[cathexis]

Today, I go back to the Endocrinologist. The last time I went (5mos. kept putting off), my renal status was Stage 3 failure. Afraid that I'm going toward dialysis which is Stage 5. In the last appt., she asked me if I would want dialysis or palliative care. I was too shocked that I didn't ask, "well what about a donor's kidney." My brother died of renal failure in his early 60s, I am 62. Today, I will ask though not sure I want to learn the answer.

I have latent onset type 1 diabetes. She tells me (based on history) that I probably have been diabetic since childhood. Wondered why I ate candy corn about half a pound daily and failed HS algebra which was my after-lunch class, which was slept through when I had a burger and chocolate milkshake. Almost daily I had that and a salad.

Back when I was younger, and in Indiana, people didn't do labwork on children as a rule unless one is very ill. I was a sickly child, but my 2 times each Winter illnesses were cured by Penicillin shots. A bit angry about not finding out about my diabetes until age 36, I probably wouldn't have had my heart attack if I knew to make some changes. I loved candy and other sugary treats as they gave me a buzz. Didn't know I was harming myself. Sheesh, the first time I had a Coca-cola (also in my 30s), thought I had found Nirvana.