[SassyLeo]

I'm white. My mother's parents came here from Turkey where they were very poor. My dad's grandparents had come from Ireland, and had lots of money until the depression hit.

When I was small, my mom didn’t work and stayed home with me until I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. She made my clothes until I started grammar school. We took the bus everywhere since she didn’t drive, plus we only had one car. My dad worked sometimes 2 jobs plus he became an expert “dumpster diver” and on the weekends we would have yard sales or sell at the flea market.

Most of the kids at my grammar school were white, with a few Hispanic and Asian kids. It was a range of poor to lower middle class kids. I don’t remember many of the kids having name brand clothes or nice toys, etc.

Our house had bad mold issues and crappy carpet. We had used everything; furniture, clothing, house wares, etc. We shopped at the local co-op, using the same bags and containers over and over…my mom made everything from scratch. We didn’t have a TV for years and then when we did, we rarely watched it.

My dad eventually finished his degree and got a well paying job. Then my mom went back to work. We moved into a more affluent neighborhood and I started Middle School in an upper middle class area. I was now attending classes with kids who had gone to a rich grammar school.

So here is where it got tricky for me. We now have 2 incomes and my dad was making good money…suddenly I am going from wearing 2nd hand and clothes from Kmart type places to Macy’s. I went to Summer Camp. I got a stereo for my birthday. We took a trip to the east coast.

Then my parents split and my mom and I moved to a duplex and attempted to pare down, but we had now grown accustomed to a “nicer” lifestyle. And slowly but surely she ended up in big debt.

My dad went on to be fairly successful, working as an executive for "big oil" (and then saw the fucked up crap going on) He consulted and now he has a successful eBay business. He’s been smart with investments and such, but he and his partner also like to travel and own some nicer things. However they are also very frugal. My dad constantly says “we are on a budget” “we need to be cost conscious” “no trips for us” even though they do take trips and never live hand to mouth…it’s so different than how I lived as a child.

When I left CA, I left a well paying job where I was responsible for $1M annual revenues. I was successful (trips, nice dinners, clothes, etc) but stressed out all the time. I moved to Portland to change and grow. I purposely did not take 2 job offers in my industry because I needed change. So for a few months I didn’t work and I started freaking out about money...so I took a temp job and it quickly turned into an opportunity for regular employment. However, it pays less and has less of a “title” than I was used to having. I used to be a Branch Manager for a huge staffing corporation with an Admin and now I am an Executive Admin. I know I made this choice on purpose, but I still struggle with my own internal crap about what I should be doing and making, etc.

I make enough to live on with a bit leftover that I put in savings, but not enough to take nice trips or buy “nicer” things…and don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to be employed with a great company in this economy…but I still get stuck on the “I should be doing and making more” I still shop 2nd hand, clip coupons, shop sales, etc.

I feel like my relationship with class/jobs/money has been a roller coaster ...and my thoughts are ALL over the place, clearly.

I don’t feel like I had privilege until I was in Middle School, but others might say because I didn’t like on powdered milk, that I had it all my life. Can privilege be subjective?