[Scorpyobutch]

I have often thought about shock therapy back in the days when I couldn't get out of bed. I also heard of this color therapy whereby the doctor inundates your eyes with color panels. Colors supposedly induce mood changes so if one received the color orange, for instance, it could induce peace or at least a cessation of anxiety. I did this in my head through visualization and it does work.

So far, the only drug that did not work for me was Paxil. I experienced the brain zap, which I call a lightning storm in my head. I literally "saw" the crevices in my brain light up like lightning. I woke up hysterical crying and had a hard time going back to sleep. Funny enough, for the next three days I felt an incredible ease up in the symptoms.

I, too, despise when someone in my family tells me to "get over it" or "take a walk, you'll feel better." Shit! I couldn't even get out of bed at one time; how was I ever going to take a walk? Walking to the bathroom and back was a one hour process that involved every bit of strength I had.

I live with depression now and have good days and bad moments. My partner has been incredibly patient -- sometimes she will slip and say something disparaging, but it's only her frustration and she's entitled to it. it can't be easy for her. Things have improved dramatically with medication and therapy. I have terrible short term memory, frequent vertigo and some sleepless nights. But I can get up, take a shower, go out for a drive, enjoy a movie, do a crossword puzzle and return to my writing. I thank the Universe for medications.

I am also on SSD. I encourage all to apply. I also got a whopping settlement as I proved I have been disabled since 2001. I had to go to a lawyer to get it, but it was well worth it. If you have any questions, let me know!