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Bootsandheels...My blogs, and poetry
Hi everyone! I'm a big blogger over on the BF site, and wanted to start getting more involved over here...I hope you will find my stuff interesting and a good read. I have a large fan base over at BF...LOL. I just write from the depths of my femme heart...I hope you will enjoy.
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Femme Unbound
I have finally hit that last layer…the last piece of bonded amalgam between me and my stone butch ex that bonded us together in a way that only we as butches and femmes can become bonded.
It’s truly remarkable to me, this bond…it’s like a metal alloy-two distinct and pure forms of metal being bonded together under incredible heat and force. I would never have known just how strong this bond was until I was forced to undergo the unbonding process over this last year. Nothing…nothing compares with the bond of a butch and a femme. It is sacred, unique and goes beyond what we can grasp or understand at times. The quality of this bond far exceeds that of any other relationship we know in my humble opinion. I’ve been married to men twice, had my initial girlfriend experience, and then met my first butch. We were engaged for 5.5 yrs and she never married me, but I was more married to her and more bonded than in any other relationship I have ever known. Not until now…going through the excruciating pain of unbonding have I truly and fully understood this fact. It was a picture…several actually, of her and her new love…at a dance (of course) that I happened upon online. She looked happy, newly in love, and with someone far tanner, more toned and shorter than me. It felt like a laser had just sliced through me…dividing a part of me from myself…like a limb or an organ. It was so sudden I didn’t even feel the intensity of the pain until later…my heart, body and soul couldn’t quite register what my eyes were seeing. It was a clean amputation, complete with bloodless laser cautery. There is a phonomena known as “ghost limb” pain…where an amputee can still feel with alarming accuracy the limb that has been amputated-even years afterwards. I believe this will happen less and less that I realise it’s really gone, over and done with, but some of the ghost pain will remain…at least for awhile. This is the price we pay…for that bondedness we so desire and are sometimes blessed and privileged to experience. In doing my research on the separation of metal alloys, I ran across a thread (at bottom) that describes how there are really only two ways for alloys to be separated; chemically or physically. It was interesting to note that the best suggestion was to just purchase the pure elements, because the other methods took an incredible amount of energy. I am returning to my purest femme form, no fragments left behind. It’s only in our purest forms as radiant compliments of one another that we can reform a new bond… To me this is the greatest lesson and one of incredible hope to hang onto. Boots http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=245677 Lkf 9/2011 |
Femme Reunion (This was written just before the above :) )
It’s been almost exactly a year to the day that I’ve seen my ex.
It was a new moon…the kind that sits like a bright white fingernail crescent in the sky…then perches low on the horizon waiting til dawn to quietly slip away. A date night…a rare chance for me to go dancing which is something I was born to do, but don’t do often enough anymore. A once a month women’s dance called a “Hotflash Dance”…where there’s a whole helluva lot more going on than just a lack of estrogen… I had just come in with my date, and I saw her cross to my left…going to the bar. I had to do that “Is that really her” thing for a few seconds to ascertain that indeed it was…and what was I going to do about it. So ya, the choice…to ignore her or to touch her, which in that split second’s maze of time I chose to do …on the sleeve, ever so gently like I used to, to get her attention and then hold it with that look of love I had only for her. I beamed with love, standing serenely in my femme strength and light that I had worked so hard to achieve over this past year. As she turned and saw me…her face looked like she was seeing an angelic vision or a ghost-perhaps both. The room, the pulsating music, all disappeared and everything became blurry around us…all we saw was each other’s face and light in our eyes- a ‘movie moment’ that had happened only once before…the day we met 6.5 years ago. She stood there, about 8-10’ from me…looking at me…mouth open…and finally managed to say…”You look gorgeous… Oh my God…Do you realise it‘s been a year since I‘ve seen you?” She slowly made her way towards me with off-balance steps-either feigning for dramatic effect or real from the alcohol she had consumed, I wasn’t sure. I think it was a little of both-she always had a comedic side, which I loved, that she would bring out around me, and she always had a problem with alcohol. We met in AA and both had the same amount of time-4 years. A year ago last December after picking up her 9 year chip, she picked up a six-pack, and has never looked back. I looked furtively at her hand that held a beer that she placed on a small table nearby. As I opened my ‘ballerina arms’ as she called them to embrace her, we slowly moved towards one another once again…a beginning to a dance we both knew so very well. Her freshly pressed beautiful shirt, her body, her short bleached hair and her cologne…all so familiar and comfortable. With each second that passed I began to melt and mold into her frame , her bones for checkpoints, like magnets no longer able to resist the pull. We held on for a long time…and I stepped in closer with that one tiny step that I would always take to adjust for my height, for a tighter fit. She squeezed a little tighter, hung on a little longer than I expected. She always said she could feel my heart beating right through my chest all the way to hers when we hugged, and mine was doing crazy acrobatic flips doubletime. I tried to breathe and slow it down..but it wasn’t possible…breathing…heart rate…all non-negotiable now. A scene like this had played out not so long ago…in a counseling office.. both of us crying…hanging on to one another for dear life…when the reality hit that our life together was ending. She wouldn’t stop the drinking, I wouldn’t live with it. Upon re-entry to the world…the room..our surroundings…she bowed her head in embarrassment while slowly pulling away. I motioned to my date whose back was to us, and the introductions were made. As I watched them, I felt an incredible combination of elation, shock, victory and defeat all at the same time. And so I danced…with my funky balletic grace, and bringing sexy back femme moves, I danced…I smiled so big and danced so big I WAS the firework in Katy Perry’s song. I was on a sugar dancing high…my body was on fire, my mind and spirit awhirl with delight as they reconnected with the pulsating beat of my healing heart and reunited my sweet femme soul strutting in her stillettos out on the dance floor…leaving them all going "Ah ah ah…" [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw"]Katy Perry - Firework - YouTube[/nomedia] Boots 6/5/2011 lkf |
Hey Boots...I LOVED your work at Dash, so will here as well....good to see you again..and you are awesome!!! Clay
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Hey Clay! Thank you so much for this! What is Dash? Not familiar with that I think-so please fill me in if my work is showing up somewhere I don't know about...? Thanks again for welcoming me and my work here! |
Morning there Boots! You are most welcome. Dash is that "other" site you mentioned (BF). I heard everyone else calling it "Dash" so I do, too! Sorry if I have confused you!! Keep on writing hun!!! LOVE it! Clay
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Hi Ya Boots: You, again, are very welcome. Or as we said in Hawaii..."mahalo". Yea that was funny..."dash"....
I am having a wonderful long weekend. Keep that pen smoking, dahlink! I am a FAN for life!!!! Clay Quote:
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"Femme Rooted"
Femme Rooted (Endless...) When does it end…these gut wrenching sobs… With pain so deep my need to breathe is robbed An endless ache of sleepless nights with no dreams A black hole of sky A cold moon without her moonbeams… When does it stop? (How did it start?) endless memories of you and me… So happy…so desperately in love…never dreaming we would ever be apart (someone jumpstart my heart…please…just jumpstart my heart…) Why can’t we pull out those deep roots of love- the ones that go so far down… we never know where they really go… but they go… and they grow… growing deep down to the beautiful place… The beautiful-unconditional-love-place… The beauty-within-ourselves (and others)-place… The have-no-words-(don’t need any)-for-it-place… No-address-or-map-for-this-love’s-journey-or-destination-place… A place…to call Home… yes that we might…just might (get to) come home… Still it grows and it goes… deeper and deeper still Anchoring and curling… back around our hearts securing… battening down hatches and tightening latches against a storm’s rage and tidal waves From the world and how we each behave… (Towards one another…) When did it start (Will it ever stop?) This endless love between you and me… So alone…dreaming of lost love… never dreaming we would be apart... (someone jumpstart my heart- please…just jumpstart my heart…) Why can’t I pull out these deep roots of love- the ones that go so far down I never know where they really go… but they go… and they grow… Growing deep down through the pain back to love place The beautiful-unconditional-love-you-always-place… The beauty-to-love-myself-and-love-(someone new)-place… No-address-or-map-for-new-love’s-journey-or-destination-place… A place…to call Home… yes that I might…just might (get to) come home… Still it grows and it goes… deeper and deeper still Without my permission or any willing submission I’ll fall down and lay down New seedlings of my love And show the world how it’s done… That the roots of love won… lkf 9/16/2011 |
Since B-F is down...I'm posting my monthly blog here for those interested and subscribed!
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I understand
Amazing Boots as always!! Big hugs!
I know this place all too well. I hope someday to be free of that pain or plant my own seed of love won. |
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From the beginning...my first blogs from B-F
I started with this series-"Because I am Femme..." Hope you enjoy and let me know-I love feedback!
Because I am Femme #1 Because I am femme I can feel your eyes on me from across the room and you can smell me a mile away...and I haven't even met you...yet. Because I am femme I know just where to love you, touch you, caress you with heart pounding at the honor and privilege of it even though it may change daily... Because I am femme I will defend you to those who would seek to ridicule you or make fun of us by getting (sweetly) in their faces and teaching them about who we are... Because I am femme I allow you the honor to hold me when I cry, gently caressing my tears and blotting my smeared mascara away... Because I am femme I grin at the men who stare in wonder at me with you and with one look, and the way I carry myself with you they know why... Because I am femme I take pride in how I look, and wear what looks stunning on me in and out of the bedroom... Because I am femme I take pleasure in fixing a delicious meal with you or for you and having it ready when I can... Because I am femme I allow you to take the lead if you want it and if you don't, my step is right in tune with yours... Because I am femme I adore you from afar...watching your stance, your swagger, your smile, your scent...blushing when you catch me at it...fanning myself... Because I am femme you notice my crossed legs when I sit, my strut in my heels, my only-for-you-smile and hint of beautiful lingerie peeking out of my dress... Because I am femme I lift you up when you are down and immerse you in the strength, love and courage you need for another day "out there"... Because I am femme I know that the your greatest pleasure is in pleasing me...and I let go...more and more...and watch the delight on your face and in your body... Because I am femme I will try to be very patient, loving, and kind with you when you make really stupid mistakes, and am always aware of your tender butch ego... Because I am femme I eagerly allow you to shove me hard against a wall kissing me passionately all the while knowing I'm the one who is still really in control... Because I am femme I will always be a lady and act like one, whether with or without you... Because I am femme I am strong and secure in myself and do not need you to constantly remind me...but love it when you choose to... Because I am femme I am aware of your needs, especially for understanding, trust, loyalty, honesty and know when to step up... Because I am femme I will not let you kill my lovely spiders, but carry them out of the house...but the sugar ants you may always kill immediately...lol 7/24/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #2
Because I am Femme #2
Because I am Femme...I will go shopping with you in the men's or young men's department, guarding you from rude salespeople and stares and giving you my undivided attention and honest commentary, not letting you walk out that door with anything that doesn't look amazing on you... Because I am Femme...I will stand patiently in the endless hardware aisles with you and learn all I can about tools...when I really know I can do it too...I just need a nail file, hammer and scissors...for most anything...oh and duct tape... Because I am Femme...I will always look at you adoringly when someone looks at you funny or with a grimace from across the room, the street, in an airport or wherever...I am your guardian angel and have stilettos to wield if necessary and will if need be...not to mention a very high kick in the right area... Because I am Femme...if you ask, I will accompany you into the women's bathroom which is your minefield unless you choose the other one for that day...it's up to you and I won't say a word about it... Because I am Femme...I will remember family birthdays, anniversaries, etc. etc. and make sure that your family and mine are cared for and remembered...I make you (and us) look good, but really take delight in doing all those little things that you consider quite annoying and time consuming... Because I am Femme...I will always give you the once over before you head out that door and make sure that there is nothing out of place, out of whack, or whatever...you are my butch and it's my job baby! and...I expect that same courtesy only with no snide remarks or rudeness if I am "Off" that day... Because I am Femme...Your femme...I won't flirt...or do anything like it...because we are bonded, and that is a very very rare gift indeed...you will always know where I am in a room full of people (because I am the proverbial social butterfly)...but...if you give me that one "look" I will be by your side..in an instant. Ok...so that's my second installment....hmmm (ponders more while going car shopping...) 7/26/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #3
Because I am Femme #3
Struts back in...(proud of myself for walking away from nasty used car salesmen)...looks around...removes high heeled sandals and curls up on sofa... Because I am Femme...I delight in the fact that you are mesmerized by watching me put on my make-up, and I am equally so...by your facial expressions reflected in the mirror... Because I am Femme...I will stand up to you in my Femme Power if you are ever mean or controlling with me, reminding you that we are still equals when it comes right down to it...and we should always endeavor to maintain mutual love and respect...or I will strut proudly...dignity intact...right out that door... Because I am Femme...I will take the incredible amount of time, energy and effort that it takes to button, fasten, snap, clip, tie, untie, hook, unhook, and shimmy...all the special lingerie and other things that you adore on me...knowing that within 5 mins it comes off...usually...lol...and it was SO worth it...and always will be...! Because I am Femme...I am a grand chameleon...I am sometimes invisible...sometimes not...and that can often be a good or a bad thing...but I always know who I am and so do you...always. 7/26/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #4
Because I am Femme #4
(Quietly pads into room...barefeet today...no makeup...hair askew...some random thoughts) Because I am Femme...I appreciate your integrity, honesty, gentleness, courtesy and boldness...especially when given permission to enter the sacred vault of my complicated heart... Because I am Femme...I so appreciate your strong heart, strong arms, and strong mind to keep up with mine... Because I am Femme...truly Femme...I feel it from the inside out, not the outside in...and couldn't imagine being anything else...ever. Because I am Femme...I will quietly and confidently look for you until I find you, patiently waiting...knowing that at the right moment you will appear someday right when you are supposed to, and we will both know it almost instantaneously... Because I am Femme...I am a hopeless romantic with my head in the clouds...just like you...I refuse to give up hope... (Pads out of room to get dressed...and repeat my calming ritual of putting on my make-up, the "right" pair of heels, jeans...fixing my hair, even though you are not there...yet.) Boots 7/29/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #5
(Home from the movies, had to fight to take off tight new boots...lol...quietly contemplating the evening's events pretzeled up at the computer desk...) Because I am Femme...I catch myself hoping and wondering that the boyish looking young person with the slightly wider hips in the movie line in front of me is really a butch... Because I am Femme...I laugh at myself when I realise that he is not...and realise that I do this everyday...hoping...lol Because I am Femme...and single, I have a unique and timely opportunity to decide what kind of relationship I want and need and am enjoying the dynamic in a whole new way...dating! OMG... Because I am Femme...I can run and hide from all of this if I choose and still be me and still be desireable-for myself first and then for that special someone out there...if I choose. Because I am Femme...I can love and appreciate all women...but know that it's always the butches that make my heart, body, soul, mind and spirit...SING...! Because I am Femme...I'm thinking about how a Femme can be both a Stradivarius and a fiddle and needs a skilled and talented set of hands to bring her beautiful music out...Wishing more understood this...! Boots 8/11/2010 lkf |
Excellent! Excellent!!! Bravo, Boots!!! YOU are magnificent!!! SOME one is going to be mighty blessed to win your heart!!! Hugs, beautiful lady!!! Clay
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Because I am Femme #6
(Teary...green rubber clogs on, getting ready to go to vet's soon) Because I am Femme...I really want a strong butch by my side today as I struggle to deal with finding a new home for my beautiful dog who just bit someone randomly yesterday. Because I am Femme...it's hard for me to admit the above statement, because I'm strong and can handle it with as much grace and dignity as possible, but I so could use that strong, steady, loving butch energy today. Because I am Femme...I am recognising and missing a whole new level of "bondedness" in the magic dynamic between a butch and a femme...that of true, deep and steadfast friendship. (shuffles off to the vet to get shots and begin the process of saying goodbye...)  8/21/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #7
Pretzled up again at desk cluttered with papers…major “bedhead” hair, makeup still on from yesterday…(I never do that) fleece jacket and green clogs…sigh…plans ‘femmier’ outfit after writing this blog…)
Because I am Femme…I get overwhelmed easily at times by your passion, need and desire for me…yet delight in it. Because I am Femme…I over think and over feel everything and eventually figure it all out, I just need time to myself, and will pull away from you for awhile to get it. Because I am Femme…when I get like this I want to run away from the world and become invisible for awhile…but I can’t for long because my femme light shines so brightly…and I need yours too to help find my way. Because I am Femme…I will always come back to you, if you are truly mine and I am truly yours…it’s just the way it is…like two dancers on stage, one in each corner…carefully eyeing one another…Moving slowly, methodically, gracefully between the solo dance, the duet…the solo dance…the duet…the choreography planned long ago… Boots 8/29/2010 lkf |
Because I am Femme #8
(Barefoot…jammies…pretzled up again at ‘puter desk…pissed, but slightly amused…)
Because I am Femme…I will not bend or break under any false accusations against me but will quietly stand firm in my femme power with my diginity and integrity knowing the truth will always come out… Because I am Femme…I will not let you get away with your malicious gossip and backstabbing ways but quietly and serenely wait until the mudslinging is over and watch you wash it off…and hand you a towel… Because I am Femme…You will NEVER bring me down…because I am stronger than you could have ever imagined and fearless beyond measure… Because I am Femme…I have nothing to prove…nothing to hide…I am just me and I am an amazing femme…no matter what anyone thinks… Because I am Femme…I will not back down, run away or hide…you have just made me stronger and better…THANK YOU!!! (Laughing and shaking my head as I head out the door to enjoy the beautiful Fall day…with my favorite brown shitkickers on…) |
Femme Rant

(Sits in bathing suit at desk in 94 degree weather hot and mad as hell…) If you want a “woman with some meat on her bones” or a stereotypical voluptuous femme with big boobs, long hair, etc…. Don’t come knocking on my door…or try to steal my honey and then decide you don’t like the taste after all… I am a lean mean fighting machine with curves for days that can kick ass with my long flexible legs and wrap them around you and make you a puddle on the floor wanting more in a matter of seconds…I will match you beat for beat… You say I show some weight loss in my neck and chest from all the life changes I’ve had recently and comment on that rather than focusing on what an amazingly beautiful neck and body I have to offer you…completely missing the fact that those are the places that would make me yours in a heartbeat… Stupid stupid butch…get the hell outta my way…because you are getting in the way of a butch who’s coming after me who will see me just as I am and know I am a complete treasure worth far more than you ever could have or deserve… (Pads barefoot out to deck to sun my skinny bikini self...feeling much more at peace...femme rant over) 8/14/2010 lkf |
Femme Taken
I know who are…
I bury my face in the shirt you left behind and close my eyes remembering your touch…our amazing time together…lost in you… wanting you…but trying hard not too. My heart twisted like your shirt in my hands… Too soon… too much…too intense… but so right. The places I could go with you…the places I have already gone… Who are you? Who the hell gave YOU the keys to my sacred feminine vault? Who do you think you are? And patiently you wait… keys in hand softly jangling… unnerving me… wearing me down… with a knowing grin on your face… Watching me struggle to figure it out… Watching the others come and go… Watching the walls of my fortified heart come tumbling down Around your boots And my heels… You say to me… “You are the woman of my heart and soul”… How can that be? When did you see? And I follow your gaze down to the key… Lodged in the lock… Now set free 10/18/2010 lkf |
I'll be back to post more of the "Femme" series...and of course the "Island Girl Series.." :) Thank you for you support and for reading!!!
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fantastic writings.. hope to read more!
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Femme Rapture…
There you are again…
in my bed with your sweet angelic boi-face… nestled in the crook of your arm… the covers strewn with jeans and lace… So adorable… I could stand for hours just watching you there… Strong jaw, high cheekbones…short curly hair… So handsome yet so beautiful… So incredibly unique… And into your soul you let me peek… And In that moment… I get a sneak peek… Of a butch-boi man… Of a woman in a butch-boi Of constant struggle but no defeat… Of acceptance and hard won joy… Of my sweet butch-woman-boi… Like a cherub full of grace… with a childish grin on your impish face… Halfway between sleepy and sound asleep… You stretch and wait for me… Aching for me even in your dreams You reach for me… You reach for me… But still I stand against the wall… watching you breathe… The rise and fall… Watching you… Wait for me… Struggling to stay awake… For me… with senses aware that I’m not there… Quite yet… Sleepy head, you rock my world with your soft seraphim lips… Heaven’s music starts to play when you touch me with your fingertips… Heaven’s own music starts to play…when you lay me down… Stroking the strings of your precious femme instrument… When you lay me…down… and gently remove my princess crown… Boots :stillheart: lkf, 11/23/10 |
Femme Unraveled…( The Tapestry)
I’m supposed to be put together…been told I know how to do that well..
Yet I have so many loose ends going this way and that… The man-child … a hot blue brilliant flame of strong satin ribbon…trying desperately to blame… The ex …a worn black leather cord…it’s tightly knotted razor edges once loved and adored… The lover…a sky blue silk string…deliciously wrapped so delicately in between… The dog…a metallic soldered silver thread slipping carefully by cheating death... The job…a wiry rough jute rope… frayed and full of false promises and hopes… The friends…a multiple strand of vibrant yarns wrapped round me keeping safe from harm… The family…a soft and strong cotton blend allowing me room to grow and bend… The Femme…a fierce fiery red silk strand carefully and intricately sewn by hand… All these loose ends somehow find their place in their own interwoven interface… It’s a mystery that even I sometimes cannot see… But when I really look… It’s a beautiful femme tapestry… Boots :stillheart: 10/31/10 lkf |
The Island Girl Series...(1/1/11-present)
Femme Geographic...The "Island Girl Series" #1
(Sitting at a desk in a cute studio apartment, on a rainy island in the middle of Puget Sound…hot pink fleece jacket, sheepskin slippers…pondering packing up…) So I’m trying it on…for only for 3 months I said… Moving from my cityscape home for the last 23 years to your Puget Sound island where a ferry boat is the only way off and on… Where 130 or so goats, 2 horses, 1 cow, 4 potbellied pigs, 7 sheep and a border collie are your constant companions… And the smell of rotten feta cheese has a name: Bart the buck goat-who you promise will not be around much longer… You’ll live in the loft above the barn… Which is the Taj Mahal compared to the “Twinkie” Your 20 foot remodeled 1954 Airstream trailer that has seen better days and you…for the past 10 years… sacrificing so much for your business that is now exploding… I’ll live in a cute studio apartment close to the water… With a loving lesbian couple 8 steps away… My dog by my side… Eagerly awaiting you and the promise of another front seat truck ride and a romp on your 7 acre farm… It must be love… My dog says so… It must be love… I sure hope so… It must be love… My dog says so… It must be love… And I won’t know Until I know… And so I’ll go… (Dances around to "Soldier" by Ingrid Michaelson... ) [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHWQ9-OJH5E"]Soldier - Ingrid Michaelson - YouTube[/nomedia] Copyright lkfox 1/2011 |
Femme Islander (I'm floating...) "The Island Girl Series" #2
(Sheepskin slippers and fleece again…sigh…sitting on a couch with Aisha…(tail wrapped around her nose)…gas fire burning in little loft above the barn…random animal noises from down below…) Halfway between the water and the land I float… Not knowing where I will land… Between somewhere here and a ferryboat… from some Seattle mainland… to your peculiar I-sland… I float…I swirl…like a small wave I advance… I retreat…I advance…I retreat…perhaps I’ll dance… Will I stay…will I go…where I’ll end up Nobody knows… Sitting now…greeting seniors at their center… (where is center… my own center?) A hug turns into a two-step twirl… (I retreat…I advance…and I swirl..) As a tall bent man sings “Mona Lisa” (“are you real are you warm Mona Lisa…”?) cataract filled eyes gazing into mine… (even with my heels on…eye to eye…) I retreat…I advance…perhaps I’ll dance… Will I stay…will I go…where I’ll end up… Nobody knows… So I float like the ferryboats… I swirl and I twirl… Like a small wave I advance… I retreat…I advance… And towards center… Perhaps I’ll dance… Boots :stillheart: Copyright lkfox 1/22/11 |
Femme Exit "The Island Girl Series" #3
I can feel it coming… That time…when I will leave. I hate that…the knowing… the waiting for that moment… that day the one that comes so unexpectedly… but when it does you knew it all along. See… Right there….deep inside that protected vault lies my femme heart… (beating without fault) Open enough for you to gaze in and marvel (It’s design a brilliant cat’s eye marble) To gently hold for a season (not without reason) To ravish it’s rarity and it’s reluctant return… ( and still I turn…) Wishing I had what it takes to stay still To offer you all with my own free will to offer you all that you need… But I bleed… (See?) I still bleed… From inside out (with silent shouts…) Slow trickles now… (coagulating now) Scabbing, scarring, building… (unyielding…) but healing… (yes still healing…) See… My diamond scales? They’re breaking through that new scar tissue… refracting light beams like the stuff of my dreams… and like a dizzy disco ball dancing against the walls Spinning mirror facets like an Elvis jacket… Transformation complete. Copyright lkfox 4/2011 |
Femme Detour…(Recalculating Route) "The Island Girl Series" #4
There are twists and turns to every story and my life is certainly no exception. I can pick the coordinates, enter an address and *poof* there’s a construction zone up ahead and I hear that dreaded voice again…”Recalculating route”… You know…the one that seems to say in an ever-so-slightly-disgusted- bitchy-impatient-tone…“You idiot…why the hell didn’t you just do what I said-you have a map, the route is clearly outlined, and PLUS… you have my lovely computerized voice to guide you….” To which I cheerfully but disgustedly reply back with glee… ”Fuck you!” and choose my own path…while switching off my global positioning system. There is something scary about that statement…but strangely comforting at the same time. Anyone who knows me learns very quickly that while I have amazing intuitive gifts, I cannot for the life of me find my way out of a paper bag where directions are concerned. And nighttime driving?…let’s just not go there right now ok? Let’s just say that while I can give you spiritual direction and guidance, I will probably get lost on the way back home from your house. Sigh…it’s humbling really… I get really impatient and tend to beat myself up about this frustrating embarrassing truth about myself. I do eventually …with practice, find my own way…and sometimes just switching off all of my external guidance systems (MapQuest, GPS, iPhone…) is exactly what I need. In my last “Island” blog I was at the “Exit” sign…pondering not why…but how. I’ve pulled off to the side of the road and am just sitting calmly waiting for different signs now…different guidance systems…and surprisingly when I get quiet enough and just simply stay still long enough, I hear a different voice…a truth, a gut hit, that inner compass that slowly starts to spin again showing me not necessarily the “right” direction to go in, but the best one FOR NOW. I smiled when I realized I was “Recalculating Route” in my very own personalized unique way…and that it was simply…perfectly… okay. The voices that I chose to listen to this time were familiar…patient, loving and yes…sometimes admonishing, but always TRUE. These voices are what I like to call “My Tribe of Women” My Best Friend…who incredibly is so pure in heart you can palpably feel her Mary-Mother-of-God kind of love… My “Spiritual Mother”…an amazing femme goddess whose wisdom, guidance and love I NEVER question or debate…damnit…she’s ALWAYS right! My Best Butch Bud…who loves me unconditionally and just “gets” me, offering me her strength and wisdom with gentleness and no expectations… They are amazing and I am so fortunate to have these women in my life. They are the earth to my air, the feathers of my wings… They ground me and help me stay still just a little while longer…and never abandon me if I go off on yet another rabbit trail that has a “DEAD END” sign clearly marked at the entrance… “Recalculating route”…yep… that’s not so bad…to turn a corner and not be where you thought you’d be…but not in a panic anymore. I’m learning a little bit more about myself by standing still long enough to notice the birds again…the flowers and trees exploding all around me in a riot of color against this perpetually green wet rain forest, and a sky that stays light a little longer every day…with another tease of sunlight. It’s an interesting thing riding a ferry boat…I used to panic that the damn thing would sink and I wouldn’t be able to get out of my car or get my dog out of her crate…now I just stay still in my car and relax as the boat slowly and calmly moves me forward…as it safely does hundreds of times each week, with graceful strength and dignity… And I keep my eyes open… watching and hoping… to catch a glimpse of orcas... Boots :stillheart: Copyright lkfox 4/2011 |
Femme Nailed..."The Island Girl Series" #5
I admit it…I’m a nail slut. In addition to being a shoe whore, I have come to the realisation that yes…I am….a nail slut. I adore getting my nails done. I’ve had that off again, on again love affair with acrylic nails, solar nails, and every vice in between… I have finally just given in to this hedonistic addictive love affair once and for all-and even people around me are far happier, calling me such a girly girl…to which I just *blush…and positively squeal with delight replying… “That’s RIGHT!!!” and show them my lovely nails… My plan every year is to hold out until summer for the beginning of Pride festivities- I like to look my femmiest for Pride…and the nails have it-in addition to my stilettos, my tight jeans or dress…the nails just take me to that “whole ‘nuther level of femmeness“…I’m not sure why…I don’t ask, I just obey my inner Femme lioness who wants to have gorgeous sexy claws to scratch and…and….*ahem (jots down notes for ‘Femme Erotique’ piece…*wink) Living on a small rural island in the middle of Puget Sound, you would think there wouldn’t be ANYONE who could A.) possibly do nails, and B.) do them well enough to my high femme standards. I about jumped outta my heels when I walked into Nancy’s nail salon and got one of the most beautiful full sets of acrylics I have ever had the priviledge of wearing. Most women know that Vietnam is the source of many amazing artistic nail goddesses, and Nancy is truly one of the best. She is middle aged, has a beautiful face and skin, with dark eyes framed by lovely tattooed eyebrows all partially hidden behind a yellow surgical mask-the mask of a ninja nail master!!! In between her broken English and rapid fire Vietnamese, she meticulously creates…and makes any woman’s hands and feet a thing of beauty. I told her this, and with crinkly sparkly eyes, she demurely said “Thank you”. Eager to begin, I sat down quickly at her tiny table and “BAM”…hit my knee…hard. She didn’t have any ice, and since I plan to wear a super short sexy thing for Pride next week…I ran out to my car and grabbed the next best thing to ice my poor knee - a “Healthy Choice” frozen entrée dinner. Yep…there I was…mesmerized by Ninja Nail Queen Nancy with one hand in hers, and the other holding my frozen entrée on my bruised knee….NOTHING and I repeat nothing was going to interrupt this sacred event…I breathed in the acetone fumes and started to feel my body relax…perhaps I was just getting high…who knows…but it was all good…really good…zzzzzz… She smiled that subtle little Asian smile every time her eyes caught sight of the frozen entrée, and I can only imagine what she thought. When she finished, she instructed me to be “Vwery Cahful” when I began to extricate myself from her table…giggling a little under her yellow Ninja mask at me…watching this silly stilettoed girly girl with long gazelle legs carefully unfold herself and attempt to stand up without incident. I paid her, and tipped her generously as a master deserves. We smiled and laughed with each other as I put the entrée in my purse, and I knew a bond had been made…my nails yes…bonded, glued, glistening and glamorous. But more perfectly…and more importantly…a bond of women…of cultures, and an unspoken appreciation for beauty and all things feminine. Boots :stillheart: Copyright lkfox 6/16/2011 |
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9 Word Poetry Challenge Mending, Treasure, Morning, Alone, fact, Soul, Love, Future, Hoping “Stitched” Morning comes, And I’m finally alone To ponder the fact That my heart is still mending From the tearing And the rending Yes Still mending… So… Isn’t there some stitch-witchery That will completely set me free? To love again To trust again And yet Again… My heart is still mending From the tearing And the rending Yes Still mending… So…(Sew it together now…) My body you may pleasure Now and then at your leisure, But the fabric of my heart To me is the real treasure… And the resilience of my soul Only I alone know… So…(Sew it together now…) I’m hoping for future love That fits Mmmm…like a kid glove, Hoping and coping with my Heart that’s still mending From the tearing And the rending Yes… Still mending… Morning Comes… And I capture the sunrise Shining in my eyes And I realise With quiet surprise… That my heart is done mending From the tearing And the rending Yes Done mending, Yes Done mending Copyright lkfox 4/29/11 |
Femme Trebuchet "The Island Girl Series" #6
You’ve heard it all when finally faced with whether or not to take a real shot on someone… “Aw…just take a flying leap!”…Just jump! “Gotta step off that cliff… And one of my new personal favorites I’ve heard as of late: “Flying is the best part of jumping…”…Ya…riiiiiight…..Mmmhmm. Tell that to my shattered heart down there…oh and bring the broom & dustpan would ya? It’s right next to the superglue and duct tape-over there… (*Big Breath….in and out slowly…eye roll for dramatic nuance…) I've been kicking and fighting this…this whatever this has been for 11 months now…this THING…that I’ve had going with this BUTCH…person…thing…and NO … (*synchronized mechanical clicking cog noises here…) Don’t you dare call her my girlfriend! I’m not commited…not in love…never will be again…not like THAT…I don’t believe in that kind of love anymore…I’m DONE…do you hear me? (*a loud KERPLUNK here….) D.U.N. done! I love her,…but I”ll never be IN love with her or anyone else AGAIN…do you hear me? (*low pitched enormous WHOOSH here….) This is ALL you’re going to get-this is it, take it or leave it…and if it‘s not enough then TOO BAD!!! (*High pitched whistling rocket sound here…) *Cue music...Cyndi Lauper singing…“When you fall I will catch you…. I’ll be waiting…time after time…” Damn… she caught me…again and again… she set me upright on my feet where I could dust myself off, look her in the eye and say with a steady killer glare… “Why?” Because I love you. “No.” Because I love you. “No.” Because... I LOVE YOU. “Oh…” I’ve watched her prove it Day after day… I’ve watched her walk it out In her gentle way… I’ve felt it (no one’s ever treated me THIS way…) I’ve fought it Please…just…just go away…” No “Why?” Because I love you. “So?” I’m not going anywhere… “Like I care…”(snicker) Yes you do. “What…?” Care. “Why?” Because you love me. (300lb stones hits castle walls and completely crumbles…) “Oh… Shit…” Boots :stillheart: lkf 7/15/2011 For those military history geeks: Trebuchet: Another artillery piece that was similar to the catapult in mechanical function but appeared much later was the trebuchet. The first known trebuchets appeared in medieval Europe in the 12th century. The trebuchet is probably the engineering marvel of entire medieval period. Trebuchets were the only known exception to the rule that ancient artillery was technically superior to medieval artillery. The trebuchet was not only the engineering marvel of medieval Europe, but also, it probably hastened the end of the medieval period. It did this by simply ending the usefulness of medieval fortifications, or castles. The primary difference between the catapult and the trebuchet was that the catapult used elasticity as its power source while the trebuchet used a counterweight for power. This was an advantage in earlier times when elastic materials were difficult to obtain. Another enormous advantage of trebuchets over catapults is that trebuchets did not have a stop position to the mechanism and this greatly reduced wear and tear on the machine. Counterpoise siege engines largely replaced the catapult by the middle of the 13th century. Although nearly anything could be thrown by a trebuchet, the preferred ammunition was spherical stone shot that could be as large as 300-pounds, or 135-kilograms, according to modern estimates. The counterweight of a large trebuchet could be as much as 10 tons, or 9100 kilos, and the throwing end of the arm could be 50 feet, or 15 meters long. Some trebuchets had a hollowed out cavity to hold the ammunition while others used a sling. Slings increased the range substantially and it is believed that they had a range of at least 300 yards, or 275 meters. Another feature that increased the range of the trebuchet was the addition of wheels. It is believed that the trebuchet was remarkably accurate and it could do serious damage to fortifications of the period. Many of the medieval castle ruins attained that state because of the trebuchet. Small trebuchets were used to clear archers and crossbowmen from defensive positions. |
Femme Rescued "The Island Girl Series" #7
If you’ve followed my blogs long enough, you will come to find out that my son who turns 18 on Oct. 27th has been shunning me for about the last 2 years.
He is a Christian fundamentalist like his dad, and he decided that since I wasn’t going to repent and turn away from my lesbian lifestyle, he had to fully shun me. It means absolutely no contact whatsoever, and it’s been an excruciating journey for me to say the least. As his birthday nears once again, I ponder sending him a card. Will he just destroy it or throw it away like he has me and our memories? I will send it this year regardless. It will be the first real attempt at contact from me, and I’m terrified but like a soldier going into battle for all the right reasons, I am committed to it. I’ve been going through mothering withdrawal. I never thought that I would be ‘done’ mothering my son when he was just 11 years old, but that is essentially when he left me-when I came out 7 years ago. I have felt so many things, and bereft is a damn good word right now. It’s not like a death though…it is just torture because he is still alive and beautiful, winning national awards and basketball games as the star center of his high school team, starting to date for the first time, and so many other things that I simply do not know a thing about nor get to be a part of. I’m not sure I even remember some of his favorite things…and that grieves my mother’s heart. He is still in contact with my parents strangely enough, and so I get this sort of window shopping feel to vicariously experience their brief visits with my son through a few pictures that he let them take of him. With my own birthday around the corner, my girlfriend decided that I needed something to ‘mother’. Ok…..pick out a rescue she said…a small dog would be perfect for you-you can take it to work, travel in the car…yada yada yada… Now one of the other things that you find out about me rather quickly is that I have a penchant for LARGE dogs…and….I have a rescued guard dog from Germany-a real working line German shepherd who is a rather large labor of love. She is my third shepherd and a fully trained, locked and loaded weapon that needs to be in a large 6’ high fenced compound where she is happy guarding her surroundings and not at risk of biting anyone but a nasty intruder. I cannot take her anywhere unless she is in her steel crate. Get the picture? I’ve tried re-homing her, but it just didn’t work out. Inside she is a complete goof and lovable couch potato, but outside…let’s just say that there are no less than 4 “Beware of Dog” and “Keep out” signs on the fence that surrounds her. You never know what you get with a rescue-that’s just part of the deal. I’ve been depressed and weepy this month with both me and my son’s birthdays closing in upon me. Looking for ‘something to love’ is not exactly what I had in mind to chase my blues away. But…I began looking on “Adoptapet.com”. Ever since a Papillion dog named “Kirby” won the Westminster Dog Show for the first time in his breed’s history in 1999, I have loved this little “Butterfly dog” breed. (Papillion in French means “Butterfly” and pertains to the shape of their ears which look rather like butterfly wings.) I started a search for papillions not sure of what I would find. I looked at purebred dogs who were hundreds of dollars and decided on another rescue-because that is what I’ve always done-rescued dogs. I inquired about a few that I found promising, and filled out the necessary applications, with no hope or excitement. I wasn’t sure that after this hellish year of losing not only my son but my ex butch of 5.5 yrs to alcoholism I would even be capable of bonding with anyone or anything else. We drove the 3 hours down to wine country in WA to meet this dog. His pictures were cute, and there was something about his expression that made me linger on his page. When we got there, we found a small pet grooming place out in the middle of the puckerbrush that apparently did a small rescue business on the side. I looked at the small yipping dogs scattered across an even smaller enclosure. I didn’t see him and as I kept looking I still didn’t see him…where the hell was he? Then I saw a little face peek out from behind the gal who sat in an office chair as she spoke to another couple about their new addition. There he was…my potential love child. Finally, she was done with the other couple and slowly handed him to me. I’ve only had big dogs in my life and I used to say that dogs his size weren’t dogs…they were toys. If you could sit or step on them…that was not a dog. I took him in my arms and with two licks to my face I didn’t care anymore. He was mine…and I wasn’t letting him go. I embarrassed myself in front of all the other people who had come for their dogs by yep…crying. I was so happy and all the pain of my son and of this last horrible year came out onto that little dog’s fur…and he licked my tears just as fast as I could cry them out. On the 3 hour ride back home, we bonded as we humans do with these creatures, that own us and master us faster than we can blink an eye and say what the f***? How they do it so quickly so effortlessly is just beyond me, and even after he escaped and took off running at a dead heat out onto 7 acres of land towards a busy street that had just claimed our rescue cat the month prior, I couldn’t’ stay mad at him. Even after we tried to get a working border collie to herd him back in, after he took on an 1800 lb Jersey steer- barking at this ridiculously large cartoon of a cow who looked at him as if he were a gnat buzzing around his hooves…I had to laugh so hard I cried again. With two peri-menopausal dykes screaming after him in a panic, we finally caught him when he stopped to eat cow shit-ah dogs…doesn’t matter the size…they still like to eat it. I took “Leo” to work today at the senior center and of course he was a big hit…an 84 year old blind man who hardly speaks starting laughing and talking with Leo in his arms…and he brought a smile to everyone he met. I even put him in my oversized bag with his head popped out over the side and went into Target...breaking a silent vow that I had made to NEVER be one of “Those” women who did such a thing….I used to make fun of them…now I get it! I’ve said over and over these last 3 days to everyone who meets him, “He’s a rescue, can you believe it?” What I know and now believe is that this sweet little angel with butterfly wings found… and rescued me. https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&i....1&disp=thd&zw Boots:stillheart: ©Lkfox 10/19/2011 |
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