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-   -   How have you met the people you've been involved with romantically or sexually? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6161)

Ginger 12-22-2012 08:20 AM

How have you met the people you've been involved with romantically or sexually?
 
I'm curious to know how people have met their partners, lovers, spouses or people they dated.

I'll go back like 20 years and answer the question for myself. I'm leaving out people I dated a little but didn't get involved with in any significant way.

Please start with the past and work toward the future, in your list.

  • We were in graduate school together
  • She used to come into the bookstore where I worked
  • I met her on a gay and lesbian dating website that's defunct now; I can't even remember what it was called.
  • I met him on a butch/femme website attached to the "dash" site
  • She was introduced to me by her Ex, a femme I met on a Trans/Soffa listserv
  • I met her on FABU East, Femmes and Butches East, a listserv.
  • We met at the Butch Femme Society meetings at the LGBT Center in NYC
  • I met her on Match.com.


As to "why" come up with such a list—it would be fun to discuss and hear people's opinions about how we meet our partners, but first I wanted to see the lists, if anyone is up for it.

Thanks,
Scout

pajama 12-22-2012 08:35 AM

I met him while shooting pool on campus.
I met her through a mutual gay friend that I met while working at the pizza parlor.
I met her through a f-buddy at a women's music event, we danced the night away.
I met her at a women's spiritual drumming circle.
He was my auto mechanics teacher.
I went back to the dancing girl in line three.
She was clever enough to "get" my encripted e-mail address in my match.com advertisement.
I was so drunk the first time we met at a Man Cave dedication party that I didn't remember her the next time we met and I was swept off my feet.
mmmmm I met him at Apocalipstic's house.
I stalked her online for YEARS, then we finally met at the first BFP Reunion.

Oh, and I just realized I went back 30 years, not 20. Sorry.

Ginger 12-22-2012 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pajama (Post 721467)
I met him while shooting pool on campus.
I met her through a mutual gay friend that I met while working at the pizza parlor.
I met her through a f-buddy at a women's music event, we danced the night away.
I met her at a women's spiritual drumming circle.
He was my auto mechanics teacher.
I went back to the dancing girl in line three.
She was clever enough to "get" my encripted e-mail address in my match.com advertisement.
I was so drunk the first time we met at a Man Cave dedication party that I didn't remember her the next time we met and I was swept off my feet.
mmmmm I met him at Apocalipstic's house.
I stalked her online for YEARS, then we finally met at the first BFP Reunion.

Oh, and I just realized I went back 30 years, not 20. Sorry.


Love your answers! And it's cool, however many years people go back. :)

*Anya* 12-22-2012 08:55 AM

My long-term ex and I met in NOW. She was president of the Whittier/SE LA chapter for one year and I was president of the same chapter, the following year. I had not really discovered butches until her. Then, I noticed NOW was chock-full of butches (especially at national conventions).

She was with a lover for a few years and I was with my first "real" GF. Both of us subsequently broke up with our partners ( having nothing to do with each other) and we wound up getting together and as most of you already know, we were together for 19-years.

I met my current GF on a lesbian dating site about 2-months ago.

I "liked" her picture with a comment: "You are a handsome woman with a great smile".

I had written in my profile, that my ideal date would be at an ocean-side restaurant, at sunset..." and she wrote me an email that simply said: "How about Saturday night?"

I had been dating a much younger butch from San Diego, at the time and knew I was never going to fall in love with her but enjoyed our relationship, knowing it was not going to go anywhere in the long-term. (I had also met her on a lesbian dating site but a different one).

I threw out my usual rule of meeting only for a cup of coffee on the first meeting, for the handsome butch with a great smile.

We had a great time on our first date at a romantic, oceanfront restaurant and she gave me a kiss good-night that left me weak-kneed.

We have been dating exclusively since then. She is funny, smart, quick-witted and bright.

She lives 20-25 minutes from me!

I am kind of crazy about her.

clay 12-22-2012 09:10 AM

I met her at our work place. I was promoted to Dayshift Head Nurse, and she was my replacement on second shift. We were together 5 years.
My beautiful wife of 15 years, I met on the old MSN website...W4W...chuckles...my very first ever time of being on a computer, much less a chat room....I lost her almost 4 years ago, to cancer.. I have only dated some since that time.....until.....:)....
My current GF & I were friends online for several months....:)....she has caught my heart & soul...

Ginger 12-22-2012 09:16 AM

I guess it's not surprising that, on a social website, a lot of the responses so far have included meeting people on social websites.

It seems like the further back you go, the more likely it's not going to be a social-website context for meeting.

Of course, this is a very small sampling, and skewed, like I said, because we're on a social website, answering the question.

I'm really interested to see more lists of how people met their significant others over the years.

Thank you, everyone who responded so far!

Metro 12-22-2012 09:26 AM

Relationsip history in a nutshell... interesting, fun, and thought provoking idea for a thread, Scout! I'll bite! :)

Met longer term relationships:

-- In college, met BF at social event.
-- After college, met BF at member holiday party specific to my profession.
-- After coming out, met first GF while walking my dog. Dogs are a great social lubricant, imho.
-- Introduced to GF at a bar thru a mutual friend.
-- Met GF while volunteering (ongoing basis) at a major LGBTQIP community organization.
-- Introduced to GF at birthday party of a gay guy friend.
-- Met GF on blind date thru a local online dating website; also via Match.com

I have dated several other women (some femme, some not) on a more casual basis, but these were very short term (3 months or less) liasons because they weren't a good mutual "fit" for one reason or another. Am currently single.


Cody0166 12-22-2012 10:17 AM

I had a couple short term bf’s and gf’s when I was young. But at 24 I met my sister’s friend at my mother’s funeral. She was 33 years my senior, so quite the age gap. But the age difference didn’t affect anything in a negative way and the relationship lasted 20 years. She is still a big part of my life. She is my family now, as all of my family has passed away.
I’ve now been involved with someone for the past 10 years who I met online. We have a blood covenant of marriage but also plan on having a civil marriage soon.:alieninjar::heartbeat:

txdoc 12-22-2012 10:46 AM

-met him in college when I was 19, we recently reconnected, first thing he told me now is that he is gay
-met her at Rosh hashana dinner and danced the night away, first time I fell in love
-met him at college, was my best friend, we married and had two incredible kids, 17 years
-met her online, together 8 years
-met her online, together 1 year
-falling in love again

grenade 12-22-2012 11:49 AM

fun thread idea!
 
This is gonna make me have to dust off the ol' brain.

18- first love... I was a waitress at a steak house outside of Dallas. His mom was a waitress as well. I would charge him the senior citizen prices. He made me laugh. Fun times, we were both gemini's. He passed away a few years ago. :(

Still young and wild... met at a CB break. If you don't know what that is then Im not explaining other than, redneck chat line. We wreaked havoc. We're FB friends now. It freaks me out to look back on the what might have beens.

22...Kids father... He came into the 7-11 I then worked at. I thought he was a creeper. (I was right) I refused to go on a date with him. Months later we were hooked up on a blind date through mutual friends. Married cause I got knocked up before I saw through the lies. Still paying for my mistakes.

Cable guy. *nods* it really happens like that sometimes. Actually, this was developed through AOL chat. My first online experience. Lasted several years. Best friend's more than anything.

Ex- chat site.

Ex- chat site. Lived together several years. Cheated with a 19 year old. *still bitter*

And now.... met on dash, continued here... shacked up and feeling complete for the first time.

I may have left a few out here and there. lol

Gráinne 12-22-2012 12:49 PM

This made me laugh
 
-Met him at a high school boys' gymnastic meet where we were scorekeepers for our respective teams. We were involved off and on for the rest of high school, but since we lived across town and neither of us drove, that was a lot of bus rides.

-Met him at a college dance. We gradually went to "just friends", and he then became my mother's accountant.

-Met him at a frat party. Together 5 years.

-Met him in a parking lot. Together 4 very long years.

-The father of my kids. I actually was friends with his mother first, and she fixed us up.

-Met her on a site where we were both admins. I count her as my first really powerful attraction to another woman, though we decided to be just friends (and we still are). Went to England to visit her, even though we wouldn't be together. She's been married to her partner for a year or so.

-Met her on gaydar, first falling in love, and all the physical part with, another woman. A relationship didn't work out but we're still close friends today. Ironically, she's also happily married to her partner. Everyone gets married after they date me ;).

Present day....crushing on Beaker ;).

Venus007 12-22-2012 01:29 PM

I am not at all counting the numerous catch and release encounters, just the few I have dated. . .

-met him at church
-met her at a dog boarding kennel, 1st love and we are still friends almost 30 years later
-met her at a bar
-met her at a rave
-met him at a sweat lodge
-met her at a Pysanky party, together 10 years, still close friends
-met him on the dash site
-she emailed me out of the blue, met at an art museum, 4 years and counting

Soft*Silver 12-22-2012 02:06 PM

a lil more than 20 years ago
 
Placed an add in our local gay paper, dated alot. Met Her and we hooked up and dated about a year. She was an attny and ended up stalking me, even tho she was the one cheating on me. LOL.

Answered an add in our local gay paper that said "gentleman butch seeking high heeled lipstick wearing femme" we were married for 7 years.

Placed an add on a match site, looking for a dinner companion while I was at a western state (I am east) for a convention. He answered, we met, fell in love. Were together 2 1/2 years.

Met HER thru selling a horse to her. HER. the love of my life woman. the one who got under my skin and I still love to this day. We have just started a friendship again. We have eons of lives together. She is my samarai. Someday i will write a story about us...we were together for 2 1/3 years

then I started moving to be with people....I do NOT advise this for anyone with any ties or property...

Married a PA butch I found on the old butchfemme dating site, who cheated on me right after we moved in together. Found out later this was pretty much her MO.

Moved to upstate NY and lived on a sheep farm with mini ponies, and geese and handsome big butch I met on that butchfemme dating site. One of my fondest memories is from this time and has nothing to do with her at all. She is the one I write about as the sociopath. Nothing and I mean nothing had any root to reality or truth to it. I was gone in less than a year. She did major damage to me.

Moved to NH. Moved back to Ohio. Less than a year.

Swore off relationships. Had an online relationship with someone I dearly loved but was too broken to really make the move again, emotionally and geographically.Met her thru a different BF forum site,. I was so damaged. so very very damaged. I swore to god I would never love again and pushed everyone away. I had relapsed in my AA recovery and needed time to heal mentally physically and spiritually. I am strong again in recovery and if ever I was to move again to be with someone, this person would be her but we both knew neither of us would give up our homes. So we remain dear friends.

Was on FB advocating for a cat shelter, and met chrissy. He is a man of a different nature. Born male, definitely female natured and surely femme. NONE of which I preferred. But admired his intelligence and values and humor. We became FB friends. Over weeks, we chatted, then met. And then he began to serve me as his Missus. I became ill, needed surgery and he tended to me as my nurse. He moved in to take care of me. My heart that was stone cold and traumatized, healed while my body healed. I fell in love. He had always been in love. This is such a different kind of relationship for me..a man, a femme man, and totally female directed relationship. We are set to be married in July.

CherylNYC 12-22-2012 02:08 PM

The really significant ones:

I met him in Junior High School. We shared some of the same girlfriends and boyfriends. (Don't laugh, it was the '70s.) After a period of nowhere to live, I moved in with him into his E. Village apartment. What misery! I got my own apartment sometime in the year before I graduated HS. Whew!

She was a student in the women's Pagan study circle I taught. I couldn't get over her until I had an epiphany while watching the sun set over the Snake Mound in Ohio during the Harmonic Convergence.

She was checking in the newcomers at a Pagan gathering.

She was a Deacon in the Metropolitan Community Church.

She demanded my attention at a post-Pride party attended by the Sirens, (women's motorcycle club), and our friends. We were the only women in the bar NOT high on ecstasy. After two years we were handfasted, (Pagan commitment ceremony), and lived together another six.

She was drumming at a ceremony/party thrown by the above mentioned attention-getting ex. We lived together four years until she was struck by a truck while riding her motorcycle to work.

She showed up at a Lesbian Sex Mafia meeting. She remembered me keenly from an early Sirens MC meeting, but I didn't remember her. She died of cancer nine months later.

She's a member of our sister motorcycle club in Boston. Can I tell you how relieved I am that she didn't die?! Sadly, she and the first boyfriend are the only exes with whom I'm still friends.

nycfem 12-22-2012 03:28 PM

Met her in college. Friends told me she was crazy and also that she was obsessed with me. Her semi-stalking of me continued and then I kind of gave in with some degree of intrigue. Chaos ensued. Got back in contact years later and maintain a light friendship.

Met her at a Butch Femme Society Meeting. First self-identified butch. Lots of sparks. She wanted to be poly. I didn't at the time, wanted much more of a traditional fairytale.

Met her through a BF personal ad. Answered her ad. Fell in love but wasn't truly happy, some issues that could not be resolved. Maintained friendship until she passed away.

Met hym through the BF personals. One fateful day I introduced hym to a femme friend, "Hey, you have to meet X. She's a vegan massage therapist just like you except she's a femme!" They ran off with each other and are still together. I don't talk to either of them. I never even received a "thank you" card, let alone a large lump sum payment for my inadvertent, highly successful match-making.

Met hym through the nyc BF community. Can't recall how. Hot sex with lots of arguing. Now we don't keep in contact but genuinely enjoy running into each other on the rare occasion.

BB and I initially met on the dash site and were in contact but no hook up. Then we happened to meet at a friend's birthday party at a karoke dive bar in Chinatown, and the lust between us was immediate. We had a rocky first six months [insert drama that I take full responsibility for] and then I made a real commitment and neither of us have looked back since (been over seven years of being deeply in love and happy).

Fatale 12-22-2012 03:43 PM

I think this thread is marvelous.

She was on another softball team. I think we were 13. I pitched and whenever she was at bat I experienced sadistic and bittersweet glee if I happened to strike her out. She said she would kiss me if my team won. It was a glorious kiss. My connection to her was ephemeral but it was significant.

I attended a girls' school. Dabbling was requisite.

I met her at a reading when our eyes happened to meet even as we were both rolling our own.

She was driving the tow truck that came to pick up my bike when I had a flat.

We both grabbed the same taxi door handle in a downpour in NYC.

I sent her a drink. She was nervous and splashed it a bit.

A mutual friend introduced us. And was then petulant when we clicked.

She was a beautiful stranger on the street and I asked her to marry me. It was a lovely six months.

We met online. I sent her on a scavenger hunt for location clues to our first face to face meeting spot.

Dance-with-me 12-22-2012 04:14 PM

Interesting thread!

Met through being students together in college.

Met as I was reading the bulletin board at the women's center in the city I was visiting.

Met when I audited a women's study class at my alma mater (engineering students don't have the time for such things!) - she looked back at me, smiled one of the nicest smiles I've ever known, then offered me some candy.

Met through mutual friends, and I was near-obsessed with her for months before she'd actually date me.

Met through our involvement with a local lesbian organization and participation at one of their annual events.

Met through butch-femme.com personals.

And now.... who knows where my next love will appear. :)

Venus007 12-22-2012 05:06 PM

How could I forget her. . .

The crazy Russian, met as prostitute 1 and 2 in a community theater production of Guys and Dolls.

She goes between "dog boarding kennel" and "at a bar"

MsTinkerbelly 12-22-2012 05:29 PM

Met him through bowling league, took him away from his wife and kids...my only real regret in life. I was 18 and we were together 4 years.

Met my ex-husband (daughters father) while at work....8 years

Met my Wife on yahoo personals...10 years and going strong

Dated a bit otherwise, but nothing major

dixie 12-22-2012 06:12 PM

fairly boring.....
 


Met in high school

Met at the gay bar

Met on dash site

Met on fetlife

Met on here

Met on facebook

Sachita 12-22-2012 06:20 PM

My first serious girlfriend I met while on a date with another woman. I left and she ran after me in her cowboy boots, right in front of my date and gave me her number. Needless to say I called.

The one I thought was the love of my life I met on planet out and she lived about an hour for me but we chatted online for several months before meeting.

The rest were just ships passing in the night. I met online, at small events or through friends.

cinnamongrrl 12-22-2012 06:31 PM

My first real bf...I met while hiking...and he was hunting ( I was a vegetarian...it was NEVER meant to be!) I got pregnant, we got married. Lasted about 5 years. Better friends now than when we were married....

My first GF... I think I met her either from a yahoo personal or because she made CDs...can't recall...we were off and on for 3 years...I learned a lot. We didn't keep in touch. There was no need.

There was some little dating here and there...nothing serious or consuming...

Met my kid's favorite ex (lol) on the dash site, we tried, it didn't work. We moved on. We talk on occasion.

More smallish relationships. Nothing that lingered...

Met the love of my life right here on BFP in chat! I liked how he used words. You can tell a lot about a person just by the words they use...turns out I was right. He's amazing and wonderful and all a girl could ever ask for. World without Mayan end amen <3

:moonstars:

Teddybear 12-22-2012 06:49 PM

WOW let me think not many to list but I will try

met my 1st gf in college she was older in one of my classes ad she chased me till she caught me that lasted till she passed then I spent the next 15 yrs mourning her.

I hid in a marriage in name only that benifitted both of us. I met him on a road test for my 1st driving job that marriage lasted till he passed away


had a fb for yrs it was matual for both of us.

met a pie crust femme on the dash site we r still friends. we broke up cuz i started transisitoning.

dated a few others all but 1 i still talk to and still friend with.

meet my ex wife on the dash site when she commented on a pic of mine of a fish. lasted almost 4 yrs till i couldnt take the drama and chit any more

met the incrediable Ms Cinn right here in chat when I was working a nite job at a hotel while unable to drive for a month. On a dare I drove up a week early to meet her and can now only see a future with her. God help her

DapperButch 12-22-2012 09:26 PM

24 years

Bible Study Leader in College

Through a friend

Through the above ex/bar (how was I to know a mutual friend was supposed to set my ex up with her that night when we all went out?)

Bar

Bar

Bar

Bar

aol.com dating site (pre match.com merger)

aol.com dating site (pre match.com merger)

dating site...old profile I forgot about and she contacted me

work

blind date

DMW 12-22-2012 09:39 PM

Met her at a natalie merchant concert...taking pictures of natalie merchant...
black and white even...offered to buy pics from her post concert. Got her address...

Met her after AA meeting...she asked me in for tea


Met her on bf.com

DapperButch 12-22-2012 10:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW (Post 721841)
Met her at a natalie merchant concert...taking pictures of natalie merchant...
black and white even...offered to buy pics from her post concert. Got her address...

Natalie Merchant! :guitar: :hangloose:

Mel 12-22-2012 10:17 PM

Interesting list.... I'll play.

1993 - a bar..we had "run" into each other once years before as I was slipping out of her roommates room one morning..

1995 - my first wife's funeral. ( That sounds bad. We met there but didn't date for a couple of years)

1997 - church
1997 - work
1997 - the bar
1997 - a party

'97 was a phase of some kind :seeingstars: I was on the catch and release program but did have a few " special" friends"

1999 - work, recently split up ( as in some of her crap is still here). I was totally blindsided.

2010 - was re aquainted with an old flame. I was married so I behaved completely. Wife left, old flame is heating up albiet long distance and I'm interested to see what happens next.

Dude 12-22-2012 10:46 PM

bar
softball
bar
bar
AA
old school newspaper personal ad
sex addicts anonymous meeting (joking)
AA
old bf site

ruffryder 12-23-2012 10:30 AM

ohhh gotta love the internet for dating. LOL

I've met people on chat sites, b-f sites, at work, through mutual friends at college, and most current here at bfp then in person when I moved close to her. <3

laruss 12-23-2012 10:50 AM

significant relationships that meant something
 
-My ex husband and father of my children was a friend of my cousin. He went through a lot to get my number after seeing me at my cousins house. We were together 15 years.
-During my marriage I met a woman in a group I belonged to, we were together almost a year, I was willing to leave my husband for her. She wasn't willing to be the reason.
-Met at a Pagan ritual, did the LDR thing for a year before I moved to be with him. I don't regret much in my life as I feel everything is a learning experience, but that was a waste of 4 years I will never get back. He turned into a stalker when I left and then he finally moved to Australia and got married.
-Met online, were together 2 years before he died in his sleep.
Finally decided it was time to be true to myself. Death will do that.
-Met through a mutual friend here on BFP, wasn't the right time for me. We are still friends and I am very grateful for that.
-Met here on BFP, she broke my heart.
-We are both on the executive for a local lesbian organization. We are both a bit damaged right now and taking it VERY slowly.

SleepyButch 12-23-2012 10:55 AM

I met my very first girlfriend in nursing school.

My second girlfriend I met at a local lesbian bar here in OKC. We were together for 3 1/2 years.

Everyone since that point has either been from a chat site, B/F site, or dating site.

deb_U_taunt 12-23-2012 12:07 PM

longer terms relationships:

on a softball field and we u-hauled it within 2 months

at Seattle pride

hys butch sister is my bestie

Chancie 12-23-2012 12:31 PM

The order is right, more or less.
 
work
on a bus on the way to a march
a dance in NYC
a different dance in NYC
OA
b-f matchmaker
b-f matchmaker
b-f matchmaker
b-f matchmaker
a dance in Northampton
match.com
at her house
personal ad in local paper
a coffee bar

This list includes relationships that mattered to me, for a few different reasons.

Zimmeh 12-23-2012 01:02 PM

I met both of my partners on butch femme sites. The first one didn't work out.

The second partner was by chance when Hy sent me a private message and asked how were the jobs in Florida. I responded and sent my number and we started off as friends and moved in together in January 2012 and have been dating since April 2012...Hy is my one true love!

Zimmeh

MsM 12-28-2012 10:05 AM

18 yrs old Met her at a friends party, she pulled me into a closet. Accused me of flirting with her boyfriend (who I didn't know) and then kissed me. Realized then and there why kissing boys wasn't working out for me. Lasted: 1 night

24 yrs old Met her on a yahoo group. She was crazy but cute. Learned the lesson about sticking your d!ck in crazy on that one. Lasted: 2 years

28 yrs old Met her at a kinky party. She was with someone else, I was blown away by her smile. Eventually she left the other, and we were together. We were great friends, and should have left it that way. Relationship just didn't work. Lasted: 5 years

33-39 Catch and release program, mostly met them at kink events, or CM. Nothing lasting, but made some amazing friends.

39 yrs old Met my love at a munch for my local dyke leather group. She was wearing boots, and expected me to follow her to the bathroom. I didn't, but I did notice her ass. Been following her into bathrooms ever since (and still noticing her ass):blush:

MarquisdeShey 12-28-2012 10:42 AM

This is kind of interesting. A memory lane for relationship madness *s

...1996 I was in high school we met at a local YWG (she ended up married and with a baby)
...1998 A friend set us up (we were supposed to just "hook up")
...2002-2008 Softball game
...2009-2011 Roomates.com we were never roomates, but ended up getting together. should've known better

ahk 12-28-2012 10:57 AM

highschool
aol chat room
aol chat room
through a friend
poetry message boards
b.f
b.f

Sev 12-28-2012 11:02 AM

I was 15. met him when I was in a marching Girls group, I was friends with his sister.

Met him when I was a waitress in his restaurant, he was the chef

Met him in Ireland at a ladies gym, he use to work there

Married him, for the wrong reasons and left him for a woman....He was cool with that (believe it or not)

Met her on Pink Sofa:beatcomputer: and she had old photos of when she was young and made me believe she still looked like her picture....Wrong..:hiding:.

Met her when she moved into my building, I didn't know at the time that she was a famous performer.

Met her through a Mistress Friend....She was a crazy and weird and very unstable


Met her when I first came to London......Gaydargirls (yeah I know) lasted 3 years


The end:eatinghersheybar:


chefhmboyrd 12-28-2012 01:30 PM

let's go back 20...
 
i landed on her porch one day...
we met at an all night club...
we met at work...
we met at a football tryout...
we met through football (different one)...
we knew each other through mutual football friends (still yet a different one)...
met at Apocs's...
knew each other from football before (and was dating one of my football exes)...
met at a bar...
met at a bar (different bar/different girl)...
met through mutual friends... (now we are engaged)


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