth is: I wouldnt. :winky: |
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Parker - You touched on something that I REALLY REALLY want to talk about and might go start a thread in the Red Zone about it.
I think that a lot of us were a party to some of the groundwork that was laid on the Dash that dictated that Butch = certain things and Femme = certain things. I think it has really been pivotal to how some people have shaped their gender presentation and also some of the reason we keep having to have the circular conversation of what is good objectification and what is bad objectification. In my mind there is a lot of gray area in the Butch/Femme dynamic and I think that people really worked to try to make it a black/white issue back then. Hence the "He" for Butches and "Femmes never pack" ideaology. Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you. |
This thread leads me to tell a story. Seems I always have a story.
I don't know how many years ago it happened. I belonged to a group of Butchly sorts. We communicated by a yahoo group when we weren't at a gathering at someones home or out and about taking our girlfriends a night on the town. The conversation truly was confusing me, especially because it was on line and things just get lost in translation. The topic was about Mr. Softee...which confused me even more. So....I had to ask....What does that have to do with ice cream?:sunglass: Needless to say, to this day, they still tease me about that comment. |
Early on as a butch I didn't pack or strap-on. Hell, I didn't know there was such a thing. I knew I was not feminine and that I appreciated women but being a lesbian for me has been a growing experience. The person I am is fluid in my likes and dislikes (about myself) and I have changed consistantly... in a fuid way. I've questioned and wondered and explored.
When I was a non-packer I was true to myself and I was content and happy with me at that time. I have changed since and I prefer to pack now. Does that make me any more butch than who I was before... absolutely not. Was it because "everyone else" was doing it? Not at all. In fact not many, if any of my realtime friends pack... Okay one, he's trans... But there's nothing wrong or less-than about an individual who does not pack for being true to self and enjoying the you and your sexuality as you see fit. Being authentic and true to self is what makes the butch... |
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Just be the best you, you can be. The pack, like the clothes don't make the person.
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Cool thread...I have packed, soft and hard. I may pack again, but I don't feel that packing is essential for me. If someone thought less of me based on whether I pack or not, they aren't really someone I need in my circle of friends. I wouldn't assume a butch has to pack, or dress in men's clothing, or wear a compression shirt (and so on) to be butch.
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Hey y'all,
I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.) I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good. I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex? Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"? Very embarrassed smooches, Keri |
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Oh, and feel free to check out the packing thread(s) cuz I am sure they would be happy to answer questions. You are also welcome to PM me. |
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It would be nice to be able to have conversations about these kinds of things. Is the Red Zone the place to have them? In my experience, the Red Zone perpetuates the circular conversation along with a lot of anger, emotion, hurt feelings and nastiness. This, in turn, makes it harder for non-popular or non-dominant thoughts to be expressed. One has to decide if expressing an idea or opinion is worth the aggravation of doing so. It is also a peer pressure thing. To be unpopularly blunt about it, we try our best to ignore or downplay the fact that the same masculine-feminine dynamics, the same internalized sexism/misogyny on both sides of the dynamic, which created and fuel the dichotomy in the first place, just get replicated in a Red Zone arena. Thus, what could be a fruitful and exploratory conversation with lessons learned on all sides, becomes a monologue of many to reinforce the status quo. Red Zone does make it easier for the mods tho. |
Packing? Awkward!
Okay I am a cop...when I am asked if I am packing...forgive the "deer in the headlights" look you get! I just never know how to answer that question..."yes and no!" "yes and yes" or "no and yes"....tonight the answer is yes and no...I am home. Someone will figuer that one out!
:wine: waiting for Mrs Arcstriker to come home! |
I think it comes down to personal preference and in my mind there is no debating a personal choice. I'm weird like that.
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I believe that, generally, when one speaks of packing, they mean that they are wearing (for lack of a better term) something that resembles or approximates a penis or butch cock under their clothing, i.e., a Mr. Softie, which is a realistic looking and feeling cock that resembles a flaccid penis. These can be worn with or without a harness. Even if one speaks of "packing for play," generally speaking again, they mean they are wearing a hard cock with their harness (strap-on) under their clothing because they anticipate using it at some point in the near future. I say generally speaking because (a) I dont speak for all butches and (b) some people may use different terms for different things or actions or they may just toss it all into the same pot and call it packing. But a lot of times, you can usually guess what someone is talking about based on the context of what they are saying - so if someone mentions packing and fucking at the same time, they probably mean they were using a hard cock and harness for sex. Also - if I could sneak off topic for one second here ..... I wanted to let you know that when you add font, bold, color, size, etc to your posts, you dont have to do it for each separate paragraph - you can highlight the whole post at once and add your font, etc that way .... saves time and energy. :winky: |
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So are we talking "heat" or cock? If so, then I prefer Yes and Yes. The cock definitely turns me on, and the .40 cal. makes up for the height discrepency. (Or is it the other way around?) (tippy-toeing out of the room now...) |
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