[coach]

I am confused. I have spent some time reading today...reading threads about FTM/Butch/Transgender/Transsexual ID's. I'm sure that I missed a few and that was from just one thread. When I first discovered "Butch/Femme" websites, my world of knowledge was very small. I didn't even know that there was such a person as a Femme. Then I learned more and more and more about different identities and even biases. I have discovered so much about myself in the past 6 years but I am old enough to understand that LIFE is discovery and change and moving forward and stumbling backward.
I guess I started this post because I am lost as to who I am. I'm sure there is a thread about this but I didn't look. I don't know how I identify. I thought I did before I started reading but I must now admit that I unjustly put Butches and Femmes into two boxes, all the while reacting with righteous indignation when straight people lump us all into one box. The spectrum of "Butch" is ever expanding for me and my confusion is rooted in the fact that I don't know where I fit in that spectrum. I am more than one person. I am someone different at work than I am at home. I am different at B/F functions than I am with my family. The only place I truly feel that I can change and evolve into my ultimate self is at home, with my beautiful wife. When I talk to her about my feelings and confusion, she always says that she will love me no matter what changes I do or don't make, chemically, physically, mentally or emotionally. She just loves me. She doesnt have a person in mind that she needs or wants me to be. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about that. My entire life has been about being what people wanted me to be. Maybe that's the root of my confusion. I don't have to be a chameleon. Maybe it was easier for me to figure out what other people wanted than to figure out who I really am and what I really want.
Apologies to all if this isnt the right thread...that is all.