Building a Culture of Empathy
 

I am on a spiritual journey and have been for many years. I'm a nurse by training and have a spirit guide whom I have known since I was 4. My journey has taken me from plant medicine, healing, astrology and tarot to care-giving, motherhood, nursing and the intersection of science and spirituality.
Everything we think/emote/do is because of hormones, neurotransmitters or other trace protein structures. One needs a certain hormonal balance to feel well-being, happiness, empathy, love, anger, psychosis, depression, the need to eat or pee, have sex, avolution (feeling a lack of desire to do anything) shame, pride, etc., etc., etc. This journey has brought me to learning about how people experience the energy of an emotion, hormones, perceptions, etc. (perceptions run mostly via serotonergic and dopaminergic neural network). It is all seen in animals as well since they can have the same hormones and neurotransmitters as humans.
Neuroendocrinology, neurobiology is an exciting and new area of research. It is terribly complex and convoluted. Most of the research is available online or in recent books.
This link is to a non-profit in California working towards raising consciousness about empathy and building a culture of empathy. Because this is an emotional process involving oxytocin and vasopressin in the brain and body (vasopressin and oxytocin are molecularly similar and often work together) it ends up being deeply spiritual and communal. I know others follow spiritual paths. I am curious how others experience emotions, perception, etc. etc. and how empathy works in our lives as women who have bore children or worked with children, or with animals, or with communities at large.
I do believe genders work with feelings differently because of how nature (genetic expression of hormones and neurotransmitters) and nurture (how our emotions guided us and were guided by our environment) works with in the human body, subgroups, and the global community.
Thank you in advance for whatever wisdom you have to share.

http://psychcentral.com/news/2012/05...ync/39238.html
Went to facebook and a friend linked this to her page. Oxytocin in action!

Another article on empathy. The author explains well how I feel most of the time.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...after-yourself

I wish I knew why the above statement just irritates the bejesus out of me.

I do irritate people with my blanket statements. Here is some of the science behind what I say.
Your adrenals make about 50 hormones, some being stress hormones, water balance and mineral balance hormones, the gender inducing hormones, etc http://www.safemenopausesolutions.co...fficiency.html
If you feel like a woman, you will have more estrogen than testosterone and vice verse. If you feel like you are both male and female, you probably have high amounts of both hormones.
http://www.twinspirittribe.com/page/page/4580470.htm
If you are schizophrenic, you have too much dopamine. You can have temp. schizophrenia with meth use or a parasitic infection
http://blog.neura.edu.au/2012/08/07/...mmatory-topic/
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0311085151.htm
If you are empathic, you are skilled at using oxytocin.
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8WV1zAh9zU"]Mirror Neurons - YouTube[/nomedia]
[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmEsGQ3JmKg"]mirror neurons part 2 - YouTube[/nomedia]
Serotonin engenders well-being and happiness.
http://raypeat.com/articles/articles/serotonin.shtml
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1...?dopt=Abstract
I can do a better job with explaining myself. I've just hear so much about this stuff on the radio that I assume everyone knows by now. There's a new study coming out every week on anxiety and GABA or ACTH, vasopressin and anxiety, etc., etc.
If you saw the previous links, they talk about oxytocin and empathy. Oxytocin also engenders bonding, trust, is a primary hormone involved with love, it is what you 'break' when you break a horse (as opposed to the more modern technique of gentle breaking). You break the horse's trust and get the horse to bond with the trainer (instead of dame or the herd). Dogs also have high oxytocin which is why dogs and horses are therapy animals. They help ADHD and autistic kids read and connect to others better.
I hope this answers anyone's questions. I know it's easier to believe I am a deluded crazy person. My lack of patience doesn't help. But there is a reason why I say and write about what I write about. I'm not pulling dreams out of thin air.

Mariamma; I believe there are two roads we can go by to rewire and/or rebalance ourselves and our environment, and that is via meditation and medication. This faster paced industrial society creates much less empathy and utilizes more natural resources. We need to slow down. Deep meditation can slow down the breath and heart rate and help us to heal (along with medications)and consume less natural resources, and also raise the level of our spiritual energy. You know that the spiritual energy of one empath can raise the consciousness of many.

Thank you for your observation Glenn. You are right. Meditation and medication CAN both work. I believe with meditation, one changes the hormonal balance without conscious intention. The intention is for clarity or peace of mind or returning to balance or homeostasis. The hormones and neurotransmitters (and the energy signatures they give off, these signatures are not measured by science but can be felt as Chi, Ki, prana or kundalini by spiritual practitioners) just end up getting balanced out and the person meditating feels a benefit.
Meditation generates more serotonin too. Serotonin is a light-generating molecule, has been on earth for 3 bil years and energetically brings spirit or the Light of God into a body. The word Namaste means "the light within me honors the light within you". I believe the word refers to the energy of serotonin.
I also believe theta brain wave state occurs (that meditative head space artists, musicians, dancers, etc. get into) and re-sets the brain and body hormonally. There is little science behind this YET people report 'feeling attuned' or a return to balance after being in theta brain wave state. In shamanism, this is the brain state you get into to connect with the Great Spirit/Source/God. People can independently learn how to heal in this state but it usually takes a teacher. Only serious bad-asses (Shaman) can figure it out without help. Maybe 1% of the population????
Oxytocin is amazing in that a person with high amounts will see a person with high amounts and energetically respond to that person. At first sight, they feel like "I've known you all my life". If one is going to bond with anyone, there will be oxytocin involved.
Medication CAN change the hormonal level in the body and brain. The person on the medication still has to figure things out and change one's mind-set. Medication does help to change the mind set but you still have to change the mind set. It can take months.
The non-profit I linked this thread to talking about rape and how it is representational of a culture and how it reveals a lack of empathy. Thing is, rape will often have more than 1 perpetrator at a time. There will be a connection between the groups of raping males. They will bond over rape, war, violence, etc. So building a culture of empathy is focused on what this all means.
The bonding that happens in life and with oxytocin, it happens mostly at birth. Oxytocin is what is released in order to deliver a baby. You will have the highest amount at birth (either being born or giving birth) then at orgasm, then with yoga, dance or hugs (it must be the muscle clenching. it's released when you stimulate nipples or clench uterus/prostate in orgasm).
I suspect raping males, warring or violent males have been broken (like one breaks a horse) and cannot bond appropriately. Mirror neurons in the brain makes one feel what another feels. You cannot SEE how you are hurting another if you are raping and enjoying raping. The mirror neurons are not working appropriately.
Off the topic of meditation and medication but salient nonetheless.

I know the science of brain chemistry. Blanket statements in general irritate the bejesus out of me.

edited to add: my experience tells me that blanket statements about science will absolutely come back and bite you in the ass.

a pdf on Practical empathy and sexual assault survivors. The author is dealing more with empathy in the acute phase but I like the 7 traits of empathy in action.
I see the kindness that they speak of as the action of estrogen. It also is integral maintaining a healthy and connected relationship.
http://www.cvcn.nl/wp-content/upload...mpathy-SSA.pdf

I think you have it backwards. I have to want to have empathy in order for estrogen to be produced. If I don't want to have empathy ain't no empathy estrogen gonna be produced.

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

That said, how do we go about Building a Culture of Empathy, as your thread is titled? it sounds like a wonderful goal, but I wouldn't know how to get it started.

some tools i have found helpful for learning more about how to practice empathy:
i thought it was just me and the gifts of imperfection by brene brown (her ted videos are also good if you don't have time to read her books, but her books are downright amazing)
non-violent communication - i haven't read the full book by rosenberg but i've read a lot of the free material about it online, and it's definitely worth checking out.
dialectical behavior therapy - also a lot of free information online. emphasizes mindfulness, interpersonal, and emotional regulation skills and stresses nonjudgmental, empathic communication in much the same way as nvc.

A ramble that came to mind
 

This ..

I believe that if how we raise our sons changed then we'd have a bit of a less violent world. Teaching our male children differently to what they are being taught now would hopefully eliminate the hate culture towatds woman.

How we treat our young when they are in our care could change the balance.

i think of empathy as a skill, personally. i believe some people are born with more of a predisposition to it than others (because of neurochemistry, etc.) and also that it's encouraged or discouraged by the environments we grow up in, so maybe some people are naturally more talented with it. but imho it is also something that can be learned and practiced. to me it's more than just a warm fuzzy emotional connection. the warm fuzzy emotional connection may happen because of a neurochemical reaction, and it may help us be empathetic and compassionate, but the neurochemistry alone doesn't teach us the skills we need to relate to other human beings with empathy and compassion.

the issue of how people react to difficult situations is also an issue of resilience. some people are more resilient than others. that's why some people cope better with trauma and stress. resilience is partly chemical and partly due to upbringing, but it can also be learned to some degree. and some aspects of resilience, like having a good support system, do require conscious action.

On a micro level, how do we build a culture of empathy here on BFP?

One thought I have is that it is important when we post that we think that any member could be reading the post and how will they feel after reading it if they are, for example,

400 pounds
Chinese
Muslim
homeless
elderly
a parent of a differently abled child

etc. etc.

In other words, I think it's important to have empathy for every single member of our site by not assuming that everyone is like us and showing sensitivity towards readers we don't know anything about every time we post. This goes for posting a joke, a rant, or making a statement to all (i.e. considering whether it really fits "all").

I believe you're perfectly right IslandScout. It does matter how you work with it. We are socialized to preform certain actions depending on the culture we were raised in. In Southern Africa, they have a spiritual concept of Ubuntu where they encourage sharing and communal living (ideally). I provided a link but it basically means 'I have because we have, if you have needs, then I have needs since we are One.' How they deal with empathy there is different than how Americans deal with it.
If dialogue comes out of this thread, then that's good. Not sure everyone in the world likes the idea of empathy or sharing. It's too hippie and new-aged for some. Too up close and personal for others. I do believe women who are mothers handle it differently since having a baby is a hugely emotional experience. I started this thread to share the idea Building a Culture of Empathy and also because I wanted to see how others feel/sense empathy and how they use it in their lives.
You always have a wonderfully simple and concise way of cutting to the meat of the matter IslandScout and I appreciate reading your observations. You often make me look at things in a different way.

Thank you for sharing Aishah. I had not heard about dialectical behavior therapy. *curtseys and does happy dance*

Yes, absolutely! Thanks for sharing.

Good point. I know I have an issue with bringing ALL my brain info to most situations. As the practical empathy pdf link revealed, being totally present and not bringing baggage into a therapeutic relationship is number 1 on that list of 7 requirements. You cannot effectively practice empathy if judging, measuring, being overwhelmed to the point of sympathizing.
This is something I know I need to be more mindful of. Thanks for your observation NYCfembbw. Loved your photo on the now closed thread btw. Your happy smile was the best part. You looked content.

i dont think you're a deluded crazy person or pulling dreams outta the air, thin or not. i just grind my teeth at the idea that chemistry rules our lives. i believe 100% in the power of neurotransmitters. i'm not an idiot. i just cant get behind the whole if you have too much or not enough of xyz hormone you'll do this or be that. i think it's exactly the opposite: our lives rule our chemistry.

neurotransmitters are part of the human recipe. existential memory (experience, culture, self-talk, etc) is the other part. mix the two and people are capable of almost anything to a lesser or greater degree. add in a support system, trial and error experimentation, determination, passion and paradigm shift and the end result is a person who encourages certain behaviors in their neurotransmitters not neurotransmitters that encourage certain behaviors in a person. people become accustomed to the circumstances they create in themselves.

we feed what we need.

agreed. and how we raise our daughters will contribute to the same balance change. a person with healthy boundaries and an understanding of their personal responsibility and authority has no need to bend others or allow others to bend them unnecessarily. a few generations of children who refused to consent to institutionalized hatred would be a powerful force, and an irrefutably brilliant one.

I think understanding and practicing non-violent communication would go a long way towards creating an atmosphere of empathy.

Several years back, a group of us studied non-violent communication by using a book and workbook. It was eye opening for me and really helped me understand why and how I was thinking and communicating those thoughts. It is really useful in interpersonal relationships of all kinds.

The book/workbook came from this site: https://www.cnvc.org/ It's the Center for Non Violent Communication.

I need a refresher for sure.........lol

If you want to change your brain chemistry then you have to create new neural pathways to replace the old ones. That can be done many ways, but I think communication is a part of doing that. A change of attitude will also help. You want to encourage your brain to create happy chemicals rather than unhappy chemicals. You can control what you think and how you express it...it takes practice and time. And we should never forget the importance of exercise.

laughin.......damn I wish I was better at it...........

*curtseys* Thank you my sister from another mister

I hear what you're saying. You explain the difference between having an emotion and DEALING WITH an emotion or directing the energy. Let me ask, how much support do we get when we change the course of our lives? When we change the direction hormones and neurotransmitters? Men get very little support. It is possible and many people practice redirecting emotions. It's just not generally supported but accepted, especially when it lowers emotional energy or re-focuses it on others in a beneficial way.
When we have a stress response (or any other hormonal response) it usually lasts 90 seconds. But the 'feelings' will last....longer....2 hours, 2 days, however long we experience that emotion.
Vasopressin is a hormone involved with love. When you see someone you love and have that swooning feeling...that's vasopressin in action. That 'swoon' lasts 10 seconds, 30 seconds, however long but the love continues. It goes thru peaks and troughs. It continues on BECAUSE WE PUSH THE EMOTION THAT WAY. When love fails, it probably is because we did not continue the emotion or we had become unbalanced. Dopamine runs love in the brain. Taking an SSRI (serotonin) can make STAYING in love difficult.
I believe we are saying the same thing. If one looses control of self, it probably will involve dopamine. It doesn't mean if one has X amount of dopamine, one will lose control of self. It just makes it very difficult. Not everyone is strong of will.

Thank you for the above in particular, Licious!

AMEN!!!!!!

The first line in the mission statement invokes the principals of serotonergic search for well-being and connection to the Great Spirit/Source. A deeply spiritual practice based on Buddhist/Shamanic/Taoist traditions. Thank you for sharing my sis Licious.
Of course one cannot have empathy without well-being and happiness and a world that supports well-being and happiness. You can work empathy with grace and skill but if you live in South Sudan or Syria right now, it won't be your reality.

i disagree. i grew up in a situation where most people did not have well-being and happiness (by american standards - well below the poverty line, very little access to resources and a lot of violence) and there was still empathy. people took care of each other, understood each other, and looked out for each other much better than they did when i lived in places where there was a higher rate of well-being and happiness. i certainly don't feel empathy as often in my relationships where i live now, where most people have much more money and time. it's been my experience, and i've read some things, about how communities tend to come together and support each other more through poverty and conflict. i can't dig up any specific articles right now b/c i'm on my way to the doctor, but i'll try to post some later. i think victor frankl may have written about this a bit in man's search for meaning.

I read somewhere that for children to learn empathy, parents need to model it but also to teach it.

Encouraging your children to put themselves in another's shoes, to imagine how they would feel if something happened to them in the same way.

Conversely, I grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive home but always could put myself in the shoes of another and have no idea how that happened. My parents never taught it or modeled it.

Perhaps some are born more sensitive and empathetic.

Another variation on the nature vs. nurture conundrum?

Did you have anyone with whom you had meaningful contact while young (a teacher, a neighbor, a relative, a sitter, etc.) that may have fostered empathy in you? I have read that can be a saving grace for kids in homes where empathy is not there to be learned. My own mom was abused and dissociative/fractured, while my dad was abusive. I did have a sitter who made a huge difference to me. Now she is my mom's best friend (After my dad left my mom, unfortunately this was when I had already grown up, my mom became so much more stabilized.).

into
 

The idea that if we were to all express the emotions we feel at the time we feel them or as soon as we can at least acknowledge them...That we are ready and clear to feel empathy and create empathetic environments. We are born cooperative. We get hurt. We are not always supported to deal with pain. We walk through life with this pain. I think as we clear our own trauma; we become available.

I believe it had to have been my maternal grandmother. Until I was 10 I did spend a lot of time with her on the weekends. She was loving and caring to me.

My mon would have been different had my grandmother raised her but she was thrown out of her orthodox Jewish family for getting pregnant with my mom out-of-wedlock as they called it and her father was a rabbi. She boarded my mom with a very strict, abusive family and my mom was the scapegoat of the other foster kids.

So yes, I guess I learned empathy from my grandmother.

Thanks Nannie. She died at age 95. I still miss her.

Thank you for sharing your experience Aishah. I think there are differences between I mean by well-being and happiness and what you are referring to.

YOU ARE RIGHT in that people in poverty share more than people who have abundant wealth. People in poverty share more percentage-wise than their 'richer' fellow American. People who SEE poverty, who live around poverty (for example in a gentrified area) share more than people in insulated communities but less (percentage-wise) than people who live in poverty.

This is probably the evolutionary benefit of empathy and oxytocin. By sharing what we have, we all enjoy together or suffer together. Another evolutionary benefit of empathy and oxytocin is sharing ideas, team building and a probably synergistic effect of 'better outcomes thru working together than working alone'.

When I refer to "well-being" and "Happiness" I am referring to the action of serotonin and something more akin to...a Buddhist's sense of well-being. In the moment, not wanting (dopamine = I want/crave) being at peace and at One.

I did state things in a way that it could seem that I believed there is no empathy in South Sudan or Syria. There is ALWAYS a significant minority that does the opposite of what the general population does. Left-handed people, LGBTIQ people are a few readily seen. There were Catholics who hid and supported Jews in Nazi Germany. There are always those who see 'what is right' and will act accordingly. They are the exception and not the rule.

And it's also my experience that people will act 1 way in public (like they are happy and at peace) yet it's an act. I am empathic and can feel the untruth of their feeling. It's disturbing and is why I actively do energy work. I'm tired of seeing and feeling people who act one way and emote another and the schizophrenic sensation it induces in said person. And then they wonder why they are unhappy or have no love in their lives. I tend to get many who 'confess' to me. They often will say things like "I practice random acts of kindness but I don't feel any happier". When I say "Acting happy and being happy are 2 different things" they often don't get it.

But this is the America we live in now. Truth is ignored because it's too inconvenient and honesty is seen as 'saving face'.