I just bought the ticket and can barely see the screen through my tears, so excuse me if I don't make much sense.
Anyway, I do think that he's going, in part, because of pressure, not only from his father but also from the rest of 'that' side of the family. I also think though that in light of the ongoing attempts to force as many Palestinians as possible out of Jerusalem, he feels some kind of obligation to simply be there. I understand that. I also however feel guilty because I'm actually hoping that because he's been outside the country for over two years now, his Jerusalem ID will be revoked (in the past, Palestinian Jerusalemites could live outside for three years and still return, but that time limit has now been reduced to 18 months) and, with the decision made for him, he'll have no option but to return here (because he has a British passport, he would still be able to visit Israel for up to three months at a time). And yes, I know that sounds terribly selfish...it is selfish...but, well, he's my boy.
You know what really breaks my heart? Although I believe he needs to go, I honestly don't believe he wants to go. I helped him go through all his clothing earlier this evening -one pile to go, one pile for when he visits, and one pile for the charity shop (and yes, it was awful) - when I noticed he'd gone all quiet. So I went over and hugged him and told him that just as I know that this is something he has to do, he should know that if he wants to come home, all he has to do is pick up a phone. And then he cried. And I cried. And, don't ask me how, but I just knew that deep down, he really doesn't want to go.
Thank you, again, for the support. This is the one place where I can express what I'm actually feeling and I am so very grateful to you all.
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