Relating To Your Parent(s)
 

I am tired and worn out but I feel like sharing so I'm gonna post, then go to bed.

I went for a regular walk with my dear mother(62) tonight and I brought up some sensitive topics for the first time in a very long time with her. My nerves are totally wracked because I felt so very vulnerable. I've managed to form an extremely close bond with my mother and she's become my best friend in the whole world, but for years I would avoid certain topics because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Kind of silly on my part and she let me know as much. I came out to her when I was 18 and was fortunate to have no backlash but over the years I wouldn't share things with her and we eventually settled into a don't ask-don't tell relationship. Her not asking because she thought I wanted privacy and me not telling because I wanted her to not be uncomfortable.

Thankfully I feel so much better now, except I can't help the nerve-shot feeling in me right now.


I'm curious though.... has anyone else had or having this kind of relationship with a parent? Where you're close and share with them or where you're close but don't? I know it's all relative to the relationship but maybe I just need to keep the lines of communication open for it to begin to feel 100% normal because as of right now it still doesn't completely?

I've never had a relationship with my mom. That's why I took her in, I thought she might want that with me but nope. It's been hell, but I know she will get her housing and move. I wish and have always wished for a mom who cares.

I was raised by a pair of open-minded hippies. I am loved. I am accepted. And I'm so aware of just how blessed I am for it.

I think one of the hardest things for a child to understand is that just because someone carried you for 9 months and brought you into this world doesn't mean they ever bonded with you or themselves.

My mom and I talk but it's like we are neighbors needing to borrow a cup of sugar. I use to think I was close to her, but then after 42 years of marriage she divorced my dad and she became this person I can't recognize anymore.

She's happy and I am happy for her. I never really felt any grave pain with her changing so much, but all the what if's came up.

I decided to settle my mind and heart on the matter and moved on.

Wow... that is pretty close to what I've had with my mom. She just never spoke of it b/c she thought I was a very private person. I'm hoping to change all that over time. Thanks for sharing! =)

I was raised by two cold, withholding, rejecting and abusive parents. My mother told me once how my father sobbed when I was born because I was a girl and not the son he had hoped for. Not a good omen for sure.

My coming out lesbian was the icing on the cake. Neither spoke to me for 15 years after I told them.

My life was actually easier during those years- no expectations, no criticism. I reconnected with them as they were aging and my brothers had moved away. I was still trying to be the good daughter I guess-even though it was the unachievable.

They do not ask question one about me or my life. It is all about them. I listen, ask them about themselves and they talk on, oblivious.

It is what it is. They are who they are.

My parents Had butch-femme friends/couples as close friends for years (since the fifties) They were very supportive and communicative. There were never any problems or disruptions in relating/interacting with them.

Hi Cuddles,

It seems to me that it's perfectly all right to be friendly with one's parents but still not share everything. If I think about my confidantes, my mother is one, but I don't tell her everything; my best friend is another, but I don't tell her everything; and my other close friend is another, but again, I don't tell her everything! All of these people sort of receive different chunks of confidance - they overlap in Venn-like ways, but one will always know certain things the others don't, and I think that's why I talk to at least 3 people.

I also think it's normal to want to confide in your mother and it's normal to not want to upset your mother, but you've said it's "kind of silly" (in your opinion, at least,) to have witheld information from her. Well, now that you've realised this, what's stopping you from divulging? In my experience, if you think your parent is open to hearing you and willing to set aside their bias for the comfort of their child, then let fly.

My mother is like that. She's the best person in all the world and I love her so much for it. I've gone to her with so many troublesome things, and she's listened for my sake and, although I know she feels absolutely dreadful about not having the recourse or information to help, she knows I feel better just telling her.

I think that if your mother loves you, you're fortunate, indeed. Maybe tell your mom you'd like to confide in her and you hope that's all right? Good luck to you!

My mother and I have always had a very bad relationship. Since teenage years but I would try and try to get along and keep the family together by having all the get togethers at my house or being the one to say I'm sorry when I did nothing wrong. In my 40's I realized this is not the person I want in my life. I was tired of all the negative and having to be the one to work things out. We had one last fight over something so small and instead of running back I decided to see how important I am to her. It as been 5 years now and she has never even tried even though she lives five mintes away and has my cell and home phone numbers. I realize at this point of my life that not everyone is meant to be a mom or can be. I did see her at both my brothers insistence at Christmas but there just is no feelings there anymore. It was like meeting an old aquaintance again. It will always hurt to realize how very little I mean but It has freed me from trying to be someone I'm not.