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How do you nurture yourself?
I am interested in a discussion around self nurturing. So here are my questions. Please feel free to add pertinent questions that will add to the conversation.
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so? 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? |
1. Yes, I do nuture self by taking care of myself; getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. and spiritually i have learned to let go of things I don't have control over. I also, do self-care rituals.
2. No, i don't rely on my family, friends, or significant other to nurture me even though we are very emotionally supportive of each other and sensitive to one another's core issues without taking them on for each other. Otherwise, we would be in a codependent relationship - hot healthy. 3. No, i did not learn to nurture self growing up. That is what years of therapy taught me. 4. No, not at all... I've gained a lot of self-esteem over the years and I know that I deserve to take care of myself and detach from unhealthy others with love. 5. It's not new age and it's a concept that has been around for many many years... and has been taught in group and individual therapy for years. Excellent Topic Tranzman and much needed and definitely worth discussion. I have a lot to say about self-nurturing but don't want to bore everyone with a thesis statement on the subject. I can't wait to read what others have to say and am open to hearing more suggestions on the topic. |
Great thread sweetie!
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so? I really try and make effort to. Like everyone we get caught up in life and sometimes forget. These days I'm adamant about ME- I make time, pamper myself, spend time doing things I really enjoy, spoil myself and follow my dreams. As you know spending time on my home, creating space for me and my happiness. This includes healthy living. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? not really. I'm not sure I even know how but its something I think I'd love. I'm pretty strong and independent. At the same time I insist on being spoiled, pampered and treated well otherwise I just lose interest. meeting and having a partnership where we nurtured each other would be a great goal 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? I think its always been about me! lol- I think if anything I needed to tone it down. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? oh no! 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? hell no I think its essential for human growth and the only way to survive this crazy ass world. Don't wait for others. Investigate what you need and then find a way to give it to yourself. |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I do indeed nurture myself. My gardening is part of nurturing myself. It fills my soul. Horses also. And I am working on getting a horse back in my life! I take naps. I paint my nails and lotion myself silly. I enjoy a special coffee now and then. I take a walk with my old dog in the local parks. I call dear friends. I paint. So many ways.... 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? well, I use to. And then I had a relationship where I was not nurtured let alone noticed at all. I was left alone in the relationship and scorned for even being present. It was devastating to me. To this day, when someone wants to date me and they show me the least bit of interest in the way or nurturing, I literally get ill and run in the opposite direction. I am trying to overcome this. But its so hard....I just dont want to love again and be so rejected like I was. I doubt anyone's sincerity when they say they care for me.I fight against myself to allow them to care for me but honestly, its like I am grinding my teeth and white knuckling it the whole time. Amazing the damage one relationship can do to a person. But...as I said, I am working on it.... 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? I had to learn to self nurture because my parents were not nurturing at all. I never had a loving set of parents. I was taken care of. I just wasnt loved like a child needs to be loved. So, Ifound it amongst the animals. My dogs would lay beside me while I napped on the grass. The ponies would head bump me and I would hang on their necks while they ate grass in the front yard. Momma kitties adopted me as one of their own. I believe my love for animals came directly from me being a lonely child. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? sometimes. Not often. But sometimes. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? I dont remember my parents or my grandparents ever doing anything to nurture themselves. Ever. I dont know if its a class thing, an ethnic thing, etc. We were poor folks of immigrants. My family had to work hard, from sun up to sun down and had no money to spare. My family experienced the great depression and sacrificed so much just to survive. They would be mortified to know people of today spend almost $5 on flavored coffee drinks. Or bought scented oils to do aramotherapy. To them that would be rediculous. And shameful. But you need to realize their experience. People around them lost everything they had. When my parents died, they left us so much money it was unbelievable. Why? Because they hoarded it in case they needed it. And in case we ever needed it after they were gone. Maybe that was their idea of self nurturing....hmmmmm |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
For me, this is a fairly new concept. I am learning how to do it. I think I have always taken care of everyone else, and not given it much thought until the last few months. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Not family or friends, but being a Dom perhaps I have relied more on my submissive to do so, not quite sure on that just yet. 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? Absolutely not. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? I do feel some discomfort surrounding the whole thing. Not sure why exactly. Even though I do believe one should do so, perhaps just because it is a new thing for me. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? No, I believe it is a necessary ingredient for emotional health. |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I suppose I do if I stop and think about it. I'd say not overly but occasionally. I love long bubble baths, hot oil treatments, getting a facial, nails all that girl stuff and yes it does feel like I am being good to myself and not just a neccesity. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Not necessarily, but it is nice when they do. It is a great relationship IMO when you get nurturing from your partner. I am way more of a nurturer in relatinships than one that expects getting nurtured back. It is a wonderful gift to give someone you care about and I love doing that. 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? I was pretty spoiled, so yes...I was nurtured as a child. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? I used to. I didn't even know how to nurture myself it was very foreign to me. I had to learn to like me first and now, just as i do others, I realize that I deserve that as well. I'm sure I could get better at it, but am happy that I at least do somewhat. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? No it's wonderful and it's a healthy idea. If we don't take care of ourselves how do we ever expect to be able to be our best for someone else. I believe that nurturing ourselves is not only a gift to us, but it is a gift to those around us because it helps us become stronger, happier and self healing. |
today I spent time with Momma Tessa and her baby....horses! I was expecting to ride but no one told me she had a foal by her side. Had the foal been cooperative I could have still ridden but the baby was head strong and independent and Momma Tessa needed to keep her focus on her, little miss remington. However, I poured myself into her mane and inhaled deeply. I was covered with white hair and fly spray...the most magical of all scents! I felt her incredible muscles as my hands stroked over her massive body...she is a 17+ hand percheron. I was on awe...
and I was nurtured...my soul is fed and I am renewed.... |
I nurture myself by spending time observing nature, gardening, reading, writing, drawing, and spending time in solitude.
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Great topic Tranzman. Thank you for starting this thread. Since I am in a learning process with this concept being able to read what everyone else has to say is a tremendous help.
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This is very timely for me. Simple, yet powerful, questions Tranzman! Something I've been spending a lot of time examining lately, too.
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so? Not nearly as often as I should. Lately, I've been consciously making an effort to get regular massages (I found an amazing masseuse near me), to set aside time to read a really good book, and roughly two times a year I go on a yoga or nurturing retreat to Kripalu or Omega. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? No. I mean, it's nice when it happens, and I know my partner/family/friends support me no matter what - but nurturing is different than support and I feel like it's something I really need to work on giving to myself rather than seeking it from the outside. 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? Oh no. Growing up I was the "mom" of the household so while it really helped me to develop a sense of independence, strength, and autonomy I also never really had a chance to just focus on myself. That didn't come until I'd moved out of the house and then I realized, "Holy crap. This self-nurturing stuff takes work, and time, and practice!" 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? There are some days when I'm on overload and the nurturing is just going to happen and then I feel okay about it. But most of the time, I feel little pangs of discomfort...like, instead of getting a massage or going away for a few days to do yoga and eat organic food in the mountains I could be working on the house or working on my checkbook or helping out my loved ones or...there's always a reason for me not to take care of myself, so I've been trying to practice. Isn't that odd? Practice taking care of myself. LOL. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? You know, a couple hundred years ago self-nurturing may have been ridiculous or out of place. But now, in this go-Go-GO society we have I think self-nurturing is imperative. We need to slow down, be with ourselves, find space to quiet our mind, release stress, find out what's going on inside once we disconnect and unplug. I think it makes us more whole and healthy. I think it makes us better at caring for others when we aren't frazzled and a minute away from coming undone. It's important emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I am beginning to learn how to, though I'm far from consistent with it. Some of the things that feel nurturing on the inside may not look nurturing from the outside. I nurture myself by meditating, by spending time alone, by spending time with people who make me feel good, by not spending time with people who do not make me feel good, by making myself herbal iced tea, by eating healthfully, by taking walks, by working hard, by working to forgive others and myself, by seeking peace in daily life, by dealing with problems as they occur (before they build up), by putting energy, thought and creativity into my spiritual life. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Sometimes 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? Only by overindulgence 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? Yes. I almost have to sneak up on myself with it. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? No but I do think there are many traditions/belief systems that expect a level of austerity that doesn't allow for much nurturing - so maybe people from that sort of background would feel that self-nurturing is decadent. I kinda decided not to have any belief system that didn't fulfill me or feed me or that degraded me. I think that may have been the biggest self-nurturing move I have made. |
I've truly enjoyed reading all of your replies. Thanks to you all. :gimmehug:
For me, it helps greatly to know that I am not the only out there who is/has struggled with knowing how to self nurture. Perhaps we can all be of help to one another on the journey to fully learning how...with the help of course from those who already know how and do well with it? Grateful to you all, Jesse |
Today was a very difficult day for me. My oldest child would have been 30 today.
So I decided that I would allow myself to be sad, to cry, to eat whatever the hell I wanted to eat, to wear whatever the hell I wanted to wear (I stayed in my nightgown all day) and not do laundry or the floors (which I usually do on Mondays). I decided that if I wanted to drink wine until I'm silly, I would. And I did. And THAT is how I nurture my spoiled self. |
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2. I don't *rely* on my relationships or by definition that would make my nurturing externally dependent (yikes!). I surround myself with healthy people, which in and of itself is nurturing. 3. Most definitely. Couldn't have asked for better self-nurturing role models/teachers growing up. 4. Absolutely not. If I don't take care of myself then I'm useless (or less effective, present, etc). 5. If you are not capable of taking care of yourself then you are dependent. With dependency comes all kinds of unwanted things like loss of power, loss of control, lack of choices, etc., etc. New age, old age, whatever age I believe as adults empowerment comes from independence, which on a fundamental level starts with YOU taking care of YOU. |
Simple Ways to Self Nurture
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This thread provoked some deep thoughts in. I spent most of yesterday whirling it around in my head. Along with the other clutter in my mind it took me and stole some moments.
I have never felt like someone was truly nurturing me. I never gave up to control to anyone or trusted anyone to just roll the ball. I know this sounds sad but its true. I always did that. I'm not sure if I was able to and just didnt know how to do it or perhaps did not meet the person I respected and trusted enough. Hell I'm not even sure I'm capable and there's another part of me that wonders if it really exist for anyone? Know what I mean? well hell- this day will be spent thinking |
Here is a link to an article that really helped me to understand some things regarding self nurturing...
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...self-nurturing |
I too have been doing a lot of thinking and work in this area the last couple of weeks.
I've realized that:
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I've been thinking about this a lot. I have found through discussion with a valued friend that I am confusing self-indulgence with self-nurturing.
I had to look it up. Self-indulgence
Nurturing, for me, is allowing myself to have a long, hot soak in the tub and not worrying about the many other thing I COULD be doing. It's getting up on the orbital bike at work even for ten minutes a day. That's nurturing my body to be healthy. It's getting off the computer and picking up a good book with one glass of wine and a plate of cheese and grapes. That nurtures my need for quiet. It's calling a girlfriend over to hang out in the pool then talk for hours. It's loving myself without blame. Without listening to the voices of others telling me who and what I should be. It's hard. It's really hard to separate indulgent from nurturing for me. |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I do at home. I need to figure out how to do that at work. My favorite is a trail run or walk. This grounds me and I come right back to center when I can smell the dirt and cedar, be in nature and work up a good sweat. Another very important way I nurture myself is to be financially responsible. I pay myself first...no matter how small or minuscule , I make a deposit into my savings every payday.. And the stress of being late for appointments or obligations is crushing, so I make sure I'm punctual. I think nurturing is about mitigating stress. It as much taking care of the physical as it is taking care of the spiritual self. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? No, not directly. I count on the people in my life to understand that I need this time to be centered or focused or punctual. And I love that they do understand! 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? Hah! Nurturing in my house was unheard of! I learned as an adult, that to be healthy I had to create a healthy space, do healthy things and be in the today...deliberate choices and right mind living. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? Not at all. But its not fluffy stuff, which tends to leave me feeling bored. I'm not a bubble bather...give me dirt and sweat ! 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? Nope, not new agey stuff. Its a necessary component of living a healthy, centered life. |
I think I confuse self-indulgence with self-nurturing as well.
I emotionally overeat. Not particularly nurturing in the big picture, obviously, as it feeds other issues other than indulging myself. But if you take food out of the picture, some of the ways I nurture myself are: *having 'me' time and being able to articulate that I need personal time and to set healthy boundaries concerning that time *listening to music (this can be part of my me time but not necessarily) *enjoying a good (usually naughty) book *watching a good, funny movie *working out *taking a walk in the sunshine *using super fantastic smelling and feeling soaps, gels and lotions *sleeping *being domestic (in small amounts, preferably before I get ticked off at doing so much work) *shopping (even just window shopping or browsing online) *girls' nights/days and true friendship in general *allowing someone to love me and show me that love in their own way, be it friend or lover |
excellant points of distinction between indulgence and nurturing. I indulged. I overcompensated for not being loved as a child and also, not knowing how to, in my attempts, I would go hog wild. My addiction to alcohol started out as an attempt to nurture. It was indulgence and then a crutch and then a need and then an addiction.
I have lived in pendulum swings. None or too much. In my 50s I am learning to moderate and find a balance and to know that too much is too much and too little isnt enough. And, that it all comes from me...not outside myself...first and foremost. Because I wasnt loved as a child, (or I should say, as much as a child should be loved, for I know my parents DID love me, just didnt express it) I grew up eager to find it outside of myself..to fill that void left in me. What a fiasco that has been. No matter where I go, there I am. Void and all. No one can fill it but me. And the way it gets filled is thru nurturance, no indulgence. good one, Arwen... |
Every night, even if just out of the shower, I wash my feet by hand. I dig that.
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Do we have anymore self nurturers out there? :thumbsup:
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I practice breathing, deeply not from the chest but the center..
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Pray
Read the spiritual Masters play my piano or flute Jump in the car Jump in the whirlpool workout plan a better budget think about my goals and dreams etc. talk with folks who will be there for me just in case.. |
I am practicing self nurturing today by going to the Podiatrist to have my foot checked out...something I have been avoiding for a few years now.
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To take care of me I do things I want to do for me,I dont deny myself simple things I enjoy like I did before,If I see something I like I often get it,go to a movie I havent seen.Last year I went whole hog into playing pool so now im on two teams ones a mixed team the other a ladies team.The best thing im finding me while doing this...not shure how I lost me but its working out if that makes any sence.
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Today is the first day of a new month, the first day of a new work week and there is a new moon at the end of this week. Everything appears to be lined up for new beginnings - at least for me.
That being said, I am nurturing myself by taking back my life and taking care of me. For the past many months I have been "sort of" following the food programme from my doctor so it did not come as a surprise when I got on the scale last week and found that I had re-gained some of the weight I fought so hard to lose - not a lot but enough. That's hardly taking care of myself. Re-reading some of the posts in this thread - especially the ones by Arwen, Gemme and Softness about self-indulgence v. self-nurturing has given me strength, encouragement and hope. Thank you ladies. :rrose: |
I am absolutly horrible at nurturing myself..
It's a nasty circle.. I feel guilty for taking/giving myself what I need to be a balance, healthy individual... So I stop.... I get resentful of not having the things I need and I go into a state of inertia. Depression, hopelessness, soon follow... Pull myself up and out of depression by sheer will.. Take what I need for myself and then the cycle starts all over again... I've always been an all or nothing kind of woman, balance is very hard for me... and the ways different parts of me need to be nurtured are so very different... I really do have a two distictly different sides... (No, not split personalities.. Just very much a gemini) On one hand... I need to provide a home for my family... I need to take care of someone... (This is the part of me that I think of as a sterotypical 50's housewife... It really does give me soul satisfaction to have a clean house, fresh bread out of the oven, drink and slipper in hand for the head of my household to come home too..) On the other hand... What I need to be nurtured is Time... Time to walk Time to wander Time to think Time to process I need to be by water... I need to listen to music that moves me to dance... I need to dance like a whirling dervish, I need to work in a garden, I need read good books and think about what I read...I need to play my drum and let it make my mind still.. I need to get my hands dirty in clay, I need to let my imagination take over and lose myself in a box, or a mirror, or what ever needs to be transformed...I need time before the sun comes up to think and process and fill my soul with the quiet...and then if I can be filled enough with these things... I need time to pick up my camera and show how I see the world, time to write what is in my heart, my soul.. Because the base of what I need is quality and quanity time alone.. (Not even a phone call or a txt message)The others build on this first step... If I don't do the first three, then I can't process what is going on inside of me, then I don't know who I am, If I don't know who I am, I can't let go of control enough to dance, or beat the drum.. If I can't let go of control, then I can't create, If I can't create then I can't feel my soul, If I can't feel my soul, then I can't find my quiet place, If I can't find my quiet place then I can't write, and I can't take pictures... If I take what I need, then the guilt sets in.. It's almost impossible to be in a relationship when you need to be alone the majority of the time... When someone loves you, they sort of want to spend time with you... Then there is the entire housewife vs artist thing... lol.. I've tried to combine the two. The flowers came out beautiful, but I burned the roast and blew up the challah... It's hard to focus on the outside world when you are lost in clay... I have to find a way to balance the two.. The hole I just pulled myself out of was so dark and so deep, that I didn't think I was going to make it.. I've thought about SSRI's but taking a pill vs giving myself what I need? I'm resistant... It's like taking lactate so I can eat cheesecake, when my body says.. I don't like that... If I don't figure out a way to balance the two, then I am going to end up choosing myself and leaving the best relationship that I have ever had... I really don't wanna do that... |
It is really helpful to read how others nurture themselves. I can spin off when stressed and not pay attention to what my body and mind tells me I need. Often, I am so ruled by a history of putting other's first and that is not good. Then, I can go too far in trying to stick up for myself. Balance is the key... not so good at this.
There are many good ways to to self-nurture posted and I am going to pay attention to you all! In a very stressful situation right now and I need to get better with self-care! Thanks! |
Hi Random :)
I would offer to you that perhaps here lies the problem... Quote:
I do get the struggle you are in. On the one hand I see that you know what you need in order to be healthy, and on the other there is the guilt. Learning to self nurture will help a lot with removing that guilt though. So I say to you, you are not at fault for taking/giving yourself what you need to be a balanced, healthy individual. You will be a stronger partner if you take care of you. If you enjoy reading you may be interested in reading Radical Acceptance...it has opened my eyes about the ways I have limited myself, through self judgment. Peace Jesse |
1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
It is very difficult for me to nurture myself, I'm fabulous in doing so for others, but the *g* word interferes with the self nurture, but I am learning. My horses, dogs, cats, gardening and my antiques and other old "things" feed me when I'm low. 2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Part of others nurturing me, is aksing/reaching out for what I need from others, this too is difficult, and a learning process. I was not nurtured as a child, therefore, I set out in life to be a different kind of mother. Asking for and receiving what I need is "selfishness" ingrained into me deeply since birth, it's really hard, but I am overcoming that! When I ask a partner or family member for what I need to feel nurtured, (just little things) I return that ten-fold, so it's to your advantage, LOL 3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? NO, see above. 4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? Not so much anymore, it's so infrequent these days as I have a special needs adult child who is demanding a lot of time and effort, I also work the graveyard shift which is all consuming, by the days off, so much is needed to be done for the household in the way of everyday chores, bill pay, grocery shopping, general cleaning etc. BUT, I do find time albeit small snipets for myself. 5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? No, not at all!!! Self nurturing is paramount to being a whole person who is able to handle what life throws, and life does throw!!! My horses are my air, my drug, my therapy. They are seen as indulgences by my family and some friends, but? I'm very good lately about saying that it really doesn't effect them and is really none of their business, may seem harsh, but setting boundaries with family and toxic friends to me, is self nurturing and necessary to live!! I still act out of guilt now and again, but I am a work in progress!! |
I am having a off day today... Random my fellow Gemini sister... Thank you... Your post speaks volumes to me... I walk a very similar path... We very well could be walking side by side... I have ALWAYS nurtured those around me... Is it possible that some people are just born to be nurturers? Because I am a mom, does this make me predisposed to nurture and take care with those around me? Just more questions to ponder... Quote:
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LOL, though.... I learned that I have such thick toe nails, this doc had to trim them with bone cutters!!! Who knew!!! |
leave work early, change into fluffy robe and slippers, eat whatever I am craving and watch tv.
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i have a sketch pad (size large) where i draw events that i find disturbing.
sometimes i make one of these events into a comic strip. --it's all very satisfying, i highly recommend it. |
I never buy cheap toilet paper.
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My favorite one to date is the one where Buster and Chester are about to battle and I am in between them. Buster has Ninja throwing stars and numchucks. Chester looks like an angel. |
Thought this might be appreciated here...
I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.
I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars. I will welcome happiness as it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. - Og Mandino |
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