[Diva]

Gather 'round, boys and girls! It's time for another story from your Auntie Diva!

This is the multifaceted story of you Auntie Diva's Amazing Olympic Trial Audition for The Retail Therapy, combined with "Let's Learn Our Colors, cousin Charmer"......

So, as some of you may know, your Auntie Diva was turned down for a teaching job late last night. Perhaps it was that jail time she experienced for having led a counterfiet ring for those fake Mrs. Baird's bread bags.....I thought there was a market for it.....but your Auntie Diva was sadly mistaken.

Who knew?

But your Auntie Diva digresses, as she is prone to do.

OH! Your Auntie Diva said "prone".

But I digress again.

Oh look! There's a chicken!

Again.






ANYway.....

Your cousin Tabitha picked up your Auntie Diva at the a$$crack of dawn, wherein we proceded to The Kerbey Lane breakfast heaven.

Our waiter ~ I'll call him Skippy ~ was just a wee bit too perky for your Auntie Diva (having had no coffee at this point) and unfortunately, he was training a cute little tattooed girl how to be just like him. Run, little tattooed girl, run!

But alas....she did not listen to your Auntie Diva.

Following breakfast, we proceeded to go to the North Country....land of cousin Puplove and cousin Oilerhunk......and there, your cousin Tabitha had to go into a hospital where she had to give blood.

Your Auntie Diva stayed in the car (running of course, so as to be blessed with the conditioned air) so she could take a little catnap.

According to your cousin Tabitha, she walked into a room full of MeeMaws and PeePaws who were old enough to be your Great Aunts and Great Uncles! They saw her comin', boys and girls, and they charged up their little scooters and popped wheelies in their chairs....and surrounded her in a manner of Chief Sitting Bull at Custer's Last Stand......some of the men may have been drooling and the MeeMaws may have been smacking their gums together.....at least she THOUGHT those were their gums....

The "5 minutes" she was told, turned into over an hour.....translation: your Auntie Diva got a very lovely nap!

Then off we went to pick up your cousin Charmer down south and run a little errand. Drive, cousin Tabitha, drive!

That accomplished, we then proceeded as fast as the law would allow, to The Magical Heaven that IS The Hobby Lobby.

And....as The Universe would have it, there was a 50% sale for all things Scrackbook related. Did I mention "Heaven"? Yes. And we were Scrackbook Angels, boys and girls. Yes we were! And, it was perfect as we floated gaily through the aisles to the religious Muzak of "Just As I Am" and "How Great Thou Art"......It is very difficult to push 4 baskets at the same time, boys and girls.

My basket was immediately drawn to the clearance wall where much stocking of the basket ensued. Your Auntie Diva may have been heard to be singing along with the Muzak Hymns, as she loaded her basket with goodies! (There is an X~rated story in there somewhere, boys and girls.....)

This festival of buying completed, we loaded up the trunk with our goods and proceeded to a new little Asian restaurant ~ Rosie's Pho....boys and girls, your Auntie Diva is pretty certain that was a typo......it was really probably named "Rosie's Pho Sure.....but she is not 100% positive about that.

At first, there were not many people there....but clearly, some announcement was made ~ they heard we had arrived, and the throngs of folks entered, clammoring to sit next to us.

Of course, we ordered entirely too much food. Your Auntie Diva has enough to make it for 2 more meals!!!

Then, we had the discussion of the colors of the restaurant.....your cousin Charmer was fairly convinced that one of the doors was painted a rosy mauve ( ), howevere, the door was clearly brown. There was an olive colored wall ("green" to cousin Charmer) and then a pumpkin spice colored wall, which I believe your cousin Charmer felt was baby doo~doo mustard.

Throughout the course of the meal, we created 3 more colors.....#65, #66 & #67 in the box of 64 ~ Holy Mother of God, STFU and....in a moment of unmoralistic pottymouthesque behavior, cousin Charmer designated the color "I could suck on that all day long".....in regards to the sushi. We shall not travel down the road that is called Nasty Cousin Drive, boys and girls......

Suffice it to say that your cousin Tabitha may or may not have peed herself from laughing so hard.

I was trying to keep her from pointing at the various customers who were running out the door as fast as they could, as they witnessed your Auntie Diva stealing the neon Kirin Japanese Beer & Sushi sign for her dining room.

It was on the Pumpkin Spice wall, by the way.

And there is another installment from your Auntie Diva!

OH! I would be remiss if I didn't tell you the little PS of the story.....we stopped at a convenience store, where your cousin Charmer was mauled ~ I mean hugged (perhaps inappropriately) by a woman who was wearing a tablecloth dress......well....ok...it may NOT have been a tablecloth, though she DID have a turquoise hibiscus flower on her ass.



Signed,
Auntie Diva, Fellow Fish Sucker