Dating and Race
 

I am a bit backwards socially, as many of you know well, and I am hoping for support and feedback here. When is the socially appropriate stage to discuss racial differences when dating someone? Being shy and socially stunted tends to leave me seeming uncaring or uninterested because I don't bring up topics that I am unsure they are not appropriate. Like I'm the one the checkout clerks look up and see and think ok here's someone nice and they spill out their business to me right there. I am the type that will not even know how irritated the line becomes when I encourage said checker and practically have a therapy session right there. SO when someone else doesn't approach me with their feelings I am not very good at guess what they may view as the elephant in the room or I am ignoring the obvious... So I really need a group feedback on this... As the non poc in the situation when and who is best to begin the convo. Also just wanna add that to me its very important to know how she feels about it, if ever experienced it and be upfront about it being my first opportunity as no poc has yet liked me enough to pursue or date me.

Um, Dragonfly, I'm a POC, and have to say that somewhere between the checkout line and how "she" feels about "it," I've gotten totally confused. What, exactly, are you asking? :seeingstars:

okay
 

Because everywhere I go (no exaggeration) people open up to me and talk so eaily to me THAT my personality is not a convo starter. I wait fror others to socially clue me to appropriate levels of sharing info. My problem here and now is that I do not want someone I like to think I SHOULD have Already mentioned it and that I either am ignoring it or not comfy about it. I am asking for input on others personal expp how these convos went for them ect. I should just have asked the person I like but I wanted a broader range of feedback because I am not socially adept.

thanks
 

That was my natural feeling on it for sure... But I have read a lot of stuff here about how it shouldn't be her (a poc) job to come to me or to educate me and I was unduly confused that my priveledge perspective was clouding my judgement. I do care and want to know everything not just that.. thanks for sharing your experience!

Maybe approaching someone as a human first and a POC second would be a good idea. Everyone has had different life experiences so that makes every individual different. Yes most POC have had similar experiences as far as discrimination and stuff goes, but as individuals have dealt with them in their own way. I honestly don't know what you're asking but answered in the best way I could decipher the question.

I think I can understand why this person said this to you.

Conversations are one of the biggest keys to any relationship, whether it be friends or more. Sparking up a conversation is easier than you may think. If I can't think of anything to say, I normally ask an off the wall question to get that person thinking. Such as, If you had to choose to be an apple or an orange for a whole day, which one would you choose and why? Femmes normally choose apples because they normally have makeup that goes better with the color red. Think of a clever response, because once she answers, she will more than likely ask you the same. Eye contact goes along with conversations. Those who talk to you while not looking at you.... well, most likely they aren't into you or they may be shy depending on the rest of the body language. Now race should never play a part in the conversation at first. Just go with the flow and don't worry about all that. If you are dating someone of a different race, why would there be a conversation on racial differences? If you are dating them, then you obviously like them, right? So why even bring it up? Just saying.

yeah thanks
 

I knew this was the right place. Guess I was dumb to worry I was doing something wrong by talking to her like a person first and not asking about my race when I asked about what type (I D) they are attracted to. Just great...

I hate apples!

I do enjoy it when someone (be they
friend, lover, or mate) invests time
in getting to know my experiences, tragedies, and
triumphs as WOC.

I would hope whomever it is DOES
do their homework on their own and
doesn't rely on said POC's to educate
and make it more comfy for you.


Hope this helps.

P.S.~~~~. Tim Wise.org

:)

Just speaiking about someone I want to date and finding out if I am their type. That's it. Not about our differences but about dating me be new or already experienced it kind of wondering. That's it.

If you want to date them, date them you don't need our permission or advice. The person in question will let you know if you are their "type".
Try to relax, and just be yourself.

thank you
 

Yes!! I may not have a clue but I thought that was what I was trying to do here.
Sorry everyone. A very unnecessary thread obviously... And she is encouraging me to ask more questions and I thot I was missing some hint like I was supposed to ask that one too but there were more important things for me to know and we only had a short time to visit. She won't ask me out anyway. I see that now.

oh my...
 

If you only knew how I hyperventillate and get brain freeze just thinking about her you'd understand why I am soo nervous and shy and scared that will come across as not interested... I forgot names of things yes everyday household things... How can I be expected to post coherently?? Lol

You sound like a really nice person, someone
worthy of that will come along soon enough