[Kätzchen]

I've been an on and off smoker since I was 29 years of age. What got me started was an major crises on my life, back then (dv). About nine years later, I came down with a bad case of pneumonia, in the middle of a really hot summer back in the late 1990's and was so ill that I quite smoking for about two or three years. Anyway, a few years later, after breaking up with my first butch girlfriend (another major crises), I started casually smoking again, telling myself that it was my coping tool, that smoking cigarettes was less harmful than turning to alcohol or drugs to help me manage the emotional stress I was going through, after breaking up with hir. So, I was talking with my al-anon sponsor tonight and told her that I have to find a better way to deal with stressors in my life in more rational way and treat my reliance on smoking as not a coping tool but what it really is, a self harming behavior.

So about ten minutes ago, I interrupted my smoking habit. And I will keep disrupting and/or interrupting my habit until it becomes second nature to be smoke free.

I don't want to be a smoker anymore.

I am going to live the next two decades of my life, smoke free.