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What is Forgiveness?
There are many events that happen in our lives from childhood to current events that require us to forgive. Maybe abuse, or something a friend said or did or your parents or a spouse or partner. Sometimes we even have to find a way to forgive strangers.
How do you deal with forgiveness? Are there steps you take or processes you go through in your mind or physically. What do you do to forgive and really mean it? I read a list that opened my eyes just a bit ago, and got me to thinking. What Forgiveness is not Forgiveness is not condoning unkindness Forgiveness is not forgetting that what happened was painful Forgiveness is not excusing poor behavior Forgiveness is not denying or minimizing your hurt Forgiveness does not mean reconciling with the offender Forgiveness does not mean you give up having feelings What is Forgiveness Forgiveness is for you not the offender Forgiveness is taking back your power Forgiveness is taking responsibility for how you feel Forgiveness is about your healing not about the person that hurt you Forgiveness isa trainable skill just like learning to throw a ball Forgiveness is a choice Forgiveness is becoming the hero instead of the victim Let's talk about forgiveness, as we all have to deal with it in some form or another at various times of our lives |
In order to save MYSELF, I HAD to forgive the man who raped and beat me within an inch of my life. It was a cancer that grew and ate at me, until it almost destroyed me. So I forgave him in my heart. But forget? NEVER. EVER. I feel compassion towards him that in his fucked up mind he felt by raping me, it would prove his love for me. And that by beating me up, he would scare me into submisson. I forgive that. But forget? NEVER. My forgiveness of him was ALL for me. THAT he couldnt beat or rape out of me,
In unity, Jewel |
I can forgive...
I will not forget though... |
Forgiveness
I will have to come back and post on this.
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Forgiveness = Unconditional Love
For me, and me alone, I believe in forgiveness. It is apart of unconditional love. I also believe it is an attitude. You have to make the decision yourself, by yourself, to forgive someone. I trust God to judge other's and their behavior.
For example, my bio-father was abusive. Nothing can change his behavior. I have to accept him, but forgive his behavior and move on. I cannot change the past. It haunts me to this very day. I cannot understand it. It makes no sense to me. It is the same as a parent who discovers their child who took nude pictures of themselves and posted them on the internet for all to see. You love your child, but hate the behavior. Some people believe in Karma. I do as well. However, Karma isn't just about the bad things in life. It is also about the good things too. What comes around goes around. Both good and bad. Namaste, Andrew |
BUMP de BUMP BUMP
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Mostly, I find forgiving myself the most difficult.
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tough one !
There are several people/situations that I am having trouble finding forviness for. I wish it was easier but I am stuck... I am working on it, that's all I can say.
Seems like the more you need to give it, the harder it is sometimes to give. f1~ |
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Forgiveness is not easy. Not by a long shot. For example, I was falsely accused of raping a woman at work. No lie. She went to management and claimed I put my hands all over her, and I raped her. Well, they took her statement. Next they called me in, and took my statement. It was short and sweet. It read "I was working on the dock. The videotape of me is in security. It verifies my location. In addition, at that particular time frame, I was signing in from Fed. Express the Viagra cartons. The carbon copies are in xyz's in-box." So, it was a bogus claim against me. Do I forgive the woman who did this to me? Yep. I forgive her. But I do not forgive what she said to management and all the other people (gossip). That is going to take a while. I just have prayers to say for her, and leave it at that. She ruined my character and reputation. Why? Who knows why anyone does anything anymore these days.
Andrew |
Like I once said to someone who was being particularly hard on me (I felt), We humans are imperfect. We are flawed. We make mistakes. Its how we handle those mistakes in the future that is more telling.
I also believe that "mistakes" are really learning opportunities. Learn from them, hopefully dont make them again, and move on. Jewel (Who believes it is wayyy easier to forgive others than herself) Quote:
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Femmy1,
Oh how very much I love you and even the fact that we share a common thread. I appreciate that the Universe brought us together, otherwise, it's likely that I wouldn't have met you - nor had my life so beautifully colored by you and your outlook on this existence. I am still angry too. I can't imagine not being angry about those 3-1/2 years. I'm angry because of what I allowed, because I allowed it to continue, because I was blind and let the lies become my truths. But more importantly, I can't imagine what my healing or my life would be like without your gentle spirit and the sweet love that you share with so many. I am working on that healing just as you are. Process, as you know, isn't always easy - but it is alive and working. The day will come, and we will rejoice and be ecstatic!!! Party with FOOD!!! You are in my heart and in my thoughts sweet femmy1! Quote:
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for me:
forgiveness is extremely hard in some circumstances. only recently, i've been able to find some forgiveness for people in my past, the hardest to find forgiveness for was my mother, but it's a work in progress, and it's baby steps.. i think like Jewel mentioned in a previous post, i find forgiveness for others much easier than i find forgiveness for myself. that's the journey i'm on, right now... distancing them, helps me with forgiving - i can forgive but i cant forget..it takes a lot to get myself in a place where i can forgive.. i do the forgiving of others for peace in my own heart & mind, helps pave my way to move forward some more... slow journey, but one well worthwhile..♥ i will say tho, although it's hard in some situations to forgive, i tend to forgive very easily in day to day situations, i get walked over very easily.. i'm not much a stand up for myself kinda girl (tho i wish i was) my esteem is low, i know this.. and it's something else i shall work on more. sometimes, i think my lack of esteem allows me to forgive easily for the sake of keeping friendships, or keeping the peace.. now i think i'm all over the place with explaining myself that i don't even make sense anymore, lol! *shutting up now* absolutely loved that bit on what forgiveness is, Blade, ty for posting that! |
Easier said....
How can it be that we find it most difficult to forgive ourselves? Is it because we know what goes on in our minds after we thought we forgave someone or a situation, or yes, even ourselves?
I speak solely for myself. I am still hurting by my own doings. I am more angry with myself for allowing someone else to abuse me in their way. Yes, oh yes, I am angry with them! But I believe I am more angry at myself for not holding to my internal belief system. I'm fine for a while and then a situation arises or a phone call comes in or a letter in the mail - and all of it comes bubbling back to the surface. Sometimes slowly - at 211 (right before the boiling point) - and sometimes ferociously, like an irate volcano. There are nights I cry myself to sleep because I can't believe I'm still holding on. I cry because I am not free. I cry because I know, deep inside, there's a reason that I don't forgive. There is the constant shadow following me, that walks in line with mine. One day I will turn around and it will be gone. |
When it comes to my abusive childhood...I have problems with forgiving my bio-father. Anger seems to the main emotion I associate with him. There are times when I pity him, and there are times when I can forgive the abuses, and still love my father. It is just very mixed emotions when it comes to him. Obviously he is not my most favorite person in the universe. I just pray to God to help me with him. The years of abuse I endured. I really don't know how I would have turned out if I never was abused.
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I tend to put my areas of forgiveness in two different areas. Minor and major. The lesser transgressions are easier for me to forgive others or myself for. It sometimes takes a little time and deep breathing techniques, but usually I am able to move on.. make amends to self and others where I can and resume life as usual.
The major ones may take longer and some I admittedly have still not "let go " of yet. Usually these involve breech of trust. Trust is my most difficult thing to deal with. When it has been broken or damaged it is incredibly hard for me to move beyond that into forgiveness. Even when I am able to finally say "ok, I forgive", like Lady Snow said, I still don't forget and still have issue trusting again. I know that holding on to resentments and ill feelings only serves to make me ill in both spirit and body. I am still working on it. |
Without forgiveness we find ourselves inextricably linked to a negative energy. I love love love what the OP said about what forgiveness is and isn't.
Because to me, forgiveness is the key that opens the doorway to healing. |
!00% right Adele.:rrose:
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Let me explain myself a bit more. It may make better sense.
I believe in forgiveness. That is a gift that I give to myself. I am not so much bitter as I am angry (do I have the definitions of the words wrong?). I do have a very strong desire to heal my heart and soul. Forgiveness is not a stumbling block for me. Forgiveness is a means of letting go. It isn't a one time deal. It is a process that I have done with therapy and on my own. And the one thing everyone seems to forget is that it takes time and patience to deal with the past. But the now and future is brighter and wonderful. Life is good! |
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