I personally can't imagine trying to work through something like that without a couples councelour. I've gotten a coule Relate books on rebuilding trust in relationships and have found them incredibly useful on my own - Relate books aren't flakey worded or fully of California speak or have inspirational quotes in them, just very practical advice and homework. However, if I was trying to do that with a partner, I'd want to see someone who knows how to guide the process along and give us both work to do - a neutral third party that has expertise in the area.
Every time I have asked a partner to go, they have refused. So I went on my own. They did nothing and expected me to do all the work after that point. So I think if some refused again, that would be the end of it.
I'm pretty bad with expressing how I feel. My Butch partners have usually been better at it than I am. We are all individuals, even butches
