[Soft*Silver]

I am so grateful for P Flag. When I decided to come out after joining AA and getting sober and honest with myself, I started going to P Flag meetings because they were the only local gay issued group in my area at that time (it has since grown a great deal) I hadnt told my parents yet and my mom was asking me on and off, if I was gay. Each time she did, I asked her if she really wanted to know and she said no, but I knew the day was coming. During one of the P Flag meetings, I brought up my fear of telling my parents and the parents there told me all of their reactions when their children had told them. I also got some literature to take home and read. What they stressed was, whatever comes out my mother's mouth, I needed to hear the love in it. Even if it was harsh and critical. They said being angry, defensive, etc was their way of saying they didnt want their child to be something that in their generation and day, was a tough way of life. They didnt want to see me suffer. They wanted what every parents want, for their kid to grow up and live happily ever after and that meant in their day, to get married and have kids. To the opposite sex, not the same sex.

My mom and I had a roller coaster relationship anyway. We argued over ketchup or mustard, ya know? So one day she asked me and I asked her and this time she said Yes. And I said, Yes I am. And she immediately looked like I had just told her I had terminal cancer...and then a harsh emotion came across her face and she said "I didnt raise you to be no queer"...

and I sucked in air...wow that hurt...and then I looked at her..and I saw a woman in her 50s (which i am now!) who had been raised in a time when gays were carted away by police, put in mental institutions and were talked about as the social scandal of the village. She had such pain behind her eyes and I saw the love...

and I said...

"you are right..you didnt raise me to be a 'queer'. You raised me to be a good mother, a hard worker, a good neighbor, a friend that people can call on. You gave me all my values that I hold dear to me and you raised me to be a loving daughter. I also, Mom, just happened to be gay. You didnt do this to me. I am just this way. You can take credit for all the other stuff but this not for being gay."

she just waved her hand at me and I left, and she didnt call me for a few days, but then she did and we kept on having a mother daughter relationship except now I didnt have to lie. She met many of the women I dated and when I had a committment ceremony, she accepted my butch husband as part of the family. She even swatted his ass a few times, how cute he was to her! LOL. My old aunties came up to him for a dance at all the weddings and he was pall bearer at both of my parents funerals.

My sister is a psychiatric nurse,a pediatric nurse, a substance abuse therapist and a nurse practitioner. She often uses me in her counseling sessions when someone comes out to her, or has issues regarding orientation, or gender issues (because I date within the trans world). She was going to P Flag as well for awhile, when i first came out to her.

My daughter was in a serious relationship with a young republican who had never met anyone gay. LOL. Even tho he was a theater major. Talk about blinders! So we all went to a P Flag meeting. He was open and receptive to learning and stretching his values to include diversity. I was at that time, engaged to a FtM. The group went around in a circle and said their name and said why they were there. My daughter was the first one of our group to have a turn and she said her name and then pointed to me and said "thats my mom. She use to be gay, well, actually she use to be straight. Now she is dating Alex...and he can tell you his story. I dont know what Mom is except Mom. Maybe she can explain it. I just know I love her and I want my boyfriend to understand who my family is" I could have broken down into tears. I was so proud of her...

sadly, in the meeting, they had a discussion about political leaders and the entire group was belittling and being offensively judgemental to the republicans in our area. I could see my daughter's BF slide deeper in his seat. He had been fine with the people and the discussions until then. I stood up and told them they were being unfair..that they were assuming everyone believed that Republicans were the enemy. I said I was very proud of my daughter's BF who AS A REPUBLICAN, came down here to learn past the stereotypes about gays, only to get blasted by prejudices of this group. They apologized but the damage was done. He wouldnt go back and frankly, I dont blame him. He and I had wonderful conversations and he became left of right and I became right of left. We realized we were actually outlaws in our own directions and that somehow, we met in the middle..which is where acceptance actually happens...