[amiyesiam]

I am by no means an expert. I have worked with MH, MR, and the differently abled for 15 years. Some things I have learned.

1. It doesn't matter if one has a mental health issue, tramatic brain injury, or if one is developmentally delayed. Nor does your race, religion, sexual orientation, socio-ecomonic level, or education level matter in this discussion.

2. Some people respect boundries and others do not. Some people are also, honest, caring, sharing, peaceful people and others are not.

3. One's backround may make it harder or easier for you to adjust and fit in in the world. And yes some have it much harder than others. And if we are completely honest, no matter how able or differently abled one is, how one looks and is perceived also matters, sometimes a lot.

4. I have seen able people refuse to respect boundaries and differently abled people who completely respect boundaries. And I have seen many times when able people cross differently abled people boundaries because they are being "helpful".

5. I have also seen cases where people use their disability as an excuse. And I have seen some able people come up with mind boggling excuses for their behavior. Like all people, we learn who we have to respect and who we don't have to respect.

6. It really comes down to taking situations on a case by case basis. In reality what we are really trying to address is those situations where someone does not get the hint, misses the social cues, doesn't take no for an answer, has it stuck in their head that they are right and they want what they want. Lucky for us these people are both able and differently abled.

7. So when an able person behaves badly the TOS kicks in. Easy as pie.

8. So I have to say, if you are differently abled the TOS kicks in. Maybe not so easy, maybe it sounds harsh, but I have seen to many times in real life when differently abled people respect my boundaries but not others boundaries. I set the rules with them from the first meeting. If you are able to use a computer, can post competent posts, engage different people and be liked by people, then you most certainly can understand being told no by someone. And if this has gone on long enough that admin and mods become involved, then you have probably been told no enough times.

9. There are some that have trouble with impulse control (another thing I have seen in all types of people) so they react before they think. I get this and have seen it many times in my life. But on the computer you have to type out your impulsive thoughts and hit submit reply. I have seen some really well thought out impulsive statements. Reality, the only way to learn control is to have consequences to ones actions. Ya know like in real life, when you act impulsively and bad can things happen.

10. Compassion is nice and it is doable to set boundaries politely but firmly. One doesn't have to belittle or call names. This is doable for the first few times, but honestly, I function on a 3x and you are out. Funny thing though, because I do set my boundaries so clearly and from the beginning (nor do I knowingly ever cross someone else's boundaries) with everyone (regardless of ability), I rarely have problems with anyone. It is not helping anyone when you give them a free pass, make excuses for them, say they can't help it, etc. Cause sooner or later they are gonna have to face someone who doesn't do that.