[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Gayandgray

My inability to forgive and forget when someone betrays me. I'm trying to work on not holding a grudge. After five months my former best friend wants us to work things out. She reminded me that my spouse's health is declining (as if I don't know this) and life is too short to hold grudges, and she wants to help me with her, etc etc. I really have to think hard on this.......

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I know that it sounds trite, but forgiveness is so you can move on with peace. Forgetting on the other hand is not required...it gives us the little voice in our head that looks out for the safety of our heart.

Blessings

Tinkerbelly's right; memory and forgiveness aren't the same thing. Always remember what happened so past mistakes aren't repeated but if you can find a way to let it go, good for you. I'm not good at forgiveness, but I don't let it eat me up either. Sometimes it takes a while. You can only do what you can do but don't let the actions of others make you change who and what you are and what you do.

If I am being brutally honest, and not knowing anything from Adam about the details, but from what you said....that sounds like emotional manipulation. A friend doesn't need to state the obvious. If she is ready and willing to help you with your spouse, from the goodness of her heart or some sense of regret or responsibility for what happened those months ago, good. If it's something designed to twist you up even more and manipulate things, then not so good.

Keep your options open and be willing to accept help (Being a caretaker is hard, so any help is a good thing, right?) but keep your eyes open and your head crystal clear.

I don't think it's unreasonable to say, "Hey, what happened was hurtful and I don't want to repeat it" and "I will take you at your word at this moment but you have to prove to me that I can trust you; show me you are worthy of my trust". Or whatever feels right to you.

I remember when you wrote about this before and it seemed that it really, really hurt you. Do not deny that hurt but don't let it close you off to the possibility of a genuine reconciliation either.