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-   -   Interracial Relationships (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8151)

catlady 08-29-2016 03:15 PM

Interracial Relationships
Out of curiosity, how many of you are in interracial relationships? And how did your family react if they know?

I'm Chinese-American dating a Caucasian woman. My parents are very conservative, but I felt my dad was mostly bothered the most that my SO wasn't Asian. She's also an artist, so I wondered if she was a doctor or lawyer instead he would respect her a bit more. Also I think my parents believe I was corrupted by Western culture but the lesbian scene is popular in China and Hong Kong I believe.

The fun part being in an interracial relationship is I like to make her try authentic Chinese food and teach her Cantonese words :)

Rugged 08-29-2016 05:15 PM

Not currently involved in an interracial relationship.(or any relationship)
However, I was with a relationship with a Caucasian woman for 7 years.
I would say it was the best time of my life, but I would be lying.
Not that she was bad, but most of the people around us could not seem
to adapt. Her family loved me to pieces, and my family loved her.

The town I lived in at the time embraced us. But the people in her town
always seemed to think I was the nanny or some type of help to her and her family. It got a bit annoying, but we didn't break.
Cant really say anything bad. We just had a lot of growing and learning
to do. Would I do it again? Of course.

dark_crystal 08-29-2016 06:05 PM

My wife is Mexican and I am extremely Anglo (had dna test through Ancestry, am 82% Irish and English with a little Scandinavian lol)

When I was just starting to date, and ostensibly straight, my family would have freaked out, but more over the Catholic issue than the Mexican one.

I have lived with two previous partners that were black. Neither one worked out but that was due to issues that were not primarily rooted in race, although the effects of racism/transphobia on their life experiences likely did play a role in terms of how one of them handled conflict. I would not hesitate to pursue another interracial relationship

Finding a non-toxic partner was so hard that I took all considerations regarding race, age, and size out of the equation years ago!

BullDog 08-29-2016 06:34 PM

I am white and have dated/partnered with women of color. I would definitely again.

As far as families go, I usually get along well with my partner's family so there hasn't been a lot of issues. When there has, it seemed to be more about same sex than me being white, as far as I know.

It was a very eye-opening experience for me to date a black woman in Portland, OR. It is a very white city, although there are of course people of color who live there and a well-established black community in North Portland - which is where my girlfriend was born and grew up. She talked to me about a lot about things and especially us being out and about town as an interracial same sex couple. She seemed concerned about my safety and that being interracial increased the chances of danger. I wondered if I would put her more at risk since I am butch. We were affectionate in public and never ran into any problems, but I definitely learned a lot from her and experienced Portland in a very different way than just by myself or out with other white people. She was always hyper vigilant about her surroundings and she was born and raised there, in this so-called very liberal city.

I had a Mexican American partner that I lived with in Southern California. One thing that really bothered her a lot was her being American constantly being called into question. One of her grandfathers did emigrate legally from Mexico. One of my grandmothers was born in Sweden and moved to the U.S as a child, so that is the same generation as her grandfather, but of course no one has ever questioned whether I am American or how long my family has been here, etc.

Overall, I definitely have noticed the women of color that I have dated or partnered with definitely feel the need to be very aware of their surroundings and get called into question or treated in ways on a regular basis that I as a white person have never experienced. So I have seen the world in different ways than I would if I was partnered with a white person.

CherylNYC 08-29-2016 07:07 PM

I'm white and I've dated/partnered with many women of color. I'm a New Yorker, so the law of averages will kick in when you live in a racially diverse place like NYC. That said, I like to think of myself as a strong ally for POC, and I speak out often to other white people about racial injustice, so it's possible that women of color may feel less unsafe when they date me than they would dating a white woman who needs more education. I hope I'm not flattering myself.

I agree with Bully. I see the world differently when I'm with a POC. No matter how many anti-racism workshops I attend, nothing replaces the lived experience of witnessing how differently white people behave when they encounter people who aren't white. I think it's a positive thing that I haven't lost my anger about it.

I'm dating someone who is Mexican American. So far we haven't experienced any overt racism as a couple, BUT... I'm an ardent, life-long feminist and she sometimes struggles with the cultural Latin machismo within her. She would probably object to that characterization, or at least to the part about struggling, but we've had some conflicts over who pays for what. And then she says, "This is my culture". We joke about it, but when her sister heard that I'm a feminist she laughed her head off and said, "Let me know how that works out".

Another cultural conflict between us which could come up later is that she's Catholic and I'm a Pagan/Wiccan. So far, so good. But I think if I ever meet her family my spiritual practice will become a problem.

catlady 08-29-2016 10:12 PM


Originally Posted by CherylNYC (Post 1087150)
Another cultural conflict between us which could come up later is that she's Catholic and I'm a Pagan/Wiccan. So far, so good. But I think if I ever meet her family my spiritual practice will become a problem.

I am also a Pagan, but my SO is very accepting of my beliefs. She used to be a Christian but now identifies as agnostic. Her family, however, especially her mother is a hardcore Christian. She constantly asks my SO if I am "saved" and wants her to convert me into a Christian. I was raised in a Buddhist polytheistic family, so Paganism is a natural path for me. We have to lie to her family that I am a Buddhist to avoid conflict... her mother would definitely flip if she found out I am Pagan. Even despite my SO lies that I am Buddhist using the excuse that it was the religion I was raised with, her mother still thinks I can convert which I find offensive.

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