Quote:
Originally Posted by Dylan
Expectations that are put on transmen that may stem from stereotypes (i.e. transmen are more sensitive/caring/processy/in tune with women, because "they were once women")
And
The 'expectation' that transmen keep one foot in the 'formerly female' (i.e. by constantly making the distinction of TRANSman instead of just saying man)
Dylan...that's the briefest I could do
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thanks, dylan. guess i'll drop my change in the bucket and see what kind of ride i get.
in my mind, expectations are desires for particular thoughts and behaviors from others. if someone 'expects' me to be more sensitive, it is not up to me to uphold that expectation...unless, of course, i happen to be a sensitive sort. if i have expectations that my dinner companion will use silverware and not blow their nose on the napkins while we're eating...that's on me. i can choose to not eat with that person again. there is not really much we can do as far as the expectations of others go....but we can choose not to interact with them. it's always ok to let people know we think their expectations are unfair or unreasonable...but we don't get to tell them not to have those expectations or desires. then again, one person's sensitivity is another person's callousness. go figure.
i don't know that i'd say transguys are stereotypically categorized as sensitive. i think it may be a hope, based on the assumption that person was raised as a female child. i think you'd agree that most parents try to reinforce sensitivity and nurturing in their female children. i think, for the most part, all our parents perceived us as girls, and we were raised accordingly. i was born in the late 50's and came of age in the 70's. i was totally raised to be a wife and mother. i have been neither. i am, however, a damn fine cook and reallllly good with laundry. hell, i even enjoy ironing. i have been acutely aware of having a female body for most of my life. it seemed outrageous to me that i should be groomed for jobs (wife and mom) for which i was ill suited. i was, however, allowed to pursue my non-feminine interests as well. as long as i met my parent's obligatory education in the ways of women, i was free to pursue my other interests. i don't see any of this as watering down my masulinity or maleness. i view it as the basis for being more expansive in my humanity...which is genderless. people can think and expect what they like...sometimes the surprise is pleasant, sometimes not so much.
as far as the trans marker goes...if you need that in your definition of me, so be it. i'm not the thought or reality police. i'm also busy just living my life the best i can. in my reality, i'll never be a man-man. i wasn't born as one, i wasn't socialized as one, i haven't the foggiest notion what it is to live my entire life as one. i do stand apart from born men. coming into my manhood in my mid-40's, i had the option to pick and choose the social cues i adhere to, the attitudes i live with and by, and the way i move through the world as a 'perceived' man. yeah, that one will rankle, i'm sure. as the other transitioning guys on here are well aware, this process is multi-layered. jeez louise, talk about your onion peeling. my emotional responses have changed, my body has changed, my thought processes have changed. hell, my taste in music has changed, too. (although my fashion choices remain every bit as questionable as before) the fact of the matter is that i'm living as the best version of a man that i can manage. all based on my values and perceptions of what that is. we all, at some point, talk about passing. think about that for a minute. yeah, it means just what it sounds like it means...being taken for something we have not been previously. so much of this is about perception...inward and outward. i now look and am treated as the way i've wanted to look and be treated. good for me. it still doesn't mean that i have always lived this way. fuck, i'm not sure i'm being clear here.
given the choice between male and female, i most closely identify with male. i was no good at being a girl and i hope i'm successful at being a man. i'm grateful for the upbringing i had and the 40-odd years of being perceived as female. yeah, that's what i said...grateful. why? because it is the foundation of who i am today. it instilled in me a self-reliance and inner strength i'm not sure i would otherwise have had. who knows for sure? yes, i'm one of those kumbaya guys who refuses to try to gloss over, bury or erase the life i had pre-transition. i think it all goes to making me a new breed of man. one who can and will lead by example and set the bar higher for other men...born or made.
with luck, this is on topic and will not disappear into cyberspace the way the last one i wrote did.