[nowandthen]

"For clarity, are you talking specifically and only within a queer (b/f/gay/leather) setting that you feel invisible? Do you desire the world 'at large' if you will to 'see you' beyond 'male'? or are you comfortable/enjoy/are happy in your skin being generally read as male?" PapaC

What I really want is to wake up and not have it matter at all anywhere. Yes I want to be seen based on my merit not gender, or if you are going to see through the restrictive gender lens not to assign yours or others meanings to me. I am still hopeful, but in my daily life I have the choice/privilege to decide based on my safety when to "come out" as not male. Male and masculinity are not tied for me, nor is femininity tied to female.
What i guess I am trying to say and I have said this to you before is it all crap till we walk out the front door.
I wish we all would watch ourselves as we assign meaning to ourselves and others why we are, is it for our safety or ego. Am I assigning negative meaning to myself when I feel invisible? is that my false pride based in the messages I have received that I am less than because you(general you, not the individual you) or society do not approve my exterior presentation? If I am a spiritual being having a human experience than ego and false pride are involved in my journey to self acceptance. I do know that in "straight" circles I want to keep my marginalization by being seen as a Gay man or butch, I am not quite ready to give up that feeling "different" and having something to prove. I also want everyone to know that this body represents the reality of the continuum of the human experience, therefore I will be invisible in many areas of my life. I feel more invisible when I talk about how being white and how un-learning my white privilege plays out in both queer and non-queer communities. al
Alright, more coffee now