broken hearts
 

Just forget it. I'm not ready.

It's been 10 years since the last one, is there another current one?

Best I can say is it takes time. Keep busy. Find things that interest you. Focus on you. Make yourself a better person. If you are spiritual as I am, pray and let go. Walk away. If something is meant to be it will happen again is how I see it. Take care of you above all.

What did you do the other 2 or 3 times you say you felt heart broken?

I posted too soon. I can't handle this right now. Thanks.

ok. understandable. we have all been there at some time or another. when you are ready, take your time, and come back. there is many here to help you along that path and offer advice and support. best wishes. :)

Broken heart now
 

10 years is a LONG time to be "in love" & married to someone......it hurts like a MF'r to walk away or be walked away from I'm sure.....time they say will heal all....I for one hope so....

:(
 

Maybe you could find someone (therapist, mentor, bestie) to talk to and just get it all out.

It's never a good idea to post your stuff out there for all to see when in an emotional state.

Hope it gets better:candle:

Broken Heart
 

A therapist does help. I am a firm believer when a relationship doesnt work out its both people. (in most cases not all) I have taken 4 years and have looked at my part. I have met a wonderful woman and am now ready to move on. My heart is ready again.

Time heals.

It is the only answer that I know.

Sometimes, it is two steps forward and one step back.

I wish there were magic answers but there are not.

It is a grieving process.

Mourning what was and what might have been.

You will move forward but at your own pace.

{{{hugs}}}

I know this thread has been long silent and well I need to vent. I suppose being anonymous to a certain extent makes this easier. My wife doesn't get on line for anything other than work so maybe I can open about my broken heart. First off I know that I am no where near perfect. I'm Moody,stubborn And can be insensitive. What I'm not is a cheater, or cold hearted. On the outside I can be tough And can hide emotions. Today though its hard to hide. My wife identifies as bisexual and I have tried to be understanding but I can't share her. I understand She has needs but when we moved in together we talked And I was honest I cant and wont share. Does that make me wrong. I don't want anyone else is it ok that she does? Is it ok That she talks to men even though I thought our life together was just that our life. Am I being selfish that I asked her to leave? 11 years I've spent With her and Have been Happy. I guess she wasn't. Every time I catch her talking romantically to someone else it breaks my heart. I've loved that woman so deeply that I thought we would make it against all odds. I know I'll live through this broken heart but how do u pick up the pieces. How do u dust yourself off after believing you had met your soul mate and finding out u just aren't enough to keep her Happy.? I'm not saying its wrong if someone else can have an open relationship Its wrong. I just can't do it. I feel like I have a huge empty hole in my chest. She is the only woman I've had in my life sense I was pretty much a kid. We have a lot of history. Maybe this isn't the proper thread for this but had to Get it off my chest. My kids believe she is working out of town my family isn't aware of this yet. I've asked her to leave. Big changes coming my way I suppose. Sorry if this the wrong place for this. A lot going on in my head and heart.

Well her stuff is gone the kids are spending time with her today. I'm still completely in love with her and it all happened so fast. One day I'm comfortable in love and happy. Next thing I know 11 Yes are down the drain. Years of raising kids together, dealing with issues of life, And then its over. I think I'm still in shock. The heart ache is just starting. I wonder if I didn't do something right or didn't pay enough attention. Who knows. She wants to lead a "straight" lifestyle. Maybe its the large age gap she is 13 years older. Oh well I will learn to sleep alone again. Ha though the thought of dating again is terrifying. If I could get this ache to go away that's lodged deep in my chest I'd feel a lot better. I'll pick up the pieces and go on with my life eventually...

{{{Chris}}} I am so sorry you are hurting. Broken hearts are the worst, but from what I've read your heart is leading you in a different direction. Listen to it and trust that in time you will be right where you belong. Have faith and be good to yourself right now. Lots of love and strength to you, xoxo Novela

THANK YOU! You are very right. I'm going to work on myself. In a way the thought of learning who I am without her is very exciting

Seven years ago, I had my heart broken so badly I thought I was going to die. Hy did such a number on me that it took me months to come back to the land of living. I think what hurt me the most was, I found out hy was a player with a capital P! There is a part of my heart that will always be broken from what hy did to me.

The funny thing is, a year after almost to the day, I got an email from the dude I am now married to wanting to know what my user name meant. I so wasn't looking for love or even a hook-up. We started to talk and before I knew it, I had let him into my heart.

Love and heart ache are just an odd thing! They really do go hand and hand. If you are in that dark place we all go to when our hearts are broken, just take it easy! And know that the pain will slowly melt in time and you will become a stronger person at the end of it all. It might not happen over night, but it will!

Oh I hope none of that sounded overly cheesy or mushy...

Thank u for That. No to me it sounds truthful and promising.
Yea right now I think I'm on auto pilot. If I'm honest with myself I knew what was going on but didn't want to believe it. Its strange how u can close your eyes stick Your head in the sand and pretend stuff isn't happening. I will say this though I am in NO WAY perfect LOL. I know this is completely off thread but is it normal to lay in bed at night after a break up and think. Holy shit I'm going to have to eventually have sex with someone new and let them see me naked. Ha yea my emotions are all over the page

I have been single for over five years ... for some it just takes longer than others. We live, we learn, sometimes we break a little, then we heal and finally... we live again. It's just what we do.

Love.

It's not off thread! I think it's totally normal. When my 8 year relationship broke up about a year and half ago, I definitely had a "Holy crap, how am I going to sleep with someone else?" moment. But then I did just that a few months later, soo...lol. It just takes time, right?

Anyway, I'm sorry you're hurting. The break-up of a long-term relationship is always painful and shocking, even if you kind of saw it coming. Not going to lie, it will probably suck for the next little bit, but then I promise it will get much better.

I, like Ruby, remember thinking the same thing when my 15 year marriage came to an end. Like, OH MY GOD!!! Someone is going to see me NAKED one day? Like, ALL OF ME? Naked? I think I then had a panic attack and the world exploded.

I have since then been naked in front of others and while I did hear a crack in the surface, the earth seems to be fairly intact. ;)

I just got received this email from my Rumi quote of the day and thought it to be perfect for this thread. :)

"The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advices “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures."

~ Shams Tabrizi ♥♥♥

Y'all definitely make me feel much. Its good to laugh and y'all did do just that. LOL I could just see me now alone with a nice femme she gets udressed I freak out and have a heart attack. I think that Would put a damper on our fun. My body has dang sure changed since I was 23.

I love that

my heart was shattered 18 months ago, then a few months into it, my heart started to slushily damaged beat for someone and that got stomped. So presently it really doesn't honestly work. I have dated, very casually, slept with a few people and I'm not looking to get attached. it's nice having company, sex and a laugh and being responsible for no one, not having to think about anyone else. I hated it at first, but in the last two months I've really blossomed into it and love my complete independence of thought and action.
My heart is still very broken. I don't trust people with commitment - ESPECIALLY if they chase me hard. And people that start blathering on about romantic stuff way too quickly, sets my alarm bells off.
Not that I think they are nuts, but I have done this sooooo many times. Given in to a hard chase. I've learned my lesson.
One day, I'll learn to love someone, some one who goes slow and casually.
I don't want to fall in love anymore, and I don't mean that in a sad or bitter way. I mean that in a sincere, honest, happy way. I want slow growth, not a quick fall.

And if I don't ever have another romantic relationship? that's ok. I'm fine with the friends with benefits, sex pizza booty calls, the odd casual date and my friends. Now that the pain is more distant, I'm still mourning the loss of something I thought was worthwhile, but in a deeper, quieter way. There is layers to this grief.

the divorce will be final in 3 weeks. She's with someone and I'm watching someone else fall in love for the second time after me. I'm starting to feel resilient. I'm starting to understand who *I* am in context to just me. still broken hearted, but I think I know better now, I think (HOPE) I've learned the value of my strengths and that it's ok to have better boundaries and to not let people push me. And when people call me a cold bitch, I think "I see you, mother fucker. I see your manipulation tactics. I see your little temper tantrum. No way. You've just shown your hand"
and I don't take it on.

Broken hearts teach. I've been non-functionally devastated, depressed, seethingly angry, self-reviling, hateful, hurt, crying, I lost 3 dress sizes from not eating....

but the best best best advice given to me by another woman who lost her wife was "find something, anything, just for you. something that means something just for you. take archery. go back to school. go to cambodia. something, anything you've always wanted to do. take it. that's the start."

And I keep doing that. It works.

and having a saturday night guest every once in a while helps. not much talking. just sushi, some laughs and sex. I completely prescribe that one too! I don't do it often as it's not easy to find people who want something that casual (they aren't common) whom I also enjoy as a person (not everyone in that rare group is going to match up with my personality!). But I strongly suggest it!

Sounds good I'll put out an add
"Femme needed for fun, company while eating sushi, and please rip my clothes off Because I may be gripping them out of fear and when you take your clothes off and I stand there staring and blushing Please be advised I may be having a heart attack. Please see the CPR manual I've left for you on the night stand" Well that's not exactly confident butch swagger. I guess I could add if I don't drop dead on ya I can be lots of fun...well someone ripping my clothes off could b fun! !! All kidding aside y'all thanks. People in my circle of friends are trying to give me the "fuck her you are better off speech " "you can do better" yea I know all of this but today I just want to get by. My day has definitely gotten better! I'm just kind of numb which honestly I'm thankful for.

Take time
 

Chris - I am so sorry you are heart broken right now. Take this time to grieve the loss of your marriage. 11 years is a long time to be with someone and it's not an easy process to get over.

My thoughts are with you friend.

Survived a Friday night without her. I carried on like I would any Friday night. I went to some friends house cooked out laughed and appeared fine. My friends were in shock that I wasn't laying in the floor crying. What They don't know is I felt like I couldn't breath. I felt lonely even though I wasn't alone. I'm so used to her holding my hand she was real touchy feely so all night I felt like something was missing. Every Damn thing reminds me of her. It pisses me off that she can go on a trip with her boyfriend and not think twice about me when all I can think about is her. Then sends me a text "you could be here too" hell no I can't. I understand that there are plenty of people that has open relationships but I'm not one of them. I'm not sharing it Would b different if we had agreed to see other people or have always brought other people to our bed but we haven't. She used the excuse people aren't made to be With just one person well I guess I'm real messed up because I havent cheated and haven't wanted to. If I have to bend who and what I am to be with her I would rather be without

I'm so sorry. It gets better. I know that is cliche but it really does. Take extra good care of yourself. See friends, don't isolate yourself. Every day will get slightly better than the last...and you might feel fine for awhile and it will hit you again. Just remember it's temporary and you will heal.

Oh yea I think today is going to be good. Headed to the river jets skiing always makes me smile! Thankful I'm not the only one that believes in monogamy I thought for a minute Maybe I'd missed something over the years. I'm a little old school as far as that goes. I'll get over her no doubt but I know its going to be rough. Glad I can come here to vent after years of being with her all our friends are that OUR friends and while I am angry and hurt I don't want to talk to them about her. I don't want to add to the drama of a break up with drawing a line in the sand With them. She isn't a bad person just finding her way

unsent letter to a lover
 

I know we made the grown-up, mutual decision months ago to end it….
months, maybe even a year or more after the actual realization,
after building sufficient courage to admit it to one another…
That this undefined, uncharted journey we share
Was just too painful and raw to continue,
the same obstacles tripping us up, blocking our path.
And we weren’t giving each other what we needed.
I wasn’t giving you my best, and I know
I deserve more than what you could offer.

My mind knows this undeniably to be reality.
My heart reluctantly acknowledges this,
though still smolders
in the ashes from our love’s bright and passionate flame.
Even still, it beats steady, holds true for you.

My body hasn’t accepted the loss yet, cannot even fully comprehend
The absence of your touch
My body still hungrily cries out for you,
Your invisible fingerprints traces still ghostdancing upon my flesh,
Revealing that sacred map of our dance, our song, our quest, our love.
Confounded and hurt by your silence,
that overwhelming cloak of dark emptiness that shrouds me.

My soul, once shattered by the broken dreams of a future together,
Slowly rebuilding strength and courage in the knowledge now that
I am capable
Of loving and being loved,
And not completely destroyed by the grief and loss of it.
But stronger because of it.
And only you could show me that.

For that, I am so very grateful.

I woke up this morning with my heart aching. I've kept myself busy and stayed in the gym trying to ease my mind. This morning was different I hurt. I've gone on dates they don't do anything for me. Everyone I meet I compare to you they don't come close. 12 years of being with and looking at one woman only and now its over. How am I supposed to look at someone else.
I hurt my heart feels like I need to reach in and pull it out to stop this growing ache. I find myself wanting to scream to a God my frustrations. Yes I will eventually find someone else but why do I Have to. I loved her. I stood in front of friends, family and a God I was unsure of to pledge myself, give my vows to one woman forever. I meant it with all of my heart. I stayed through good and bad times. I brought flowers cut grass, cleaned house, took her on trips, worked hard and never cheated. I'm not perfect but there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her in life or in the bedroom. She took all I had to give and It still wasn't enough.
I always thought I knew her. How am I supposed to love someone else? The anger creeps in and I feel like a different person than I was two weeks ago. Half of my soul feels ripped apart. I cry then I'm pissed that I'm wasting tears. I promised my heart to her. I guess that doesn't mean a damn thing to anyone anymore. I was so in love. For me hadn't faded I loved her as much or more than the first days of our love. I suppose I should have been an ass to her and she would have been crazy in love. She takes with her my every secret And my every desire. I was 22 When we met for me it was love at first sight. She watched and saw all of the struggles I went through and She takes my past with her.
I suppose I should be thankful for what we had but right now I'm not and can't. I wish I'd never trusted someone with my everything. I wish I'd never fell in love. I'm not thankful for what we had Because if I had never had it I wouldn't hurt so damn much. My kids are torn up about it so not only am I struggling with my shattered heart I'm helping them through. I can't have my breakdown and I have to stay strong for them but I'm running on empty.
I know I should want her happy if I really love her and be Happy it wasn't ten years from now but I'm a selfish person right now. I don't want her happy and I don't care that she is finding herself. Hell I was happy I had found myself but she wasn't happy with that. So today I'm here alone this gaping hole in my chest, angry and heart broken. I refuse to answer her text asking how I am. How does she think I am? Does she think its changed from 2 days ago?? My body aches for her touch the way she smelled and tasted.