Butch Femme Planet - View Single Post - Passing

iamkeri1 · 06-28-2010, 03:55 PM

[SIZE="3"]When I was femme in lesbian/gay society, I did not feel privileged for passing (as a straight woman). I felt both invisible and estranged, as the community I was involved with was very andro. I was femme with the additional negative (in their eyes) of being attracted to butch women (mmm-mmm-mmm.) This led to frequent taunting and dismissal of my reality as a lesbian acivist.

I was at all times aware, however, that I had the privlege of revealing or not revealing my orientation when in a work or straight social situation. I was aware that I could choose safety if I felt I needed to, or that I could choose to avoid confrontation if was having a weak moment.

This was a privilege my butch friends and partners did not have. On the other hand, they did not have to deal with invisibility because people ASSUMED they were gay.

When my darling revealed his trans status to me, (I had known him for nine years at that time, and been in a relationship with him for two years.), I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. We had just moved to Cali (Long Beach) and found ourselves welcomed into a gay community which included many b-f people. I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. I sobbed like a crazy woman when he told me.

I knew right from the first, however, that I would not leave him. I was his, he was mine, there was no separating us. As he eventually transitioned, I was surprised and shocked to see the difference in the way we were treated by the general public. We had never been mistreated in our preceeding orientation, but when seen as husband and wife we were welcomed into "the club".... the "normie" club. We were astonished at the difference ... and dismayed that this treatment was not given to people that had been identified as queerfolk.

A short list of privileges

Joint tax returns (actually we always filed joint, but as husband and wife were less likely to face hassles)

Shared work benefits - health insurance, life insurance, funeral leave for your partners relatives.

Able to apply for and be issued a marriage license (whether or not the state would have recognised the marriage were our status revealed

Able to adopt kids with both names on the birth certificate

Collect social security widows benefit

Hospital visitation with no hassle

Endless "family" memberships[/SIZE]

ALL of these privileges should be "normal" for everyone.
Smooches,
Keri

06-28-2010, 03:55 PM	#69
iamkeri1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Florida Posts: 905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 302 Thanked 2,152 Times in 659 Posts Rep Power: 16642920	[SIZE="3"]When I was femme in lesbian/gay society, I did not feel privileged for passing (as a straight woman). I felt both invisible and estranged, as the community I was involved with was very andro. I was femme with the additional negative (in their eyes) of being attracted to butch women (mmm-mmm-mmm.) This led to frequent taunting and dismissal of my reality as a lesbian acivist. I was at all times aware, however, that I had the privlege of revealing or not revealing my orientation when in a work or straight social situation. I was aware that I could choose safety if I felt I needed to, or that I could choose to avoid confrontation if was having a weak moment. This was a privilege my butch friends and partners did not have. On the other hand, they did not have to deal with invisibility because people ASSUMED they were gay. When my darling revealed his trans status to me, (I had known him for nine years at that time, and been in a relationship with him for two years.), I felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. We had just moved to Cali (Long Beach) and found ourselves welcomed into a gay community which included many b-f people. I felt like I belonged for the first time in my life. I sobbed like a crazy woman when he told me. I knew right from the first, however, that I would not leave him. I was his, he was mine, there was no separating us. As he eventually transitioned, I was surprised and shocked to see the difference in the way we were treated by the general public. We had never been mistreated in our preceeding orientation, but when seen as husband and wife we were welcomed into "the club".... the "normie" club. We were astonished at the difference ... and dismayed that this treatment was not given to people that had been identified as queerfolk. A short list of privileges Joint tax returns (actually we always filed joint, but as husband and wife were less likely to face hassles) Shared work benefits - health insurance, life insurance, funeral leave for your partners relatives. Able to apply for and be issued a marriage license (whether or not the state would have recognised the marriage were our status revealed Able to adopt kids with both names on the birth certificate Collect social security widows benefit Hospital visitation with no hassle Endless "family" memberships[/SIZE] ALL of these privileges should be "normal" for everyone. Smooches, Keri