Thanks for starting this thread, ICC.
I've decided living apart is the only way for me.
As I've written elsewhere on the planet, my dream scenario is for us to live on different sides of the park, lake, mountain, or city. I'm at my place for a few days, we're at hys place for a few days, then we're off on our own for a few days. Hy can keep some of hys things at my place to make things easier. This arrangement would be in a monogamous and exclusive relationship. We just wouldn't live together.
I've had one real-time relationship where this has worked well. A butch I was seeing lived down the street. We broke up for other reasons. I have also met people online who were not interested in meeting if living together wasn't an option at some point. I'm cool with that. I like people who know what will and will not work for them.
And for me, it has nothing to do with absence making the heart grow fonder. It's just what I need to feel good about myself.
I know this way of living isn't for everyone, but it works for me.