[Miss Scarlett]

The last 6 weeks or so have been pretty rough for me. Lots of work stress - some real and some my own creation. Forgetfulness and mental confusion worsening gradually reaching a climax last Tuesday. Drove home in tears - so confused and frightened. Not going into detail here - suffice to say I have an understanding of the terror dementia can induce in people.

Met with my doctor Wednesday morning for my regular appointment. Most of the time was taken up with discussion of the last 6 weeks and the events of the previous day. He diagnosed sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Took me off the 5HTP/Carbidopa for the next month and ordered me to get at least 8 hours sleep per night. Had been averaging about 4-5. Possibly too much serotonin but more likely lack of sleep.

Talked with my closest work friend who told me she noticed the gradual onset of confusion, forgetfulness, etc. over the past 6 weeks. (Wish she had asked me about it but that doesn't matter now.) Told her what my doctor said. She agreed to keep me updated on her observations for the next month. She's also a close friend of the boss and yes, I am careful what I tell her.

Boss is on vacation this coming week. Before we shut down on Friday we had a meeting wherein she gave me my instructions/directions for the coming week. Then she gave me a lecture related to an incident from way back in March and told me she did not want any "stupid phone calls" from me (see below). Almost did not have Monday off for the 4th holiday...asked the boss if she wanted me to come in on Monday and she asked if I had plans. Told her I had not planned to go out of town but planned to have the day off because we did last year and because the courts, etc. are closed. She mumbled something like she had not planned for me to be off and I told her if she wanted me to be there I would. Then she decided since everything was going to be closed we'd just consider it a paid holiday.

I think she has just put or reactivated some monitoring/tracking/blocking software or something on my office computer. (One of her previous assistants spent the boss's vacation week online playing games, shopping and job searching.) In the year I have been there the boss has never been on my computer. We are networked so there is really no need for her to use my machine. When I get to work in the morning I open our legal software, check office email, check online court calendars and check our bank accounts online for automatic debits. I go to the court calendars and bank account from the address toolbar dropdown thingy and the same things are always there. Except for Friday morning - on Friday I noticed the last address on that thing was the homepage for our broadband service. I never type that in because I have a shortcut on my desktop to go to the email account. I have nothing to fear from this software because I don't web surf during the day. I check my personal email at lunch and right before I leave but I won't be doing that now - not a big deal. If she wants to track then go for it - I have nothing to hide.

I cut the boss a lot of slack. She has not had an entire week off for nearly 2 years. Also a lot of really bad stuff has happened in her world over the past couple of years: her house burned to the ground killing her beloved parrot (space heater for the bird caused the fire); husband is jerk; daughter going away to college; caseload at work getting heavy and previous assistants have been unreliable; and until recently she was the only income in her family because her husband (an engineer) lost his job in the meltdown. Loads of pressure on her.

Here's what happened in March: On a Friday, naturally, a client caused a huge ruckus at the courthouse that spilled over into our office. The worst had already happened before it landed on my doorstep yet none of that mattered to her. My sin was that I had placed 2 calls to the boss who told me the day before she would be "out of the office" that day. Could not get her on phone. Turned out she had gone out of town, no cell phone signal and no phone where she was. I am no genius by any stretch of the imagination but I do know the difference between "out of the office" and "out of town." I did not learn she was out of town until the following Monday when she came in from Court, asked me to tell her what happened on Friday and then blasted me with both barrells and then threw the empty gun at me. Left me with the distinct impression she lacked confidence in me and my abilities.