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imperfect_cupcake · 02-27-2016, 11:57 PM

It happens. I can't lie and say it didn't change me. It did. You can't go back to the same person you were. But the new person knows things the previous version of self didn't know. And it takes a long time to become functional in deeper ways again.
My exwife betrayed me and it was so unexpected, such a surprise, it caught me so off guard it felt like I was walking through a meadow in the middle of nowhere and suddenly getting plowed by a speeding train with spikes on the front, where there was no train tracks to warn me there might be a train.

There have been steps away from it. And I don't realise I've reached an important door closing and marker passing until it happens. And it's not just one. It's many. And each one passes. And there is more letting go. It's not just the person you let go of. Their family, the person you used to be before the betrayal, your old concepts, realizations of self deception, a future that was going to be very different, a certain kind of companionship that only that one person could give, the "if we had onlys", the "she needs to!!!"s... So many things.

Only a few weeks ago I felt a flush of relief over not having to deal with my ex wife's drinking when I saw something she had posted on fb. For the very first time, over four years later, I finally felt relief that I was not subjected to her drinking. That I may have dodged a bullet there. That's a massive milestone in healing. There have been many others.

"Long and painful, this slow, hollow road away from you." Until suddenly, it's not. Suddenly, you realise it's your own road and it's filled with the glory and amazement of your own life lived for you.

I'll give you the advice someone once gave me for such a crushing break up: find something just for you. Something you always wanted to do but didn't, because of your partnership. Something you never followed. Maybe it's archery. Maybe it's singing. Mine was massage - and four years later, I am writing my board exams with a career that makes me happier than any partner ever did. My happiness is now my own. My own responsibility. Maybe it classes on writing, maybe it's book binding. But find something, just for you.

02-27-2016, 11:57 PM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	It happens. I can't lie and say it didn't change me. It did. You can't go back to the same person you were. But the new person knows things the previous version of self didn't know. And it takes a long time to become functional in deeper ways again. My exwife betrayed me and it was so unexpected, such a surprise, it caught me so off guard it felt like I was walking through a meadow in the middle of nowhere and suddenly getting plowed by a speeding train with spikes on the front, where there was no train tracks to warn me there might be a train. There have been steps away from it. And I don't realise I've reached an important door closing and marker passing until it happens. And it's not just one. It's many. And each one passes. And there is more letting go. It's not just the person you let go of. Their family, the person you used to be before the betrayal, your old concepts, realizations of self deception, a future that was going to be very different, a certain kind of companionship that only that one person could give, the "if we had onlys", the "she needs to!!!"s... So many things. Only a few weeks ago I felt a flush of relief over not having to deal with my ex wife's drinking when I saw something she had posted on fb. For the very first time, over four years later, I finally felt relief that I was not subjected to her drinking. That I may have dodged a bullet there. That's a massive milestone in healing. There have been many others. "Long and painful, this slow, hollow road away from you." Until suddenly, it's not. Suddenly, you realise it's your own road and it's filled with the glory and amazement of your own life lived for you. I'll give you the advice someone once gave me for such a crushing break up: find something just for you. Something you always wanted to do but didn't, because of your partnership. Something you never followed. Maybe it's archery. Maybe it's singing. Mine was massage - and four years later, I am writing my board exams with a career that makes me happier than any partner ever did. My happiness is now my own. My own responsibility. Maybe it classes on writing, maybe it's book binding. But find something, just for you.