[friskyfemme]

Hi ravfem,
I have snipped some of your post than I personally relate to.
<snip>
My mama has always been a negative emotional influence on me. i have tried talking to her, going to therapy with her. She has acknowledged her issues. But, she cannot and/or will not do anything about them. So....i had to decide: do i continue to allow myself to be a part of her hell? If so, i had to accept that that would mean i would be making myself miserable and depressed too. If not, then i had to accept that society would shun me. <snip>

My Dad was my obvious abuser. He was diagnosed with 'paranoid schizophrenia'. Unfortunately, he never sought help. I came to believe that he used his mental illness and his alcoholism as an excuse to continue to abuse his children and my mom. My Mom on the other hand used her religious beliefs to remain with him. I hated both parents for many years for obviously different reasons-Dad for the physical and emotional abuse and Mom for defending him because he was ill, while we lived in hell. Finally, the Law intervened and they divorced. I totally separated myself from him with my hatred. My Mom did seek help and got somewhat better. I moved out of the house at 18. I had guilt that I left my siblings to fend for themselves. My Dad died in '92 but he was dead to me 20yrs prior. I didn't forgive him for years after his death. I do now have a strong relationship with Mom but that happened very slowly. She is now 82.

What I came to accept...I am only responsible for me. I am at peace with myself and can be there for my family in their crisis without becoming part of it.

Am I 100% nah but I hang in the 90% most of the time. Still I have some unexpected bouts with my past, but I rebound quicker now.

My advice: Love yourself completely...YOU are WORTH IT!

Thank you for sharing here and working on yourself to gain and maintain your peace.