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-   -   How have you met the people you've been involved with romantically or sexually? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6161)

Ginger 12-22-2012 08:20 AM

How have you met the people you've been involved with romantically or sexually?
I'm curious to know how people have met their partners, lovers, spouses or people they dated.

I'll go back like 20 years and answer the question for myself. I'm leaving out people I dated a little but didn't get involved with in any significant way.

Please start with the past and work toward the future, in your list.

  • We were in graduate school together
  • She used to come into the bookstore where I worked
  • I met her on a gay and lesbian dating website that's defunct now; I can't even remember what it was called.
  • I met him on a butch/femme website attached to the "dash" site
  • She was introduced to me by her Ex, a femme I met on a Trans/Soffa listserv
  • I met her on FABU East, Femmes and Butches East, a listserv.
  • We met at the Butch Femme Society meetings at the LGBT Center in NYC
  • I met her on Match.com.

As to "why" come up with such a listóit would be fun to discuss and hear people's opinions about how we meet our partners, but first I wanted to see the lists, if anyone is up for it.


pajama 12-22-2012 08:35 AM

I met him while shooting pool on campus.
I met her through a mutual gay friend that I met while working at the pizza parlor.
I met her through a f-buddy at a women's music event, we danced the night away.
I met her at a women's spiritual drumming circle.
He was my auto mechanics teacher.
I went back to the dancing girl in line three.
She was clever enough to "get" my encripted e-mail address in my match.com advertisement.
I was so drunk the first time we met at a Man Cave dedication party that I didn't remember her the next time we met and I was swept off my feet.
mmmmm I met him at Apocalipstic's house.
I stalked her online for YEARS, then we finally met at the first BFP Reunion.

Oh, and I just realized I went back 30 years, not 20. Sorry.

Ginger 12-22-2012 08:37 AM


Originally Posted by pajama (Post 721467)
I met him while shooting pool on campus.
I met her through a mutual gay friend that I met while working at the pizza parlor.
I met her through a f-buddy at a women's music event, we danced the night away.
I met her at a women's spiritual drumming circle.
He was my auto mechanics teacher.
I went back to the dancing girl in line three.
She was clever enough to "get" my encripted e-mail address in my match.com advertisement.
I was so drunk the first time we met at a Man Cave dedication party that I didn't remember her the next time we met and I was swept off my feet.
mmmmm I met him at Apocalipstic's house.
I stalked her online for YEARS, then we finally met at the first BFP Reunion.

Oh, and I just realized I went back 30 years, not 20. Sorry.

Love your answers! And it's cool, however many years people go back. :)

*Anya* 12-22-2012 08:55 AM

My long-term ex and I met in NOW. She was president of the Whittier/SE LA chapter for one year and I was president of the same chapter, the following year. I had not really discovered butches until her. Then, I noticed NOW was chock-full of butches (especially at national conventions).

She was with a lover for a few years and I was with my first "real" GF. Both of us subsequently broke up with our partners ( having nothing to do with each other) and we wound up getting together and as most of you already know, we were together for 19-years.

I met my current GF on a lesbian dating site about 2-months ago.

I "liked" her picture with a comment: "You are a handsome woman with a great smile".

I had written in my profile, that my ideal date would be at an ocean-side restaurant, at sunset..." and she wrote me an email that simply said: "How about Saturday night?"

I had been dating a much younger butch from San Diego, at the time and knew I was never going to fall in love with her but enjoyed our relationship, knowing it was not going to go anywhere in the long-term. (I had also met her on a lesbian dating site but a different one).

I threw out my usual rule of meeting only for a cup of coffee on the first meeting, for the handsome butch with a great smile.

We had a great time on our first date at a romantic, oceanfront restaurant and she gave me a kiss good-night that left me weak-kneed.

We have been dating exclusively since then. She is funny, smart, quick-witted and bright.

She lives 20-25 minutes from me!

I am kind of crazy about her.

clay 12-22-2012 09:10 AM

I met her at our work place. I was promoted to Dayshift Head Nurse, and she was my replacement on second shift. We were together 5 years.
My beautiful wife of 15 years, I met on the old MSN website...W4W...chuckles...my very first ever time of being on a computer, much less a chat room....I lost her almost 4 years ago, to cancer.. I have only dated some since that time.....until.....:)....
My current GF & I were friends online for several months....:)....she has caught my heart & soul...

Ginger 12-22-2012 09:16 AM

I guess it's not surprising that, on a social website, a lot of the responses so far have included meeting people on social websites.

It seems like the further back you go, the more likely it's not going to be a social-website context for meeting.

Of course, this is a very small sampling, and skewed, like I said, because we're on a social website, answering the question.

I'm really interested to see more lists of how people met their significant others over the years.

Thank you, everyone who responded so far!

Metro 12-22-2012 09:26 AM

Relationsip history in a nutshell... interesting, fun, and thought provoking idea for a thread, Scout! I'll bite! :)

Met longer term relationships:

-- In college, met BF at social event.
-- After college, met BF at member holiday party specific to my profession.
-- After coming out, met first GF while walking my dog. Dogs are a great social lubricant, imho.
-- Introduced to GF at a bar thru a mutual friend.
-- Met GF while volunteering (ongoing basis) at a major LGBTQIP community organization.
-- Introduced to GF at birthday party of a gay guy friend.
-- Met GF on blind date thru a local online dating website; also via Match.com

I have dated several other women (some femme, some not) on a more casual basis, but these were very short term (3 months or less) liasons because they weren't a good mutual "fit" for one reason or another. Am currently single.

Cody0166 12-22-2012 10:17 AM

I had a couple short term bfís and gfís when I was young. But at 24 I met my sisterís friend at my motherís funeral. She was 33 years my senior, so quite the age gap. But the age difference didnít affect anything in a negative way and the relationship lasted 20 years. She is still a big part of my life. She is my family now, as all of my family has passed away.
Iíve now been involved with someone for the past 10 years who I met online. We have a blood covenant of marriage but also plan on having a civil marriage soon.:alieninjar::heartbeat:

txdoc 12-22-2012 10:46 AM

-met him in college when I was 19, we recently reconnected, first thing he told me now is that he is gay
-met her at Rosh hashana dinner and danced the night away, first time I fell in love
-met him at college, was my best friend, we married and had two incredible kids, 17 years
-met her online, together 8 years
-met her online, together 1 year
-falling in love again

grenade 12-22-2012 11:49 AM

fun thread idea!
This is gonna make me have to dust off the ol' brain.

18- first love... I was a waitress at a steak house outside of Dallas. His mom was a waitress as well. I would charge him the senior citizen prices. He made me laugh. Fun times, we were both gemini's. He passed away a few years ago. :(

Still young and wild... met at a CB break. If you don't know what that is then Im not explaining other than, redneck chat line. We wreaked havoc. We're FB friends now. It freaks me out to look back on the what might have beens.

22...Kids father... He came into the 7-11 I then worked at. I thought he was a creeper. (I was right) I refused to go on a date with him. Months later we were hooked up on a blind date through mutual friends. Married cause I got knocked up before I saw through the lies. Still paying for my mistakes.

Cable guy. *nods* it really happens like that sometimes. Actually, this was developed through AOL chat. My first online experience. Lasted several years. Best friend's more than anything.

Ex- chat site.

Ex- chat site. Lived together several years. Cheated with a 19 year old. *still bitter*

And now.... met on dash, continued here... shacked up and feeling complete for the first time.

I may have left a few out here and there. lol

GrŠinne 12-22-2012 12:49 PM

This made me laugh
-Met him at a high school boys' gymnastic meet where we were scorekeepers for our respective teams. We were involved off and on for the rest of high school, but since we lived across town and neither of us drove, that was a lot of bus rides.

-Met him at a college dance. We gradually went to "just friends", and he then became my mother's accountant.

-Met him at a frat party. Together 5 years.

-Met him in a parking lot. Together 4 very long years.

-The father of my kids. I actually was friends with his mother first, and she fixed us up.

-Met her on a site where we were both admins. I count her as my first really powerful attraction to another woman, though we decided to be just friends (and we still are). Went to England to visit her, even though we wouldn't be together. She's been married to her partner for a year or so.

-Met her on gaydar, first falling in love, and all the physical part with, another woman. A relationship didn't work out but we're still close friends today. Ironically, she's also happily married to her partner. Everyone gets married after they date me ;).

Present day....crushing on Beaker ;).

Venus007 12-22-2012 01:29 PM

I am not at all counting the numerous catch and release encounters, just the few I have dated. . .

-met him at church
-met her at a dog boarding kennel, 1st love and we are still friends almost 30 years later
-met her at a bar
-met her at a rave
-met him at a sweat lodge
-met her at a Pysanky party, together 10 years, still close friends
-met him on the dash site
-she emailed me out of the blue, met at an art museum, 4 years and counting

Soft*Silver 12-22-2012 02:06 PM

a lil more than 20 years ago
Placed an add in our local gay paper, dated alot. Met Her and we hooked up and dated about a year. She was an attny and ended up stalking me, even tho she was the one cheating on me. LOL.

Answered an add in our local gay paper that said "gentleman butch seeking high heeled lipstick wearing femme" we were married for 7 years.

Placed an add on a match site, looking for a dinner companion while I was at a western state (I am east) for a convention. He answered, we met, fell in love. Were together 2 1/2 years.

Met HER thru selling a horse to her. HER. the love of my life woman. the one who got under my skin and I still love to this day. We have just started a friendship again. We have eons of lives together. She is my samarai. Someday i will write a story about us...we were together for 2 1/3 years

then I started moving to be with people....I do NOT advise this for anyone with any ties or property...

Married a PA butch I found on the old butchfemme dating site, who cheated on me right after we moved in together. Found out later this was pretty much her MO.

Moved to upstate NY and lived on a sheep farm with mini ponies, and geese and handsome big butch I met on that butchfemme dating site. One of my fondest memories is from this time and has nothing to do with her at all. She is the one I write about as the sociopath. Nothing and I mean nothing had any root to reality or truth to it. I was gone in less than a year. She did major damage to me.

Moved to NH. Moved back to Ohio. Less than a year.

Swore off relationships. Had an online relationship with someone I dearly loved but was too broken to really make the move again, emotionally and geographically.Met her thru a different BF forum site,. I was so damaged. so very very damaged. I swore to god I would never love again and pushed everyone away. I had relapsed in my AA recovery and needed time to heal mentally physically and spiritually. I am strong again in recovery and if ever I was to move again to be with someone, this person would be her but we both knew neither of us would give up our homes. So we remain dear friends.

Was on FB advocating for a cat shelter, and met chrissy. He is a man of a different nature. Born male, definitely female natured and surely femme. NONE of which I preferred. But admired his intelligence and values and humor. We became FB friends. Over weeks, we chatted, then met. And then he began to serve me as his Missus. I became ill, needed surgery and he tended to me as my nurse. He moved in to take care of me. My heart that was stone cold and traumatized, healed while my body healed. I fell in love. He had always been in love. This is such a different kind of relationship for me..a man, a femme man, and totally female directed relationship. We are set to be married in July.

CherylNYC 12-22-2012 02:08 PM

The really significant ones:

I met him in Junior High School. We shared some of the same girlfriends and boyfriends. (Don't laugh, it was the '70s.) After a period of nowhere to live, I moved in with him into his E. Village apartment. What misery! I got my own apartment sometime in the year before I graduated HS. Whew!

She was a student in the women's Pagan study circle I taught. I couldn't get over her until I had an epiphany while watching the sun set over the Snake Mound in Ohio during the Harmonic Convergence.

She was checking in the newcomers at a Pagan gathering.

She was a Deacon in the Metropolitan Community Church.

She demanded my attention at a post-Pride party attended by the Sirens, (women's motorcycle club), and our friends. We were the only women in the bar NOT high on ecstasy. After two years we were handfasted, (Pagan commitment ceremony), and lived together another six.

She was drumming at a ceremony/party thrown by the above mentioned attention-getting ex. We lived together four years until she was struck by a truck while riding her motorcycle to work.

She showed up at a Lesbian Sex Mafia meeting. She remembered me keenly from an early Sirens MC meeting, but I didn't remember her. She died of cancer nine months later.

She's a member of our sister motorcycle club in Boston. Can I tell you how relieved I am that she didn't die?! Sadly, she and the first boyfriend are the only exes with whom I'm still friends.

nycfem 12-22-2012 03:28 PM

Met her in college. Friends told me she was crazy and also that she was obsessed with me. Her semi-stalking of me continued and then I kind of gave in with some degree of intrigue. Chaos ensued. Got back in contact years later and maintain a light friendship.

Met her at a Butch Femme Society Meeting. First self-identified butch. Lots of sparks. She wanted to be poly. I didn't at the time, wanted much more of a traditional fairytale.

Met her through a BF personal ad. Answered her ad. Fell in love but wasn't truly happy, some issues that could not be resolved. Maintained friendship until she passed away.

Met hym through the BF personals. One fateful day I introduced hym to a femme friend, "Hey, you have to meet X. She's a vegan massage therapist just like you except she's a femme!" They ran off with each other and are still together. I don't talk to either of them. I never even received a "thank you" card, let alone a large lump sum payment for my inadvertent, highly successful match-making.

Met hym through the nyc BF community. Can't recall how. Hot sex with lots of arguing. Now we don't keep in contact but genuinely enjoy running into each other on the rare occasion.

BB and I initially met on the dash site and were in contact but no hook up. Then we happened to meet at a friend's birthday party at a karoke dive bar in Chinatown, and the lust between us was immediate. We had a rocky first six months [insert drama that I take full responsibility for] and then I made a real commitment and neither of us have looked back since (been over seven years of being deeply in love and happy).

Fatale 12-22-2012 03:43 PM

I think this thread is marvelous.

She was on another softball team. I think we were 13. I pitched and whenever she was at bat I experienced sadistic and bittersweet glee if I happened to strike her out. She said she would kiss me if my team won. It was a glorious kiss. My connection to her was ephemeral but it was significant.

I attended a girls' school. Dabbling was requisite.

I met her at a reading when our eyes happened to meet even as we were both rolling our own.

She was driving the tow truck that came to pick up my bike when I had a flat.

We both grabbed the same taxi door handle in a downpour in NYC.

I sent her a drink. She was nervous and splashed it a bit.

A mutual friend introduced us. And was then petulant when we clicked.

She was a beautiful stranger on the street and I asked her to marry me. It was a lovely six months.

We met online. I sent her on a scavenger hunt for location clues to our first face to face meeting spot.

Dance-with-me 12-22-2012 04:14 PM

Interesting thread!

Met through being students together in college.

Met as I was reading the bulletin board at the women's center in the city I was visiting.

Met when I audited a women's study class at my alma mater (engineering students don't have the time for such things!) - she looked back at me, smiled one of the nicest smiles I've ever known, then offered me some candy.

Met through mutual friends, and I was near-obsessed with her for months before she'd actually date me.

Met through our involvement with a local lesbian organization and participation at one of their annual events.

Met through butch-femme.com personals.

And now.... who knows where my next love will appear. :)

Venus007 12-22-2012 05:06 PM

How could I forget her. . .

The crazy Russian, met as prostitute 1 and 2 in a community theater production of Guys and Dolls.

She goes between "dog boarding kennel" and "at a bar"

MsTinkerbelly 12-22-2012 05:29 PM

Met him through bowling league, took him away from his wife and kids...my only real regret in life. I was 18 and we were together 4 years.

Met my ex-husband (daughters father) while at work....8 years

Met my Wife on yahoo personals...10 years and going strong

Dated a bit otherwise, but nothing major

T-Rex 12-22-2012 05:55 PM

"I seen her in a smokey room, smell of wine and cheap perfume"

I met him on a fire escape. He came up to meet me after I hurled insults at him and our mutual friend. Together for 14 years, one child, still friends.

I met her on a local personal site that no longer exists. My profile was sarcastic and probably dirty, hers was brainy and political. Total incompatibility works sometimes. 14 years this May, three dogs, four chickens and we still like each other.

Everything else was just dating.

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