[JustLovelyJenn]

I have a lot to unload... its been months... since my life has been stable enough to even come here and talk to you all and so much has happened.

SO... I guess we will start with today, how things are right now.

My son is going to be admitted to a long term inpatient psychiatric facility in the next few weeks. We are on a waiting list. They told us when there is an opening we will have about a weeks notice. The program he is going to will have him out of my house for up to a year.

Its been a really long road to get here, and my whole life has been turned upside down in the process. My son went to juvie twice for attacking me, we had to apply, and appeal and fight for this placement, and while we did that... I had to find a way to keep my daughter safe and out of the local youth shelter where she had been staying every time my son became to aggressive. During his last stay at juvie, the judge told us he did not want to release my son if he would be going back to live with me and my daughter who he kept attacking.

SO... I asked my parents (who are retired and have been living in their motor home for a couple years now) to move into my house with my son and I rented a second home to take my daughter to. Now I am trying to manage my sons needs with my mother, from a second location. I am paying twice the rent, twice the utilities, and when he finally goes into this program... I will loose his SSI income to help maintain those payments.

I am still fighting and advocating for him and my family, and while he is away I will be spending more money and time to visit him and work with the team there to help him hopefully return home and be more successful.

His more aggressive attacks as of recently have left me with some pretty severe ptsd symptoms and I am finally seeking a therapist for myself.

Its so much, and I know I haven't really processed any of it yet. I know I need to start fitting in more self care to keep it up.