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Any kind of label word can be volatile. For example, I don't mind c**t, but most women I know hate it. My butch happily refers to herself as a dyke. My online "brother" refers to our "dad" as "an old boston dyke" and my dad would say the same. I don't identify as such, mostly because I'm bi. It's more important, I think, that you make yourself clear when someone uses a word you don't like and that they have enough respect to stop using it.

I'm from a small town in the south. There are a LOT of things people say that needs to stop - repairs that are hastily slapped together, for example, or the common word here for brazil nuts. The word retarded hasn't completely gone away and it needs to. People need to stop saying "You....like a girl" or "Your.....is so gay", as an insult.

I will call an ex queer because he's such a homophobe. My friend has several mental illnesses but tries to make light of it, so she and I talk about her being crazy or schizo when she's having a particularly difficult moment. My gay online friend doesn't hesitate to call other gay men faggots.

There are so many careless things we all say that need to stop. I try to be more observant but I'm still horribly at fault sometimes. Once you say it you can never undo it. Words are heavy and they are dangerous. All you can do is try to be as careful as you can to rid yourself of your own ignorance. I've still got a long way to go.