[Nat]

Before (and if) this thread gets shut down, I wanted to thank the OP because the opening post reminded me of some situations I found myself in several years ago.

There was a certain group of people I would hang out with at times - usually go to the bars with and sometimes go to parties with. Except for one person who actually is a member here, these were all lesbians (at least that's my memory) - some of whom appeared butch but didn't seem to claim it necessarily and were not part of the community.

A few (most) of this group didn't seem to know what a femme was. To me, when I was around these people, I felt like I was in mixed company, but they didn't see our interactions through the same lens. They would ask me why I was wearing a dress at a party, and I remember trying to imagine what in my closet they thought would qualify as appropriate with them. It seemed like crudity was a goal at times with this group, though as individuals they were quite nice.

Anyway, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but as a femme it has in the past been awkward to me when I'm around people who think all lesbians are the same and that we should all act like fratboys and be comfy with that. I'm just not that kind of person. I remember asking the other person who's a member of the community, "Do you think they realize they are in mixed company??" I don't think this group understood butch or trans identities any better than femmes though.

I don't know, I'm not usually very prudish, but I definitely felt like a flower (stuck in a beer can) a few times with that crowd. Most of the butches I know have more decorum than I do, so at the time I thought maybe it's because they came from this worldview where all lesbians were expected to be comfortable in that kind of environment, whereas the femme/butch world allows for more difference?

Or it may have just been that little group of people. (Most likely that's the case). Have any other femmes run into this in the lesbian (non-femmebutch) mainstream?

PS. I use profane language and talk about sex probably daily. I'm trying to think what the difference was. Like, I really don't wanna be privy to locker room talk unless its femme locker room talk.