Privilege is seductive. Once you have it, it is extremely difficult to give it up, and I acknowlege the fact that I do not want to give it up. While I agree with papachris that I would (I hope to God) In my own life I have experience the privilege of "passing" for most of my adult life. I am cis-gendered, love being a woman and femme, and have passed as straight thoughout my queer evolution. For half of my life, I have had the additional privilege of "passing" as straight in a straight relationship, because my late husband was FTM. Now, six years later, I am beginning a relationship with another FTM who has lived his whole adult life as male. So the "passing" privilege goes on.
Passing has brought me much in the way of privilege. In hundreds of ways, far too many to list, I have benefitted from having been perceived as straight.
The two most important to me have been that I was able to legally marry my beloved and have society acknowledge him as my husband, and that we were able to adopt children as a couple, and have both names on the paperwork, and not have to fight for that right/privilege. My relationship was recognized and supported in ways that would never have happened had we been gay. (Or for that matter, if they had known he was trans.)
I echo PapaC's Hopes (quoted below) that I would be able to tell who I am if ever confronted. But I deeply hope I will not have to face this confrontation.
[QUOTE=PapaC;134067]
Is it because I'm stealth? Yes and no. I'd like to think that I have the strength/courage/determination to be able to look at someone straight in the face if ever asked and state who/what I am.
Here's the flip side for me. I am in the closet as I never was in the thirteen years I was evolving as a lesbian prior to my knowledge of my darling's trans status. I have secrets that are important to me to protect, and which would be very painfull for my whole family if they were revealed. (My children do not know that their father was not a bio-male. He did not want them to know, so I am honoring his wishes and maintaining silence though I feel like a "sword of Damocles" hangs over my head because of the possible "outing" of this secret.
While I have wonderful Gay friends from my earlier life, I feel alienated from "my people" due to my "straightness." I miss gay life. I miss the instant connection, the shared experience and the beauty of the lifestyle.
Yah, I know, cry me a river, chick, I know I have benfitted and I know I am privileged.
I will be back later for more. It's late.
Smooches,
Keri
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