...~* Diary in Blue *~...
 

Thursday Night: February 2nd, 2006


Slowly, methodically, the lighter flicked a light and the motion of drawing on the cigarette, that night, brought a relief to her after such a hectic week in term papers. Laying the cigarette down carefully in the blue marble ash tray on the vanity she took off her ear rings, her necklace and slowly began to kick off her shoes. Looking carefully for the last candle lit from the night before, she found it tucked away behind all the pictures and memorabilia on the vanity and began to light the small menagerie of blue candles all over her room. All of the candles had various scents: Lavender, Honeysuckle, Rose, Jasmine, Gardenia; all of them carefully placed throughout the room and on the vanity. Each one in turn became a little flame, lit to perfection. Ahhhh! This is how to relax after a really long day. Once again, she picked up the cigarette and drew on it, slowly exhaling and letting the ambiance of the candles take their effect upon her.

Making sure that the drapes were drawn, she began to undress and take off all the cares of her day: One at a time. All the heavy thoughts came off first, even the ones of how to get that bitchy patron out of the store on time to get off of work, one at a time, thought after thought, casting them off and undressing her mind, she began to unwind and entertain the thought of taking her clothes off...undoing the buttons slowly and reaching over to the blue marble glass ash tray to take one last drag off the cigarette, she carefully slipped out of her dress. After crushing the half cigarette out, she carefully lifted the slip up over her shoulders and draped the silken material over the chaise lounge chair by the end of the bed and set down to take off her stockings......slowly......and purposefully....till all that was left off were her bra and panties.

Candles still flickering and clothes strewn all over the bedroom she laid back on the softness of her bed and stretched out lazily upon the bed and closed her eyes - but just for a moment: Drinking in the softness of the fragrant air from the candles that lit the darkness of the room. Lying on the bed, skin so soft, her breasts bulging from the blue demi-bra and her soft lace panties slowly wanting to come off in the final act of becoming naked of all things that kept her from relaxing, she breathed and let out a long sigh. And as she glanced up from the bed, her eyes caught hold of the moment yet to become fulfilled, thinking to herself: “Where...is my lover tonight?”

The candles whispered: “While you are ready for your dreams to come true, the one for you is not ready quite yet. Be patient and still: you will hear the footprints of your love come to you soon. Be still, listen for the foot print on your heart and then just give in...”




Dearest Diary,



Tonight is yet another long night. I got most of the things done today that needed to be done. Appointments, made months ago, were diligently and carefully accomplished today. Midterms come next week and another day in paradise is yet to pass on. The trees are beginning to bud: the flowers are emerging from the wintery ground that has been buried in sweet cold white snow. Just today, on my drive home, the hills were a pretty emerald green and robins by the thousands descended in the park to partake of the abundance of seeds that appear from below the melted winter snow…

I wonder what tomorrow will bring; I wonder if he will call or write to me. I don't even know, but let that one nuance from the candles sagely advice come true eventually. For tonight, like so many other nights, my dreams will entrance me and beg me to go: to follow wherever my heart leads me.

Dearest Dairy... where is He?

Friday Night: February 3rd, 2006
 

"Isn't that how it always goes?" was the thought in her head, as she drove down the highway with the window down - letting the fresh air swish past her in the car. Having had the worst day in service at the Cellular Center (a five hour ordeal), she decided to take the scenic route home that afternoon. Although she had an engagement to attend in the evening at a museum honoring the Chinese New Year, she felt it wise to wind down the road, looking for signs of spring appearing in the surrounding old growth forest; protected now for legacy’s sake.

As the road curved even higher toward the skyline in the hills, she noticed the cattle grazing in pastures that were graced by trees and brooks of water. Even once she came across an owl, perched on the telephone lines by the road side, looking intently off in the field at its prey. Suddenly, there seemed to be a car following her in the distance in her rear view mirror. The only reason she noticed was the fact that her lips felt dry and she was applying a little lip balm with the aid of the mirror.

"hmm... I recognize that truck," as she wandered in thought on her way back to town.

Not too far into the drive, that she did when she wanted to collect her thoughts and to unwind from the busy events of the day, she pulled over to a secret entrance she once found on this road. It led to a lonely empty park that once was used in earlier years she imagined. After all, this was an historic highway; once the only road available to motorists back then.

As she pulled into the lane that led to the lone park, she realized that the old rustic table had been moved to another place - further down the path for walking. She parked the car, grabbed her sweater and a fresh cigarette to smoke and locked the car door and ventured over to the table. Curious as to why the table had been moved, she slowly entered the area where the table had been originally. Carefully, like a slinking cat, she took in all the details of the shrubs and looked for clues on the ground. She followed a trail left by the moving of the table and noticed a lone stiletto off in the underbrush. Now, what the hell had happened since the last time she was here???

As soon as she noticed the stiletto shoe, she heard the cracking of leaves and twigs behind her and of course, the hairs on her arms and the nape of her neck stood at attention. Sizing up the area, she dared to look behind her as she heard the approaching footsteps.

Turning around, to take in the total picture of who it could be that was approaching her, her frightful thoughts of the intruder at her secret spot were dispelled: For at once, she recognized the womyn as being the dark and handsome butch womyn from a New Years gathering in the woods from the prior year. She smiled at the womyn and was greeted by the acquaintance with a brief hug from hir and watched hir slowly raise her hand to kiss it.


But as soon as her hand had been kissed by the butch womyn, she was immediately scolded for being out there alone!

"What are you doing out here today?" s/he asked?

"Well, what are you doing here too?? I thought I might have recognized your truck, but I thought you were on your way home for the day, and I hurried to my secret spot on the highway before you could know I had turned off to visit here."

"Last week, I came by this part of my property to check on some things and noticed that the table had been moved. When I saw your car up the road in front of me, I wondered if it was you who had been here and lost your shoe. So I pulled over to this area, and sure enough, here your car was, and I hurried to make sure you were alright," s/he said.

"No, it wasn't my stiletto: I had a horrible experience today with a service provider in town, at the local cell phone store and decided to come out here and sit at the table and do some day dreaming and relax before I went home. I was planning on attending the Chinese New Years exhibit at the Museum, tonight. I was wondering what had happened out here, since I know hardly anyone comes here; except those of us who know about this deserted park to enjoy. Do you know what happened here?"

The butch womyn looked intently at her and breathed slowly. S/he looked her up and down and then took her by the arm and said: "Let’s get you back to your car and see you home. Something did happen here and I need you to steer clear of this place until I have the local police finish their report about what happened out here."

Feeling really violated that the secret spot on hir property had been the place of some unusual and dark happening that the butch womyn refused to comment further on, made her feel lucky that she had been followed by the person she thought she knew to be the owner of the truck in her rear view mirror.

She got in the car and waved goodbye to her acquaintance, her butch friend and made more mental notes of the secret park area in her range of view; then got back on the road and drove back to town while the sun was setting over the ridge of pine trees.


Although the sun was setting and the air was getting cold, she lit another cigarette, turned on the headlights and then turned on the radio to listen to soft music. It was just then that she noticed something that almost had completely escaped her total attention: she was warm and getting rather hot and noticed that her garden was beginning to get moist and wet. Even though she was driving as fast as she could, her mind spun a thousand versions of what had just happened to the distant mellow voice singing a romantic tune on the station her radio was tuned to.


Dearest Dairy,

Today was a strange day in paradise: although I have yet to make it to the museum for the exhibit tonight, i wonder what really happened out there in the woods today? I hope that whatever happened had a consensual ending because only those in our community know of this lone Eden in the forest. Last night I asked where my lover was and tonight I ask you again, Dearest Diary: do you know who my lover is? So many times I tell only you my inner most secrets because only you, Dear Diary, know all that is in my heart. But tonight I ask you, yet again:

Dearest Diary, was that Him?

Saturday Afternoon: February 4th, 2006
 

Traveling to the grocery store, in a nearby town in the valley with her son, they listened quietly to the news on the radio station that day. The broadcaster had announced the strange happening at the secret park that had happened the following day. Both she and her son looked at each other with unusual looks. Returning to the driving at hand, as soon as the music continued, she found her way off the exit and took the nearest turn to the grocery store. Parking was at a premium that day, so farther out in the lot they would park this time. Her son said he was staying in the car to listen to the radio, while she went inside to purchase groceries for the next couple of weeks.

As she walked to the entrance of the store, she noticed someone entering the store in front of her. She knew them from the last three years of living in the valley. Although the womyn didn't see her, s/he was certainly there to do some grocery shopping too.

Noticing the attire of the womyn, she made some dreamy notes mentally about this particular tall and handsome womyn: dressed well, pressed slacks, a white button down shirt with a detailed matching leather vest, and brilliantly groomed hair that was spiked gently, thus indicating a newly shorn haircut. “Hmmmmmm,” she said to herself.

As she grabbed a cart and made her way in the store, she lost sight of the womyn she knew of in passing. Oh well, she had things to buy and errands to do today: at least she saw a wonderfully fine specimen of a butch womyn today. Haha! So, off she went to her usual places to find things in the store. First, she went to the butcher’s shop for some fresh fish and scallops. Then off to the produce section to purchase some pre-spring vegetables and winter squash; then off to the dairy aisle for milk and eggs and cheese; then she went to the bread aisle to find some special dark raisin bread for breakfast and some sourdough to make sandwiches for her sons’ lunches.

About that time, she realized that she had better get some paper products for the home, so she hurried over to get some Kleenex and toilet paper, cleaning products and some baggies for left over meals of the next few days. Right as she was bending over to pick up a huge laundry soap container, the butch womyn appeared from out of nowhere!

"Here, let me help you with that, it looks pretty heavy for you to lift," s/he said playfully.

She smiled at hir and said: "Well, thank you for that favor just now. I don't know if you knew it or not, but upon entering the store I saw you ahead of me and I couldn't remember your name to call out to you and say 'Hello'.”

Smiling with that smile that butch womyn usually produce with a gentle blush, s/he introduced hirself: “Hi, my name is Jacqueline, but you can call me JaK" as s/he lifted the heavy container up onto her cart in the store.

"JaK? Thankyou for helping me lift that terribly heavy container." Mostly feeling ready toward the front of the store and feeling horribly awkward at that moment, she managed to bring up the radio broadcast to Jak: "Did you hear the recent news on the radio about that strange happening out at the 'secret park' yesterday?"

JaK looked intently at her and said, "No o oooo...but I did hear something about a couple in the area breaking up and I wondered if that may have anything to do with what happened out at the secret park" s/he said.

They talked a few brief moments more and then exchanged good byes as she headed to the front of the store to pay for all the goods she selected. After giving the checker her money and heading outside with the cart of goods, once again the tall and handsome butch womyn approached her with hir small bag of goods.

"Do you need any help with that? " s/he inquired. Carefully weighing the outcome of such an offer, she told JaK that her son was waiting in the car and could help her unload the cart. She thanked hir for hir offer of help, but Jak looked at her as if s/he had something further to tell her.

"It was nice to see you today. I know you are in college, and I hear about how you are doing through various people we know of in the community. Sometime if you are able to carve out some time in your schedule, you should look me up and we could go out for tea or coffee or a drive. Everyone needs to get out once in a while during a hectic term. Here is my number. Call me sometime when you are free to go out."

Oooooooooooooh my (she thought to herself)!!! I better get myself to the car and have my son help with these groceries and remember to breathe.....slooooowly......and walk carefully....cuz lord knows what a klutz I can become when the trigger gets tripped! Carefully smiling back at Jak, and going on to the car, she felt like she blushed a thousand shades of brilliant reds at Jak. Her heart was going pitter patter and goddess only knew what that meant!

*Breathe, breathe, breathe*


Dearest Diary,

Goddess only knows how infernally lazy I can be when an approaching deadline with homework and midterms are due next week. It doesn't help either when you meet so many butches either! I hope I was able to keep my wits about me and not let it be known how lonely my life has been lately. Although you, dearest diary, know how much I long for a wonderful lover and partner to share my life with. Help me to just be okay with being alone and to actively deal with the loneliness by centering my thoughts on accomplishing my goals in college, one step at a time: Because it appears that time will keep going on and on. Help me to see and manage my time effectively: like with all the hot showers I take and the cold ones too and all the activities that I keep myself busy with at home and in college. Help me dearest diary, to make some time just for me. Dearest Dairy...it was nice to meet Jak today for the first time and to not just say ‘hi’ in passing. I don't know who s/he is or what they do for a living, here in this valley; but seemingly it was wonderful to have that brief contact with hir. I liked how s/he looked, smelled, and well, dearest diary??? Heaven help me when it comes to butches…

And just so you don’t think you’re getting off easy: Who was that butch anyways???

Late Tuesday Night: February 7th, 2006
 

"I see this line is not busy. Do you mind ringing up my items for me?" the tall butch said, as she slowly pulled the visor of hir cap down and began to make small conversation with her.

"Sure," she said. "Let me get this other order finished with and I will be right there." As she turned to complete the other order, she felt the dark heated stare of the butch, wondering what s/he was thinking as she proceeded to finish the other order.

"That will be 342 dollars and 69 cents," her mind drifted off to the butch and what s/he was doing in her line. She hadn't seen this particular butch in the store before: so it will be nice to find out if s/he is a local and what s/he has been doing around the valley.

"Thank you for shopping here," she said finally to the other customer and then she turned to help the butch that was waiting in her line.

Slowly and purposefully, she looked at every item that the butch was purchasing and visualizing a scenario that might go with that particular item of purchase. There was a hammer, nails, paint, paper towels, oil, a gallon of milk, some very expensive ale from Germany, fresh salmon, and miscellaneous items that a butch might not want so many people to know s/he was buying – and, as she was ringing up the order, she asked hir how s/he was and if s/he was a local.

"I just got back from 3 weeks in the Virgin Islands and I had the most marvelous time on a cruise," s/he said.

"Oh, was it an Olivia Cruise by chance? I know that some friends of mine have loved taking vacations on that line and they’ve shared about all the wonderful excursions they have taken," she said.

"How did you know it was an Olivia Cruise?" s/he said with an amusing smile and adjusting her cap.

"It's easy to know by the way you look: You have a crisp short haircut, a pin that indicates you are of queer orientation and I’m guessing you identify as a butch because your mannerisms gave you completely away,” as she smiled back at hir!

"Well, you are right about that. There were over 900 gathered on that boat and I was in heaven. They put on the most wonderful entertainment, shore excursions, and you couldn't have anything but a wonderful time," s/he said. "By the way, my name is Dayle and it feels good to be back home, but I sure could use more island time.”

"Hi Dayle, it's nice to meet you. We haven't met before; are you new to this area? Or have you been around for awhile? By the way Dayle, you're order is 79 dollars and 56 cents. How would you like to pay?" she said with a tilt of the head and a warm smile.

"Well, I could think of a number of ways to pay a pretty lady like you ......but for now....it will be with my credit card," s/he said with a wink and a faint hint of a growl.

"You got it" she said, blushing a whole new shade of hot pink! “We'll use your card and you can sign the receipt in a moment.” As the technology quickly generated a slip for hir signature, she watched hir out of her peripheral line of vision. Gazing at hir with her Blue Femme eyes, she sighed a silent thought to goddess. *s/he seems to be a gentle soul.* I wonder why s/he is just now surfacing in town and buying all these things, she wondered as she prepared the paper for hir signature.

"Okay, thank you for shopping here and come back again when you need more .......uh......uh.......items for whatever you are up to these days," she said. Dayle picked up hir bags of items and lugged the milk under hir muscular arms and nodded a warm goodbye smile to her. "I'll be back soon another day,” were the words that trailed from hir lips as she sauntered out the store.

Such a swagger, such confidence; what a refreshing attitude that butch had, as she delved into leaning and laying on the counter edge, propped up on one elbow with her hand holding her face and slowly taking in the butch who had just been in her line at the store.

"Ahem,” came the sound from behind her. "Oh! - I'm sorry! How long were you standing there waiting for me?" she said to her friend from school. Her name was Carolyn. Carolyn gave her that knowing look.....the one that knows exactly what was going on in her head at the moment she was watching Dayle leave the store.

"Woman, I swear, you are so easy to read these days," Carolyn said with a chuckle! "Did you leave any clothes on that poor good lookin Butch that was just here in your line???"

They broke out in laughter at the thought of what Carolyn had just said out loud in the store! "uhhhhhh.....yeah.....S/he had clothes on when s/he was leaving the store! I don't undress just everyone I meet, dontchaknow" she said, blushing harder than she ever did that day.

"Carolyn....have you ever seen that butch around town before? I have lived here three years and have never seen her ever. I wonder what s/he is up to, especially with all that stuff floating around town about that event that happened out at the secret park on the highway. You know me, I am always curious about something that doesn't meet up with the eye!"

After ringing up Carolyn's small order of household goods, she leaned over the counter and whispered to her friend:"Meet me tomorrow afternoon at the park; I want to show you something I thought was strange."

Carolyn leaned up to her and almost touched her nose to nose with a knowing smile and curious eyes: "Be there at Two with Eyes of Blue, You!" Giggling at her friends’ poetic announcement of plan, she smiled a nose-crinkly smile and said, "You got it C.C."


Dearest Diary,

Today was such a hectic day in paradise. Two steps forward: only to fall three steps backward and plenty of homework to keep me busy until the end of time. I still wonder what that Butch was up to. Something seems strange and out of place with hir. I want to find out more when I can since Carolyn is meeting me out at the park tomorrow. I need to remember my camera this time. I hope the investigation is done so we can look around... it was so strange that the butch I met today had just come back from the cruise on the Olivia lines. I wonder if s/he has ever heard of the song by Lisa Koch.....that made me feel like I felt today......"you make my panties pound"... lalalalalala... ...butches... they always make my heart and panties pound; especially the ones with that strange charisma. *sigh* I know I always ask you this and tonight is no different:

Dearest Dairy: Who was that butch???

Friday Night: February 10th, 2006
 

C.C. was already there when she pulled up into the drive of the park, that late afternoon. The sun was gently shining through the pine trees, drenching the late shadows of darkness that waited to engulf the forest by the wandering creek. Waiting near the area of the picnic table, C.C. lit a smoke and waved for her to hurry up.

“What took you so long? I thought I would have to hunt for you all over the valley, but finally you are here! I took a look around the place to make sure it was safe. It looks like the investigation is over and the tape is removed from that area over there. Is that where you were thinking you saw something that caught your eye?” as C.C. drew upon hir light and fragrant cigar – seemingly an ordinary Al Capone, by all appearances.

“No, C.C., I want to take you over to the markings I found on the trail where the stiletto shoe was found. Here, come with me carefully so we don't disturb this area” she said, as she led C.C. down a long and winding path toward the creek that was gurgling in the distance. The air was sweetly laden with the earthly scent of the fresh rain fall from earlier that day. Deciduous trees were beginning to bud and little flowers in the meadow were beginning to bloom, showing signs of spring in the woods. Squirrels were scampering up the sides of the pine trees and making all sorts of chatter to each other. A lone Blue Jay lofted to another limb on a tree and let out a chirping shriek to whomever he was calling too.

Pine needles were crunching beneath their feet, as well as the sound of barren bushes with twigs that snapped off as they made their way to the area where she had found evidence the day before.

“We’re here, C.C. Look carefully and tell me what you see,” she said.

Moments later, C.C. looked at her with amazement. Then s/he put out her Capone on the back of hir shoe and stuffed it in hir pocket for the moment. Shaking hir head, C.C. exclaimed in a tone that was incredulously wrought with painful hesitation. “You have such an amazing ability to find things like this, and to notice the way the foilage on the trail had been disturbed. I don't know if the team that was here found what you just showed me; but we had better take a picture of this now and then stop off at the detective’s offices in town and show them what was found here. Here, let me have the camera. I will take the pictures, and if you don't mind, I will return your camera in the latter part of next week and keep you posted on what they say about this. I want you to promise me something, okay? Promise me, that if anyone at all comes to you with information that may be linked to what we found here today that you will call me at once and we will go to the police and inform them of what we learn. Okay?"

Looking at C.C. intently, mostly with fear of what they had discovered, she answered “Yes.”

“C.C., hurry up, it's getting dark and I want to get back home and make something to eat. I put a roast on this afternoon before I came out here to meet you. Would you like to come over and have supper tonight with me?" she inquired gently.

“Let me walk you up to the car and I will catch up to you in an hour or so. Is that okay?” C.C. asked. “I didn't realize that you had supper on in the oven already. I will go on ahead to the police station and you go ahead and head home. I will follow you as far as I can, then meet you at your home for supper.”

“Okay C.C., but be careful,” she said. Pulling out onto the highway, and watching in her rearview mirror to make sure C.C. was indeed tailing her, she lit a smoke, turned on the radio news station softly and made her way back to the main highway to head home. The road curved up and down and the sun was setting now over the tops of the mountains. It was getting dark, so she turned the headlights of the car on. The car she drove was an older model convertible: the hard body, a pale, sparkly blue with a retractable roof in white; a '57 T-Bird that she named Jezebel because Jezebel always teased her with mechanical problems. She always daydreamed about a wonderful butch to fix her car when she acted up!

Slowly emerging onto the ramp of the freeway, she took Jezebel up to full speed and turned on the radio and drove like the femme that she was: FAST! Losing C.C. at the freeway exit, she drove with delight to get home, knowing that business was just fine in C.C.’s hands. She would go home and pull the roast out of the oven and set the table, light a few candles, and make sure it was warm in the house! All of a sudden, cool air from the mountain tops were making things a little chilly. Maybe starting a fire would be appropriate tonight. With her son being gone for the weekend, and no one around but just the homework and reading for classes to do for the weekend, a nice comfortable supper with her best pal in town ( C.C.) was just what the Goddess ordered!

Pulling into the driveway, slowly like she always did, she hit the button for the garage door to open so Jezebel would rest in her bay for the night. Ahhhh, it was good to be home and to think about the events of the week: To entertain her friend tonight with supper and to talk about the events of the secret park and the clues that were discovered that day. Putting the cigarette out in the blue ash tray of the car and getting out of the car in the garage, she noticed something on floor by the entrance. It was a note: stay away from the park or you will be sorry.

Oh, no! Looking for her cell in her purse, she immediately called C.C., but her answering service came on. She hurriedly left her a message to hurry the hell up and get over to the house and told her about the note. She moved the note on the floor with the tip of her shoe and didn't touch it. Scanning the front yard and the driveway for other details that might have escaped her view when she pulled in, she lowered the garage door and locked it, and then bolted as fast as she could to the kitchen through the garage door entrance. Locking the house door behind her, she laid her purse down and breathed slowly, inhaling the aroma of the roast in the oven. She then went to the front door and checked for mail left in the postal box. It was about that time that she heard the screeching of tires in the driveway area and peering from the curtains in the front room, she saw that it was C.C.! Thank heavens s/he made it over so fast!

“Are you okay? Where is the note” C.C. asked, as s/he came in the front door and made a bee-line for the coffee pot in the kitchen. Hurrying behind hir, and rehashing about the note she had found on the floor of the garage, she unlocked the garage door and let C.C. go out and find it and read it and examine it for anything else that her pumping adrenaline had missed in the first moments of discovery.

Not long after reading the note and coming back into the kitchen and lighting up a Capone from the case s/he carried in hir pocket, C.C. sat down on the stool in the breakfast nook area and sipped on hir coffee and looked at her with eyes that smoldered.

“You just have the knack for being in trouble, don't you hon" she said, with a low edge to hir voice that was not so unusual for C.C. when s/he was about to go on a tirade about staying out of trouble!

*oooops*

She looked at C.C. and asked hir to go outside and get some firewood to make a roaring fire in the fireplace in the front room. She had to set the table and get the food ready and set a pie in the oven to warm so it would be ready for dessert after supper.

She put on a lacey apron and got busy about the kitchen and mused, as she watched C.C. out in the back yard making kindling and hauling up some huge pieces of wood to burn in the fireplace. Shaking her head and letting a smile curl on her lips while watching her friend through the kitchen window made her feel safe; as she knew she was in good hands and protected from whomever it was that was intimidating her with the note that was left at the entrance of her garage.



Dearest Diary,

I am so thankful for a good mind, good friends and a wonderful and beautiful world to live in. It is so nice to know that I can feel safe within the circle of friends that I have. It's nice to have the talent of being able to cook a scrumptious supper and to have the weekend all to myself. Even though I am not complaining or anything, and the fact that I do have spare time to indulge in writing for pleasure, you do know that I have to ask you this once again:

Dearest Diary, where is the butch of my dreams???

Late Thursday Night: February 16th, 2006
 

Soon after supper was over, they retired to the living room to sip on wine and relax in front of the fire that C.C. had diligently made earlier in the evening. The fire was roaring hot, sending sparks here and there as the fire illuminated the dimly lit room. C.C. relaxed into the oversized stuffed chair, deep in thought; while she lazily stretched out on the long sofa to enjoy the fire.

After a long silence, C.C. began to tell her hir thoughts about the events of the day.

"You know,” C.C. began, “I have been thinking about this note you found in the garage,” as s/he slowly sipped on hir wine while gazing at her. Wondering if she should spend the night and feeling like s/he was needed for further reassurance, C.C. asked gently: "Would you like for me to stay the night?”

The fire was still blazing and she got up to put the screen up a little closer and exhaled a long sigh.

“C.C., that’s such a wonderful idea. I was thinking about that myself over supper, but didn't know if that would put you out on your plans for the evening or the morning. But it does sound like a really nice idea and I appreciate you offering that to me tonight. The guest room is always made up and ready. I haven't dusted in there awhile but if you don't mind, I would like for you to stay tonight. How do you feel about that?” she asked, with half fear and half relief.

Setting her wine glass down on the wooden, antique coffee table and looking toward C.C., C.C. leaned forward with a gentle smile and told her that s/he would love to stay and make sure that everything would be alright until the morning - considering the events of the day. She walked over to where C.C. was sitting and gave hir a long hug and then left with her wine glass, as she asked C.C. to follow her to the guest room – so she could get hir settled in for the night. As they walked down the hall talking about who should check on the fire later in the night, the lights flickered. Apparently a storm was moving in and disturbing the power. It was God sent that C.C. was spending the night. Once they entered the guest room, she bid hir goodnight and told C.C. that she would retire to her bedroom and reconfirmed that C.C. would tend to the fire, later in the night.

C.C. had been her friend for a very long time and as she left hir, swishing back to her room, C.C. looked at her for the first time in a new light. S/he had never really seen her so rattled like this before. C.C. felt touched by the way she needed hir. It touched C.C.’s heart that she needed and deserved hir protection: But C.C. wanted it to be more than that.

It wasn't long after she retired to her bedroom that C.C. heard the bath water running and remembered that s/he should go check on the house and prepare it for the night. S/he made the rounds of the home, locking every door and made sure the fire was tended too so the fire would slowly die down, as C.C. tinkered with the draft. Slowly walking past the entrance to her bedroom, C.C. heard her gently humming while bathing and smelled the fragrant air coming from her room. Noticing how femme and soft her room was, C.C. let out a low growl of deep need. C.C. let the memory of watching over her and wanting her for so long but never revealing hir feelings to her, fill hir mind. Remembering hir duty of honor for the night, C.C. swaggered back to the guest room, further down the hall and made sure hir door was open – so s/he could hear anything during the night.

Setting hir wine glass down on the dresser, C.C. slid out of hir leather jacket and loosened the belt to hir leather pants. C.C. untucked the tails of the dark purple silk shirt that enshrouded hir muscular body and began to let hir mind wander while disrobing. Noticing the stereo system in the guest room, C.C. put on some music and lit a cigar and relaxed on the rocking chair by the library nook in the bedroom. Taking a book off the shelf about the area sites to see in the valley, C.C. began to sift through the pages and landing on a page about the river that ran through the secret park where they had found the clues earlier in the day, C.C. began to study the topography of the region.

~~~~~~~~

The bath water was so warm and the bubbles were overflowing the Victorian tub. She was laying there soaking and humming gently: Feeling so tired, yet ready for a long night of sleep knowing that C.C. would be there should anything cause alarm or harm to her. Letting the water drain from the tub, she rose from the bubble bath, bubbles softly trailing down her body that was steaming hot with pinkness from the long soak in the tub. Reaching over for the towel on the table near by, she wrapped it around her and lifted her legs and feet onto the soft and furry bath mat. Wrapping another towel around her hair, and deciding to have a cigarette and one final sip of her wine, she walked slowly with wine glass and cigarette to the adjoining bedroom. Laying the cigarette down in the blue marble tray on the vanity, where the candles had been previously lit, she finished drying off and laid the towels on the end of the chaise lounge. Fluffing her hair and sitting on the vanity chair in front of the mirror, she gazed at the reflection of her image from the long and lazy bath. She felt beautiful, yet she felt smoldering hot: it was a deep longing to connect with another loving being and to be touched, to be held in strong arms, to be kissed both gently and ravenously and delicately adored, breathed in and devoured properly.

Taking one last sip of wine and a drag off the cigarette, she then crushed out the cigarette and gently blew out each and every candle that was left burning in the room. The aroma of a wonderful supper still lingered in the house; as well as the fragrance of her bath and the scent of the candles. Heightening every erotic sense within her, the longing and the wanting began to overtake her; making her feel the need to lie down as she basked in what it would feel like to be touched by the butch of her dreams.

Turning back the comforter and arranging the pillows, she glided into her bed and slipped between the covers of the silky soft Blue satin sheets. Pulling up the covers, she closed her eyes and let her imagination take her to where she could experience the bliss of moments that were laced with desire: the desire to be ravished with hungry eyes and pummeled to ecstasy with moans that only lovers utter when fulfilling each others’ needs.

~~~~~~~~~

After put out hir cigar and laying the book down, C.C. began to hear sounds in the house: CC stopped rocking the chair and listened intently in the direction of the sounds s/he could hear. If I didn't know any better… was the thought that trailed through C.C.s head as s/he got up from the rocker and turned off the stereo that had played softly for the last two hours. “Okay, one more tour of the house, then check on the fire, then to check up on her..." C.C. mumbled to hirself, as s/he slowly made hir way around the house. Everything appeared in order: the fire was just a bed of embers and slowly after repositioning the screen and smooshing the ashes, s/he made hir way to the bedroom to check up on her after her bath.

Standing in the doorway of her bedroom, C.C. heard the faintness of her moans; of what appeared to be a woman deep in slumber. Adjusting hir eyes to the dimness of the bedroom, C.C. scanned the perimeter. Noticing the delicate, yet rich decor of her bedroom - strewn with pictures and antiques and windows draped in deep blue and gold velvet curtains, s/he noticed that the drapes were askew and used it as an opportunity to come closer to the object of hir desires.

Softly, yet purposefully stepping around fixtures in the dark, C.C. drew the velvet drapes closer together and stopped to gaze upon her. She was a vision: she was lying there half covered in her nakedness. Her hair flowing crazily behind her head on the pillows and her arms held onto a long, overstuffed feather pillow. C.C. noticed her breathing was deep, yet disconnected in a way. Wanting so very much to be with her, s/he held hir emotions back and softly sat on the edge of the bed- tenderly touching her hair while she slept. Long into the reverie of doing what any butch would do with such a beauty, C.C. got a hold of hirself and felt a chill in the air. Pulling the coverlet of crazily quilted velveteen squares up to cover her bare back, C.C. leaned over her and gently kissed her forehead as the fragrance of her tantalized hir senses; savoring the hidden moment of lust that threatened to overwhelm hir better judgment.

But the moment that C.C. placed the lingering kiss on her forehead, she awoke startled and rolled back into C.C.’s arms. Half asleep and looking at C.C. with eyes filled with dream-like wanton desire, half breathless and smoldering with heated energy, she breathed out to CC: “Is everything okay?”

“I was checking on you and covering you up,” C.C. whispered quietly.

“C.C.?" as she reached up to touch hir arm that was lingering near her, “I am finding it hard to sleep tonight. I want you to stay here with me. Would you slip in beside me and keep me warm until I fall asleep, again?”

“Are you sure you want me to stay here with you?" C.C. whispered quietly again.

“I want you to stay C.C., please? Slip in and keep me warm, I need you…” she said, revealing to hir the deep, intoxicating energy that was oozing and permeating the air around her.

“As you so wish, my sweet ... princess of the night...” were the words trailing off C.C.’s lips.

Slipping in behind her under the satin sheets, s/he pulled up a pillow and slipped hir muscular arm under her head, molding hir body to hers. C.C. pulled up the rest of the covers and slipped hir other arm over her waist, letting hir hand trail up the curve of her waist to cup under her breasts.
If C.C. had the magical power of becoming engorged with lust, it was at this very moment that hir cock would have swelled with the deep and dark desire to overtake her with animal instinct! The tension hurt to want her so much and not violate the boundary existing between the two of them. But the moment that C.C. had fulfilled her wish of spooning her into slumber, she drifted off into another dream filled world - wondering what it would be like to be taken by the butch who had been her friend for such a long, long time.

In her state of pre-slumber her garden was throbbing, causing her to gently rock against C.C.’s body of heat. Dreaming of C.C. caressing her, fondling her body with heated passion and nibbling on her neck and sucking her skin into hys mouth - the sheer knowledge of their explosive passions caused her garden to become a source of energy, wanting to be filled with C.C.s animal driven passion. Wanting hir to explore her body in her dreamlike state, she indulged the fantasy of what it would feel like to be penetrated by C.C.s cock: taking everything, feeling her lips suck on her nipples and licking them to flawless erection, temples of hys desire, she felt C.C. nipping harder at her. Hyr hands scorching every tender part of her back and C.C.’s body grinding into her with enough energy to impregnate her with a cazillion of C.C.z babies.

C.C. held her tighter to help her settle into her sleep as hy felt the energy of their rhythm develop. Wanting to fuck the stars out of her heavens became the burning thought of the moment, overtaking C.C’s mind. Breathing deeply, and not wanting to spoil the moment, carefully C.C. snuggled the sheets and blankets closer to her and slipped out of her bed. With a dark and lusty gaze, C.C. kissed her on her shoulder and whispered in her ear that everything would be alright, as hy left her room quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Holy F*cking Hell!” C.C. quietly thought, as hy wiped hys forehead and made hys way back to the guest room. “I need to have a talk with her and soon: I cannot stand to see her through this and feel like I have felt this night. I want her so much, but I don't want to lose what has taken me practically two years to build with her. What I would give to have this be the way it should be," were the thoughts roaming a zillion miles a minute in C.C.s head, as s/he dimmed the hall lamp. Leaving the bedroom door ajar, C.C. fell into a heap on the king size bed in the guest room. It felt so wrong to not be meeting all of her needs, but heaven help us, we will work this out, come hell or high water…




Dearest Diary,

Don't let me down, because I need hym so much. You know how I feel and you know what I want: Please, dearest diary, is it hym?

Wednesday Afternoon: March 8th, 2006
 

Flying down the highway at 75 mph, she focused on the range of curves. Traveling this part of Hwy 66 was precarious because the road curved in snake-like curves past the historic lake as it rose rapidly in elevation by thousands of feet. The hairpin curves were a rush of euphoria, to the expert defensive driver that she was! For at each curve, she shifted to a lower gear and lowered the speed with anxious tension while gearing to pick up speed to get to the ranch where C.C. was working the cattle. Out on the Green Springs were beautiful spreads of Ponderosa Trees. The landscape was dotted with Myrtle wood and prairie bush, foreign to the landscape of the terrain. Up there, the air was sparkling clear and at times, in the clearing of the trees along the highway, one could see the vista of the Siskiyou range and Mt. Shasta that surrounded the area. It was truly an exotic, yet breathtaking, journey to travel up to C.C.’s property.

Amazingly, that morning, there were not any signs of locals on the highway. Oddly enough, by the time she got to the Lake of the Woods, she came across an abandoned vehicle that looked strangely familiar. Slowing down to take a closer look, as she approached the vehicle, she realized it belonged to the butch Dayle - who she had seen at the market recently. The passenger door was slightly ajar and yet no sign of Dayle at all. “Hmmmm, I wonder what is up with that,” she mused to herself. Going up the road further to the back entrance of C.C.s property, she slowed down as the gravel road was full of ruts. “I wish C.C. would get a grater out here and level this road off to make it safer to drive on,” she thought to herself! There was nothing more frustrating than having to drive slowly and steer her low riding T-Bird Jezebel past all the clutter of the ruts and not hurt the suspension of the car she adored beyond measure! Carefully and slowly navigating the road, she finally crept to the rear entrance of the barn where C.C.s truck was parked haphazardly, as always! She parked Jezebel along side the truck, turned off the motor, and while lighting up a new smoke, she gathered her small bag of tricks that femme's never leave home without, grabbed her cell phone and made off for inside the barn.

The air smelled so lovely up here. There was hay and stacks of straw in the main part of the barn where feed was stored for the horses and cattle. Wandering over to the stalls to check on the horses, she noticed that C.C.s stud was missing. Apparently C.C. had saddled hys horse and was off doing rounds, checking on all of the cattle. She noticed that the horse C.C. always let her ride was laying in her stall swishing her tail and promptly got up when she saw that is was her favorite rider!

“Hi Sweet Pea,” she said. “Where is C.C. hon? Did s/he take off on ya and not take you too? Come on Sweet Pea! Let's go find hir!” Nuzzling her nose and stroking her head while checking her out for riding pleasure, she laid her purse and phone down and got the blankets out and the saddle ready and harnessed Sweet Pea. About a half hour later, she used the rustic privy and then got her purse and phone and stuffed it in a compartment on the saddle, as she mounted Sweet Pea. “Come on, let's go find her,” and off they went past the barn and onto the spread where she thought she was most likely to find C.C.

Slowly trotting off up the hill on the well worn and beaten path, she managed to get the horse up the hardest side of the hill and onto the plateau of the spread. Coming out of the clearing, she could see a good deal of the Herefords and Angus off in the distance. Nudging the horse with her boots, she broke into a full gallop, like she would with Jezebel, riding for sheer pleasure. But as she got closer to the herd, there was no sign of C.C. Slowing the gait of the horse down, she wondered where the heck C.C. could be. Slowly navigating between the cows and bulls of the herd, she wandered over to the stream on the property to let Sweet Pea refresh her thirst after such a hard ride across the land. The babbling of the brook was so relaxing to hear, but as she sat atop Sweet Pea, she noticed that Dayle was fishing from a bank. Further down, she noticed C.C.s horse grazing near some trees, while C.C., sitting on a nearby rock, chattered up a storm with Dayle.
“Well, since they haven't noticed me yet, I think I will gently cross the stream and slowly go on up to where they are and see what’s going on,” she mused with great anticipation!

Dayle was the first to notice her. Breaking into a wide open smile, s/he whistled low and with merriment.

“What are You doing out here this time of day, beautiful?” said Dayle.

And with that, C.C. nearly fell off hir perch on the rock! haha! That serves hir right for being out to “lunch,” as she broke out in giggles over C.C. and Dayle! She relaxed and realized that it was just two butches bonding and talking about things that only they felt were important things to talk about, when Femme's were not around.

“Hello, you two! I am glad that you are okay Dayle because when I saw your vehicle abandoned out on the road, I wondered if you were okay. It's a good thing you are out here with C.C. because the next thing I was gonna do was to make a call for help!”

C.C. sauntered over to her horse and asked to take the reins while helping her to dismount from the horse. Giving her a hardy hug, she placed a smoochie on Hir cheek; then walking over and greeting Dayle with her hand, she mused at what they were talking amongst themselves before she found them. Dayle laid down Hir pole and got up and took her hand and gently kissed it.

“It’s good to see you and yes, I am fine. C.C. found me earlier this morning on this part of Hir property and informed me that I was going to find the best fish in this stream. I had no idea I was on C.C.’s property. Imagine that,” Dayle said, with a glint of humor in Hir voice!

C.C. chimed in behind Dayle: “Well, truth be told, I was gonna do just this today –fishing– and I forgot to bring my pole. So when I saw Dayle out here wandering around I thought I would show Hir around and become better acquainted with Hir.”

Apparently Dayle and C.C. had become quite buddy-buddy in their short time out in the woods, while tending to cattle. She looked at C.C. and with that knowing look C.C. knew that she wanted to talk to Hir, alone. And with that, C.C. excused them both from Dayle and they wandered off around the trees while Dayle resumed Hir fishing expedition.

“What are you doing C.C.?" she said, her eyes ablaze with fireworks! “How come you took off so early this morning?”

Taking her by the hand, C.C. led them up further away from the hearing range of Dayle down by the stream, and helped her up onto a stump of a fallen pine tree that lay lodged between other timbers that had fallen. Looking at her intently, C.C. began to tell her what had happened since the last evening.

“Did you sleep well last night,” C.C. asked gently?

“Well, yes and no. But I got up this morning and read your note, and then I discovered that the pictures on the clip were missing when I took the picture of the Deer that wandered onto my yard this morning! What happened to them, C.C.?”

“I couldn't sleep last night, so I went down to the Detectives office and downloaded the pictures; letting the detective take possession of them for evidence. I was hoping that you wouldn't find them missing until I came back to check on you this evening,” C.C explained.

Not missing a beat, she exclaimed: “C.C., how in the world would I NOT be upset to learn that and not have any explanation from you?”

Reaching out to soothe her, s/he ran hir hand along her arm as s/he looked back at Dayle to make sure s/he wasn't being necessarily watched. Turning back to her, C.C. lowered hys eyes and then refocused upon her face. “I want you to go home and relax. When I get through out here with Dayle and checking on the cattle and make the rounds for hay and feed and water, I will tell you tonight what the Detectives office shared with me.”

“C.C.? You absolutely exasperate me! Why can't you tell me now???” she looked at Hir with a pleading look.

Taking her by the hand, C.C. led her further up around the trees for privacy’s sake, making sure they were still really alone. The wind began to waft over them and the ambiance of the moment began to overtake C.C.’s mind. Hir heart was racing, yet s/he wanted so much to tell her everything s/he had learned last night! When the time was right, and following her closely, C.C. slapped her bottom and took her by surprise! Forcing her up against a tall tree and leaning into her with her arms holding her tightly in position, so she couldn't move, C.C. planted a long and intoxicating kiss on her lips… Breathing heavily and sucking all of the air out of her lungs while s/he penetrated her with hir searching and fiery tongue, C.C. let the kiss consume them, causing a burning fire to build between them that she had never felt before.

“I want you to go home. Now, will you mind me and be good? Please?” C.C. told her with smoldering eyes and heated breath.

*sigh*

“Yes, but you better not be late or cause me to worry like you did this morning, you Bad Boi! And just for your information C.C., where do you get off kissing me like that anyways?”

“That's for me to know and you to find out about tonight” C.C. said with an air of authority!

Pushing C.C. off of her, she smirked, and swished past C.C. and gave her that look that told C.C. she wasn't joking about being late.

Playfully following her back down to the stream where Dayle was, C.C. sauntered over to get Sweet Pea and helped her back up onto the horse. After getting her situated on the horse, s/he slapped the horses bottom and told Sweet Pea to get on home and be good.
“C.C.’s got a lot of nerve! S/he better have a good explanation or we are revisiting the idea of our friendship and all that we know about each other! I cannot believe what s/he just did,” she mused as she galloped on Sweet Pea back to the barn. Upon entering the barn, she carefully dismounted and began the process of brushing down Sweet Pea and giving her a treat for being such a good horse and riding so well. The sun was just dipping over the horizon and that meant that she better get a move on it because traveling back down the mountain could get icy if weather conditions changed - which happened all the time in this part of Paradise!

Returning to T-Bird Jezebel, she took out her purse and checked to make sure that she had cell reception bars on the phone. She had missed a call when she was out horsing around looking for C.C. It turned out to be the Detective’s office that left a message for her. Quickly hitting the return call button, she dialed her voicemail archive and listened to the call.

“This is Detective Frank Harris of APD. I need some information from you as soon as possible. Could you return my call this afternoon to make an appointment and come in to see me? Thank you. You can return the call by dialing 555-5667.”

“Okay, I shall do just that when i get back to town,” she silently made a mental note. Jumping into the driver’s seat, she fired up the motor and took off down the trail back to the highway. Once she got onto the highway, she released all the pent up emotion of the last hour and floored the pedal and took Jezebel up to 75 mph again. Lighting a smoke and turning on the radio, she settled in for the soon to be consuming curves - descending back into the valley. But as soon as she geared down to take the first curve, she realized that the brakes were not working. Snapping off the radio and putting out her cigarette, she became alarmed by the plight at hand. Heaven help her with Jezebel’s brakes not working. This was going be one hell of a position to navigate: hugging the wheel and downshifting even further to take the next curve, she realized that her passion for driving fast was going to have to be revised! Goddesss have mercy, wherever you are right now, I need your Help!”

And with that, she overestimated her third curve and lost control of Jezebel and flew over the embankment into thin air...



Dear Diary,

Today was such a lazy day...... it is good to have friends that are like Oxygen to me here at home, and to have the privilege of being so capable of overcoming life’s obstacles when they approach me with the speed of light. Thank you for always being here to write and think my feelings out loud, and for having the integrity to take a stand. Today is no different than any other ordinary day. It might be boring and mundane, but I do know the value of ordinary versus the extraordinary. Thanks for helping me to appreciate this gift, at this moment in time, for me. But most of all Dearest Diary, thank you for being you.

Friday, Late Afternoon: March 24th, 2006
 

An eerie silence filled the air as shifting winds ravaged the night and darkness crept in. Flurries of what seemed to be avalanches of white light, sheared off by zillions of triangular prisms, rent the motionless dreamy state from the heavens above.

Breathing, yet feeling suffocated, she felt filled with frightening memories; as if she was in a time warp where everything stood still: not quite moving forward, mountains of memories of lived experiences floated in and out of her consciousness. Her wounded soul lie in the seat suspended by the over-extended seat belt holding her limp body, gently toggling her position from the crash.

Not one thing made sense to her except the small pinging Jezebel’s motor, trying to disengage from the free-fall flight into mid-air over the embankment.

Trying to become alert, yet not quite able to make any distinction about what had just happened, blood slowly oozed from a wound on her head from the impact of crashing into the windshield. Slowly her blood made its way down the bridge of her nose, silently ebbing over her eye which dried in the cold frigid air and nudged her senses into overcharged adrenaline gone haywire.

*ufffffffzzzzz,* she moaned with half conscious emotion.

“What happened? Why can't I breathe? Why is it so cold? Heaven help me” she moaned, as she managed to come a bit more alert to her present reality.

“Yes, oh yesssss .....Jezebel’s brakes,” as she opened her purse in slow motion, looking for the mini flashlight attached to a mirror that was in her purse. Too weak to move and assessing her perilous situation, she realized she was cocooned in Jezebel. Buried in snow, she remembered that somehow it would have to be okay. Managing to release the seatbelt and moving carefully to ease the pain in her side, she found her way to the back seat of the car and curled under the blanket she kept there for emergencies… letting the flashlight fall from her fingers and drifted into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

“Dayle, we better get this wrapped up and get your stuff back to your car. I have to get the horse back up to the barn and get back to town. It looks like another storm is moving in and I promised her that I would drop in again tonight and check up on her and tell her that everything will be worked out in due time” CC said, with a sense of urgency. Oddly enough the darkness was settling in fast, as the huge clouds descended from above and threatened dense, foggy conditions. The cattle were getting ancy: which, one could usually rely on the signals of animal behavior to know that a change in weather (or something of some sort) was going to happen soon. Dayle concurred that something in the air didn't feel right and hurried to pack up all the fishing gear and tackle box supplies and looked up at CC with a worried look on hir mind.

“Do you think that everything will really be okay, given the timing of how everything happened,” she asked thoughtfully? After all, the tidbits of benign information that CC had shared in private with Dayle, left Daye feeling that something also wasn't quite right with the whole situation either.

First, that afternoon, CC had learned that the quiet valley resident had a lot of experience in anthropological work. Dayle was working on a project out in the digs past the reservation. The surrounding valley, at one time, had been inhabited by a little known tribe of Indians (the Klamath). Just above Grizzly Mountain were ancient burial grounds that were considered sacred by members of the Tribe of the Klamath. At one time, in Dayle's discoveries, s/he learned that Coyote had come to visit the chief of the tribe back in the late 1800's. Coyote asked the medicine man where the chief was. Medicine Man told Coyote that he could ask the Blind woman down at the shore of the lake who was fishing for her meal that day. Once Coyote found the Blind Woman, he asked where he could find the chief of the Tribe - for he had a message to be told with urgency. The Blind Woman said that the Chief was busy saying prayers for the elders and sick of the Tribe and that she would see him, the Chief, at the edge of Grizzly Mountain. Grizzly were a revered mountain bears that governed the strength of the mountain, so off went Coyote to find the Chief. Coyote, shifting off into the mountain, manifesting before the Great Chief of the Klamath, told her that White man was coming and that life as the Tribe knew it, would exist no more. Things were to be forever changed. Coyote told her that he would keep her safe always until the Day of the Klamath way of life was restored, and beings could once inhabit the earth as meant to. Coyote then changed the Chief of the Klamath into an Hieroglyph on the top most Rock of Grizzly Mountain, where the Grizzly would roar to life in battle for earth. And there she remains to this day, at the top of Mt. Grizzly.

CC was amazed at all the information s/he learned about the surrounding area of the Green Springs and how at one time is was part of the Trail of Tears for the Klamath. Dayle found many rare finds in hir adventures, supervising the archaeological digs for the Tribal Council. It was like having a new friend who might be able to shed light on the shady events that transpired out at the secret park, off of the old hwy southwest of town, toward the settlement where the earth was used build homes of material local to the environment.

~~~~~~
~~~~~~

“Dayle, do you need my help to get your things up to your vehicle,” CC asked during this reverie of recounting what s/he had learned that afternoon, as they fished and killed tie together.

“I would certainly welcome that CC,” and as if in one swift movement off the horse, CC jumped down and loaded what s/he could of Dayle’s fishing gear and then helped Dayle up onto the horse.

“Hang on Dayle, this is faster and with those clouds moving in, we need to get a move on it before it tears loose in the sky!”

With the same force of magnitude that CC used to help Dayle up onto the horse, CC mounted the huge steed and with a flip of the reins, they galloped at full speed for the road across the meadow. As soon as they got to the vehicle, it started to spit snow. The steed upon which they rode was burning with heat from the fast paced jaunt - not to mention the extra weight of another rider. Sliding off the saddle and unloading some of the fishing cargo, CC instructed Dayle to let the reins drop and to follow hir lead. As fast as CC had heaved Dayle up onto hir mount, Dayle dismounted with relative ease.

“Thanks for the lift,” Dayle roared. “Call me when you get back to her place, so I know you made it safely and we'll arrange to meet tomorrow – if that is still the plan” Dayle rambled, in a hurried way due to the snow starting to pick up a faster and more furious pace of downfall. The steed stood there obediently waiting for CC’s cue to take hir back to the barn, snorting with ferocious attitude.

Just as soon as the steed snorted, CC’s attention came to full alert. S/he knew what that snort meant and the steed wasn't kidding. With swift motion s/he remounted the steed, and as s/he was getting ready to take off toward the barn, CC yelled over the silent snow fall to Dayle: “It could be late before I get back to you tonight Dayle. I'll use a secret signal: two rings, to call back right away; or three rings to meet up tomorrow at first light for coffee in town.”

And with the steed galloping off toward the barn with CC, Dayle hurried to load the fishing tackle into hys vehicle and got out a warm coat and gloves before getting ready to start the 4 door truck to high tail it back to town.




Dearest Diary,

It’s not often you are wrong and it's not all that often you are right. It's kind of like a jagged path wandering the hillside of the Mountain and the spirit calls out in a low voice to direct my path. I am glad I did what was needed to do for my classes; was happy to make a new friend; and am soulfully humble, as an observer of peril among those of us who are challenged by changes in life. Thank you for always being here: A place where I can write, think or listen silently to the wind. And, Dearest Diary, I know with every ounce of wisdom that has been bestowed on me, that friendship is more important now than ever before. Thank you for the gentle nudge from the universe and thank you for being you - Dearest Diary - always a heart beat so close and warm.

Tuesday, Late Morning: March 28th, 2006
 

The snow was coming down heavily when CC managed to corral the livestock and secured the ranch, when s/he thought to hirself that putting on a few bales of straw in the back of the truck before leaving might be a really good idea. The extra weight of the straw would come in handy for traction to make it off the summit to get back to her home. Having lugged a few bales into the truck, CC picked up some snacks and water that was left in the tack room and picked up a few blankets in case of an emergency. After loading up and making it out to the highway, CC kept Hir thoughts in motion about things S/he wanted to tell her, when S/he got over to her place.

Coming down the beginning of the steepest grade of the summit, CC noticed flares on the road ahead; slowing down in case S/he needed to pull over and help someone. It was so like Hir to do that. Always helping someone out of distress, or just making a new friend, CC had this incredible gift for being of service. As S/he came upon the fifth flare and approaching the first deadly curve of the descent down, S/he saw Dayle. Dayle had slid off and had been the one to put the flares out. The driving snow and bitter frigid temperatures of the terrain surely made this a difficult road to drive in bad conditions. Having much experience in this sort of weather, CC, gently and carefully, slowed to a dead stop in the middle of the road. S/he knew that no one would be up this way, or leaving in this weather, unless is was neighbors - and even then, with this storm, that meant no one! Gathering Hir gloves, hat and thermal warmer for Hir neck, CC got out and hollered at Dayle.

“What happened to you? I am glad you had flares on you and that I could stop and rescue your Silly Highness! LOL!!! Here: I have some chains and the winch on front. Let's get you back up on the road and I will follow you back” CC bellowed, like a marine sergeant! For CC had been a Sergeant for years in the Marines during the Vietnam War, back in the day.

“You have no idea how silly this looks, but I am so glad You are here! I took the first curve slowly, but I think it was a solid sheet of ice! Once I got the flares lit and on the road, I knew it wouldn't be long before you came along” Dayle chuckled!

“But CC, I think there is another car off the road besides Me here. Listen to the air. It sounds like a motor is still running somewhere and it sure the hell isn't My rig, because I turned my motor off.” And with that, both CC and Dayle intently started searching for where the sound was coming from.

Making sure that both rigs were secured, CC got out two huge lamps from Hir tool box in the back of the truck. Handing one to Dayle, and holding the other, they carefully shed light everywhere they could determine if they could go down the side of the first embankment. Not really seeing anything that looked out of place, and scanning with the lamps in intervals like a gridded map, they both noticed the faint hue of dimmed redness buried beneath the snowfall about 500 yards down the side of the embankment. They both looked at each other. Then thoughts raced a million miles an hour as they both thought about the fact that it could be her, whose car was down over the side of the embankment!

“S-H-I-T!” - They both said in unison. CC knew her the best. S/he knew her impulsiveness with driving, but also knew her to be an expert driver too; and knowing that Dayle had slid off this part of the first curve, yet hadn't gone over the edge, told CC one thing: That her car Jezebel did not have brakes!

“Dayle, we have to work fast here. First we have to get your rig secured and back on the road. After we get that done, we'll have to figure out a way to get down there and uncover that car and find out if it's her; and if it is, get it back up here with the winch.”

“CC, it's a good thing I have my wader boots on from fishing earlier. I have a spare coat in the truck and will get that on first. I can take the line down the side here and You can turn on your fog lamps and aim the search light down the side of the mountain. Here, let Me take that shovel too, in case I need to unbury part of the car” and with haste, Dayle donned more clothes and grabbed the end of the winch and started to make the descent down the side of the mountain.

“Dayle, hold up for a second! We have to radio for help first. Let me get on the radio and get some extra help up here,” and immediately CC got on the CB and made an SOS plea that hopefully the Search and Rescue Unit would pick up on the frequency that was designated for that purpose. Within moments, they made contact.

“We got a vehicle off the side of the mountain,” said CC.

“Copy” said the voice at the other end. “Give me your coordinates.”

“Roger! We’re off the first curve on Highway 66 at the top of the summit,” CC breathed raggedly.

“Copy: We have dispatched a unit to come up and they will be there in about a half hour if the pattern of snowing stays the same,” said the radio correspondent.

“Roger,” CC copied back.

“Copy: over and out,” the voice came back.

“Okay, Dayle, let's get Your Truck back up here and take the line over to the bumper of Your rig....yeah....Hook it up there,” guided CC.

“Take up the Slack,” Dayle hollered out. “Yeah....You got it. It's snug for the pull.”

“Okay, Dayle, now get in Your rig and put it in neutral and use the brakes lightly as I winch you back up on the road. As soon as You get over here” motioned CC to Dayle, “I want you to put it in the lowest gear and put your brakes on tight,” ordered CC.

“You got it, let's do it” Dayle hollered back to CC and s/he jumped into the rig!

Between the two of them, they managed to get Dayle's rig back on the road and secured in place. Jumping of out the warm cab, CC carefully made hir way to Dayle's truck and unhitched the winch. Tapping the side of Dayle's truck, CC motioned to keep the rig in neutral and to wait for Hir to rewind the winch a bit. As soon as the right length was measured, CC went to the back of Hir rig and lugged over two bales of straw, one at a time, to brace Dayle's rig on the icy surface. After making the truck safe, CC went around to the driver’s side and asked Dayle is S/he was warm enough and ready to make the next move.

“Before we do anything else, let's gulp down the rest of the coffee in My thermos and have a smoke break a sec, while I think about our next move. By the time we get through doing this, we might get that vehicle up here before the rescue unit gets here!”

Just about then, the snow had let up some and the wind died down a bit also. It seemed that the storm was lessening as they gathered their strength. Although 500 yards down the side of the cliff looked easy, CC knew how treacherous it really was. This wasn't the first time that someone had gone over the edge and CC knew that they only had a window of so much time left to save that person down there. And the longer S/he heard the distant pinging of the motor, the more S/he knew that it had to be her. She had worked on Jezebel many times before over the last few years. That car was truly a BITCH. It had more problems than carter had pills and was just as sassy as the owner who drove it! CC had bailed her cute ass out of many a jam, over the years that S/he had known her and this one just topped it all!

“Okay Dayle” CC said, as S/he stubbed out Hir Pall Mall. “Let's get this show on the road. With any luck, we can get to that vehicle and secure it and get it winched up the side here and find out what kind of damage has been done.”

With solid command of the rescue at hand, CC and Dayle got situated. Dayle took the winch lead, and as CC rolled the winch carefully, Dayle made it down the side of the mountain without to much effort. Dayle slid the whole way down and just went with the pull of gravity. Once there, Dayle got Hir footing and started to uncover snow off the vehicle. Dayle let out a bellow so loud that it could have caused an avalanche!

“It's Jezebel, CC! But I cannot tell where she is at in the vehicle. Let me get the winch lead attached so I can get to the other side of the car and see if the door will open!”

Carefully, Dayle made Hir way to the driver’s side and didn't see her at first. But when S/he opened the door, S/he saw her under the blanket in the backseat. There was little warmth in the car. Trying to wake her up, Dayle pushed on her first then heard a slight moan.

“Good! Don't move. Stay right there. CC and I are going to try to get your car back up the side of the mountain and you are fine right there. Just stay still until we get you back up there. I am going to get in the front seat, so don't be afraid,” and with that, she drifted back into the numbing fog of slumber that was overtaking her senses.

“CC, Get ready to go! I'm jumping in the seat of the car and will stay in there until you get us winched back up the side of the mountain,” Dayle hollered back to CC.

“Okay,” CC roared back. “Hit the brake pedal to tell me when you are ready to go and put that seat belt on!!!”

Jumping into the warm rig, and bracing for the worst, CC engaged the winch when the brake lights from the rear of Jezebel lit up. Slowly, and with the heavy drone of the motor, the winch labored to haul that piece of steel up the side of the mountain. Just as it looked like it would be a complete success, the car became stuck about 50 feet from the edge of the road. Not wanting to jeopardize the complete rescue, CC opened Hir search light and signaled to Dayle. Dayle waved a sign back and knew to sit tight. Any misbalance of weight in the car might put everyone at risk.

Just about then, the Search and Rescue Unit arrived on the scene. With five members bailing out of the unit, they hustled over to CC's rig and got a report.

“We got the car up the side to about 50 ft ahead,” CC was pointing toward the direction of the car, “but somehow it is stuck. I need more leverage and weight to pull it up here” said CC, as s/he gave report.

One of the Rescue members went back to their rig and brought it up at a different angle, while another member unhitched the lead off the winching system they had. Three other members got repelling ropes out and carefully went through the process of descending down to the vehicle to assess the situation and find out what was hampering the rescue. It turned out to be that part of the vehicles’ muffler system had become lodged on a boulder and wouldn't release. Two of them stayed with the car, and one made their way back up the side of the cliff. Grabbing onto the other winch, the rescue member went back down and attached it to the other side of the car, to help haul it back up. Once that was secured, they signaled to apply more power and they resumed the rescue once again.

Like magic, it worked. Slowly the tattered remains of Jezebel were on the road again and everyone let out a huge sigh of relief and a cheer! The clamoring around the vehicle had a waking effect on her. What was it she heard? Her head hurt like hell and she was freezing and shaking with exposure to the cold, frigid air.

“Okay everyone. Listen up! Let's take the rag top off, and then get her out of here and head down to the hospital” CC said, with sharp commanding voice. “She's been out here too long and is suffering from hypothermia, not to mention that it looks like a head injury too!”

It was just like CC to take the lead in everything. Just like clock work, everyone followed Hir orders and did as they were instructed to do. Once they got her out and bundled in blankets and onto a gurney board, they hustled to take her vitals and assess her injuries. They couldn't get an accurate pulse and her blood pressure barely raised the cuff unit reader. Her head had a deep gash in it and they discovered she had some broken ribs. Rather than waste much time, they put her in the rescue unit and radioed ahead for ER services at the local hospital about 9 miles down the mountain. With the rescue unit about to leave, CC and Dayle stopped them.

“Open the back door for a second before you leave” said CC, as S/he went to the back and with amazing motion, hopped up into the warm emergency unit. Touching her hand, and trying to rouse her for just a moment, she didn't show any response. Leaning over her and putting Hir arms around her as best S/he could, CC whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek and then gave her a kiss on the lips that would wake anyone up from a coma - but she just laid there, unconscious, yet, CC knew that S/he had penetrated the veil of consciousness in her. For at that very moment when S/he released Hir kiss from her lips, she moaned: “CC, where are you???” And at that very moment, CC whispered in her ear again:

“Baby, stay with me, I'll meet you at the hospital and there you will pay me with your very heart!” And with a quick nip on her ear, CC left the unit and bailed out to get Dayle so they could make it back to the rigs and follow them back down the mountain to the hospital.




Dearest Diary,

There’s been a lot of stuff that has been going on the last few weeks: Finishing school, getting together with friends, meeting new people, and leaving for the beach. You know me so well, yet I write to you everyday. My mind is in overdrive and needs space to unwind and think carefully. As always, I am glad to confide in you my deepest thoughts and fortunate to have the wisdom to look back over time and see where I have grown and where I have missed the boat. I am so glad for my family of friends, my health and the amazing vitality of my Forties! Who would have thought, right? But I haven't asked you this in a while, and so today, with every solid portion of my mind and heart, I ask you straight out: Where is Hy? haha! You probably thought that you wouldn't get asked again, I bet, but Dearest Diary, where ever Hy is, would you kick him in the ass and make Hym get a move on it! My patience is strong and will continue to be strong, but sometimes a girl like me has deep rivers of need and wants more of life. Oh, the life of a Femme, indeed!!!

Early Sunday Morning: April 2nd, 2006
 

Lying in the warmness of the hospital bed, she slipped dreamily in and out of consciousness: monitors, beeping ever so often, signaled eerily the interruptions her fragile state of mind seemed to experience. She was flying into the air - horrified at the thought of having no control; visualizing the limbs of the trees whizzing past her – then, the crash. Then a blanket of white light enfolded her: memories that were no longer an active part of her conscious mind; back into time, when she was a little girl. Like the time when she first tied her shoes all by her self while attending a stately ceremony with her Indian grandmother and father. Or when she saw her first vision of Hym: while walking on the river bank with her teacher that she had a crush on in grade school. Or, on a class field trip: Or, her first dance ever in junior high school: where some boys wanted to dance with her, but she only had eyes for the young butch with long hair. Or the time she shared a first kiss with another butch on a high school ski trip to Aspen; or boys being rude to her for not returning the same attention to them they thought they deserved; or being shamed by her mother for being a lesbian and not being a "normal girl" for wanting to get married to a "nice young man;” or the horrible fights that ensued every time these arguments happened between them; or going to college when she was young and then bailing to become a hairdresser, in opposition to what her parents wanted for her life. Or her first lesbian affair with another butch in beauty school and that first taste of what making love was all about. Or the wild, late night parties with succulent rums and pineapples and an abundance of smoke filling the air: the air pregnant with hues of blue ganja, filling ones’ head with reveries of forbidden sexual pleasures, in triggered fashion, under the hypnotic influences of desires yet to be explored; floating on clouds; the fantasy of driving a race car and being the first femme ever to win a drag race for the fastest time under a checkered flag; or piano recitals with a German teacher and loving the music as she played duets with the elderly teacher she adored; or enchanting reverie of that one butch she longed to fall for like an Angel and spend eternity with. Drifting in and out of consciousness, memories floated in and out of her mind. Time passed slowly but a nurse on duty came in to check on her because her monitors kept going off.

Nudging her gently several times, the nurse tried to wake her up.
“I am here to check on you. Are you okay,” the nurse inquired? “Your monitor went off and I’ve come to take your blood pressure and check your vitals.” Fulfilling her duties and finding that the monitor seemed to be experiencing a glitch of sorts the nurse rechecked the attached sensory nodes and asked her how she felt.

She opened her eyes dreamily and nodded with a soft voice that she felt okay and asked for a sip of water. The nurse replied that she couldn't have any water but offered her some ice chips instead.

“When your tests come back and your Doctor reviews the results, we will see if your orders can be amended so you can have something to drink and possibly eat. You have a visitor that has been waiting to see you in the waiting room for some time now. Do you know a person by the name of CC von Steuben,” the nurse inquired?

She smiled, knowing the history of CC: All that military pomp and circumstance and how important it was that Hy came from a long lineage of family with military experience. German General Baron von Steuben served in the American Revolutionary war and training a gang of rugged people, turned them into a serious military force – thus winning America's most important victory among people at war in society. Yes, she knew CC well and enjoyed the faithful friendship and wreckless years of flirting with Hir. haha! She loved CC’s attention but mostly loved to egg Hir on. Coming from a family with strong military lineage as well, she knew how to out rank CC on a moments notice! Which, she loved to do to Hir when she felt most courageous! But truth be known, she silently waited for Hir to figure out how to outrank her. That, in itself, was worth all the time in the world to wait for. Uh huh, patience was her best virtue, even though she gave airs that she was impatient as hell. Living for the moment for Hir to figure that out and have CC come forward and assert Hir right to something more in the relationship was worth all the time in the world.

“Yes, I know CC - will you let hym in for a minute or two? Just so Hy can go home and rest,” she asked the nurse? The nurse looked at her with amazement. She must have really banged her head, because out in the hall was a handsome butch, not a man! Realizing the confusion that registered on the nurse’s face, she quickly asserted in her half conscious state, the facts that never seem to be clear to a person who is not of their orientation. “CC is a butch and prefers to go by gender ID that of a masculine order,” she explained to the nurse.

Winking at her with a new wisdom, the nurse replied “I'll go tell Hym to come in. But only for a couple of minutes, okay? Just push the call light when you want them to go and I will be back to help you, okay?” With the soft rustling of her uniform and hosiery, she went to fetch CC and dimmed the lights of her hospital room.

Not far down the hallway she could hear the thudding of CC's stride from Hys Boots and the weight of hys body imprinting the airwaves. The faint smell of Hys leather Jacket and the swishing of Hys body as CC walked softly toward the bed lured her senses. A soft smile crept upon her face as she lay there waiting for the usual greeting they exchanged - the kiss. CC laid Hys gloves down on the nearby table and moved the cords and bedding so Hy could to sit comfortably with her in the bed. Leaning over her, Hy softly took in her appearance: Lying in bed, eyes closed, with that incorrigible and sweet kitten-like smile. The wound on her head had been dressed and her hair askelter from the way her head was bandaged. Hy reached to trace her facial features, the softness of her smile; then she communicated the look that was all too familiar: One that welcomed Hym to go further, yet carefully. Leaning over and stretching out alongside her, CC held her with tenderness and kissed her nose, then her cheek and her eyes while softly playing with her hair. After breathing deeply, CC kissed her fervently and said in hys deepest and most mesmerizing voice “Hello there, Miz Beautiful” – and slowly opening her eyes, she melted into the quiet moment they were sharing. She could hear CC's heart beat and taking in the familiar scent of their closeness. It soothed her to know that they shared such a unique bond with each other. One of the most unique traits of their relationship was the playful arguments they had over just about everything!

“You went off the first curve into thin air,” CC started.

“No, I went off the third curve,” she voiced, filled with exhaustion.

“No, it was the first curve, My dear one,” began CC again. “The other curves don't count because they’re just practice curves.”

“CC, love, it was the third curve and that is all there is to it, hon, You know I’m a good driver. The brakes were not working...”

“I figured that out when Dayle and I found you down the side mountain all covered in snow” CC said, as Hy softly rubbed on her back while Hy cradled her.

“Did you haul Jezebel back to your place to fix her owies,” she asked?

Placing a kiss on her lips ever so lightly CC responded, “Yes, Jezebel is up at my place. I’ll fix her when I get the time. For now, when you get out of here, you can drive the '62 corvette, my Cherry Bomb Special - borrow her I mean. And you better not drive her if it’s snowing or your sweet ass will get spanked by Yours Truly!”

Letting out a sigh of relief, she looked into CC'z eyes and gave Hym a knowing look of gratitude and love for her wonderful Butch Angel.
“Thank you for everything you do for me…”

“Shhhhhh . . . Let me say something to you before that nurse comes back to grill me again. I wanted to talk with you tonight at home before all this happened. Do you know what I want to talk about?” CC expressed willfully.

“I can only imagine: what were we going to talk about tonight? Do tell,” she replied softly and tenderly to CC.

CC looked into her eyes and stroked her hair and then leaned into her with skillful possession with 9 tenths of the law and told her in a soft, deliberate tone: “I want to talk to you about us: The other night, when I stayed with you, I wanted you so much it hurt. I don’t like feeling frustrated; you probably don’t either. I want to ask for permission to see you. I want to more than see you. I want to do so many things with you, to you. For as long as I have known you, it occurred to me the other night that I want more from you. I know this isn't the time to really talk about it, but when you get released from the hospital I want you to call me and I will come get you and take you home and fix supper for us and then we’ll talk about us, okay? How do you feel about this type of conversation I want to have with you?”

Locked into CC’s eyes –struck by the braveness of Hys strong willed intention– she softly exhaled: “I’ve been waiting for you to whisper that in my ear for such a very long time.”

CC drew her closer within Hys moan-filled embrace, longing to expend Hys pent up energy into her. Smelling her softness, and feeling her tender body so fragile as she laid helplessly in Hiz arms, caused such a deep ache in Hym. Nuzzling her neck, CC’s kiss scorched her skin; waking her from the depths of desires hidden deeply. CC caressed the rest of the way to her lips, taking a final deep breath before Hy locked Hys lips with hers and lovingly gave her every ounce of masculine energy that was seeping from the core of Hiz butchness. CC delivered her into such a state that Hiz doing so set off all of her monitors – as evidenced by nurses rushing to her hospital room! They fervently looked into each others souls with knowing eyes and at once, CC got up and rearranged the covers before the nurses rushed in saying, “Call me when you are ready to come home,” as Hy leaned over to kiss her bandaged forehead and move a wisp of curly hair away from her face.

The nurses rushed in to see what caused all the commotion that set off the monitors. “Are you okay? Let's check you out,” one of the nurses said. The other nurse gave CC a look that said Hy needed to go now. As the nurse attempted to escort Hym out of the room, she asked: “Do we call You when she is ready to be released?”

“Yes. Take good care of her and when she is ready, I will come get her” CC said, with an air of authority. CC left at once down the hospital corridor, making Hiz way to the elevator past the nurse’s station. After descending to the parking garage in the hospital elevator, CC called an area florist and arranged to have flowers by the dozen delivered to her room for the next day. Just before the end of the call, the woman on the other end of the line asked if she should send a card with the huge delivery. “Yes. I want you to put something special on it for me,” CC carefully and playfully retorted. “Here is what I want it to say: ‘Passing first and going into the air on the third, demands your presence on the second curve where I make you Mine. Yours faithfully and forever, CC.’ Yeah, that should do it for now.” Thanking the florist in advance for the flower delivery, CC promised to come by the store in the morning to settle up, financially.
In the cold night air of the garage under the hospital and heading for the truck parked in three spaces crookedly, Hy noticed that Dayle had pulled up in Hys truck – the park lights on, the motor idling. Zipping the window down to greet CC, Dayle offered to go out for coffee before they parted ways and to make a plan. CC strode up to the window and gently smiled.
“She's okay, but will be at the hospital a few days before they release her. She's black and blue up one side and down the other, plus she has broken ribs and is still pretty hazy from hitting her head. They're going to keep her until she is stabilized. I called for flowers to be delivered first thing in the morning” and with a wink to Dayle, CC opened the door to he cab of the truck, saying that they could drive down to the 24/hr truck stop to get some coffee and talk.


Revving their motors and turning on all their lights, they growled out of the garage for coffee and early breakfast. CC was thankful for Dayles’ friendship in many ways – especially because Dayle was skilled in solving mysteries.



Dearest Diary,
Today is a beautiful day in paradise. Although spring break got off to a terrible start, I was so happy that I had time to make all the appointments I had forgotten about in my hectic schedule. Each term that goes by seems to be more and more difficult. But I am not afraid of anything. ‘Obstacle’ is not a word in my dictionary. True to form, I keep pressing on. After this, I plan to get my masters. After that who knows. Maybe travel abroad, study abroad, visit places I have never ever been to in my life. For now, it is enough that I have a heart that never tires from life’s adventures.
So now, my sweet diary, I leave you with my ever pressing question of the hour: Now that I possibly know what I am looking for in a butch, what is the next step? At the moment, I’m content with my focus in life: achieving educational goals and my relentless desire to become better – if that’s possible at all. Only you, Dearest Diary, know exactly what I need. Help me to stay the course faithfully: to renew my desire when I feel like I can’t go any further. Doing what is right for me holds the same importance as knowing what I truly want and keeping my eye on the goal, the end result. The forever duty I give to myself in my longest hours of waiting. Please know, Dearest Diary, how important you are to me and that I’ll always care in all the ways that one could possibly care.

Until then, I’m faithfully Yours.

Late Saturday Evening: April 8th, 2006 (part 1)
 

Pulling up to the Iron Skillet, the truck stop that stayed open 24/7/365 off of the freeway that went up and down the corridor of the valley, CC and Dayle wandered into the restaurant to find a table. It was packed out for as early in the morning as it was. They didn't know if a table would be available, but spied three vacant bar stools by the circular counter near the front end of the restaurant. They headed over to take two of the chairs and picked up the menus, cradled by the salt and pepper shakers, in front of them. Browsing the menu for breakfast, the waitress came by with coffee and asked if they wanted some while they waited to place their order. They nodded.

“I'll take regular with cream and sugar,” said CC.

“Me too,” Dayle added.

The waitress filled their cups with coffee and told them she would be right back with cream and sugar; then take their order for breakfast.

It was a good thing that truck stop’s stayed open all the time: especially the ones where people could smoke in the bar counter area. While waiting for their waitress to bring the sugar and cream, CC lit an Al Capone, while deciding what to order for breakfast.

“I'm going to have the Early Breakfast special – the one with hash browns, eggs, any way you want them, and bacon, with Sour Dough toast on the side. What about you Dayle,” said CC, as Hy put the menu down and took a drag off the Capone and let the smoke drift as Hy mouthed O-ring’s.

“I think I am going to have Steak and Eggs with Biscuits and gravy. God, I am starved! I am glad we could stop here and talk for a bit while eating. CC - what is this thing that is going on out at the park, east of town, where she found those clues?” Dayle inquisitively asked.

“You know, Dayle, for as long as I have known her, she’s always had this strange sense of timing for getting herself smack in the middle of something that’s often not really about her at all! She stopped to rest at the park a few weeks ago, after a hectic day in town - something to do with terrible service with a cell phone company and while she was out there, she came upon a missing shoe. Well, if you know her well at all, she has this sixth sense about her; she always wants to follow the trail, if you know what I mean. One thing led to another and she found part of a dress, broken handcuffs, and marks left in a tree that looked like they were made by a sharp object. Then she took a picture of a piece of jewelry she found stuck in the bark. It seemed like antique jewelry, after hearing her describe it. She said that the type of jewelry that it was certainly was insightful about the owner, that they definitely had exquisite taste because she was positive that it cost and arm and leg to have that type of jewelry” CC recounted the information to Dayle, as Hy took one last hit off Hiz cigar, then crushed it out in the ash tray, on the counter of the bar.

Dayle sat on the bar stool making it half from side to side, as Hy listened to the story CC’s account. Thinking for a moment, then looking at the person approaching them, Dayle said – “Looks like we have company CC. Det. Frank Harris is coming this way.”

CC and Dayle both stood up and greeted the Detective as the waitress was finally coming with their condiments for coffee. “Are you guys ready to order yet,” the waitress asked? “Would you like some coffee Detective?” The Detective nodded and took a seat with Dayle and CC at the bar. The waitress poured the coffee for him and mentioned she would be back in just a bit, giving them more time to order since the Detective was looking at the menu now, too.

“I just learned from the Rescue Unit about the amazing recovery you both made on the mountain tonight,” Det. Harris remarked. “I wondered why I hadn't heard back from her today when I left a message on her cell. How is she doing CC?”

“I left her not long ago. She is heavily sedated and of course, she was hurt badly. She broke 4 ribs on her right side and one of the ribs punctured her lung. On top of it, she has a head injury that they stitched up, but the nurse say she will heal in time. They are going to keep her for a day or so until she is stabilized and then when she’s ready to be released, she is to call me and I will go pick her up and take her home,” CC debriefed to Harris.

Just then the waitress came back to take their orders. “Okay, can I get for you boys this morning and will you need separate ticket?”

CC , Dayle and Det. Harris looked at each other, and then Harris spoke first.

“I am picking up the tab this morning since these fine people did a heroic job of rescuing a nice lady this morning up on the mountain! I'll go first. I am having pancakes and eggs over easy, with coffee, of course, and orange juice.”

“Early Breakfast for me, Ma'am,” said CC.
“Steak and egg's over easy, Ma'am, and I will take some grapefruit juice too,” Dayle added.

“Nice order guys! I'll be back in about 15 to 20 minutes with your breakfast and will you holler when you want more coffee because it's busy this morning and I don't want to intrude on your conversation in progress,” the waitress said. “Thank you” they said in unison, while smiling at the waitress. The truck stop had the best breakfast in town and they were thankful for the waitress being sensitive to their privacy.

Harris took up the conversation once the waitress left. “I was going to talk with her about the jewelry she found implanted in the bark of the tree. We have a person working on that now, trying to discover where that particular piece of jewelry came from. But we haven't had any luck with area jewelers from the valley. Apparently this piece is quite rare,” he said.

After digesting Harris’ comment, Dayle took over. “You know, I might be of assistance to you. I have quite an extensive background in identifying artifacts of that particular nature. Would there be any chance of seeing what this piece looks like,” Dayle asked?

“Yes,”CC chimed in behind Dayle, “That makes total sense to me. I hope you can identify that piece of jewelry. I wonder if, by chance, we should also put some feelers out to the local gay and lesbian community in the valley. This could help us to find any information about the jewelry or possibly the victim, too.”

“That’s an excellent idea, CC and Dayle. This is why I stopped in the restaurant this morning on my way to the office: I saw your rig out in the parking lot” countered Harris. “It occurred to me late in the afternoon, the place where it happened and the fact that the park is frequented by members of that community, I thought that coming to you might help us get to the bottom of what transpired out there.”

Just then, the waitress came back with all three orders. “Here’s breakfast! Hot off the griddle,” she said with a smile. “Do any of you want a coffee refill?” she asked, as she finished delivering orders of food to their respective place of order. “Sure, Yes” they said in unison, cracking up with laughter because, once again, they had answered at the same time with the same words! All three of them dug into their food and with not a moment to spare, the waitress was back to fill their cups again, leaving more sugar and cream and their shared ticket for the food.

After breakfast and small talk, they all got up and began to make arrangements for the day.

“Dayle” Harris began, “If you have time right now, you can follow me down to the station and have a look at those pictures. How does that sound to you?” Harris said, as he left two twenties on the counter under the ticket which included a nice tip for the waitress.

“Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to the station we go” chuckled Dayle, as Hy nudged CC. “You coming, CC” Dayle inquired?

“No, I’m beat. I'm gonna go home and crash and then call you later today; to see what you find out about the jewelry. I should be up by noon. Give me a jingle on the cell. I'll be out in the work shop taking a look at Jezebel, assessing damages and making a list of things I’ll have to get to fix her back up. Okay, Dayle,” CC inquired?

“Sounds like a plan, 'Stan',” both the Detective and Dayle said, as they shared a chuckle together! They busted out laughing at the strange coincidence of saying things in unison at what seemed the weirdest times ever. Leaving for the day, CC went to Hiz ranch and Det. Harris and Dayle went to the station to check out the photos taken at the park.

(part 1)

Late Saturday Evening: April 8th, 2006 (part 2)
 

Heading off in the pre-dawn sunlight of the morning, they slowly formed a miniature caravan as they left the parking lot. Turning off the freeway to make the exchange for Hwy 66 to head home, CC wanted to go check on her one more time before Hy went all the way back out to the ranch. Instead of turning east, Hy turned right and headed west to the hospital. Driving down the road a bit and then turning to go up a huge hill to the hospital, Hy slowed down to turn into the lower level to the Parking Garage of the hospital. Getting out, and slamming the door shut, Hy made Hiz way to the elevator. Pressing the button for the 10th floor, the elevator ascended with no delays. “Bing,” the elevator doors opened. CC stepped out and looked toward the nursing station to see who was on duty. Hy didn't see anyone around, so Hy headed down the corridor to her private room. Quietly approaching her room, the door was ajar and CC could smell the flowers Hy ordered for her. Going into her room, there she was slightly raised in bed, gently sleeping, flowers placed everywhere in the room with the best ones on the table next to her with Blue Balloons and a satin banner strung around the bouquet that said Get Well Soon. That particular bouquet had three dozen roses and baby's breath and all sorts of exotic greenery in it. They did a wonderful job of choosing flowers for Hiz favorite girl. The rest of the plants were assorted Star Gazer lilies, Irises, Lilacs and Bird of Paradise in exotic vases. Hy knew she loved flowers and these were the best ones Hy had seen in quite some time. Quietly, Hy slipped over to her bed and moved the covers over some and sat down softly. Gazing at her brought wonderful feelings to Hym. Setting the leather gloves down on the table and moving the breakfast tray over - she began to stir at the soft nuances of noise being made next to her.


“Hey Handsome, where have you been?” she asked softly with sleepiness in her voice with her eye's still closed. She could always feel CC close to her no matter where they were in the universe.


“I just got back from breakfast with Dayle and Det. Harris, down at the Iron Skillet. I thought I would come by and check on you before I went home to sleep a bit and recover from last night. How you doing sweetie,” CC breathed softly to her…


Opening her eyes gently, so she could become adjusted to the light, she looked around and saw the huge bouquets of flowers before her eyes fell upon CC. “Oh my stars! Look at all the beautiful flowers here!” she softly remarked to CC. Trying to adjust her vision, she struggled to sit up better.


“Let me help you,” CC moved while attending to her. “Don't try to sit up too much just yet. Here, do it this way” said CC, helping her to get repositioned in bed. CC leaned over and kissed her gently on the nose, then on the cheek, then stopped for a short kiss on her lips.


“Mmmmmm, have I told you lately how much I adore you CC?” she said, as soon as CC ‘z lips released Hiz kiss from her lips.


CC snuggled the covers up around her and tucked then around her tightly. “I want you to drift back to sleep. I wanted you to have something to keep you company here in the room and to remind you of how much I miss you when you aren't around to pester me and make my life simply wonderful with your entertaining whimsical ways, my dear one.” CC gently leaned over and kissed her again. “Now I am going to tell you this only once and I don't want any guff from your Femme Princess Highness” CC gently razzed her. “Stay in bed. Do what you are supposed to do for the nurse and Doctor and when I come again to see you, I want to find that you were a good girl. I will have a treat for you, okay? Will you promise to mind me this time?” CC asked with Hiz comical goofy grin that said Hy was flirting with her again.

* sigh*


“Butches: can't live without them and you cannot disappoint them. Yes, Dear. I will stay right here with your gifts of loveliness and patiently wait for your return” she said with softness in her voice that told CC she would comply with Hiz wishes.


Not that she wouldn't, but because she already felt so badly that she had gotten herself into such jam and as usual, her knight in shining armor was once again right there by her side. She totally adored CC. But what irked her the most, as it might with any other femme like her, was that the spring dance was coming up and she wanted to go and dance the night away with CC and all her friends in the valley. With broken ribs now and a nasty cut on her forehead, she had no idea if she would mend up fast enough, but she was certain that it didn't really matter. For after all, having a sweet and sincere butch like CC in her life was the most exquisite luxury of all.


“Good girl, now give me a kiss and I shall be off and go home now” as CC bent over to get a final kiss from her sweet lips. Meeting her more than half way to receive the kiss, Hiz eye's smoldered with lust for her and with all that was left of Hiz energy, CC drank up the energy of their kiss and sealed it with a signature mark that Hy saved only for her. Hy gently bit her bottom lip and asserting Hiz Dominance in a final display of authority, set her monitors off again!


Nuzzling her closely and waiting for the head nurse to come charging in, CC lay on top of her and drank in every smell of her scent before the nurse entered the room.


“I should have known” said the nurse, as she started to giggle! “You love birds! How long have you both been married?" the nurse inquired, as she reset her monitors. Not wanting to leave, CC eventually rose from her wounded body and picked up Hiz gloves and got ready to leave. Winking at her then looking toward the nurse, CC explained with pride:


“You would think forever - for as long as we have known each other. But soon we shall have that very conversation, soon” CC's voice directed loving intonations toward the object of Hiz affection who lied in bed gently smiling that knowing smile.


“Ok, off with you Mister, Mister. She needs to rest now,” the nurse took over with authority, as she began to playfully shoo CC away from her room. But before Hy left, CC pointed to Hiz eyes slowly, then touched Hiz heart, then slowly pointed at her with a stern look that meant business. She broke out in giggles which hurt her ribs to the high heavens and smiled the sweetest smile at CC as her devil-licious to voice gave CC exactly what brought sheer delight to Hiz ears: *Y e s, Sir*




Dearest Diary,

A new term has begun and already, the terrific work loads begin. You are such a faithful companion to my heart.
I don’t know what I would do without you my sweet, sweet diary.
Until another day in Paradise,
I’m keeping the faith,
I will be loving and kind,
I will shine like a star:
Don’t worry, be happy
For there is no better way to live,
Than in the moment of now:
Right here
Right now

Sunday Afternoon: July 1st, 2006
 

The nurse was in her room checking off items on her list for release when she asked the nurse to give all the flowers away to children up on the cancer ward in the hospital.

“Will you take all these and give them to the sweet children upstairs, except the Bird of Paradise and stargazer Lillies?” she asked sweetly. Nodding, the nurse called for an aide to come take the flowers and helped her get dressed to leave.

“Now,” the nurse inquired, “Shall I call your contact so they can come for you or will you be calling for a taxi to take you home today?”

“Will you please call CC and see if it fits Hiz schedule to come get me; otherwise if CC is busy, I will call a taxi,” she replied to the nurse.

“Okay, I'll be back in a little bit and let you know what comes next,” replied the nurse.

While she was gathering up her items, she looked out the hospital window and noticed the wonderful weather outside, noticing the gentle breeze blowing through the trees. It seemed like she took forever to get back up and going again, with all the injuries she suffered. The broken ribs had healed some, yet she was achy and sore. Mainly, all she could think of was getting back home and checking on her plants and picking up all the newspapers and pay some bills, since her ordinary daily life activities fell behind schedule.

But while waiting for the nurse to return with news as to whether CC was going to pick her up or not, Dayle walked into the room while she was wandering in thought as she was looking out the window.

“Knock, knock, Miz Lady of the Morning!” chimed Dayle with a smiling lilt to Hys voice. “How have you been lately? CC sent me over to pick you up this morning.”

Turning from the window she smiled knowingly at Dayle and replied, “CC sent you, did Hy? How wonderful that Hy thought of that. If the nurse comes back soon, I am free to go” she remarked in wonderment as to why CC wasn't there Hymself. She wondered what was going on with CC lately. But it didn't matter at the moment because she was relieved that at least she had a way home with someone she knew, rather than having to call a taxi. Just then the nurse came in and said it was strange how she just got off the phone with CC and Dayle was already there to pick her up!
“My, my,” said the nurse. “It doesn't take long to get the ball rolling around here, does it? You are free to go and if you have any symptoms of pain or dizziness, just call your regular physician because we have forwarded all your hospital notes to him. But we are pretty sure you will be fine from here on out. You should schedule a checkup in a month to make sure everything has healed up properly, okay? Just sign these papers and off you go,” said the nurse with a smile.

So, she signed the papers and looked at Dayle as if to signal that she was ready to go. “I'm glad you are here to take me home Dayle,” she said, her voice curiously laced with tone.

“I am parked out front, so let's take the elevator and be on our way,” Dayle said with marked reservation and off they went.

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

The drive home was slow and full of explorative conversation with Dayle. She didn't know whether to be alarmed or annoyed with Dayle, but something was grating her nerves concerning their dialogue and she couldn't put a finger on it. She didn't feel like giving too much information as she really didn't know Dayle; nor could she figure out, for the life of her, why CC had asked Dayle to take her home. Something was entirely odd about the whole thing. For one, before she had the accident and before the notion of her pictures missing on the clip of the digital camera and missing the return phone call from the detective, she found it a little strange that Dayle had found hyr way to CC'z property that day when she rode Sweet Pea to find CC on the Green Springs property. Although it appeared that Dayle and CC were enjoying each others new found company while fishing at the creek, she wondered why CC had done as Hy did and what the real content of the current conversation was before she discovered them by the creek. For some reason she felt that something was amiss about Dayle. Successfully dodging Dayle’s innocuous questions that seemed simple, she knew all too well the hinting of what was behind the questions. She wasn't going to reveal what she knew or what she supposed had happened that day at the park – the bits and pieces of a puzzle that were left behind at the scene. To her, there was a dark motive behind the veiled inquisition and she wasn't about to give anything up. When CC got the time to come by from wherever Hy was at or doing, she was going to have a nice chat with CC about this perplexing situation that was making her very uncomfortable.

“Okay” Dayle said, as Hy pulled into her driveway with long overgrown lawn grass and countless papers piled on the front patio and a note attached to her front door.

With the truck in park and the motor still running Dayle got out and opened her door. Then Dayle retrieved her flowers from the back seat and handed them to her.

“Will you need me to stay” asked Dayle loftily?

“No, you can go and thank you for bringing me home today” she mused quietly to Dayle. And with that, Dayle got back in Hys truck and left.

Watching Dayle leave and then turning to the front patio with all the papers and the note, she wandered lazily as she shuffled all the papers together in her arms and read the note. It was from CC: “I know I was supposed to be there today but you will see me tonight and you will just have to trust me when I tell you that I think I have some answers for you about the park. I also want to talk to you about other things too... Until then, I am yours faithfully, CC” – as was scribbled in Hiz famous haiku, prose-like, penmanship.

Unlocking the front door, and putting all the papers in the wooden antique bin by the sofa for reading materials, she laid the house keys down, turned to shut the front door and locked it. Mulling for a moment in the front living room and adjusting the drapes to let the soft afternoon light in for the day, she turned to go out to the kitchen to open the patio doors to let in some fresh air and take in the view of the property. After scanning the premises for any new developments, she wandered out to sit on her favorite chaise lounge chair and on the table beside the chair, there it was: a small and tiny envelope with her name on it and something bulging from within; a piece of paper with a smudgy mark on the back. Carefully, she walked back into the kitchen and took out a pair of silicone gloves she had when she didn't want to touch unwashed meats for cooking. Carefully she put them on and wandered back out to the note on the table. Picking up the tiny envelope, she opened it to reveal a part of the necklace that matched the earring found at the park. The message on the note read: “It's a part of me and I need your help to find me.”

She breathed in and exhaled a long orchestrated breath that indicated only one thing that came to her mind: Trouble.

~~~~~~~~~~~


Dearest Diary,

It’s been a long three months and I still feel numb since my brothers’ death. My mother isn't the easiest to deal with and I cannot help but feel cheated that the one and only loving family member I had is gone *** (See Footnote below). Yes, I feel deeply angry and longingly sad for my brother Mike. But it doesn't ease the pain I feel, the untimely moment in life that whisked away my brother to another world that heaven only knows about.

I am so deeply humbled by events in my life: only three more terms to go before I graduate with my Bachelors of Science; then there is grad school and heaven only knows where that will be. My dear friends here at home who have held my hand during the loss of my brother Mike; my wonderful friend who is so dear to me and changes that are looming ahead for me and my youngest son Eddie. I worry at times for Lee my eldest son who is serving in the war and cannot be found and summer plans that threaten to overwhelm me – the ever evolving change that I am adapting too on the spur of the moment.

If it's one thing I have learned over time is that the best laid plans don't always come out like they were planned. Help me, dearest diary, to remember not to plan. There is only so much a person can control, so help me in my hours this day to just be in the moment and not fast forward to anything, please.

And just so you know, I have not forgotten to ask my favorite pressing questions of the hour:

Why? Where? When? How?

* I know! So many questions and yet too few answers*

Only you, dearest diary, know the answer to this but heaven help me to be free - to just float it back to the universe for the answers I need.

As always,
your patient adorer and loving writer



*** (footnote): I learned, later in the fall of 2006, that my mother suffered another break from reality (similar to the one when she and my father’s marriage imploded) when my brother Mike was diagnosed with, what was then thought of as a rare form of, AIDS. My mother’s highly skilled nose for nursing issues, around Mikes’ diagnosis, tipped the scale in finding out about the closeted life my brother led. My youngest brother now lives with my elderly mother to this day because even though she functions expertly in her role as a nurse, other unsolved mysteries in our family (taboo subjects) threaten her mental health and personal well being. Mike and I co-share responsibility in caring for our mother as she ages rapidly due to cancer metastasizing in her body (December 2011, revision of diary entry).

Sunday Night: August 13th, 2006
 

Coming to a full stop, with all the dust trailing from behind on the old rutted road to the barn on CC’z property up on the Green Springs past Mt. Grizzly, Dayle sat and watched for signs of where to go next. Hy saw the note posted on the livery door and went to go read it. CC had left directions to find the spot for their secret meeting on the property. Being careful, not to leave it behind as CC had instructed, Dayle went into the stalls and found Sweet Pea ready to ride. Sweet Pea let out a whinny and reared a bit in the stall. “It’s okay,” soothed Dayle to the horse. “Let’s go find CC, okay?” After mounting the horse, Dayle nudged her to take off in the general direction of the place to meet.

It was not too difficult to manage the terrain, Dayle day dreamed thoughtfully. After leading Sweet Pea down the path that descended into a deep ravine that lead to a quiet stream at the bottom, it wasn’t long until Hy spied CC under the cascading water falls. Dismounting and leading the horse along the narrow path toward the opulent expanse of water lying beneath the falls, Dayle gently tied the reins of the horse to a broken limb of a fallen log by the water.

“Was it easy to find, Dayle?” quizzed CC with a smile.

“It sure was! Do you think we are going to be found out, meeting like this so mysteriously?” Dayle answered, as hy thought this plan of CC’z was a bit hair brained even if hy didn’t know the whole story, but would learn of shortly.

“Yes! Well, No, to the part of meeting, but yes to the part where she will find out!” laughing with the thought that Hy knew she would love a good treasure hunt!

“I left that envelope on her patio, just like you asked me to before I brought her home today” said Dayle, informing CC.

“Good! It won’t be long now until she makes that call to the detective, and I have already given him the next step of this masterful plan for the proposal of her life time!” CC smiled that one smile Hy always smiled when Hy knew he had outfoxed her again. He loved the game of hide and seek because CC orchestrated the false crime scene, at her favorite place to go unwind. Hy knew Hy had her hook, line and sinker!

Dayle burst out with utter laugher at the complexity of CC’z hair-brained scheme to propose marriage to her. After all these years of being her best friend, confidante and playful puppy of a guy; and occasionally treating her to a date or escorting her to some function that made Hiz brain go on overdrive with lustful thoughts of her, during the most boring of lectures, CC found Hymself going into a reverie about the final moment when she would be presented with the most magical moment of their life: Proposing marriage to his one and only in the world at the Black and White Ball: the most anticipated social event on the lesbian calendar in the valley.

“So how did you come up with the plan to propose to her, CC?” asked Dayle, while lighting a cigarette as Hy leaned against the rock wall behind the water falls.

“I’m glad you asked because you need to know how crucial it is, that everything fell into place this time. Last year, a fire broke out on the property and I couldn’t take her to the ball like we had planned to do. Instead, she came out here to help me oversee advisors to the fire crew and that was the time I had originally planned to propose. It has to be on this night that I ask her – because the first moment either of us shared about how we wanted it to happen, if it were to ever happen for the two of us, was at the first Black and White Ball we ever went to together. That night was the night I knew it would be her that I would marry and we’d live our lives together. We had shared such an incredible day at the park. We walked the paths together, skipped rocks into the stream; most of the time I followed her down the path and watched her walk and talk about the things she knew about: like the trees and the plants we were walking by. We finally sat upon a huge boulder by the edge of the stream and talked about things we both wanted in a relationship - if that should ever happen for us. At first, I was taken back by her candidness of things she thought about, needed, wanted or desired. I guess I never known someone to be so real – it blows my mind every time I think about it. I knew things for me were different with her and that if I wanted to be a permanent fixture in her life, I had to be true to me and true to her – and to remember the foreboding feelings of the moment that I realized just how important she would become in my life” as CC began to fish for Hiz smokes, wanting to enjoy a smoky pleasure while talking to Dayle.

“You know, CC, the first time I ever met her I knew she was different. You can’t help but get that feeling when you encounter such a woman as her” Dayle agreed with CC, as he exhaled from Hys last drag off the cigarette. “She is so bright and animated, innocent yet mature; talented, quick to be helpful and it doesn’t hurt when you hear her make a comical remark with that humor of hers. I remember that day I was in her line at the grocery store and there you were on the opposite side of her and I thought for sure, we would have been found out then; but I have to hand it to you CC, you do know her really well” as Dayle mused with laughter. “I’m especially proud to help a brother out – so we can see how it goes down the night of your proposal.”

“Dayle” CC said as hy inhaled from the cigarette, “do you know how hard it has been to keep this little secret? We, her and I, share about everything under the sun. I’ve given her little hints over the months, but then something in life will happen, like her going off the edge of the mountain or her mom will show up unannounced or something screwy happens on her job and she has to work more than usual or something comes up with her college schedule that reeks havoc on the little plans we set aside for our “we” time, since we live apart from each other. I mean, we might as well live together, but I know she wants her independence and not lose her space. And well, I have this ranch and I am not about to give it up. So finding the right moment to create an unusual memory for us has been the hardest task of my clever life ever and it’s just so darn important we keep dropping clues until the dance next week.”

Just then CC’z pager went off and Dayle’s too, for that matter. It was Detective Harris looking for both of them. It was urgent. Just as CC had predicted, she called the Detective and now, time was of the essence.

Looking at each other, they put their cigarettes out and mounted their horses for the ride back to the barn.




Dearest Diary,

Sometimes it is good to be still and listen to the gentleness of the wind or listen to the surf of the unbridled ocean, which is just as wonderful when I ride my bike while I daydream as I pedal furiously up an Ashland hillside or while coasting down a hill, swooshing in lazy S’s while I steer my bike crookedly for fun or while I entertain beautiful memories of family life or the challenges of living alone or the delightful friends who grace my life beautifully or the water I might have left steaming on the stove. Hurrying to fix a temporary problem is only a part of the solution, but finding a lasting, mutual decision is sometimes a fruitful and increasingly complex process. The things I value dearly in life are: Feelings of being liked and loved; feeling free to be me and all that I am. Being independent, yet co-sharing interdependence or the gift of allowing acceptance on every level imaginable and sharing a mutual respect with those whom I value most in life. And of course, the elements of kindness and caring or tolerance or endurance or strength and vulnerability or trust, and the ability to focus on the present moment and last, but not least, the ability to live honestly. I give myself permission on a daily basis to relieve life’s pressures by revising the aptitude of my attitude - so I am able to grow, even if it’s only on a moments notice. It’s true that the simplest things in life bring the most pleasure. Help me to remember and cherish the good, bad and ugly that life often gifts to me. Dearest Diary, thank you for being you and for the safety you provide me as I continue to grow.

Sunday Afternoon Dreaming: September 3rd, 2006
 

After the morning was cleared from her daily duties, she went for a drive to her favorite park in the woods. She let her mind wander upon the content of the conversation she had with the Detective, earlier that day, but she worried what the real ‘investigation’ was leading to. The curves of the road felt familiar: each turn of the road on the drive was made with lazy delight; for she was driving CC’z cherry bomb of a Corvette. It seemed strange that she hadn’t seen, nor heard from CC that day because it added toward her anxiety about what CC was up to. But nevertheless, she agonized over the impending decision that the detective was yet to make. With each turn she made while driving, it bothered her more that nothing seemed to make sense. Just as she made the familiar bend in the road that led to the entrance of the park, she slowed down and purposely took her time entering the enclosed area for parking. It didn’t look like anyone had been around in quite awhile. And the tape that marked the scene was gone. Parking the car, she turned off the ignition and just sat in the quietness of the moment. It was wonderful to drive CC’z convertible because she loved how the sunshine embraced her as she drove. More than that, she loved the smell of the forest and the gentle wind that would waft through the canyon that led to the park. In the distance, she could hear the creek and birds that chirped in the woods. A woodpecker was busy nearby and she loved to hear the hollowness of the tree that the bird was busy pecking on! She got out of the car and lazily took in the beauty of the park.

Following the tiny trail down to the area where she first found that piece of jewelry embanked in the trunk of a tree, she wandered further – taking in the smells of the forest, the music of the water from the creek that called her to come closer.

It seemed like a whole day had passed that afternoon. She was further on this trail than she had ever wandered before. Up and down the trail, like a gentle gazelle she traveled, letting the forest speak to her on terms that only redwoods could do. The quietness lured her further until she finally found a peaceful part of the creek with a huge boulder to sit on in the shade of the late afternoon.

Kicking her shoes off and letting her jacket pad the hardness of the huge stone rock, she laid her purse and keys down then stretched out to let her mind wander again. It was a really hot afternoon: so hot, that she decided to take off her clothes and strip down to her panties and bra and let the sunshine glow upon her body. She loved to tan and what a perfect place to do it. No one at all around to disturb her privacy except thoughts of deeper desires that seemed to become magnified by the complete and utter beauty of the water, trees and birds that lived in this place.

It had been long time since someone had been in her life. There was much she longed for; deeper desires of intimacy that she craved, but only her to tend to them when her body cried out for loving and deserving attention. Her mind seemed to not be content to just lie there and be drenched in the sun. She wanted more and for that to happen, she gave attention to herself. If there was anyone she wanted to be physical with – to have sexual intimacy with – it was CC. But for some reason it never ever went there and this frustrated her to no end. How could CC not know how deeply she craved this part of intimacy in their relationship? She didn’t know or have the answers, but today she felt the timing to take care of her needs – even if CC was a 2x4 specimen of a darling butch.

Becoming even braver by the moment, she shed all of her clothes and dived into the still waters of the pool that was clear and inviting. She didn’t want to swim among the fishes but thankfully there appeared to be none in the water! The water felt so relaxing and very cold. So cold, that her nipples were cresting to attention – making her body become aware of an unsatisfied need for release. When she couldn’t bear the coldness of the water anymore, she swam to the huge boulder and lifted herself up onto the hotness of the stone and let her body become warm again from the refreshment of her dip in the water.

Beads of water were shedding their presence from her body; raining down onto her jacket that padded her bottom where she sat before she took a notion to dive into the pool. Spreading the jacket underneath her, and using her clothes as a pillow for her head, she laid in the sunshine and let herself drift off into a deep reverie of being tamed by the butch of her dreams.

As she laid on the rock, she touched her breasts and caressed her nipples and fondly paid attention to them as they were directly linked to her darker, and more mysterious, sexual desires. Breathing with her eyes closed and letting her hands delicately touch all the places on her body that made her clit swell with engorgement, her deeper desires came to life. Her hand slipped into her garden and stroked her curly hair, for her cunt was creaming with undeniable desire. Stroking her clit as she envisioned being sucked and licked, her hand milked her left breast. As her right hand gently stroked the lips of her cunt, brushing past her clit she dove deep into the flaming heat of her vagina’s velvet: breathing deeply and moaning with unreleased pent up desire she plunged deeper, more deeply than before and felt the pulse of her pent up energy. Wanting more, her clit called back to her: ‘come back to me’ it said. But just then a twig snapped nearby and as her eyes opened wide, she saw CC standing above her with dark, smoldering eyes that told her more than what she ever thought of CC before.

Without missing a beat, CC dropped to Hiz knees on the boulder while shedding Hiz shirt and with one swift motion, Hiz lips were all over her. Then taking her and holding her strongly, CC kissed her so deeply that she nearly was consumed by the shared passion of the moment that left her breathless – causing a deeper moan to escape between them. Lying on top of her, CC dove into her mouth, over and over again. Hiz tongue transformed them into a drunken blissful state. As CC parted her legs away from the attention her hand had been giving to her cunt, she let her hand come up to touch his face as Hy kissed her with the irresistible emotion of Hiz pent up desires.

Hiz body rocked upon hers and as Hiz hand took her hand away from her breast, CC resumed the pleasure of rolling her nipples to erotic levels of desire as Hy massaged and milked her for every drop her breasts would give to Hym. Letting go of their deep kiss and moans escaping both of them, CC planted Hiz warm mouth on her breasts… while helping Hymself to what they both desired and wanted, CC felt the creaminess of her cunt, causing a deeper groan to escape from Hiz presence. CC plunged Hiz fingers deeply into her garden. Hy could feel her orgasm building, the pulsing of her energy as Hy ground into the ribbed vagina, Hy made her wetter. CC stopped momentarily and peered into the deep blue pools of her eyes and then whispered in her ear: “I want you … I’m ready for you, I want you to feel me…” as Hy led her hand to Hiz bulging crotch – Hiz package wanted to plunge deeply into her. Breathing heavily and still rocking to the pent up energy that set them both on fire, her eyes met CC’z and motioned with one knowing look that Hy had permission to feed her desires and take all the time they needed to passionately release what had been stored between them, for what seemed to be ages.

She reached down to unzip CC’z Levi’s – revealing Hiz engorged member. She felt CC’z need for the lone act that could only quench their desires. Rolling into her, CC once again drank from her mouth as Hy penetrated her with Hiz tongue while Hiz hands explored her pulse, the wetness of her cunt, her pent up desire to be impregnated with Hiz energy - cazillions of CC’z sperm imploding her universe.

“Will you let me enter you?” CC breathed heavily into her ears.

*yessssss* she moaned…

And with that, CC spread her legs even wider and mounted her with fervor. The weight of Hiz body felt good upon her while she adjusted to Hiz penetration - the way Hiz energy rippled though her body. Just the mere thought that they were finally doing what they longed deeply to do with each other, added fuel to the fire. CC took her by the hair and pulled her head into the position Hy wanted her to be in as Hy consumed her mouth in yet another kiss, asserting Hiz strength and passion while Hiz deep physical need communicated the way Hy craved her with intention. While kissing her deeply, Hy picked up her leg and began fucking her deeply with solid thrusts of emotion. Hy pumped Hiz love into her over and over again: Stroking her ass while Hy kissed her passionately with deep hunger; wanting to devour her body and soul…her everything! Moaning from the sheer pleasure of CC fucking her brains out, she reached around Hiz neck and stroked his muscular shoulders and drew her nails down Hiz back. Each time CC went wickedly deeper into the labyrinth of her body, her nails matched the strength of Hiz need.

“I want you from behind,” were the words that trailed from Hiz frantic breathing. And matching Hiz desire, she looked at Hym with smoldering eyes that told Hym to release her and let her roll over to assume the position. Never missing or parting from touching each other’s body, Hy spooned her and let Hiz arms surround her as Hy massaged her breasts while Hiz swollen member craved the tightness of her ass. All the while, CC rubbed her clit using all the creaminess that her cunt had produced. Hy sucked fervently on the back of her neck, communicating Hiz desire to fuck her from behind. CC parted her ass and slid Hiz cock into her as she gasped for air as Hy rent the veil of her universe. Hy stroked her clit as Hy strove to plunge deeper into her with all Hiz strength. Each time Hy pushed into her, she felt the darkness of Hiz ardent desires – The reason why Hy wanted her.

She began to feel her clit begin to do that one particular dance of motion; causing her to let a deeper moan escape from her soul…moaning so deeply with utter pleasure she sensed Hy was abut to come. “May I go there?” CC whispered raggedly as Hy pummeled her garden to new heights of joy. Closing her eyes, she said “yes;” and as soon her ‘yes’ escaped from her mouth, Hy slid hys hands, saturated by her creaminess and smeared it all over his cock and then plunged deeply with the force of an exploding bomb into her: Causing her to scream out Hiz name!!! Hy kept pumping her with Hiz desire until she screamed that she was going to come! And when she did, Hy pulled out of her ass, ripped off his package, rolled her over and shoved Hys fingers up her cunt so that Hy could fill her with Hiz hand. And as she began to explode like a shooting star in the heavens, Hy dove onto her clit and brought her orgasm! Her legs were quivering as her body bucked against the stronghold of Hiz mouth on her clit: wave after wave, moan after moan, their coarse and raspy breathing filled the air and as she finally caved into CC, she collapsed into CC’z arms that held her tight – releasing every drop of cum that Hy plied from her, CC gently and lavishly lapped up all that she gave to Hym.

Spent from release of their orgasm, CC kissed Hiz way up her tummy to her rock hard nipples: “Baby, you’re mine…” “mmmhummm, yes, I am,” she lovingly stroked CC’z head full of hair as she nuzzled closer to CC.

They collapsed into each other on the rock, that hot and sunny afternoon by the creek with the quiet pool of water. Cradled in each other’s arms, they fell into slumber as the sound of rushing water carried them into blissful wonder.

~~~~~~~~~

It’s Sunday afternoon, my favorite day of the week: sometimes it’s a day of rest and at other times, I want it to be a day of heated desire.

*Dearest Diary*

Even though you never really answer any of my questions, its okay
because I don’t have any answers either.

Until another day,
I’m Yours, Faithfully.

Mid-afternoon on a Lazy Wednesday: September 13th, 2006
 

Dearest Diary,

Today shouldn't be any more different than the rest of my days - but somehow it is. Sometimes just the days of doing nothing is where I find the most time to let my head wander from thinking too much. But I wrote a poem for you today... I’m leaving it here upon your lovely pages and whatever you do, Dearest Diary, let it be this, just for today:

Hold my thoughts and emotions as sacred, yet not divine; for all my tomorrows are just that: a Tomorrow. But this is today and while I have no questions for you today, just know that I still patiently await your answers.
*haha or not so haha!*

Until another day in paradise,
I’m Yours, faithfully.

Monday Night: Oktober 23rd, 2006
 

Moaning softly, she turned over gently – shivering – seeking CC’z heat as she woke to the coolness of the air wafting off the river, the effervescent babbling of the water near the boulder they were lying on; how it seemed to be darker with only a faint hint of periwinkle blue and mellow orange shades from the late evening sunset. The first star of the evening began to twinkle above them. The gentle rhythm of their breathing was saturated by the core smell of burnt offering to each other, as if a melding of their sensuality were laden with the musk-like nectar of Grecian God’s and Goddesses: it permeated the air all around them as they aroused to the notion that they needed their clothes on - and in one big hurry.
It was getting cold!

“Hon?” she whispered to CC. “HOn? Will you wake up? It’s getting cold out here and it looks like it is darker, too. We should get up and head back to town and find something to eat. I’m HuNgRy!” she said, starting to chatter at the teeth a bit. She lifted her head above CCz to see where all their clothes landed in the wild and incredible afternoon they had just experienced. Then it hit her: not only did they need to get some clothes on, but she wanted a cigarette! Just then, CCz arms tightened around her and drew her in. CC opened one eye a smidge… then waited until she was just close enough that Hy could sneak a kiss to her lips. Pressing deeply into her lips, CC gently guided her back onto the boulder; going deeper into her mouth with Hiz tongue and asserting Hiz sexual dominance by finally laying completely on top of her and controlling every heated moment of the kiss that was consuming them both with passion that smoldered: the idea that Hiz kiss would blow every last inch of resistance from her, left CC breathless with the gentle pride that seemingly only butch guys know about. Releasing her from the kiss, CC got up and started to find the cigarette case in Hiz pants. Finding it, he took out two pre-made cigarettes with filters and lit them both (CC was so damn cute doing this, she thought!), then grinned that famous CC grin as Hy exhaled and gently gave the other one to her.

“Hon?” said CC dreamily, “Do you know how long I have waited to do that with you?” CC picked up Hiz pants and put them on, yet left the pants unzipped as they draped above Hiz boney hips as Hy dreamily looked at her and exhaled a perfectly circled halo.

“Yes dear, I do know” she said, with a warm lazy smile. “Do you know how long I have waited for you to do this, too?” she said slowly, as she took a long drag off the cigarette CC had given to her. CC loved standing there looking at her in all her purest of essence – her nakedness in the fading twilight of the evening.
“Thank you Hon for the cigarette and well, hon? I hope we haven’t outdone ourselves in our last moments because if sex or making love is like this now, then I want for my only wish that we have it this passionate anytime we want this, again.”

CC began to give her that annoyed look. “Are you gonna get up and get dressed? Or lay there all night, woman?”
“Help me up!” she said with a grin. With the cigarette hanging from Hiz lips, CC reached down with both arms and hands and helped her to get up. Giggling, she nearly tripped and caused them both to wonder if they would fall into the water! Both of them were looking at each other as took a drag off their cigarettes, one last time. Once they exhaled, CC leaned over and took her in Hiz arms and hugged her while nuzzling her neck.

“Come on, hon! Help me get dressed. It’s getting dark out here and you know how klutzy I am in the dark” she softly said, as she nuzzled and kissed CC’z nose. So CC released her and then gently spanked her as she turned to get her bra and panties and well, you know - all her stuff. Femme’s have a lot of accessories: Their purse or jacket or shoe’s – just to name a few.

It was just then that CC realized Hiz cock was missing.
“Hon, do you see my cock anywhere?” CC sighed with frustration.

She turned to CC and put her hand on Hiz invisible cock.
“Right here hon!” she smiled with devilish charm. CC grabbed her and kissed her deeply. Grinding into her, CC let out a deep groan. And just at that moment a moan escaped from her, too. They held onto each other. Softly smiling she said to CC, “Hon? It’s a total possibility that we kicked it off the boulder and it floated down river.”

Squeezing her harder, Hy popped her back and she let out a sigh of relief. “Mwah! Thank you dear for doing that for me,” as she kissed him lightly on Hiz nose!

“We can come back another time and look for it. Right now, let’s go” CC said, as hy took her by the hand and helped her down off of the boulder and onto the earthen trail that led to their spot on the river. Both of them carefully wound the trail in an upwards motion. Rocks were escaping the traction of their feet as they climbed up the trail in the dark.
It was just about then, that the Klutz fairy arrived.
The wind gusted a bit and caused her to lose her balance as CC led them up the path. She tripped and fell to the side of the path where it dropped off to another embankment along the river: losing her breath as she went in slow motion over the edge.
“Help me CC,” her voice raised, trembling with fear! But the motion and gravity of the peculiar situation she was literally falling into, took CC by surprise. For once, CC was at odds against the logic of gravity: the weight of her pulling Hym into her fall and the scary idea that they might be in one helluva jam without any help. It was too late to express the horror of what was happening. By the time she came to rest on the broken limb of a pine tree – there she was looking up at CC with pleading eyes; yet CC was hanging on the edge of the path, literally by Hiz toes!!! Hanging there eyeing each other, and certainly NOT in range for a kiss, they both let nervous laughter escape from them – seeing the dark humor of the moment!

She looked up at Hym and quietly said: “If I ever live to tell about this to anyone, I just want you to know that I love you for everything and that I think you are one hell of a guy! Thank you for everything you have always done for me. And for heaven’s sake, let it be known that you are the sweetest Lover of My life! I don’t want anyone else in my life but you and certainly no one else will touch me, other than you! Now HOn, will you just do some of your magic and get us out of this mess?” as she smiled that smile that knew what Hy would do next.

CC looked at her with a certain look: “Hon? Good news. If you fall now, we will both die together and isn’t there some sort of a Shakespearean element to that? Don’t you agree hon?” CC said with Hiz best poker face.

“CC, for heaven’s sake - come on!!! Don’t be coy with me at a moment like this,” she practically shrieked! “Help me hon! My arms are getting tired!!!!!”

CC just loved moments like this. Matter of fact, it’s safe to say that Hy LiVeD for moments like this!!! Hy loved being her hero… The funny thing was – is that CC knew there wasn’t much of a drop below her, but she hadn’t taken time to even look down. CC played with her and motioned exaggeratingly with Hiz eyes which caused her to look down.

“OMG!!! HOn? If I fall down from here how will I get back up there, to help you get up,” she asked incredulously???

“Actually” CC said, “I’m going to go with the fall and hang onto your hand. Then when I get more than half way falling sideways near you, I want you let go of that branch and fall with me – okay?”

And just at that time, CC did as Hy said and went into a free fall – Hiz eyes never leaving her eyes, they began to fall together. But in doing so they didn’t realize that the ledge they thought they were falling onto was none other than the hibernation cave of a Great Bear. As they both dropped onto the surface, the earth of the cave gave way under the magnitude of the force of both of them landing on it!





Dearest Diary,

The season of fall in all its glory is beautiful to gaze at here in paradise. Forests span everywhere the eye can see; yet the hills that lead to them are showing their true colors. Colors that only come forth: as the season begins to extract fully what seasons of spring and summer cannot do during fall. Oranges, reds, yellows, umbers: The Earth’s brilliant and majestic display that attests to a universe
that is alive with cosmically vibrant energy. That hum of the universe has been fine tuning my ability to see, hear, and truly listen. It’s funny but yet, not that funny. It’s more like a deep awe filled reverence.
When I am still and quiet, I try to hear Earth’s vibrations as it channels into my ears as if balancing competing tensions in my soul. I used to have Question’s for you, but now I see the question to me.

Don’t go holding out on me, dearest diary! I need your pages to think in earnest and with honesty because being real in the moment takes courage. I have courage.
Dearest Diary??? I have no questions for you tonight, but here’s an answer for you in case you need one:

Thank you for being You.

Sunday Early Morning: November 5th, 2006
 

Dearest Diary,

I'm sleepless tonight before the morning of my early finals
with delivery of speeches carefully planned yet so horrifyingly real.

I made a poem tonight that speaks for
feelings that often run deliriously rampant with urgency - deliriously ravaging my capacity to find Zen.

You hear my words and
you keep my thoughts;
yet tonight I let them go
so I can remain mindfully present in my
pre-dawn moments, longing for tranquil peace.






























I'm off to slumber - dreaming peacefully of contentment, where I practice the *carpe diem * of nocturnal release into the unknown yet ever evolving paradigm of shared epiphanies, melded and tempered by kindness and quotients empowered by more than two. And it’s because of you, the Etymology of pristine infinity, my Dearest Diary.

Truest to you,
Yours Faithfully

Almost New Years Eve: December 31st, 2006
 

Lying in the darkness – on a heap of old dry bones, debris and cobwebs in the cave of the bear – it was with a dazed confusion that she awoke and still holding hands with CC. It appeared that CC was out cold from having broken their fall into the cave. She reached over to carefully brush off like huge clumps of dirt she felt on CC’z face.

*CC?* she whispered carefully. “Hon? Wake up dear…” She carefully kissed CC’z cheek, silently waited for him to rouse to consciousness. As she waited for any sign of CC coming to life, she tried to see in the dark but couldn’t. She rolled closer to CC and began to warm him a bit, with the already escaping heat of her body. It was terribly cold and damp in the cave. With no light to see, except the moonlit shadows that appeared from the opening above, she began to feel a bit petrified. Not wanting to break the clasp of their hands, she reluctantly let go of Hiz hand and managed to get his head under her arm, as she cradled CC and cooed softly in Hiz ear. “Everything will be alright” she said to Hym, over and over again. “Come on, Hon, wake up” she said, beginning to shudder from the cold. Lying in the dark, she willed CC to come alive. But nothing seemed to happen. She could hear the creek babbling outside; the gentle and mysterious moaning of the earth in the abandoned cave. But because she realized they were terribly cold, she had to think of a way to get both of them warm. And, do it quickly.

Not wanting to part from CC, she dug into CC’s pocket for the lighter that they used for smoking. Thank you Goddess for Zippo lighters: they always seemed to fair as well as a Timex watch. They just kept on ‘zippin’ like a Timex watch would keep ‘tickin’! She flipped the case of the beautiful and handsome lighter case open. …*wha~lah*… “and, let there be light!”

She could see that there were pieces of wood lying around the dead leaves and pine needles. “Ok,” she said to herself. “It looks like there is enough material here to build a fire” and up she arose with adrenaline to make it come to life. She was not a scout or anything, but she was determined to make it warmer for them and to help CC come back to life. Without him, they weren’t going anywhere and to add to the complication, (at least in her head) she worried that CC had broken bone or something. Time was of the essence because no one who knew of their whereabouts that day. Quickly, she gathered up the dead material from the floor of the cave and scraped it into a heap. Then she gathered the dead tree limbs and laid them upon the heap of debris. She found two huge tree stumps and drug them over to the place where she was going to build the fire. With no blankets or extra clothing other than what they had on, it was freezing and she worried about both of them developing hypothermia. She flipped the Zippo open and lit the flint. Quickly, she lit all of the debris. Wafting air around the newly lit fire she tried to stoke the flames, hoping to not make it too smoky. With one of the longer branches, she reached toward the huge hole in the cave to be sure the smoke could escape. By then, the debris caught on fire and she quickly loaded all of the spare limbs she could find onto the blaze. Within minutes, the branches caught fire – causing to her decide to put the stumps onto the entire flaming mess, too.

She looked at CC lying next to the fire. No movement yet, but at least she could see now and hoped that the fire would warm them both. Saving the longest branch to stir the fire with she skootched closer to CC and gently checked for his breathing and pulse. Thankfully, he was alive; just not fully conscious yet. “Oh my,” she prayed! “Please help CC to wake up! I need Hym! I want Hym to get us out of here and take us home! Without Hym, we are lost!”
About that time when the fire began to take on a life of its own, CC began to move, cough and come to life. “Hon?” Hy said, as she quickly laid the branch down to tend to CC. Tears fell upon on her cheeks, she was so happy that CC came back to life! Stroking the hair from Hiz forehead, she stroked Hiz head lovingly as she kissed Hiz nose, Hiz cheek and then softly Hiz lips, as she began to weep. “Oh Hon, I’m so glad you are waking up! Are you cold? Are you hungry? Do you hear me? Do you feel the fire???” she asked like she always did, when she had a million questions on her mind for CC to answer! CC reached up with Hiz arms (although his eyes were closed) and pulled her down on top of him. Through the soft light of the blazing fire they could see each other. Gazing at each other fervently while assessing each others’ damage – they decided it was okay to smile as they held each other with dearness. Both exhaled the sigh of inner knowledge that they both had survived their fall into the cave.

But that didn’t last long as a huge rush of wind blasted through the cave with frightening power – enough power that a giant apparition of a Grizzly Bear appeared in the smoky haze of the fire.

Frightened beyond belief, she shrieked so loud it would have made the fur fall off of any so-called Grizzly! “CC” She shrieked, as CC eyed the image conjured by the fiery blaze amid the smokiest of smoke, the strangest of haze!!!

The proclaimed, legendary, ghost-like beast of Mt. Grizzly roared with terrifying growls! And then, as if beyond the comprehension of a drunken stupor, the bear began talking to them, uttering words from ancient days. Did they hear what they just heard??? Could it be true, what that bear said??? They looked at each other in sheer astonishment, making sure that neither of them was losing their wits. Silently confirming to one another, they returned their gaze to the apparition roaring in front of them, through the smoky haze of the fire which was burning at full height as sparks flew everywhere. But the Grizzly Bear still stood its ground. And as if caught doing something very compromising, both of them rose from the floor of the cave, hand-in-hand and in utter fright and ran for any exit they could find! Running toward the creek through a labyrinth, they ran for their lives! It was as if it were a miracle that they found the cave’s exit as they scaled a rocky crevice that led to the original path. By the time they made it to the parking lot, both were heaving breathlessly.
“Don’t go to your house,” said CC as Hy tossed a spare set of car keys to her. “Go to the ranch and drive as safely as possible. You better drive the speed limit and not hurt the corvette or I’ll tan the hide off your pretty ass, woman!”

*the hell I will, CC* - as she caught the keys in mid-air while standing like a deer, frozen by on-coming headlights! She hit the electronic switch to unlock the car, got into the drivers seat and lit a cigarette, then turned on the motor and did a 1-80 in reverse.
“You better hurry, my dear man, if you want to make sure I get to the ranch without hurting your Vette!” she yelled into the wind, as she left CC and Hiz truck in a cloud of dust. Licking her lips and mouthing a sensual kiss to him, Hy stared at the way her breasts swelled under the t-shirt she stole away from Hym at the river. Waiting for Hiz eyes to meet hers, she felt CC collaring and devouring her with Hiz eyes. Once Hiz eyes locked with hers, she collared CC with her smile…

Tethered invisibly to each other, the night had only just begun. Following her closely, CC watched her as she applied lipstick to her mouth and while smoking a cigarette, she led them home: bound by their own shared telepathy and singular devotion to a dance that was theirs and theirs alone.


~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~


Dearest Diary,

You know, it’s been awhile since I asked questions of you and I know you don’t want me to let you down. How long until then? When? Where? Do you see how you are, Dearest Diary?


Until then,
I’m Yours faithfully.

Late Wednesday Afternoon: January 31st, 2007 (Part 1)
 

Driving up the canyon on Route 66 toward the Green Springs, they leaned lazily into each curve while taking in the scenic beauty of the drive to CC’z property. When it came to the curve where she and Jezebel took a dive down the mountain side, she slowed down. CC slowed down too, wondering what was going through her mind, as he followed her home. As she proceeded on, she glanced into the rearview mirror with a beautiful smile as she mouthed a kiss to CC from her lips. CC’z strength of character made her heart swell with pride: especially the memory of how he commandeered her rescue when she lost control of the car on that snowy winter night. Picking up speed, she decided that she had better hurry up because they were going to be late for the party and dance!

Soon, they approached the entrance to CC’z ranch. She carefully eased the corvette down the dirt lane, so as not to kick up the gravel and dust from the road. The sun had already set and the first evening star had appeared as well as the moon, as it rose into the storybook heavens of the eastern skyline. “On a beautiful night such as this…” she thought silently to herself, as she traveled slowly down the drive. It was about then, when she slowly made the last turn on the pine-shaded hill, that she saw how many cars and trucks were parked at CC’z home…

“For heaven’s sake, what is going on out here tonight?” she silently mused to herself, as she slowed down to take it all in while watching in the rearview mirror for any sign of expression on CC’z face. “I thought the party was in town tonight,” she silently thought to herself. She saw the smile emerge on CC’z face in the rearview mirror. There must have been at least 20 vehicles she could account for in plain sight. Some of them she recognized, others she didn’t. Dayle’s truck was there, and several of her girlfriends’ cars were there; but as soon as she pulled up to the triple car garage and hit the door opener on the visor, she saw Dayle waiting for them impatiently on the wrap around porch of the house. Dayle had a lazy grin on Hys face and was smoking a cigarette. She watched Hym as Hy secretly signaled to CC as she pulled into the garage. As soon as she pulled in completely, she shut the engine off and sat thinking about what was really going down at CC’z home.

“It’s about time you two got here!” Dayle practically shouted in the garage, while CC parked the truck directly behind the Vette. Still seated in the car, she waited for CC to get out and come over to open the door of the car and help her out. She lit a cigarette while the two of them quietly exchanged information that apparently was a secret to be kept from her. Finally, CC came up to the Vette and opened the car door for her and helped her out.

“Hon?” she said quietly, as she took her last drag off of the cigarette. “What is going on here tonight? I thought the dance party was in town at the Grange Hall. Did you fail to tell me about it?”

Leaning in towards her and kissing her earnestly for good measure, CC held her tightly for the moment and whispered in her ear: “Yes dear, I planned this party for you instead of the party we were going to go to. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in on my secret, but you know how life always interferes with our plans.” Nuzzling her gently, CC asked her to go ahead and go upstairs and clean up, while he and Dayle got caught up to speed on the party in progress. “Okay, hon” she said to CC, as she nuzzled him back while playfully taking his hat off and played with Hiz hair. “Whatever you are up to, Mister CC, I’m glad we don’t have to go back to town. So Hon, I’m gonna be in your bathroom taking a shower and what should I wear tonight? Is this casual or should I wear a pretty dress tonight?”

CC looked at her with a heated desire and told her to do whatever her heart desired; then quickly added that wearing a dress was something Hy had looked forward to seeing her in all day… So off she went up the stairs to the top of the loft, where CC’z bedroom was, to relax and get ready for the evening.

“Hon? I won’t be long but will you bring up some wine to the bathroom so I have something to sip on while I am getting ready?” she smiled a beautiful smile to Hym. Half way up the back stairs, she heard CC pop the cork on some vintage wine that Hy always kept for her in the kitchen wine collection. “I’ll be up in a moment with your wine Hon, Okay?” CC hollered up the stairs to her.

“Where have you both been?” Dayle asked with an incredulous tone in Hys voice. “I’ve been waiting here since 4 this afternoon getting things done while you were out gazelling around the universe today!”

“I found her down at the park and we,” coughing it out to Dayle, “took care of some really important business we have wanted to do for some time now, Dayle. Thanks for helping me to get all this done in my absence” CC said, as he put down the filled wine glass.

“Did you get the band all set up in the back yard?” CC asked Dayle.

“Yes, I did, and they are all ready to go when she’s ready to come down. I made arrangements for food to be catered and they should be showing up anytime now,” Dayle reported to CC.

“Great”, CC said with a huge relief. “I’m starving, and I know she is too. What about everyone else? Let’s get the show on the road. Did you remember to go to the jewelers to pick up the ring I had made for her?”

“Yes, and it’s a beauty!” replied Dayle. He retrieved the ring from the secret stash drawer where CC kept all his important things, like: spare keys, screws and nails, and old memos itemizing Hys to-do lists of yore. “Here it is, CC” Dayle said, as he opened the little box that held the ring.

There it was in all its glory was the ring that matched the missing earrings she had found months before at the park. CC had planned this orchestrated mystery for months now and the last thing Hy needed was for her to figure it all out, before Hy had the chance to recite Hiz ornamental engagement proposal to her. Hy had taken an old pair of stilettos from her “clothes to go to goodwill box,” a year or so ago, and had hoped that she wouldn’t have recognized them when she found the stiletto at the park that late afternoon. The earring was the hardest to retrieve from the fake crime scene because Hy had to have the detective take it in as evidence so as not to alert her to his plan of proposal. Thank God, Hy had the foresight to ask the detective to show up later to the party to deliver the earring that he needed to present to her, later on that night. So far, so good was the thought that prevailed. Soon enough, Hy would know.

Looking at Dayle, CC asked Hym to make sure that the detective had arrived and that the caterers were coming. “Dayle? Thanks for helping me pull off My biggest hair-brained scheme yet!” CC winked at Dayle. “I don’t know how I would be able to pull all this off without your help. I’m going to go upstairs now and take the wine up to her and clean up, too” CC breathed, as Hys voice relaxed.

“Okay, CC, but don’t be too long. Hurry up and put in an appearance while she is busy with getting around and help me run interference with the guests by keeping them entertained while we wait on her” Dayle drawled out, ever so slowly. “I’m going to get the band members together and get the music going; then check on the food that should be arriving shortly.” And with that, Dayle took off and made Hys way out into the crowd that was interacting in the living room and on the large patio that opened up to the back yard.

Slowly, CC made it up the stairs with the wine and heard the shower running in the bedroom bath of Hiz chambered loft. Hy could smell her scent being carried on the very air that was wafting from the shower. The loft was dim with candled light, as steam from the shower drifted out into the loft. Hy sat down on the edge of the bed and laid the wine down on the end table. Taking Hiz boots and socks off, Hy leaned back onto the bed and stretched and day-dreamed for a moment. Hy listened to the muzzled softness of her voice that came from the shower. Hy loved to be near her and dreamed of what sharing space with her would feel like. She was so fussy about things in life; but this was the wonderful part of knowing her that had led Hym to believe how Hy knew it was her that Hy wanted to spend Hiz life with. Slowly, Hy picked up the wine glass and took it to her in the shower area and sat it down on the counter by the twin sinks. There laid all her jewelry; her panties and clothes were strewn all over the place. Hy picked up her panties and smelled them while she was washing her hair in the shower. It made Hym hard with deep need that he nearly wanted to take her to bed right then, but that moment had to wait. Hy wanted to enjoy the special evening with her, wanting no other mishaps to taking place. Hy had waited a very long time for this moment: Hy consciously keep his wits about him at all times.

“Hon? I brought you some wine. Are you almost done? May I come in behind you and shower? Hon? Is that okay?” CC softly asked her, during that moment.

She slid the door to the shower open a smidge, as shampoo bubbles from her hair drizzled down over her coconuts toward her belly, telling Hym to get naked and jump in as she was almost through with her shower. “Come in, Hon” she said, as she took CC’z hand.

“Hon, I’m not undressed fully yet. Let me get these clothes off, ok?” And with that, CC made record time stripping off Hiz clothes and walked into the shower behind her, letting her soapy and silky body warm Hym up. As Hy wrapped Hiz arms around her in the shower, she rinsed off her hair under the steamy hotness of the water. She moaned as CC ran Hiz hands all over her body. Hy was grinding her ass gently in the shower when she turned around in Hiz arms and pulled Hym into the warm rain of the steaming hot water.

“Doesn’t this feel ever so good, Hon?” she softly moaned out her reply. Her warm breasts, with nipples so erect that would leave a dent in any guy’s chest, made him even harder with desire. CC enveloped her into a tighter hold and deeply kissed her under the steamy water. And as Hy did this, Hy pushed her into the shower wall and buried Hiz invisible cock into her garden of desire. Moaning with heated delight, she broke away from Hiz kiss and handed Hym the soap Hy liked to use. “Hon? I’m getting out so you can finish up while I get dressed, okay?” she said, as she kissed Hiz nose and let herself out of the shower knowing full well that she was going to make Hiz evening more than magical. She loved getting dressed up for CC and having tons of romantic fun with Hym. Teasing Hym with a deep eroticism, she loved how worked up Hy could get.

“Thank you, for bringing the wine to me Dear,” she said as she slowly took her first sip from the wine goblet.
“Save me a sip, for when I get out, will you Dear?” Hy said to her while showering. “Okay, Hon” she said, as she toweled her body dry.

She wandered over to CC’s spare closet, where she kept some of her wardrobe for when she spent the night with CC. She found only a couple of dresses, so it wouldn’t a difficult decision. She came across a delicately feminine strapless cocktail dress. Waltz length and zipped up the back, the skirt of the dress flowed with yards of a sky blue organza; while the bodice of the garment was made from a heavy satin, secured by a midnight blue bow strategically centered below her breasts. She found her Italian blue Stiletto’s with bows on them, as well as her silk stockings with seams. She laid them on the bed as she returned to the bathroom to dry her hair and put a touch of makeup on and a strand of pearls around her neck. She found her simple diamond-studded teardrop pearl earrings on the jewelry tree of the bathroom counter and put them on her ears. As soon as she finished, she went back to the bed and sat down to put her stockings on and slid them up to be caught into garters dangling from her hips. Slowly easing the stockings on, one at a time, she stood up to make sure the seams were lined up right then attached them to each strap of her garter. Making sure they felt even all over, she then stepped into her stilettos. Her stilettos made her tower like an Amazonian goddess. Smiling a sexily, she proceeded to put her dress on for the night. By then, CC was out of the shower toweling off, so she went to ask Hym if Hy would help her with her dress. Walking into the bathroom, CC let out a slow wolf whistle.

“Sweetheart, you are gorgeous tonight,” CC cooed to her. Laying Hiz towel down, she turned around and asked for help to zip her dress up. And while Hy did, CC gently kissed her shoulders and neck while Hy slowly zipped her up. She turned toward him and smiled that slow smile that told Hym everything Hy wanted to know!

“Hon” she dripped with coyness. “I’m going to head down stairs…” while CC watched her put a smidge more lipstick on her lips. When she was done, she winked at Hym in the mirror as she smudged the extra lipstick from her lips Hiz mirror. She loved to mark Hiz mirror with her lip prints, as a reminder of her, when she spent the night with CC.

“Hon, hurry up with your dressing and meet me down stairs. I’m hungry as a bear!” she leaned over to kiss CC, while Hy stood there stark naked awe eating her up for the loveliness she brought to Hiz vision.

CC followed her out of the bath area like a sweet puppy following Hiz playmate, spanking her bottom lightly as she slowly walked in front of Hym.
“Hon? I’ll be down in a moment, but I want you to know that you are stunningly beautiful!”


She curtseyed like a princess before Hym and slowly descended the stairs that led to the rest of CC’z house. Once she made it past the kitchen to the living room area (that led to the backyard and patio), she could hear the music playing and saw people dancing and eating the catered food that had arrived. Dayle was standing at the table of food and was making a plate for Hymself, when she entered the patio area. Although she wasn’t making a grand entrance per se, it seemed as though everything came to a stop because guests in attendance smiled and came forth to greet her. Dayle nearly dropped his plate of food, when he saw her. Catching Hymself, Hy sat his plate of food down on a nearby table and came over to help her down the steps that led to the cedar deck that spanned the patio area. Smiling at her, Hy asked if CC would be down shortly, as Hy was getting anxious for the host of the hour to make Hiz appearance.

(Part 1)

Late Wednesday Afternoon: January 31st, 2007 (Part 2)
 

“CC should be here any minute!” she lightly explained, with the musically infected tone of her voice. “I’m hungry, so I know you won’t mind Dayle if I excuse myself and get some food on a plate” she told Hym. There were all kinds of food on the table: Roasted breast of Turkey, BBQ’d steaks, salad of every kind, exotic fruits and breads of every kind and several desserts - miniature pies and cakes of every kind were arranged wonderfully on the table. She took a smidge of them all and made her way to an empty place at a table filled with guests that she knew. Practically inhaling the choice of foods she chose for her plate, she smiled and greeted the guests she was sitting with. “Isn’t this food the best?” she exclaimed as she ate small portions of roasted turkey. She adjusted the huge lap napkin on her lap to keep any food from soiling her dress. “I’m so glad all of you could come to the party tonight” as she lifted her wine glass up for a group toast. Merriment abounded for all, as CC finally made Hiz appearance on the deck with Dayle in tow. She glanced up to take it all in – how CC was so manly in Hiz appearance. Hy was handsome as hell: CC wore his dark slate Blue dress slacks and a starched button- down shirt adorned by the most romantic tie in Hiz wardrobe. He had Hiz custom cowboy boots on, made of leather and dyed-to-match snake skin. CC was so damned handsome in Hiz evening attire! She smiled that sweet lazy smile for Hym, motioning for CC to come join her at the table. And like a good puppy always does, he swaggered over to her and took a seat next to her.

CC put Hiz arm around her (near the small of her back) and leaned in to kiss her lips lightly. She smiled with joy when Hy did that to her. “Are you ready for a bite to eat, dear?” she asked Hym. And with that, she lifted a piece of roasted turkey to Hiz lips. CC devoured it and nibbled at her fingers playfully.

“Is that all you’re gonna give me Hon?” he asked with playfulness. She nudged Hiz ribs gently and smiled the answer to CC: “No, Hon, what else would you like?” she playfully asked Hym.


And no sooner than that playful remark left her lips, CC leaned in closer and took her deeply into an erotic kiss, after having devoured the piece of turkey she hand fed him. After the long and ardent kiss, she opened her eyes to see Hym looking deeply into her eyes. Blushing with heated breath escaping her, it dawned on her that this was a serious moment between the two of them. This moment was different; yet at the same time she asked CC, with deep fervency, when they were going to share a dance. Not missing a beat, yet picking up one last morsel of turkey from her plate, CC said “Right now Dear!” As a King would do, Hy stood up and lifted her by the hand for their dance.

And what timing it was, because it was if on cue that the band started to play a dance band favorite: a version of the Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody. Leading her past the torch lamps placed around the perimeter of the deck, they found a place in the crowd to dance slowly together. The stars were out and the moon lent a smoldering atmosphere to the eroticism of the dance in progress. Taking her into Hiz embrace, Hy held her by the small of her back and took her hand in the other while Hy danced with her into the Cedar patio deck.


“You are so beautiful tonight,” CC whispered in her ear as he led her around the deck for the dance.


“Hon? You are simply so damned handsome, I wonder often why you are not married yet!” she whispered into his ear, while they swayed to the music.


And with that, he took her tighter into Hiz embrace and looked into her blue-eyed soul with deep furtiveness; wondering if now was the perfect moment in time to propose to her…




~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~




Dearest Diary,


Once again, another term is off to a harried bustle. So much work to do, and so little time to accomplish it. And again, the winter holidays were just as crazy as usual; but signaling the entrance to another season waiting to implode with brilliance. Soon spring will be here – slowly day after day, ushering in another season to be explored with renewed passion.


I don’t have anything to ask of you, dearest diary; but I do have one thing to say: I’m keeping that ember of hope lit in blue. Day into night and night into day, moment by moment, I know the universe will bless me with all that I need.


Until then,
I’m Yours Faithfully

Thursday Afternoon: March 22nd, 2007 (Part 1)
 

Dayle wandered into the house after keeping a close eye out for CC to deliver the cue – the secret signal to bring out the jewelry case to present to her that night. Hy watched CC holding her and cooing with her on the dance floor of the deck, while munching on desserts left for the guests to enjoy. Scanning the crowd looking for Hys date to show and make her appearance, Hy found her just entering the foyer of CCs ranch home. She was so beautiful to Hym. Flowing blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes and petite and dressed elegantly in a pale yellow, waltz length, chiffon dress. Dazzled by her brilliant attire and beauty, Dayle rushed over to hug and kiss her with loving greetings. Holding each other, Dayle offered to take her out onto the patio where the food was arranged and offered to order a drink for her.

“I see everyone is having such a great time” Nikita smiled, with graceful bedevilment, to Dayle, “and what great music is playing!” Dayle asked her if she preferred to wait for her drink while Hy sat it on a table nearby and asked for her hand to dance. Her heart lit with up with smiles when Dayle asked her to dance.

“Let me have a sip first and then let’s share a dance,” Nikita spoke softly toward Dayle. Sipping on her Cranberry Mint Cosmopolitan, she laid it down, then motioned that she was ready to dance.

“Nikita, wait here for a sec while I go retrieve the gift for CC and put it in my vest pocket, so I’m ready for the cue when CC gives it”, Dayle softly whispered in her ear, kissing down a trail from her earlobe to her neck.

Nikita nuzzled Dayle’s nose before Hy left for the kitchen to get the jewelry. When Dayle came back, Nikita was still slowly sipping on her Cosmo and smiling in her heart as she watched CC and Hiz lady dance on the deck – oblivious to anyone watching them.

“Aren’t they so adorable, Hon?” Dayle whispered in Nikita’s ear.

“Ja” Nikita said, as she slowly turned toward Dayle’s face. “Come on, Hon, let’s join them out on the dance floor and make some of our own music,” Nikita smiled softly to Dayle.

As Dayle led Nikita onto dance floor, the band announced they were taking a break, while putting soft music on for others to dance too, while they stepped down to rest. Romantic melodies came from the P.A. system and those who were still dancing, kept their rhythm as they swayed amorously, deeply engrossed in each others presence without giving thought to anyone else on the dance floor. Mystery reigned heavy in the air. The moon floated gracefully in the sky where the stars shined brilliantly; some twinkling in deep whites, yellows or glittering oranges --- just what dreamy nights were made for. The air that night was fragrant with pine woods, food permeating the air, and flowering gardens that surrounded the deck. So delightful was the occasion that Dayle and Nikita were totally entranced with each other as the night came to life.

It was just about then that the tickle fairy emerged from the atmosphere: she and CC were so engrossed in their dance with each other that playful touches between the two of them led to fits of spontaneous giggling. CC was terribly ticklish; as was she. CC was ticklish around Hiz ears whereas she was ticklish around her hips. Giggling because she had caught CC unaware during their dance together, she playfully pretended to nip at Hiz ears. Her giggles were so contagious to CC that he couldn’t help wiggling while Hy tried to stop her from tickling him! Next thing you know, CC began to tickle her hips, secretly from within the folds in her dress while Hy cradled her in their dance: which made her squirm much more and made her start laughing, with glee! CC, trying to regain control of Hiz plans, quickly scanned the perimeter for Dayle. Hy noticed that Nikita had finally made it to the party and they were out on the deck dancing. CC whispered in her ear: “Hon? Let’s make our way over to Dayle and Nikita and say Hello to them,” Hy smiled that certain smile to her.

The tickle fairy left for the moment, and they danced ever so slowly to where Dayle and Nikita were smoochie-dancing on the deck. She and CC playfully bumped into them.

“Hello strangers!” both she and CC cooed to Dayle and Nikita. They broke out in smiles as both couples reveled in the night time romantic fun of the party.

“Do you have what I need, bro?” CC inquired playfully to Dayle.

“But, of course!” replied Dayle, with a wink. Both of them had agreed to a certain strategy to exchange the secretly packaged gift of jewelry, prior to the party. As she left CCs embrace to give Nikita a warm welcoming hug, CC and Dayle made the exchange. Putting the case inside the deep pocket of his dress suit pants and taking her back into Hiz embrace to carry on with their dance. As coupled, they drifted away from each other and faintly exchanged a look between them to indicate when they would hook up in a bit for drinks before party ended that night.

Not far off the deck, near garden, was a path that led to a gazebo. The gazebo stood at the top of a little hill on the property, in front of a natural pond. Around the pond were reeds and huge overgrown tiger lily beds. Trailing tea rose vines ensconced the gazebo’s woven frame, with properly contained English ivy that provided further privacy. CC led her by the hand and slowly made Hiz way, with her, to the gazebo. Crickets were chirping so softly, even though one could still hear music playing in the distance. Earlier in the evening, CC had asked Dayle to be sure to leave a tray with Champagne and stemmed glasses for his proposal ceremony at the gazebo. When they quietly ascended the walkway near the gazebo, there it was: the handsomely crafted table that Dayle had made for Hiz most peaceful place on the property. Several Adirondack chairs were gracefully placed around the area as well as the swinging love seat, made in the same style, which overlooked the pond.

“Hon? Where do you want to sit, dear?” CC said, as Hy enfolded her in Hiz strong arms. As they kissed each other gently, she motioned to the swinging love seat.

“Over here, Hon” she softly told CC. Leading her to the love seat to sit, CC softly said, “Let’s toast to our evening together with some Champagne.”

Smiling with loving eyes, she felt so deeply adored that CC would go to such length to provide the special party and atmosphere for both of them. She was so deeply proud of Hym in every way. Hy was gifted intellectually, yet not driven by Hiz ego. Hy always was such a sweet guy to her, and such a delightful playmate as well as her dearest friend. She liked all the different sides she knew about CC – like Hiz cute bursts of temper or Hiz devilish charms or Hiz secret life of the charmed gentleman and Hiz close friendship with Dayle and how Hy was responsible with Hiz family and friends in life. There wasn’t much to dislike about CC except his methods of madness when Hy drove or bossed her around playfully while they rode the horses or when he always helped her with her car that was as unpredictable as her. That darned Jezebel! T-Birds were always such a persnickety model! But she loved it when Hy would let her borrow his Baby, the corvette. She hadn’t given his Vette a nickname yet because she felt that Hiz Vette had a powerful energy, just like Hym.

“Hon?” she cooed softly to CC as he brought over their glasses filled with Champagne. “I think I have a special nick name for your Vette,” her voice rang melodically to Hym.

“Oh really,” CC lowered the glass of champagne to her. “What did you come up with?” CC asked, leaning into her for a kiss before he sat down beside her.

“Black Dragon,” she breathed magically to him.

Easing Hymself down to sit beside her on the swinging love seat, she picked up the folds of her dress so that CC could sit close to her. After they regained their balance in the swing, she laid her flowing dress over his lap and nuzzled in close, as they smiled to each other while looking toward the pond. Turning toward her, CC raised Hiz stemmed glass and proposed a toast to her.

(Part 1)

Thursday Afternoon: March 22nd, 2007 (Part 2)
 

“To the most complex, yet imperfectly sweet and most sassiest, honest woman I know on the planet: To your inner and outer beauty, to your brains – which we know was made for me – to your strength, your wit, your charm, our friendship – the bedrock of our world – and to this one night in paradise that has not gone amok yet!” CC smiled Hiz dazzling gentleman’s smile for her.


With her heart of hearts and flashing a brilliant smile to CC that said it all, she counter-proposed. “To You, CC: may all your strategies prove successful; may you always be the funniest guy I know on earth and for being just YOU; My someone who really cares about me, is always there and not smothering me, yet giving me all I need - just like the good Doctor that you are; and for that beautiful experience we finally had today down by the river, and for all the memories we share and dream about between each other. CC darling, You’re the best,” she raised her glass to Hiz and smiled that soft, yet sad, loving look to Hym.


“Prost,” CC’z low, deeply accented voice moaned back to her. They both sipped, while their eyes drank each other in measuring the moment strategically, like they always did with each other. Just then, a huge hawk-like bird flew over the pond in the darkness of the night, mellowed with moonlight.


“Hon?” she quietly whispered to CC. “That (the bird), must be an omen of some kind, don’t you think?” she added quickly without hesitation, yet on a positive note.


“Ja, it is” CC sighed with a knowing smile to her. “I think now is the perfect time to ask you something Dear…”


She sipped again and looked at CC with eyes of discernment. “What is it, Sweetheart?” she inquired, with gentle curiosity. CC sipped from Hiz champagne flute again, just like her, and then reached in his pocket for his cigarette case and lighter.


“Would you care for a cigarette, Hon?” CC opened up the case to her. “I would,” she said. “Do you want to share one or do you want your own, Dear?” she counter questioned him. “Let’s share” CC said, his eyes never leaving hers. She leaned over to kiss Hym for Hiz sweetness toward her. She loved this part most about Hym: How attentive Hy was with her, how Hy always made time for her during Hiz very busy and hectic life on the ranch. She knew a woman couldn’t ask for more, when it came to CC. They had known each other so long, shared so many funny and sad memories together and survived many a comical episode in life, too. They had a rich history between them. Her feelings ran deep for CC.

CC lit the cigarette, then took a drag and offered it to her. She took it, and inhaled the rich smoke of the tobacco and exhaled it into a thin sexy stream. Handing it back to CC, she asked him what it was he wanted to talk about. She tipped her glass and drank the rest of the Champagne. Mirroring her, he did too. She took his glass and rose to take them back to the table. As she did, he helped her up and followed her and asked her to refill their glasses again.


“Hon? Let’s sit again, while I talk with you – Okay?” CC offered the cigarette to her again as Hy took both of the filled glasses and followed her back to the love seat. As they sat, and returned to the cuddly closeness they once enjoyed previously, she took another drag off the cigarette, licked her lips, then leaned over to kiss CCz cheek and took possession of her glass of Champagne. Handing the cigarette back to CC for the last drag, she sipped on her drink while watching the waters of the pond: noticing that no music came from the patio – just the gentle lapping of the water and an occasional bird cooing nearby.


“I want to ask you how you feel about being my official girlfriend” CC spoke in a gentle, yet serious voice. “I want for us to become closer to each other in a formal way, but I don’t know what your response or feelings will be - but I want to talk about it and find out how you feel about us making our relationship official.”


CC knew how treacherous this subject was for her. She hadn’t really had too many successful relationships of the kind that he wanted with her. Yet she did have successful long-term friendships with members of her chosen family. The same was almost true for CC. Hiz life experiences were dotted by several relationships: Hy had one long term love that indelibly impacted his life – same as her. Both of them knew their strengths and weaknesses, as separate people, and, from past relationships. CC marveled in the moment, as was she, once CC’z words trailed of his husky masculine voice, what her reply would be. Seemingly, they sat in silence together as they both sipped Champagne while thoughtfully considering everything before them.


“CC?” she said, as she sat her glass down on the hand railing of the Gazebo behind them. “Will you put your arms around me? I’m getting cold out here” softly, she asked CC?


CC sat his glass up on the rail too, then retrieved a chenille wrap from the table, that Dayle left out there for him, to put around her – he knew how chilled she could get, on a spring night in the mountains. Returning to her, he opened it up and put it around her and then sat closer to her as Hy snuggled her and kissed her nose.


She started to speak, but he lifted a finger to her lips to shush her. “I want to tell you something special: I have something special to give you, even if you say no,” he spoke solemnly to her. CC reached into his pocket and delivering the case, Hy placed it in her hands. She looked at CC with such dearness. She leaned into CC and said, “Hon? Sweetheart?” she said with a lilt in her voice. “It’s so hard to answer you and I’m so glad that you said what you said, but CC? My answer might anger you and then spoil the whole night – and that is so much pressure, especially since we’ve had such a huge moment in our lives today. Is it okay with you Hon if I put off that answer until another day and tell you that I would love to have whatever you give to me that is in this case? Tell me Sweetheart, I won’t open the case until I know how you feel about what I just told you,” she said half fearful of what Hiz answer might be. But, neither one of them wanted to hurt the other; yet they had always found ways to handle their differences with playful hearts. Sometimes, they had lively disagreements that seemed to threaten their peaceful existence with each other --- but they always found a way to overcome it together: usually in bed. She loved those times, where they just fell into bed and ravaged each other after a heated duel of the minds. She wondered about now, if that silent volcano would erupt in CC. This was serious, she could tell.


“Let’s smoke again” offered CC, because they both needed some distraction so they could think logically without their sexed up energy clouding the present moment. CC got another cigarette out for them to share; placed it between her lips, then lit it for her. As soon as she exhaled, she handed it to him and watched him do the same. Both of them heavily weighing the outcome of the next statement made. She lowered her eyes, deep in thought. Hy lifted her chin and explained to her as he exhaled and handed the cigarette back to her:


“I can handle you telling me no, if our timing is off; but to be honest, I can’t handle not knowing if you will let me pin you as my girl. I want you to have this - it’s my gift of love to you – I want you to wear what I give to you” CC said, with a certain dominance. “How do you feel about that, Hon?”


She loved it when CC showed this side of Hym to her. How could she say no to him? She couldn’t and didn’t want to, but she wasn’t finished with college yet and Grad school was yet to come. And the last time something like this came up between them, he got mad (which was rare) and sulked for weeks, which felt like light years to her.

And that’s when it all started: WW3 on the patio…









Dearest Diary,


It occurred to me today (looking back over last term), that life does constantly, and ever presently, provide for challenge.


Which is exactly why I relish this moment so deeply: It is Spring Break!!!!!! Can you believe it??? It's good to know that I can appreciate all the good in my life, too. Sometimes it is a good thing that we do not always understand or know the answers. It's just a miracle in itself, that life tastes so good right this moment. The truth is that I couldn't have known, but I did have some foresight that caused me to see that everything is, as it is, for a divine purpose (or a devilish one, for that matter)!


I feel happiness today. I'm content.

It's good to be present and live life each day.

And, oh, just for good measure: I have something for you to think about, my dearest diary. You thought you were getting off easy... haha!


Just when does dawn actually rise?


Until then,
I’m Yours Faithfully

Dreaming on a Saturday Afternoon: March 31st, 2007
 

TOday is Saturday and things in life are ever evolving:
A new term gets under way; another son left the nest;
the house has been spring cleaned and I’m recovering slowly from my surgery.
But it's another day in Paradise…and a sweet one at that!
Trees are blooming, even though we periodically get snow in the mountains,
the grass and hills are showing that special kind of green, from spring; and today is a perfect day to just write some poetry.

















Dearest Diary,
No questions or answers for today...
but just to say: I'm so very, very happy.

Tuesday's Dreams about Summer: June 12th, 2007
 

Well, it seemed like WW3…

Nearest to recollection, the night was dark with stars blinking like sparkling diamonds in the sky. The moon (dressed in all its regalia) drifted softly across the night skies; clothed in whispery clouds, mysteriously calling out for adoring eyes of worship.

Breaking into the quiet moment of intimacy, while sitting together on the swinging love seat, inside the gazebo by the pond, went the boom of fireworks - lighting up the skies above them. *Boom, boom, boom* they went, setting the night on fire with colorful explosions of blues, reds, purples, greens, yellows: spreading magic all around them.

“Hon?” she said, while quietly drawing CC into her gaze. “YOu surprise me, so much!” her voice smiled with happiness. Without missing a heartbeat between them, she leaned over closer and kissed him with playful sweetness.

Drawing her into his warm embrace, CC took over the playfully given kiss and commanded her whole soul to travel deeper in shared emotions with him; peppered with deep wanting, salted to perfection. Moments couldn’t possibly be any better than this…

Submitting to the serious, all-consuming moment, it seemed like the whole universe came to a stop: the air was silent while the last of the fireworks imploding; with only the eerie sullen sounds of the pond lapping against the reeds and cattails, so quiet, that only the faint hum of the energy expended between them was audible enough to hear.

Totally oblivious to the crowd on the deck exchange of goodnights and goodbyes, CC lifted her up while he rose from the swinging love seat and said “Let me take you somewhere tonight.”

And without a second moment to waste, CC led her out of the Gazebo and up the winding path to the back side of the garage. Making their way through the weeping willows, and shrubbery that was overgrown and flowering with fragrant blooms, they could hear the guests leaving in their cars, one by one: Friendly horn honking and sweet last-second “love-you” and “see-you” were sung between each guest as they left.

Quietly, CC led them both to the secret entrance of the garage. Still holding her hand tightly, he surveyed the perimeter making sure they were really alone. Opening the door with his secret code, they went inside and the door gently closed behind them. It was very dark in the garage. The smell of the work area in the garage permeated the air: oil, gas, dust, cigarettes, cleaning agents; as well as the smell of dry straw bales that lined one side of the garage to keep the chilly winter wind out. Visibility was low, but soft lights came from above the work bench where CC’z tools lay sprawled in disarray: Some tools hung from the wall; others were just haphazardly lying around.

“I’ll find the light switch, soon HOn” CC winked at her.

“HOn??? What are you gonna show me?” she asked with piqued interest.

“You’ll see soon, Dear” as CC finally turned on the soft amber lights that lit the loft in the garage. “Okay, look over here HOn” CC said, as he led her to see her T~Bird Jezebel. “Stand right here while I pull the cloth covering off her.”

It was about then that the Dragon Goddess appeared in all her dark, smoky sovereignty.

Her blue eyes darkened deeply, by a heated lust, at the unveiling of Jezebel. One would have thought that this beast of an untamable hunk of gorgeous junk was her beloved boyfriend!

There Jezebel sat, in lustrous shades of baby blues that sparkled. Jez had a brand new rag top – one in a dreamy white, with matching drag race tires that had white stripes, and gaudy chrome hub caps! It was like, love at first sight, and CC knew it.

“HOn? Can we get in her, right now?” she asked with certain hesitancy, knowing how playful CC was with her.

“Sweetheart, she’s on a hydraulic lift but if we’re careful, we can sit in her and I’ll take ya for a ride” CC drawled out in his brooding, sexy, accent filled voice.

Carefully, he opened the passenger door for her and she lifted her dress and proceeded to sit in the beautifully refurbished upholstered seats of white leather. Oh! The seat felt so soft and slippery and molded to her body well. Soft and comfy: just like she wanted a seat to feel like. CC went to the drivers side of the car, but as he was passing the work bench he dimmed the loft lights – then as he sat down in the seat, he flipped a switch… and as he shut Jezebel’s door, the hydraulic lift sent them slowly up to the rafters, as high as it seemed to go.

Just as Jezebel came to a slow stop in the loft of the garage, the sultry Dragon emerged in her – devouring CC with lustful passion; slowly sizing up how much strength to wield on the *DraGon* in Him.

It was as if the Hydraulic lift cradling Jezebel was slowly spinning like a glittery disco ball on a dark and steamy dance floor: eye to eye, nose to nose, heated energy expanding with every breath – CCs hands left burning imprints on her body while she literally consumed him to flames, deeper than any blue on an artists’ palette.

That was the longest kiss of her life, that night. That one special moment lit by a deeper fire: one that neither had ever experienced before, so completely, as if a legion of angels had reserved that night alone for them since the beginning of time…






Dearest Diary,

I don’t know what I would do, if I didn’t have some medium in which I could leave my private thoughts… but I’m so glad that you’re in my life. It’s been so long, since I’ve been here…
But I’ve learned expressly from You, my dearest Diary, that I don’t have to know everything. As curious as I am, there has to be plenty of room for discovery and for living in the present moment of now – where all things are do-able: imagined, created, adored and revered.

Although I’m a bit hazy and tired from this latest term in college, I’m creating a ceremony of gratitude for every granule of sand (life experience) that has been given to me from the universe…

Like snow-filled dreams on a hot summer night among the tall fragrant Cedars of the forest, I send you the sweetest of lustful nuances from my Zenith, to guide you on that colorful and breath-taking journey.

From the labyrinths of my heart,
I’m faithfully Yours

Dreaming on a Sunday Afternoon: July 15th, 2007
 

Slowly, strap by strap, he unveiled her shoulders: baring her sun kissed skin that craved his lips to taste her succulence; measuring her wanton need, so he could fulfill his smoldering, willful desire that longed to make her completely naked with awe. CCz sun bronzed hands stroked the contours of her shoulders and how her neck seemed to hold a mysterious magnetism: one in which his mouth searched with hunger; hunger to devour her very soul and to show her how deeply he longed with ache to pleasure her beyond imagination.

CC, with a gentle force, held her head in place with his hands as he massaged her head and playfully tangled his fingers in her hair. Kissing his way up her neck and fondling her breasts, CC lifted one breast to his mouth and nursed on her as if he were starving for her milk. Wanting to produce honey for further pleasure, he left her breast and remained transfixed on her eyes - as if to silently tell her with his boding drive, that he intended to get what she wanted him to have. Surrendering to his cockacidal masculine energy, her eyes closed as she released a deep guttural moan signifying the total bliss enveloping them both. His kisses melted her to the core of her being.

It was about that time when the low moan of the Midnight Express reverberated up the canyon.

Window panes vibrated and hummed with arcing currents of hidden energy. As the locomotive strove to harness its energy to climb the canyon, the train let out short signals --- which seemed so far away.

Licking his lips (which were softly smiling that smile that said it all) he said, “Hon? That’s our signal: we’re going on a short ride,” as he tormented her with playful smooches on her nose. Helping her to recover from his animal magnetism that wanted to undress her immediately, CC pushed the remote control of the hydraulic lift and lowered Jezebel down onto the garage floor. Opening the door on her side of the car, he helped her out and then with carefree lilt, he followed suit behind her. His eyes followed her shapely hips that swayed for her hips called out for him to never let the image of them fade from his mind. Memorizing her gait while he trailed her to the garage door, he grabbed his Stetson and threw his leather jacket over her shoulders to keep her warm, as they hurried off to the barn.

“Hon? What the hell are we doing and where are we going now?” she asked, her tone filled with exasperation!

“Sweetheart? Just keep up with me as we hurry to get on Sweet Pea! I’ll help you; just let me tell you as we go, what we are doing, ok? Are you up for adventure, Dear?” CC winked that adorable wink at her that held her heart captive. She could never say no to CC, especially when he smiled and winked that certain wink.

Running breathlessly side by side, CC let out a low whistle and Sweet Pea came dashing from the barn entrance, already saddled with her night time blanket! Looking at CC with an “omg!” look of shock, she burst out in giggles at the absurdity of them both running with adrenaline, as they left the barn. Knowing that they had to hurry to mount the horse and fly like an eagle down to wherever it was that CC was taking them, CC lifted her first on to the back of Sweet Pea. Then CC commenced to mount the horse as he slid on tight behind her sweet ass with his hardened cock, which secretly communicated to her ass who was gonna schlick it to the high heavens and back: CC!

Cueing Sweet Pea with an extra firm foot nudge and an extremely loud command, CC prodded the horse into a full gallop. Holding her tightly with is right arm and hand, he held on to the reigns with his left hand; and likewise she held on tight to CCs legs with her legs wrapped around his, as they galloped at full speed toward the train that was coming up the mountain.

Each time Sweet Peas hooves hit the ground, it rammed her garden - making her eyes roll back into her head with anticipation of CCz cock impregnating her with his energy. Just when she didn’t think she could sustain another jolt to her garden, CC in his brooding, tense and dark voice that was heaving with emotion cried out - “See it coming, the locomotive?”

In the near distance, she could see the light of the train. “It’s slowing down, Hon. I’ve arranged for it to stop and pick us up for a midnight ride to watch the ocean waves as I make love to you” CC said, as he slowed Sweet Pea to a stop and gently slipped his fingers into her garden to taste of her desires. As soon as his fingers penetrated her, she let out a moan of heated desire. CC buried his mouth onto her neck like a vampire: sucking and kissing her into a heated passion that caused her his to match his rhythm – her hips thrusting back to meet his cock. Dismounting with ease and his hand never leaving her body, he guided her off the horse. “Lift your leg Hon,” he cooed gently with his boding desire and guided her legs to receive his strong arms, waiting to help her off the horse. Commanding Sweet Pea to hold her position, he slid her dress up and tasted of her honey as she slid off onto his face, seemingly. He held her in position and greedily ate from the lips that held her throbbing pearl. Filled with her taste, his mouth released her and as he eased her off Sweet Pea, he smoothed her dress and netted stockings. His mouth, filled with the taste of her loveliness, engulfed her with his fiery kiss. As he kissed the last morsel of desire from her body, he explained, in broken steamy breaths “We wait here for the train to pick us up; then I’ll have my way with you soon.”

The train eased to a lumbering stop and waited for them to board. As soon as the engineer received the signal from the conductor on the caboose, the train lurched with chugs as it resumed its heavy labor by continuing to the top of the summit on the mountain which led to the curved descent: moonlit vistas of a foreboding sea, where waves surged onto a beach, littered with wood debris.

Once she and CC fell into the berth that awaited their arrival, she held onto the bedding as she fell backward onto the bed. Following her body, CC went with the fall onto softly pillowed bed and caught his breath as he directed her gaze to the coast, drenched in moonlight.

A soft smile lit her face as she took in the beautiful view – she nestled in his arms while the train gently cradled them with a motion that matched their desires.

“You’re so good to me” a soft welling of tears filled her eyes, as she spoke to him. Stroking his arms that held her and reaching up to softly pet his head while he smiled a nuzzling smile, his eyes filled with a serious wanting: CC began to undress her and remove the straps from her shoulders. Unzipping her carefully and helping her to shed her rustling dress, he slipped the dress from her body as he gazed at her beautifully shaped breasts and nipples which crested with molten desire. Her netted stockings, held by lacy garters, beckoned to be touched by his hands: Slipping her shoes off, like his hands had done a million times before, the scent of her nectar escaped as she spread her legs to him in submission. Hot with explosive passion, she lifted her flowing tresses onto the pillow under her head. Kissing her quivering thighs, he made his way to the treasure that bore his name.

Gasping, as he sucked the nectar from her pearl, his body relaxed into hers as he ravaged her garden for every drop of desire that was produced by his touch. Massaging his head while he ate from her, she moaned in pleasure from the feelings that rippled through her being.

Coming up for air, CC began to crawl atop her body. Stopping for a moment to reacquaint her breasts to his mouth, his broken dialect heaved a final request:

“I want to give you my baby and make you pregnant with my love. Are you ready for me to enter you?” CC breathed heavily, as she conveyed with silent eyes her approval. She wanted all of CC inside of her. Pounding her being with his pent up energy, he guided his bulging cock into her garden. Sliding deeply into her velvet garden, she felt the pulse of his cock, his deepest desire. Gasping, as he sunk his cock deep inside of her, he sunk his tongue into her mouth and kissed her: Each kiss cycled the fervor mounting between the two of them. Their pent up desires pounded into each other, like the surging tide of the ocean. Each wave more intense; each one designed to leave a deeper mark: one in which neither would ever forget.

Her cunt met each pounding thrust of his desire.

“Hon?” she panted breathlessly!

“Yes dear,” as he kept thrusting his desire into her.

“Do it harder!”

Heeding her wish, he pounded her with more force.

“Baby, is this how you want it?” as CC’z eyes held hers.

“Oh, Yes! Yesss! Yesssssssss!” she melodically sang back to him as he intensified his fuck.

As he dove into her with force unknown to either of them, he fell onto her breasts with his sweaty body and took her mouth into a kiss, filled by his dominance. Moaning with pleasure, he released her mouth that craved him and he looked deeply into her eyes. Rocked by the cradling of his fuck, she quickly took him by stealth attack and flipped him on his back. Holding his hands above his head while never letting his cock out of her, she lightly kissed his biceps and licking the sweat from his chest, she looked into his eyes with heated embers of blue and asked: “Do you like this Hon? Is this how you like it?” countering his fervent affection.

Out-maneuvering her on the bed, CC managed to reassume his position: his cock never leaving its safe and loving environment. Holding her hands above her head, he managed to bind her wrists into place with a silk scarf that had been draped over the pillows. Smiling, because he knew he had captured her, CC lovingly kissed her into frenzied passion. Her legs still quivering from the explosions of desire that his cock had pounded into her, he pulled out of her and kissed his way down to the divine ecstasy of what was his and his only.

Sucking and pulling on her pearl mischievously, he thrust three of his fingers deeply into her cunt. Massaging her velvet throbbing wall, his other hand slid down over her hips and parted her ass. With his forceful fingers manipulating her wall, his other hand searched for entry into her ass. Filling up every pore of her body, CC emptied his energy with full force. Never wanting her body to forget how it felt to be filled by him. Her body never forgot how it felt to be penetrated by his boding and forceful desires – Only he could satiate her passions.

Just as CC entered her for the umpteenth millionth time, they both exploded into a cosmic orgasm.

Lying in post-orgasm upon their bed of love, he untied the scarf that bound her hands and fell onto body as they reverberated with ecstasy. Burying his face into her sprawling hair on the pillows, their breathing was heavily laced with blissful release. The train gently rocked them to the slow motion of the locomotive, as it lumbered lazily through moonlit pines that lined the rails of the route. Cradling each other in sated emotional bliss, they drifted off into slumber – dreaming only what lovers dream.

As the trained crept against gravity defying odds of a new summit, they had no idea what lie in store ten miles ahead…


~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

Dearest Diary,


Anne Frank once said: "I've learned one thing: you only really get to know a person after a fight. Only then can you judge their true character!" (September 28, 1942)

I can't help but totally agree with her. Sometimes all a person can do is, float it back to the universe. The gift you give to me is precious: in and of itself.


I've noticed that Fall is on its way to where I live in the mountains...


From my heart of hearts,
I’m Yours Faithfully

a Note for Today
 

I just wanted to thank members here for reps I have been given on my Diary story. Writing erotica is a challenge for me, seriously. My writing skills in the academic arena is where I am most skilled.

My focus as an academic writer is finely honed in that when I add to other scholarly works, I am either expanding or adding pertinent materials to previous theorectical applications or if necessary, I dispute theoretical applications/postulations and build clarity into the thesis I present as I counter argue specific points in prior scholarly works. That's my expertise as a scholar and academic when I author works of that particular sort.

To excel as an author outside scholarly works, I need an editor - not to mention a few other unmentionables. LOL! I like that forum thread that Anya started for 'bad writers:' Go Anya!!!

;)

~D

On a Sunday Afternoon in paradise: September 2nd, 2007
 

As Dayle and Nikita drove with fevered imaginations to the destination stop, they relentlessly argued about everything from failed banking transactions, appointments with each other that they missed: Lack of deep sleep to reasons of why they were driving like maniacs on a highway darkened by the shadows of huge Redwood trees to the chasm of aimlessly dense fog that engulfed them.

“Why are we driving to that pick-up point?” Nikita questioned Dayle, with pointed delivery of tone.


“Because CC would do it for me,” Dayle hissed, “if I ever needed a secret means of getting back to home with you, Nikita” as hy drove with continued fervor, trying to make sure they made it to the pickup point, where Hy and CC had arranged to meet.

“All I want is time just for us without us having to do X, Y and Z for your friend CC,” remarked Nikita, giving voice to her deeply felt anxiety.

“Nikita, can we put this conversation off until we accomplish this task,” Dayle feverishly pleaded with her as he drove frantically on the foggy highway.

Laying Hys hand on Nikita’s thigh, Nikita took Dayle’s hand and held it tightly. Deliberately sighing with anxiousness, she just wanted to be home again with Dayle and have Hys undivided attention. She silently assured Dayle, by firmly holding Hys hand, indicating she was willing to set the conversation aside; because even though she really wanted the conversation to continue, she knew when Dayle was genuinely frustrated by hazardous road conditions.

It seemed as though the fog deepened with each curve of the road. The road became more treacherous because of black-ice conditions. All it would take would be one failed maneuver in driving and they would be completely helpless; as now they were in a cell free zone and no town in site for miles to get help, should they lose control of the truck Dayle was driving.

Dayle was worried about why Hy hadn’t seen the locomotives’ engine light because hy had been able to see the train weave in and out of the timbered foliage – well, until the fog became so dense. Hy was thinking that they should have come upon the train crossing by now and it worried Hym that maybe they had missed the pickup point: right before the train tressle crossed a canyon that dropped off into a gorge, which led to the violent surge of the ocean near Whaler’s Head Bay. Hy had been watching the odometer on the dash of the truck because in the fog, Hy couldn’t see anything and had to rely on the device to cue him for the point of destination. Just as the odometer rolled past mile 43, Dayle slowed down. Carefully seeking a turn-out place in the fog, the road seemed to have no direction, no rhyme or reason.

“Something isn’t right!” Dayle sighed heavily. “We should have been there by now. Where the hell is it, this place we should be waiting at?”

It was just about then, that the dueling, bickering, angels appeared on Dayles’ shoulders.

“See! I told you SO!” the ‘bad-boi’ angel spoke on one shoulder.

“Don’t listen to Hym!” replied the ‘good-boi’ angel on the other shoulder.

“I told you to shut UP!” glared the ‘bad-boi’ angel on one shoulder, back to the ‘good-boi’ angel on the other shoulder.

“Don’t listen to Hym, or Hy’ll drive you Car-razy!” argued the ‘good-boi’ angel, in defense of honoring the most logical of thoughts.

“lalalalalalalalalala!” shouted Dayle’s conscience over the bickering angels, dueling in their own private inferno!

It was just about then, when Nikita realized that something was going on in Dayle’s mind while driving. Hys driving became erratic as they accelerated over a small hill. And as they were descending into what appeared to be hairpin curves, Nikita and Dayle exchanged a moments-quick kiss. Upon entering the third harrowing curve with frightful speed, Dayle and Nikita both gasped as they realized what lay in front of them: railroad cars that had encountered derailment and had sprawled onto the highway haphazardly: With only a second moments notice to apply the brakes to keep from plowing into the derailed train cars!

“DAYYYYYLLLLLLLLE,” Nikita screamed!

And with that, Dayle let go of Nikita’s hand and focused on saving them both from the fate of dying while slamming into the cars.

Dayle rapidly swung the steering wheel into a 180; but they slammed the back of the truck into one car, which caused them to ricochet into another derailed car - all the while (still in consciousness) Dayle kept maneuvering the truck with each time it slammed into another obstacle.

When they finally came to a halt after the impact they both lay unconscious, as if stunned by the magnitude of the impact. Certainly now, there were no more bickering angels for Dayle to listen to and certainly it appeared that there were to be no more complex conversations to manage with Nikita.

And there they all lay amid the train wreck of the century: the fog deepening with each surge of the ocean below, and the eeriness of an early fall morning signaling a silent opus, yet to begin, with an electrified fever…



~~~~~





Dearest Diary,

The final assent is yet to begin upon the Everest of all mountains. Each precipice must be carefully mounted because the journey has many unknowns yet to be negotiated. I know it’s been awhile since I’ve had time to record my thoughts --- but you know how time is so precious and how many objectives I’ve yet to accomplish. Time is of the essence. And today, that essence calls me to pay attention to details.


And, just how is it that time passes so quickly?

The answer is so simple, yet ever so complex: Isn’t that just amazing?

I never fully knew just how magical this flight would be. Even with the unforeseen events, this passage in time has become quite the most notorious of ‘carpet rides’ yet.However, antiquated details or not, I find that I’ve still yet to come to terms with personal loss in life: That of my brother, whom I silently remember today with this poem.

Wherever you are today Mike, I know you know those unforeseen items on my menu. This poem is for you, my sweet baby brother, who left for who knows where in time *** (See, side note below).


It’s just like J. William Fulbright once stated: “In the long course of history, having people who understand your thought is much greater security than another submarine.”

***Side Note: I write poetry as a way to cope with stressors in my everyday life existence. Be it perceived losses I experience with members of my family to loss of any relationship I value in life or even stress I experience as a joy filled moment, I use poetry as a means to help me mediate and provide balance to my life.

Dearest Diary,

It would seem that I've not had time for you; but I've thought much about you lately in my private domain.

Today, all I have are poetic thoughts: thoughts about natural changes in the environment -and- how it seems like my life personifies, naturally, seasonal change.

When I have more time, I'll be back. But for now, this poem is all I have to give.

Until then,
I’m Yours Faithfully

On a Monday - A Winter Wonderland of Snow in Paradise: January 28th, 2008
 

That night, the train, on the rails that gave way to the catastrophic collision of mangled iron and sprawled cars, laid in wreckage - unknown to those who lived in those parts. It seemed as though hours had passed but in the darkest hours before dawn, something eerily came to pass - as foretold by the horrifying ‘grizzly’ that night in the cave, where she and CC encountered the much revered apparition that bellowed out its warning to them as they stared in utter disbelief.

Not once, but twice, CC had been tinkering with the message that they both had heard that day. But, it never once occurred to CC that the bear had tried his best to forewarn him of this: that those who trespass on the territory of the sacred native burial grounds would pay a price – the price of not knowing any better, when making entry into worlds not fully understood by humans. Of course, one way to understand any kind of mystery is to examine details that lead toward any type of ‘accident.’

Lying there, not quite fully cognizant of what had fully transpired, CC managed to see that she was still unconscious yet breathing, which seemed to be a relief of sorts. Gathering Hiz wits about Hym, CC donned Hiz clothing and carefully etched Hiz way out the chamber where they had been just moments before, experiencing the most mind-boggling of orgasms: the type that always go down in ‘history’ right before the ‘fall.’ Sarcastically, CCs brain reiterated all the scenario’s that came to mind: What kind of fall would Hy experience? Why did Hy have to fall? Would Hiz sweetheart ever wake back up again? Why the hell did the train have to have an accident just now? Where were Dayle and Nikita? Remembering that Hy had asked Dayle to follow the train’s path down the canyon to the ocean beach, Hy slowly made Hiz way toward an opening in the wreckage of their train car. Carefully assessing the dire position of balance the cars were in, CC scanned the premises to orient Hymself to the cataclysmic arrangement of the exact position they were in. In the distance (about 100 feet away), CC could see Dayle’s truck. Oddly, it seemed as if Dayle and Nikita were not in the truck, but his mind wasn’t cooperating with him - or so he thought! Looking toward the ground below, CC could see that it was safe to jump from the car without too much trouble. As soon as CC jumped down, Hy made Hiz way toward the truck and tried to rouse Dayle to consciousness but was unsuccessful. Carefully, CC lumbered along the driver’s side of the vehicle assessing damages. Dayle’s door was crunched beyond recognition and parts of the door window, the windshield and the window of Nikita’s door, were shattered. It appeared that they took several hits, before colliding with the trains’ cars. CC began to see if Hy could open the doors of the truck.

“Dayle, are you awake?” whispered CC with his deeply accented voice.

Dayle eyed CC with a look that of an injured person. Hy seemed to be coherently looking at CC but in the moments that progressed, CC managed to open the door and help Hiz friend come back to life.

“CC, what happened? I’m so glad you are here! It was so foggy and Nikita and I came upon the wreckage without the ability to stop,” Dayle was trying with all Hys might to explain what Hy thought had happened.

“Dayle, don’t worry about all that now. The girls are not okay: they’re both still conked out and we have to figure out a way to help ourselves and summon help to get them home or to the hospital” CC ‘z voice gave away the dire situation they were in.

Realizing that Dayle was coherent once again, CC managed to help Dayle out of the vehicle and while Dayle’s orientation revived, Hy experienced shock again to see the extent of the damage. Meanwhile, CC quietly assessed damage from a different angle: The angle of how the hell they were going to summon help to the scene of the wreckage.

It was about that time that Sweet Pea appeared from the timbered shadows, snorting her famous neighs that only those who knew this giant of a beast of a horse would know.

CC was never so glad in all Hiz life to see Sweet Pea! Sweet Pea had the deadliest kick this side of the Rockies. She also was the damnedest smartest horse with built in intuition - like that of a submarine’s radar that bleeps while hovering at depths unknown in uncharted seas. That horse was the know-all of the end-all, in all things! There Sweet Pea stood, as if led there by some unknown being – like an angel leading Sweet Pea to their rescue. Saddled in all her glory, she brayed to CC.

“Dayle, do you feel well enough and alert enough to hang on while I ride for help?” CC asked. Searching for approval in his eyes, he got his answer in spades: “Yes, I’m able to watch over the girls and see to them while you ride for help,” Dayle replied.

“Good, because before I go, I have to get her out of the train and get some blankets down here for both of the girls and make sure you have what you need until I get back with help” CC roared, as Hiz adrenaline kicked in.

And with that, CC made Hiz way back to the car where Hiz sweetheart lay unconscious from the train wreck of the century. Once back inside the car, Hy fumbled toward the entry of the cabin that they made love. Wafting up Hiz nostrils, her scent indelibly fed Hiz energy into overdrive. Looking upon her, lying on the bed in a crumpled heap of innocence, CC carefully gathered all the spare blankets he could find and the pillows that lay haphazardly around her. Before Hy left the chamber, Hy leaned over her and kissed her cheek, willing her spirit to live on past the hours that crept by all too quickly. Hurriedly, CC handed the blankets to Dayle. With a grave look to Dayle, CC remarked, “put some blankets around Nikita and save a few for my sweetheart – I’ll go get her now, so hurry!”

Just then, Sweet Pea let out a quiet bellow indicating that CC was being too slow with Hiz ways. CC whistled, cuing Sweet Pea to come forth and wait. CC always had a secret signal for Hiz sweetest of equines - Hiz adorable and loving Sweet Pea who knew every secret about CC since the day she was bottle fed in the barn. Sweet Pea positioned herself next to the car of the train awaiting CC’z arrival with Hiz wounded lover. Hiz biceps bulged, under the tremendous stress of weight from carrying her on a teetering car that was ready to fall over the edge into the surging and violent surf of the ocean below.

“Dayle!” shouted CC, toward the crippled and mangled vehicle where Dayle had been arranging the blankets around Nikita. “Come mount Sweet Pea and I’ll place her on your lap; then I’ll get down and take you both back to the car,” he heaved with seriousness.


“Let’s ease her down, Dayle…” CC was nearly in tears as Hy tenderly spoke to Dayle. “Damned, if we aren’t a bunch of nitwits constantly falling and bumbling around in the universe… I wish I knew the magic words that kept the ‘Klutz Fairy’ away for awhile, but I could use those bickering angels at a time like this” bellowed CC with searing righteousness that was only trumped by Hiz godly anger!

Carefully, CC laid her to rest on the blankets that Dayle had arranged on the back seat of the truck. Placing a pillow under her head and surrounding her with four warm blankets, CC gently kissed her mouth and nibbled on every part of her precious face. Tears welled up in Hiz eyes. How the fuck was he to know that the train would derail and ruin the most romantic night Hy had ever planned yet for them? Coming to grips with the force of Hiz own constrained arrogance, CC willed Hymself to ride Sweet Pea with bravery and act quickly to save her and Hiz friends that risked (just about everything) for Hiz happiness. Hy helped Dayle off Sweet Pea and gave Dayle a part of Hiz ration of food that Hy kept in the saddle bags for emergencies. CC took out a flare, some matches and a tiny mirror and handed them to Dayle.

“This will have to do until I get back. I’ll go fetch any other blankets I can find for you Dayle and then I’ll move with the winds and fetch the help we need. There’s an old farm stead up the way a piece and I’ll go see if there is a phone or anyone who can summon more help for us. Use the flare in case of an emergency: like if the land starts to move or the train snaps off the rails and accidentally makes contact with the vehicle that could place all of you at risk of going over the edge. When all this is said and done, I’ll make it up to you Dayle: And I want to tell you that I know of no one else that I’d rather have stand as my best “man” at my wedding than you. You’ve always had my back and been my best friend – even when the chips are down and the royal flush threatens to spank my financial hide!”
Just then, it started to snow. Flakes were gently piercing the foggy mass of air that hovered above them. “There’s no time to lose” muttered CC and Hy mounted Sweet Pea and headed for the farm that Hy knew to be not more than 3 miles away.

Slowly, Dayle got back in the vehicle and took a blanket in order to help him regain some body warmth. Resting Hys head on the bent steering wheel for a moment, Hy quickly uttered a silent prayer of safety for them all; as it all seemed so overwhelming, the sudden turn of events. Over and over, in Hys mind, Dayle was doing what CC had been doing earlier – wondering how the fuck something like this could have happened. Weren’t they all just having the times of their lives? Was not the supper and dance at CC’z just the bomb? Didn’t they have the best hair-brained idea ever to plan all these fake incidents that were supposed to lead to a formal proposal of marriage – the marriage of the century, meant for two of the most wonderful people in the world?

Meanwhile, the falling snowflakes were becoming bigger and the fog was silently deepening around them in the mangled vehicle. Ever once in a while the train wreckage moaned and made eerie noises – as if a sinking ship were making the same creek-like noises on the sea.

Not far off though, CC and Sweet Pea were making time up the steep terrain of the canyon they had just descended from. It was a good thing that CC had thrown his leather jacket over her shoulders when they left the barn on the ranch. It was getting so cold and with the snow coming down, the air was becoming a frigid adversary as one could see exhalations coming from both CC and Sweet Peas’ nostrils.
“Hiiiii, Hiiiiiii-ja” bellowed CC as he cropped Sweet Pea to pick up speed. Sweet Pea whinnied back in agony under the blunt force of CCs overwhelming need to get there, yesterday! Sweet Pea dug her hooves into the earth and willed her strong muscles to carry CC up the hillside.

At that moment, Sweet Pea sensed something from afar – something that didn’t even register on CCs radar, which was usually impeccable -perfected by a finely tuned pitch. Sweet Pea reared under CC with such trembling ferocity, that is was all CC could do to remain balanced. Sweet Pea raged and reared and spun them in circles, but not without CC having seen the terrifying shadow: The shadow of a Grizzly Bear!

Seizing Sweet Peas’ reigns, CC acted with military precision, as if in battle. “HAWWWWW” CC bellowed, changing their course of direction! Instantly, Sweet Pea and CC raced in the direction which would keep them to the farm nearby. “Holy FUCK” shouted CC in his mind, as Hiz heart raced with terror! It seemed as though this would have killed any other human being! At a dead-bolt racing gait, Sweet Pea instinctively sped as if running for her life – and she was at that, as well as CC!!! Deeper and deeper into the heavily timbered landscape, they rode for their lives hoping that the Grizzly had been an apparition, but sadly they knew different.

It was just about then when legions of invisible beings protected them, and those left at the scene of the train wreck, from what would come next…


~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~




Dearest Diary of mine in Blue:

What we all need now is love, sweet love.

Until then,
I’m Faithfully Yours

Sunday, July 13th, 2008 - Paradise is on Fire!
 

It had been months, since that day on the train that wrecked in the canyon along the coast line. Up on the Green Springs Plateau, along the beautiful creek that passed though CC’s property sat all four of them on a blanket – sharing southern friend chicken, German potato salad, and waiting to slice into the freshly baked apple pie made the night before.

“Darling?” she asked politely, with a sly smile on her lips and her voice drenched in a lovely musical melodic tone. “I don’t remember much of what happened that day, outside what the nurses told me in the hospital. I always wondered what became of the Grizzly that stalked you and Sweet Pea… and Nikita? How was it that you and Dayle got back to safety?”

Pouring some ice cold German beer for all of them, CC burst out in chuckles: “Hon, it’s so hard to explain but I’ll try,” as CC passed the cups to all of them!

“You see, when I was speeding away like a bullet on Sweet Pea we made it to the farm nearby and called for help. As it was, a State Trooper happened to be near the vicinity and had picked up the urgent call from the Train Conductor. Before he sped to the scene of the accident, he came to the farm and picked me up and we both raced back to the accident with many others who heard that call too. When we got there, all of you were seemingly fast asleep, but we packed you all up and then got others out to safety. Amazingly – no one was lost in the sprawling wreckage and interestingly enough, not long after everyone was transported back to the hospital for evaluations and medical assistance, the Rail Road was there to take care of all the wrecked cars and the locomotive that rested precariously on the other side of the bridge. The owners of the farm that I went to, took the time to care for Sweet Pea and took her home to the barn and brushed her down and after feeding all the animals and checking to make sure plenty of fresh water was available for the cattle, they radioed back to the sheriff to make arrangements for the property to be cared for while I sat with you all in the recovery room,” CC mused as he leaned over to kiss his new bride on her lips.

“ummmmmmm,” she moaned as CC kissed her mouth. “Hon, when you do that my temperature rises to high that I feel like I’m on fire!” Her lashes veiled her eyes and she blushed with deep crimson reds at his touch. “Prost, to you Dear,” as they all raised their cups in mutual adoration for CC and his bravery that saved the day!

Dayle leaned over to kiss Nikita as they sat eating and sipping on the ice cold beer. Anyone watching this intimate moment being shared by close friends (such as they were), felt complete admiration for them all as one knows, when trouble happens, it’s a good day in Paradise when one can escape irreparable harm.

“CC” began Dayle, “Nikita and I have wonderful news to share with you both, don’t we dear,” said Dayle smiling that smile to Nikita!

“Ja,” winked Nikita, back to Dayle!

“When you both got married down by the Gazebo, on your property, a few weeks ago, Nikita and I talked about tying the knot; and her parents invited us to spend our honeymoon in Austria and take residence there if we wanted to stay on!”

“OH MY!” she exclaimed with bright eyes, while looking at CC! “I’m so happy for you that you are getting married,” she said as tears began to fall gently down her face. Looking to CC, with her eyes in that certain way, her gaze returned to Dayle and Nikita and she said, “When are you getting married? Do you need help? What will we do when you’re both gone?”

CC snuggle shuffled on the blanket closer to his bride and wrapped a lone arm around her waist and gently snuggled her ear with a loving nip. Catching her by surprise, they both fell backwards onto the blanket and fell into a deep embrace with a long stormy, deeply held kiss – and when they gazed into each others eyes, they realized something about losing their two best friends, if they chose to stay in Austria! With eyes huge as saucers, and having the remarkable ability to read each others mind, they both got ahold of themselves and immediately regained composure and asked in unison:

“When are you doing this?” they both chimed in together, as the soft wind coming from the creek carried their remarks with an echo.

Amazingly, Dayle and Nikita, answered in unison: “Next month! We felt that since CC’s original wedding plan date was moved up, due to the accident on the train, that we better make haste and follow suit!”

“That’s the BOMB!” she shouted with glee! Looking at CC, she had this ability to secretly signal that they needed to scrape up some rainy-day money and take some time to meet their parents and be there for their wedding – standing in as best friends to the couple!

“What ever you need Dayle,” CC drawled in his deep Germanic accent, like the expert brooder he was, “We’ll help you orchestrate it all and make sure that details are attended too properly.”

Time has passed so beautifully, that afternoon. All of them played with frolic near the river and the horses (and of course Sweet Pea) perked their ears, as if sensing an intrusion in the air. Of course, because both couples were experiencing magical energy from the wonderful get together on the river, they never thought to keep an ear perked for the horses.

It was about that time of the evening, when she had already stripped off her clothes and dove into the secret pool that CC and her were sharing on the river that CC took his shirt and jeans off, and standing there in all his buck-naked glory, that he dove into the pool and chased his sexy sweetie in the water. They both floated on their backs and were holding hands and observing the last rays of a wonderful sunset and stars peeking out of the heavens. Floating out of the current and into the safe harbor of the pool, CC slid up behind her and wrapped his arms around her and fondled her breasts and manipulated her cresting nipples – begging to be sucked and nursed on.

“I want you now,” CC moaned gently into her ears and kissed his way gently to her mouth – taking her into a deep kiss and communicating that he required an immediate need to be dealt with. Looking at his eyes and signaling the answer, she guided his cock to her garden and immediately the “dance” began, that seemingly lasted for hours: heaving moans, whispering sweet notions to each other, and pleasuring each other with their bodies’ heat – which was now on fire!

Not their bodies, mind you – but the FOREST!

Hearing Dayle and Nikita’s screaming the alert, both of them climaxed at once and looked at each other with knowing minds – but only CC has this to say:

“Baby, you always light my fire! But did you have to light the forest on fire, too???”

Looking at her loving husbutch, with eyes that only a femme can produce, she exclaimed: “Sweetheart? This is no time to make a joke out of something this urgent. For all we know that cattle are running amok, the house might be on fire and what about my car, Jezebel???” she looked at CC, with her own version of brooding eyes!

Lifting her out of the water and hurrying to put their clothes on and find Sweet Pea and meet up with Dayle and Nikita, it was about then that the darling klutz fairy arrived in all their glory…. And with a huge splash, she fell into the water and was carried off by the current screaming, “CC, help me, help me, help me, help me!”

And with that, CC dove into the water with all of his clothes on and raced to rescue her as she was being carried away by the rushing current to the falls that stretched and flowed magically over a 50 ft cliff…

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

Dearest Diary,

Life is still changing by the moment; challenges abound; and still life keeps on evolving to new frontiers for me. If you can, and if you still hear my hearts' desire, send me a miracle - as surely, a woman like me deserves this bit of help as I climb the ‘stairway to heaven.’

From my heart of hearts,
Faithfully, I'm yours.

August 16th, 2008: Thoughts on a hot Saturday in Paradise
 

My dearest Diary,

on the eve of the biggest change in my life that I've yet to even embark on, I wanted to leave my thoughts as I travel on my journey to who-knows-where: so today, I leave a poem marking this transition.
Until then,
Yours Truly.

Crucible

I hear your gurgling:
the daring transition which brings pain
from the walls of this prison
I welcome your stain.

marking those things which must change:
family betrayal
social and cultural hegemony
fascist regimes
opportunistic gratification temptations
raging egos out of control
tempered with humility
exacted compassion
internally and externally
working class people with the blues
-versus-
the ideologically coercive bourgeoisie.

Rising as an Gramescian-Marxist intellectual,
organically grown,
amid my trans-racial, sexually-minoritized standpoint,
I proclaim:

Your hegemonic controls are powerless
when juxtaposed against our collective experience:
When the smoke settles from the flames of the crucible,
our empowerment will prevail!

We rise, as called by the Bodhisattva of the Universe!
Oh, Crucible:
We welcome your change!

Dearest Diary,

Lately I've been (as others have too) contemplating on what's been happening on the American Finance scene, as well as other factors contributing to conditions across the socio-cultural landscape of America. It's hard to carry on an erotic story when you see the world imploding around you: the stakes are high, all bets are off, and the one thing I keep coming back to is the thought that while Americans were busy buying into the culture of consumerism, larger acts of criminality were happening right under our noses. I suppose, like many, we do buy into the idea that in order to perpetuate the cycle of finance (spend money to make money), sometimes one loses a certain perspective concerning how things have spun out of control. I wrote this poem and while it might just be only my thoughts and feelings about what I see, I know that there are many others who are now seriously questioning just what really has happened – where many now sit on the stage of global finance. With the credibility of American institutions blown -- institutions run by those in power -- it's not a far fetched idea to imagine just who orchestrated our latest "fall from grace."

I'm a Labor Democrat by choice: so in this poem when I characterize our latest sordid social mess, I use the word "blow." This term connotes/epitomizes our current governmental administration which has been controlled by Bush II and those who support tainted politics (which, to me, during my personal observations over the last 40+ years began with McCarthy-ism, Nixon, Johnson, Reagan, Bush I and the list goes on); which does not represent what I value nor what I wish for myself or others; nor are the officials in charge worthy of having been given such power to administrate American society. *** (see revision of notes below)

Of course, as with all the poetic thoughts I dare to write, readers may (or may not) completely identify with my strange arrangement of thoughts. So, without further adieu, here is my poem of the hour:



Death Culture: an Amerikan Zeitgeist

In the beginning (from a to z)
We all believed in a proclamation
Telling us how to be free:

The culture of hunger –
Longing for food, any food will do;
Probing empty garbage cans for remains hardly edible
Emaciated rib cages sharing a loo;
Flushing waste down a drain
Only to be filled with toxins --
This infested everyone’s brain.

The culture of complacent identity –
Resting upon improperly drained fields;
Fields not spun of gold,
But merely breeding more mold;
Growing neon green with jealousy,
Fueling rage filled hate;
Consumption was the by-word of those who unleashed
The “Free Market” gate:

This gate, led to co-operated greed --
Muzzled voices squelched by the speed;
The speed of a society,
Valuing corrupt populist need;
Wallowing in a cesspool made (no allowed) by:
“Make no mistake, I’ve got your cake”
As Lucifer, the angel of disguise,
Convoluted his prize,
The prize of a culture led astray
Testified to a pirahnaized frenzy in dry, dry hay.

*BOOM*

“Look! I see an Amerikan Zeitgeist!”
Came strange echoes from a shrouded past.
Civilization trounced in the name of absolute unchecked power;
Legions of tormented egos came screeching from its broken mast:
The Mast of a once renowned dream of liberty,
Fettered by fake visions of freedom,
All in the name of society, culture, race, sex and gender:
Look at us now – we’re in a zealots’ blender!

All politics aside
They’re tickets to the world’s greatest show –
The Amerikan Zeitgeist: a Horror Show
Directed and produced by those hooked on “blow.”


*** (revised notes): Very little has changed, politically, since the election year of 2008.

November 27th, 2008 (Thursday Afternoon): On the 'edge' of Thanksgiving
 

Minutes, hours, days, seemingly weeks passed by. Faint memories of the cascading water falls; the plunging, treacherous depths of water; the gurgling dissonance as it ascended to the surface of the river; having tumbled together over the edge and even now, a certain knowing etched into memory concerning a particular “head shot.”

Depending on how one interprets an etymological approach to linguistics, the term “head shot” might be known as none other than a subliminal boxing move. However, far off in the distance (known as Venus on Fire) the term “head shot” is known to be an artistic language expression known as a “let me correct your malformed intelligence to understand that you cannot construe innocent pleasures to mean something other than what was intended” type of definition.

Now for Femmes, whose universe resides in the construct of Venus on Fire, this entails a certain level of sacred ire: Femmes who delight in being independent and have ways of addressing certain inequities, with our creative use of known verbiage, are not always accustomed to being assaulted with passive-aggressive notions: we do as we do, with the idea being that we solve life’s problems in fruitful ways – even if this means banging out chronically rusted roller balls on the bottoms of chairs or swearing in our polite little female ways those particular cuss words that are aimed directly at the object of our resistance; which in this case, turned out to be an extremely zealous, opportunistic, feline disease which infested a particular hegemonically controlled wench, known as another worker, who felt disempowered by those who completely, and might I add, righteously adored another member from the planet, Venus on Fire!

Now, of course, unless you are a member from the planet Mars Torn Asunder,Femmes from the universe Venus on Firecompletely understand this line of logic; which is underpinned by the newest (scientifically, of course) ideological approach called “Melt your Panty’s and Boxer’s off” Feminism!Of course, the main idea behind this brand new approach is to meld all the game rules to Pythagorean Theory and the letter “e ” so that all results are stilted and complexly convoluted to mean nothing more that the quotient of “the number element of the result of dividing one number by another;” which neatly adds up to the significant numerical value of “Zero Sum.” (Please bear in mind that when creating an egalitarian society, one must be committed to deconstructing all results previously known to Venus on Fire and Mars Torn Asunder by promptly administering the brand new construct of “Melt your Panty’s and Boxer’s off” Feminism.)


You, the reader, might be asking yourself, right now, “why on earth is this so important?”



It’s because . . .

A member of Venus on Fire (a Femme)dared to confide exuberantly all her life woes to another member from Mars Torn Asunder (a TG Butch) – which conveniently landed both of them in bubbling, effervescent waters (otherwise known as a punishing, private hell). To wit, they both lost their ability to effectively communicate that: a) Femme from Venus on Fire misses the fuck out of a TG Butch member from Mars Torn Asunder; b) rules to the new ideological approach called “Melt your Panty’s and Boxer’s off” Feminism are operational and fully functioning; and c) that all past sins have been drop-kicked appropriately to another galaxy without breaking any known rules of piracy or other deviant forms of offensive transgressions.

In short:

I stand here completely naked – without my Baby Blue, Baby doll, sexy nightie showing off my abundant nipples needing expertly applied Doctoral supplicant theory – to seek humble forgiveness of said transgressions related to exerting a “head shot” which was garbled and warped by speeds exceeding known velocities in French, German, Spanish or English (to include all other not known forms of communication, as well); and that I plead the Venus on Firecode of Femme Conduct and squeal… “UNKLE” … hopefully, in an understandable version of the hardly known language to me called Mars Torn Asunder!

Additionally:

Various forms of erotica may (or may not) play melodically from this side of paradise as it seems that the Great Pumpkin of my Skies has been conveniently (or inconveniently) illuminating from some far off place (probably past Jupiter) which, without my Venus on Fire paraphernalia (to include binoculars, blue sparkles, sexy diversionary tactics manual, etc) has been hijacked by certain mafia monkeys (cousins, no doubt, to KING LOUIE) and I cannot see worth a hoot to find them! Please release me from this heinous bondage and commence to guide and direct me in what ever fashion you have reserved for a beautiful Kitty Queen (Me) as I am jonesing for more than just tête-à-têtes via our normal manner of communication . . .



Dearest Diary,

Erotically (and so much more than that)

Yours,
*mieeez mieeez*

December 24th, 2008 (Mittwoch, Wednesday): An Epistle regarding Bones
 

Dearest Diary of mine,

Many times I come with written preparation of the continuing 'saga' featuring my favorite fictional characters but today, in observance of many here who have been experiencing grief due to loss of human relationships that are held dear -- whether through the finality of physical death or because of "death" in other various forms -- I felt that I would write my inner most thoughts in poetic prose, relating to the subject of death.

As you know, dearest diary of mine, I've experienced "death" in various facets: true death of family members or the death of particular relationships I once held dear to my heart. But today, someone who is beyond dear to my heart has suffered loss in ways which have impacted him to his core being. The thoughts I leave are for them and others who might be helped in some way by what I am about to write. My sole purpose is to bring healing and to develop alternate views which are held during such crises and to let the magic of our minds aid in the process of our recovery.

Satruday Night, March 28th, 2009: Wandering and Wondering Thoughts
 

Dearest Diary,

it has been nearly three months since I've paid any attention to you: it's not that I wanted to ignore you because Goddess knows that my mind wanders many times, where it concerns the subject of eroticism. But the side of my conscience, which seems to feel numb, sometimes experiences a magnitude of particular eruptions across the landscape of my terrain; which feels as though there is no eroticism evident in my life, at all.

Just the other day, I considered what could be erotic about biblical phrases that I have memorized since I was a child: you know, the verse that goes "Thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee?" Or, how about the verse that says, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art with me?"


I began to think about the hidden eroticism in these particular verses: what if, by relationship design, these verses point toward the facilitation of intimacy; an intimacy that is deeply rich and wide in its approach toward instilling that one lacking aspect of mutual, and sometimes conditional, acts of reciprocity between two humans who place a higher priority on what makes a relationship flow with the magic that initiates deeper awareness, wider acceptance, and the plausibility that what ever could go 'wrong' will be made 'right' -- by autonomous acts of enduring, feeding, life-giving sustenance???

Do these verses provide a matrix that will contribute to the wellness and health of relational qualities sought? Ought I to pay attention, by closer inspection, to the premise of the boding element of these verses?

As always, I wonder what the present moments hold for me and what goodness will come and assist me in my moments of deeper needs and desires: if only I knew definitively what they are, what they mean or what value they hold in relationship to my present condition (which is often not clearly known in my mind), I tell myself that I might know what the answer could be. But as part of my inherent abilities and present condition is and always seems to have been, alas, I humbly submit that I do not know, nor can imagine at times or even dream of a conceptualization to operationalize!

Oh my!!!!! I can only do that which my mind is capable of or that which I am not able or capable of knowing. My prayer is that I will learn slowly: with emphasis on slowly now because life happens at speeds unknown to me and I long for time to just sit and think on things which demand no constraints upon time. My wish is for time to slow down and the gift just to breathe: the ability to breathe in the fragrance of life and all that is created to be cherished.

Does this seem like a form of eroticism? For tonight, my dearest diary, I feel that this will be all that I ask of the Goddess that provides enlightenment and shelters me from all harm: the eroticism of time slowing down just to breathe and take in all that is beautiful and cherish worshipfully the act of eroticism held in the constellation of my hearts' desire.

Although I am late,
I am still faithfully and ardently yours!

February 11th, 2013 | On an cold and chilly night...